Resort manager has a point?

[Redredwine2020]

Just been absolutely roasted and kicked out of a FB group for my opinion on this.

AIBU to think the parent should have considered what resort she was booking? Their website is very clear.

www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g298461-d477886-r778557585-Plantation_Bay_Resort_And_Spa-Lapu_Lapu_Mactan_Island_Cebu_Island_Visayas.html

For full disclaimer I have two ridiculously noisy children with additional needs, I specifically ensure our holiday resorts are suitable. I don't think its fair to subject a resort full of holidaymakers who have specifically chosen a quiet resort to them?

I admit being a bit baffled by some comments on this thread.

There is a community pool where I lived that used to have weekly SEN sessions.

However, following feedback they increased this to two sessions. This was because a significant number of children could not take advantage of the session because of noise intolerance/sensitivity issues. As such there is now both a quiet and noisy SEN session.

Speaking to one of the parents I found it's very common for children with noise sensitivity to be unable to access even supposedly SEN friendly activities.

That's very sad indeed and it seems that quite a lot of people tend to subscribe to a very stereotypical view of how some SN's (especially autism) manifest.

In this case I don't particularly care for the tone of the managers response, but I don't think the "quiet" policy is discriminatory.

As pp's have commented this resort may well be perfect for some children with sensory issues and it's policy is actually in a minority (in that most quiet resorts tend to be adult only).

In that sense it's actually providing access to an experience for SN children with noise sensitivity that's fundamentally quite rare.

Those who wish to argue that this policy is discriminatory could I think justifiably be challenged to ask why they are advocating for the removal of a "rare" service that benefits a number of people with SN in favour of "all" SN who wrt to noise have a much broader choice than those who are noise sensitive?

@DioneTheDiabolist

I’m leaving this thread as it’s quite upsetting how many people are demanding equality but don’t see it that we ALL need equality and places like this hotel and certain activities and settings are some of the only things people who struggle with noise issues feel safe. I don’t feel welcome anywhere anymore.

This thread has made me feel the same @JoeCalFuckingZaghe. I've been here a long time and been involved in more than my share of Barneys on this site, but this is the only thread that has made me cry with frustration, anger and sadness. However I won't be leaving and I will not allow the selfish, judgemental cunts who feel entitled to all the family holidays, not just the 95% of them they already have at their disposal to shut me up.

I’m sorry that either of you have been made to feel bad by this thread. It’s incredibly sad that the people who are fighting the hardest for the right to be loud because of a disability seem to have the smallest minds when it comes to different symptoms of disability.

It really is as if only their type of issue matters and deserves consideration, any equally genuine needs that happen to be incompatible should be ignored, because they aren’t worthy enough.

It’s utter bollocks that people can’t admit that there is a legitimate need for some places to be quiet, even if that means that people who are loud or disruptive because of a disability have to choose somewhere else.

I completely get where you’re coming from and think there needs to be more places like this where families who need quiet places can go to. Is so unfair that families with loud noisy children won’t accept that it’s unfair to everyone else if they come to places designed to be quiet, it’s at the expense of the enjoyment of others who may also have disabilities or have just paid for the quiet experience.

I'm also sorry the thread has made you so upset @DioneTheDiabolist. I was posting rather flippantly about the imperious tone of the manager's communication and suggesting this as the reason I would avoid taking a child to this resort. Also, I fail to understand why anyone - by that I don't just mean the 'Mum' in this review but also me, with a not particularly rowdy but fairly normal child in terms of general decibel levels - would want visit a place whose policies they would have problems adhering to, thereby causing problems for those who do appreciate and have paid for them.

There's a wealth of choice available to people who are not restricted by your circumstances and I'd personally vote with my feet and go to one of these. This is why I said this probably isn't the best of places for children in general. I had not considered those for whom noise was a very definite problem. My apologies for this.

bjecting those who've paid for those policies to the possibility of a tired, grizzling child or one in high spirits). Screaming kids in pools would drive

Clearly in your circumstances and entirely different

Yik, ignore final paragraph. I'd cut some wordy rubbish out and accidentally pasted it back in.

[quote PatriciaPerch]@Mmn654123
You obviously have no experience of the language used around people with Learning disabilities if you don't understand why referring to certain people as 'them' is the thin end of the wedge. I don't give a shit if you think I have a chip on my shoulder, some of the comments on this thread are appalling and really highlight how fascist a lot of you are.

Don't worry if I see you looking horrified in the cinema in future I will come and sit next to you. My daughter IS entitled to sit in the cinema and stop referring to her as a child, she is MY CHILD but she is a young woman and she is allowed to laugh at a film or in swimming pool ffs, we don't have to go to the disability sessions because it makes other people uncomfortable that they are presented with someone different to them. It's your problem not mine and I can't believe we are even having this conversation in 2020[/quote]
The thread is about a specific hotel catering to a specific demographic. That isn’t fascist and nor am I. Goodness me you are an angry woman. I can’t abide the cinema - too many people munching food and kids kicking the back of seats - it’s distracting. I’m allowed to have preferences without it being an attack on your daughter - just as me choosing not to go to the cinema isn’t an attack on people who eat popcorn or on all children. If I want to plan a holiday with guaranteed peace and quiet how does that affect you in any way? Stop conflating every aspect of your life with one hotel not permitting noise. Would you demand to sit in the quiet carriage on a train too, knowing you cannot guarantee to be quiet? You sound exceptionally entitled and unpleasant.

