Resort manager has a point?

[Redredwine2020]

Just been absolutely roasted and kicked out of a FB group for my opinion on this.

AIBU to think the parent should have considered what resort she was booking? Their website is very clear.

www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g298461-d477886-r778557585-Plantation_Bay_Resort_And_Spa-Lapu_Lapu_Mactan_Island_Cebu_Island_Visayas.html

For full disclaimer I have two ridiculously noisy children with additional needs, I specifically ensure our holiday resorts are suitable. I don't think its fair to subject a resort full of holidaymakers who have specifically chosen a quiet resort to them?

That resort sounds like my dream holiday.

And you sound brilliant!

I do not have ASD but have sensory sensitivities. Screaming kids are hideous to hear. I have 2 kids and we taught them very early not to (I don't mean crying, I mean squealing for fun). I get that sometimes places need to accommodate more noise and some people will not be able to keep quiet. But some people can also never relax or enjoy themselves when others are being loud and it's not a matter of one person's need trumping another's. The fact that the noise is a kids way of showing they are enjoying themself makes it no less aversive. It's a good idea IMHO to have some places that are genuinely quiet and others which tolerate noise.

The resort could simply have made itself adults only - it hasn't, it recognises that not all children are alike and some will enjoy a quieter resort just as adults do. Tomnooktoldmeto has given an example of how the resort may actually be more disability-friendly for some children. People, whether adults or children, who need a quiet environment to relax in, should be catered for just as livelier people are catered for.

I have autistic kids too. Totally agree. I would never take them to such a place. It’s obviously not suitable. Some parents of special needs kids can think they can do what they like just because. No.

We didn’t go out for meals for years as my son couldn’t be relied on to behave. He’d throw stuff and shout. I never felt entitled to just go out and subject other people to it.

Has that statement only been added since that particular review has gained huge amounts of attention? If it has then I’d be a lot more sympathetic towards the parent.

YANBU OP. DS 15 is very much like the child in the review and hell would freeze over before I booked that resort thinking that his rights trumped everyone else's.

For the same reason DH and I only ever fly Business/First when DS is not with us as it just wouldn't be fair on those who have paid a hell of a lot of money and are likely wanting to get some rest or work.

very clear in their terms so why wold you purposely book somewhere like that

That is a batshit response from the manager (screaming leads to other children drowning, they apparently don’t have enough lifeguards for the number of pools, but despite that every other hotel in the Philippines has had multiple guest drownings while they haven’t, and also Covid?).

The hotel also sounds completely miserable, and seems like staff and guests alike have a stick up their arses. I wouldn’t have stayed there pre-children, and I am extremely quiet myself.

But yes, the website and policies are very clear, and she was misguided to book that specific hotel. Possibly English is not the mother’s first language, but that review makes her sounds insufferable too.

I’d say you were well out of it, honestly.

I totally agree with you OP. My DCs don’t have additional needs but are bloody noisy and can scream a place down when having fun. I’d never dream on inflicting them on a resort like this. It sounds more like a place you would take a child who needs a calm and quiet environment.

The wording of the response to the review is a little nuts but I don't think I would take any young child to a designated quiet resort, let alone a child who always squeals when happy. I think the manager's response was poorly worded but in essence the hotel is clear about their quiet policies and it doesn't sound like the right resort for the family.

The Philippines has a huge number of family oriented resorts - almost every one I can think of. There is such a big family culture. This seems to be one of the very few aimed at older clientele.

Just sounds like a bad mismatch.

Yep, I agree with the resort.
I've done my time with screaming children... I'm in my fifties now and I'd like screaming free holidays.

@MrsTerryPratchett

I do think it's a tough thing. I mean if every resort did this you are saying that no child with these kind of disabilities is allowed away. Discrimination by stealth. In this case, yes she was U but in general, people need to be aware of additional needs.

This is why you READ the Tripadvisor reviews rather than just look at the score.

The family market is extremely lucrative so the liklihood of every hotel applying this rule is slim to none. Most resorts don't have this type of stringent policy so I think having a few that do actually makes things more inclusive for those with additional needs? A lot of people have disabilities/conditions that make noise intolerable which makes a lot of places inaccessible.

@Tomnooktoldmeto

As a parent of a high functioning autistic teen who has a severe noise phobia called Misophonia this resort sounds like heaven

For years dd has been grouped together with other autistic kids and whilst the majority can be noisy and sensory seeking some like dd are sensory defensive and suffer badly from their peers noise

Perhaps the group needs reminding that when you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person

This. We chose quiet places to holiday (though usually in the uk), I have 2 teens with ASD, both are well behaved but dd2 can occasionally make random noises and flaps her arms when excited, over all though they are both pretty quite and both hate being around noisy children (or adults).

I do feel for the lady and her son, she obviously didn’t read the resorts rules before booking as I’m sure many people don’t so I can see why she was upset and felt her son was being picked on, maybe if she had read the rules she wouldn’t have booked the holiday. At least she knows not to go back there. I do hope she continues to holiday with her son, my DD’s love going on holiday and it’s important that they get a holiday. I think maybe a private villa would be more appropriate than a big resort.

There was no discrimination; the hotels "peace and quiet" policy applies to all guests including children.

I have a child with severe learning difficulties and autism, I would never book somewhere like that for a holiday with him!!!!

Very unreasonable to make you leave the group!

The mother sounds like the very last person you’d ever want to find yourself on holiday with. “My child is special. Very special!” Jesus wept.

I’ve bookmarked the resort as it sounds ideal. And well run by managers who don’t tolerate people who think everywhere should have to accept their little cherub.

I do get the principle of why they don't want noisiness.The manager sounded a bit harsh with the 'if you can't control your child' angle, but presumably saying 'We can't have guests who make uncontrolled vocalisations' would be seen as prejudicial to people with disabilities and might put them in contravention of accessibility rules I suppose.

goes off to Google resort for possible visit

The resort sounds marvellous. The mother sounds like a nightmare.