Resort manager has a point?

[Redredwine2020]

Just been absolutely roasted and kicked out of a FB group for my opinion on this.

AIBU to think the parent should have considered what resort she was booking? Their website is very clear.

www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g298461-d477886-r778557585-Plantation_Bay_Resort_And_Spa-Lapu_Lapu_Mactan_Island_Cebu_Island_Visayas.html

For full disclaimer I have two ridiculously noisy children with additional needs, I specifically ensure our holiday resorts are suitable. I don't think its fair to subject a resort full of holidaymakers who have specifically chosen a quiet resort to them?

If that doesnt bring up a list, just try 'children' in the search bar. Not used to TA so not too sure how it all works.

The family market is huge and its very unikely that this is the norm. I guess the owner might want to consider becoming adults only as even non SEN children can be loud especially around the pool and whilst playing with other kids.

However I experienced something a few years ago at a luxury 5 star hotel in Mauritius. This hotel had seperate pools for adults and kids. We didnt have the children with us and the hotel had a adults only restaurant which was expensive but we chose it for our last night.

A couple came in with a child in a buggy. The baby was asleep but the Matire D turned them away as they had made the booking without saying they were coming with a baby. They presumed that it was OK because the child was asleep. They started arguing and saying that they would leave if the child woke up (really after ordering an expensive main that had just been put in front of you - I dont think so!).

The couple then decided to go around to all of the other tables asking whether we had a problem with bringing a child in. Everyone was very uncomfortable and I did point out to them that this was in fact adults only but the women just gave me a dirty look and asked my husband instead!

In the end they moved the argument to the Reception Desk so I didnt know how it was resolved but they didnt end up in the restaruant so I presume the answer was still a No.

I wouldnt have dreamed of doing this but some do. I spoke to my SIL when I came back and she thought it was OK so maybe it was just me.

[quote Hayeahnobut]@gottakeeponmovin Excluding someone who is noisy because of their disability, is discrimination. It's a textbook example of indirect discrimination. Maybe learn the basics of what constitutes discrimination before claiming otherwise.[/quote]
And again, what about those with have a disability and suffer with sensory / noise issues?! Do they not exist in your definition or do they not matter? A hotel, or activity that is required to be quiet is a safe haven for many people with issues with noise so why is your need to attend this specific hotel / activity not discriminating against those who NEED quiet?

@Tomnooktoldmeto

Sounds like my dd, I have been told it's more common in girls with autism.

We chose to take unusual holidays away from beach resorts to accommodate dd and her interest last eg trips around Europe to castles and cathedral ms (her sister moaned every year!)

@RozHuntleysStump it's fine to take kids and adults with sn out but we choose wisely eg dp's dd is loud (speaks very loudly) so we choose places that are very family friendly even though she's grown, or sports bars type places that have things going on. The garden centre know her and no problem in the cafe

I fancied going there for some peace.
But it's in the Philippines! I am surprised they are getting tourists at all, especially with their President.
Why would anyone choose to go there?

Have I actually said I don't?
You’ve literally said you would take your daughter to a “normal” cinema screening and move to sit closer to someone who looked uncomfortable.

That look of uncomfortable could be from someone who disabled and / or has sensory issues. I have ADHD with hypersensitivity to noises that aren’t supposed to be there, for example neighbours bassy music travelling through walls, something banging in the wind, etc. A cinema is generally a safe place, I arrive as close as I can to the time the money starts to minimise exposure to chatter during the adverts as this affects me. Any unnecessary screaming and shreaking would make me feel like I NEEDED to tear my skin off and shove it in my ears to block it out. I’d probably also start to feel sick and upset. If it was that bad I’d leave and be gutted but accept it was my issue at the end of the day. I’d sit as far away from you as possible and probably look uncomfortable. But you have said you would go out of your way to make me even more uncomfortable just prove a point. But you can’t give any consideration for what that person is going through.

I’m leaving this thread as it’s quite upsetting how many people are demanding equality but don’t see it that we ALL need equality and places like this hotel and certain activities and settings are some of the only things people who struggle with noise issues feel safe.

I don’t feel welcome anywhere anymore.

@PatriciaPerch I’m sorry you can’t take your daughter to your local pub, she should absolutely be welcome there and it’s awful she isn’t. But it’s not the same thing as this resort, and other places aimed at quiet such as cinemas and spas. People book and pay for these knowing it will be quiet and they will be able to enjoy what they have booked. Some as highlighted on this thread, need quiet and so book knowing it’ll be safe for them. Others just want to be able to enjoy what is being sold, which means being able to hear the film. If your daughter can watch a film quietly in the cinema then of course you should take her. If she can’t sit quietly then no it isn’t right that you take her to a normal showing as everyone else won’t be able to hear/concentrate on the film. That’s why there are different types of showings. No one wants to pay extortionate cinema prices then not be able to hear over someone’s squealing/shouting/squawking/talking/phone conversation etc, doesn’t matter if the person’s disabled or not.

Well I'm considering going there now.

theemmadilemma me too!

and hubby can stay in the resort nx door with the DC

One of the symptoms of the menopause I'm experiencing is intolerance to noise. It's quite common.