@PatriciaPerch and it’s not your daughter I’d be looking horrified at - it’s you!

@PatriciaPerch

I do sound unpleasant, I agree :( I'm really sorry tbh, I don't know what is the matter with me atm. I have had a really horrible year and I know everyone has but I think it has raised a lot of PTSD stuff for me and I wish MNHQ would delete my posts off this thread but I haven't been bothered to ask them as I know they'll say no.

I don't like my daughter being stared at for laughing in somewhere she is allowed to be in
I don't like people going on about her being loud
I don't like people calling her my 'little girl' when she is an adult
I don't like being told we can only stick to disabled stuff/sessions

But I don't like upsetting people either and I have done that on this thread and I apologise. I should have stepped back

Caring for someone with a disability is challenging and you clearly love your daughter and feel protective of her. Nothing wrong with that. We all want to beat the world over the head with a stick when we are exhausted and the world is hurting those we love. Sorry for being so harsh. There are dicks everywhere and all we can do is strive not to be them.

Keep finding things your daughter enjoys. A bit of give and take isn’t much to ask in life and sometimes I expect it feels like you’re doing all the giving.

x

patricia I haven’t agreed with a lot of your views on this thread but I completely get where your coming from and some days it all gets too much.

As hard as it can be make time to look after yourself too.

@PatriciaPerch

I admire your dedication in advocating for your daughter’s needs. I think NT adults (and older children) could do more to be accepting.
If your daughter made a noise in the cinema, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid. I’ve grown up with a disabled sibling and now work with people with disabilities so I’m probably more finely attuned to noticing and understanding. The problem is when needs clash. The cinema is great for my disabled sibling who benefits from mostly quiet environments so might find excessive and unexpected noise very distressing. The answer is not excluding my sibling or your daughter. We all just need to figure out a way to co-exist or help our loved ones co-exist. It’s not easy. Don’t be hard on yourself. Most people do not understand what it’s like.

@patricia I also haven't agreed with stuff but I don't think you are unpleasant - probably just fed up of dealing with all the shot you have to deal with daily

Totally agree with the manager. The selling point of the resort is peace and quiet, this childs needs dont over rule everybody else's that booked for peace and quietly.

Sounds likeca great resort

It's ok @MarieIVanArkleStinks. I was pissed off because it cost just under £3000 for me, DS1(12) and DS2(15months) to have a 1 week holiday in Turkey in the spring and people think we should not even be allowed that. Or, having booked it should have to hide away in our room if another family turned up who did not research the hotel properly.

if only there were more resorts like this.

Enjoy your week together x

@WitchesSpelleas that resort sounds amazing! I would be well up for that

The fact she refers to him as “special” gives the distinct vibe that means she things his wants / needs trumps everyone else’s. They don’t. There are a million and one places to go, why go to this one?

The resort managers response is spot on. I for one don’t want to pay money to listen to people shouting. I want a relaxing holiday to recharge my batteries

@PatriciaPerch be kinder to yourself, you've had the dignity and emotional response to accept that at times your responses may have been off, its a (not haha) funny, shitey time for everyone. We've not seen dhs parents since last Christmas because of all of the covid stuff so the zoom chats are a big thing, I am so stressed with trying to make sure everyone is full of chat and laughter, he's bloody 3 so of course it won't. Am rambling now because drunken with exhaustion after a day at work so I hope my meaning comes across, but I understand how things get on top of you and affect how you behave.

@PatriciaPerch

You've been extremely dignified in accepting some of your posts were upsetting.

All of us have days where our nerves are frazzled and we react to a thread in ways we normally would not.

Try and remember people are not being harsh with you, but harsh about views you've expressed whilst under pressure and stress. It's an important difference.

I'm pleased you'll be seeing your DD and not through a window!

It's been an awful year and I think a lot of people are struggling with the toll it's taken and as a result behaving uncharacteristically.

The week with your DS is a lovely opportunity to press the reset button and have some well deserved time together.

There's no need to leave MN unless you think it's adversely impacting your mental well-being, but by all means take a break if you feel it best the come back with a name change and a new start.

Most of all don't be hard on yourself. Very few people here admit when they've been wrong/upset people and that you did this is a reflection of the "real you" - someone empathic and kind.

Have a lovely week with your DD

Im actually going to go there next year - it sounds bloody brilliant.

@lioncitygirl jealous! It sounds amazing

That policy makes me want to go there. Even in family friendly resorts I try to make sure we don’t encroach on others. When did some parents become so entitled?

@Redredwine2020

This is their website. Couldn't be clearer.

I wonder exactly when this message was put on their website, though?

I reckon this warning went onto the website after the situation went viral.

YANBU. Take a deep breath and consign their transparent toxic behaviour to the bin.

Their attitude is nothing to do with you, you've just fallen foul of the power tripping admins (amongst others).

There are some groups you don't want or need to be part of because they don't actually care about their purpose, they just care about virtue signalling behaviour and faux indignation at anyone who disagrees with them. Anyone with 2 braincells to rub together doesn't last long in groups like this and in my book that's a badge of honour so stick 2 metaphorical fingers up and wear that badge with pride.

The same happened to me on that god awful Mrs Hinch group.... zero fucks given.

Yeah, all you're saying is that he has a point.

He definitely has a legitimate point.