To wonder why my MIL thinks DH gave me a black eye

[MrsMannieSouth]

Usually only lurk in here however this has been bothering me a lot and has made me questions DH. So the other day while looking after DS who is a handful i ended up getting a black eye after he hit me with a toy. It looked much worse than it felt.

So during a family zoom call with my in-laws MIL was questioning me about my black eye and I explained to her that it was DS who hit me with a toy. Like I said before DS is a handful which MIL knows well. After the zoom call I then get a text from MIL asking if I was ok. She then asked me via text “who gave you the back eye” which I then repeated was DS. She message back with “are you sure?”. Then put that “ if DH has touched you you need to tell me.I won’t allow him to touch you that way”. Then asked me again “how did you get the black eye”. I decided not to reply immediately as I felt weirded out by the whole thing. She had tried to call me a few minutes later. The whole thing was strange. I told her the final time that it was DS and explained everything to her. So now I am questioning why my MIL thinks that DH would touch me inappropriately. I feel it’s a huge red flag. I haven’t told DH about it as I don’t want there to be any problem with him and MIL. I have created a lot of theories in my head about the whole thing. It’s just really strange.

YABU- if you think I’m overthinking this.
YANBU- if you think this is a huge red flag

Thanks for the help.

It sounds like she is trying to be supportive of you. I know children can cause freak accidents, was sure once broke my nose with an accidental head butt, but perhaps she has forgotten that!

She’s trying to be supportive. I see no red flag.

You think she might have a reason to think he would hurt you?
That aside, if she's just being supportive, I think that is a positive thing. So many women are abused by their partner, and most of them won't be someone you could pick out in a line up, they all started somewhere.

Does your DH have a temper? How does he get on with his mother?

I think she’s being very supportive and is genuinely worried about you. You’re now looking in to this from a “she knows something about his past to make her ask me this” and it probably isn’t there

Is FIL still around? Are they still married? If she has concerns it's more likely to come from there than any violent tendencies of your DH I would have thought.

I think something is WAY off about this. Why does she believe he son is capable of hitting you? If I had a black eye, my MIL would never think in a million years her son was responsible. My husband has no history or form for this whatsoever.

How long have you been married? What's his background in terms of relationships?

Is it possible she is projecting her experiences on you? Was she or is she in an abusive relationship?

Hmm...tough one. To me this is a bit of a yellow flag.

Easily could be that she was just being supportive or could be that she knows he has history. Is your husband temperamental or is he "wouldn't hurt a fly" type.

Is MIL married? It could be nothing and she's just supportive or she may have been the victim of domestic violence before. Unless you have other reasons to worry about your DH, I wouldn't think too much on it.

I would be worried about what she knew. Most women wouldn’t usually believe their sons could hit their partner, so I’d want to ask her why she was checking so much.

Did you ask her why she thought it might have been DH? Even if she has watched too much Corrie/Eastenders/Casualty where women say they walked into a door, it is a bit odd. I'd need to message her and ask.

It's a good sign that she's so bothered and willing to back you up. I would be touched and explain that everything is fine, she doesn't need to worry.

Having been on the end of DV I would never presume any one was incapable (even my darling DS) and would also want to make sure his future partner was ok if I saw them with an injury.

She may have experience of domestic violence and wants to protect you. Or maybe there is something in her sons past that makes her think he is capable of this.

She obviously cares about you very much.

I find it odd too. I'd have to ask her why she was being so insistent about it.

She may have been in an abusive relationship herself and been unable to tell anyone and still be carrying that fear.

Is MIL married? It could be nothing and she's just supportive or she may have been the victim of domestic violence before.

I wondered this also.

Can’t you just ask your DH?

I'm pretty confident that my DS's wouldn't be violent but I'd always be protective of women just in case. I haven't been the victim of actual violence but I have felt scared of men and experienced verbal abuse from guys that everyone would say are lovely, so I'd err on the side of caution. It doesn't necessarily mean that she would specifically believe that your DH is capable of violence.

You are very lucky to have a MIL that would ensure your safety rather than be blindly loyal to her son.

Many women who are being abused could be helped if their MIL was as forward and persistent in questioning their DIL on noticeable injuries.

I think it's lovely that she's double checked, especially if dh had done it not many mils would check in to be supportive. However I find it odd that after you explained again, she then asked are you being sure. Is there a history of violence with your dh?

I would imagine she has been a victim of DV and understands the excuses people make for their partners.

Good on her for being so concerned!

Possibly your DH has a dv history, but is it also possible that your DH was also a "handful" and gave her black eyes as a child - leading her to be concerned he still hits?

I would directly ask her when DH isn't around, "is there something I should know?".

At least she cares! No idea why you would be "weirded out", she was just making absolutely sure all was well and giving you opportunity to get help (if you needed it). You should feel very grateful tbh.