I used to be able to work in a large open office without a though, and ignore my environment. Nowadays, the sound resonate in my head and triggers an adrenalin rush that makes me want to run away as fast as I can.

The sound of loud children is the same. It gets my heart going and pits me under stress. Yet as this is not recognised as an official disability, I'm not entitled to voice to say something to the parent of a child with a disability.

We all have to remember that it's not because we can tolerate something, usually through habit, that everyone else can.

@Sirzy

DS is autistic. He struggles massively with other peoples noise - so we plan our holidays/ days out/life to minimise the impact this has on him. I don’t expect others to change their lives to stay quiet for him and we wouldn’t go to somewhere noisy.

This means he is excluded from many activities aimed at young people with autism. But that’s not discrimination it’s just the nature of autism that sometimes needs will clash.

When you have children, especially children with disabilities, you have to pick the holiday which suits their needs which won’t necessarily be the holiday you would normally have picked but that’s life!

Exactly! My DS is also autistic and struggling with noise. Would I take him to this resort? No, because as a child he makes noise, nothing to do with having SN, his NT twin sister also makes noise. Do I think he would enjoy such a resort once he is older? Definitely yes!

It makes completely sense to have quiet areas, some people won't be able to go, other people will benefit from it. There are enough resorts on offer for everybody to find the one for them.

they seem a bit hit and miss in general according to the reviews. Not just to this autistic family, but for locals and for other people who talk too much according to them.
It looks beautiful enough, but doesnt sound relaxing to me.

Agree with looking for more relaxed places for kids that make a lot of noise though.

I’m quoting from memory but I think we were told about 40% of autistics are sensitive to sound, and about 20% of people with Tourette’s syndrome are autistic. Many autistic people stim and some non verbal autistics are scared of sounds/bustle but also make noises to express joy/horror. Generally we don’t hold them to the same rules as people who don’t face those challenges because to do so would not be fair.

My DD is autistic. Ridiculously sensitive to sound, can't cope at all with low level chatter. Also the loudest, most unaware of her own volume child I've ever come across. Its very common for autistic people to be both

*@gottakeeponmovin Excluding someone who is noisy because of their disability, is discrimination. It's a textbook example of indirect discrimination. Maybe learn the basics of what constitutes discrimination before claiming otherwise.

You are aware that not all discrimination is illegal / bad?

We don't left blind people drive, we don't let deaf people become pilots, even the Paralympic games discriminates on people's disabilities.

Some times the needs of different groups clash, the bumps at pedestrian crossings tell blind people where the crossing is but are not great for wheelchair users.

The child's mother sounds like bloody hard work and the managers reply was spot on

Yeah I agree with you 100% here, it must be so frustrating.
Luckily we have been able to manage DDs noise sensitivity so far (and it seems to be limited to shrieky high pitched noises also, rather than loud noise in general, which helps a lot) but I can see it getting worse and ending up in a similar position, where its almost impossible to go anywhere at all.

DS's problem is also with high pitched, piercing sounds. It, along with his other ASD traits, is limiting, yes, but we're a glass half full family and I have always done my best to push him where appropriate and protect him when needed. We can't do reasonably priced family resort holidays, but have been able to have 1, which although expensive was brilliant. Normally we holiday here, beach holidays with water activities like kayaking, pedal boarding and sea fishing. His father (lives abroad) does the same when he visits him. He has been skiing with the school, which he loved and my parents have taken him abroad to quieter resorts full of mostly retired people.

Things have actually got better as he has grown older due to an excellent SENCO team at his school who provide brilliant support, quiet space and training and coping mechanisms, so please dont let my posts make you despondent or pessimistic about your DD's future @VulvaPerson.❤

I’m leaving this thread as it’s quite upsetting how many people are demanding equality but don’t see it that we ALL need equality and places like this hotel and certain activities and settings are some of the only things people who struggle with noise issues feel safe.
I don’t feel welcome anywhere anymore.

This thread has made me feel the same @JoeCalFuckingZaghe. I've been here a long time and been involved in more than my share of Barneys on this site, but this is the only thread that has made me cry with frustration, anger and sadness. However I won't be leaving and I will not allow the selfish, judgemental cunts who feel entitled to all the family holidays, not just the 95% of them they already have at their disposal to shut me up.

@DioneTheDiabolist sorry this thread has upset you. I completely get where you’re coming from and think there needs to be more places like this where families who need quiet places can go to. Is so unfair that families with loud noisy children won’t accept that it’s unfair to everyone else if they come to places designed to be quiet, it’s at the expense of the enjoyment of others who may also have disabilities or have just paid for the quiet experience. I think there should be more quiet times at places like supermarkets and even tourist attractions so that everyone can have a chance to enjoy them. But people need to be considerate and pick the place/session that is suitable for them.

Thanks @Mousehole10, I've dried me eyes now.

[quote Mousehole10]@MrsTerryPratchett yes people need to be aware, but if you book a resort for rest and relaxation then a screaming child, no matter what the reason, ruins it. Fair enough bar a busy family resort you expect it but not somewhere like that.[/quote]
My SIL was a primary school teacher, and made sure she always booked adult-only resorts. She said she saw enough of screaming kids at work!