AIBU to have just about fucking had it with men?

[PurpleFeather]

I’m sure some of you will pile on me to tell me “it’s not all men”, but right now I don’t fucking care.

Woke up to read about more horrific sexual attacks on women along my favourite running route (there have been many lately).

Dealt with some horrific sexism in my work meeting today (a “hilarious” conversation between male members of staff as to why men are just so much smarter than women).

Ended the day by receiving an e-mail from someone I line manage about how she approached inappropriately by a customer today.

So we can’t run safely, we can’t do our jobs and be seen as “equal”, and we can’t serve customers without getting harassed.

Today I am so so so angry. I am done with making excuses for men, and giving them the benefit of the doubt (“He probably brushed past me by accident”, and “he was only joking really”, etc). I am just totally, utterly done with male privilege and male violence rearing it’s fucking ugly head in every area of my life.

Fuck the patriarchy!

I used to feel sorry for little old ladies who lived with a cat. Now I am one, and let me tell you, it is a sweet deal. No, you are not being unreasonable.

In my 68 years of living, this is what I have found...Some men are always awful, far too many of them criminally. A very, very few are always wonderful. MOST men, while they may be wonderful when with women, will revert to awful very quickly when with other men, showing their true colors.

I've been done with them for about a decade now, and haven't missed them one little bit.

This is what interests me about trudi33's post. She claims to have been all over the place and never experienced the things on this thread.

Some women might not(I don't personally know any) , they are that lucky. But what really baffles me is that she doesn't know another woman who has or witnessed it. Really? Not one man catcalling or wolf whistling or making comments? Not one man touching bum, breasts ,legs in a crowded pub,club or bus? Not one man made disparaging comments about a woman's looks,her sexuality, her worth in the workplace? Not one man that pestered for sex?

Or is the bar set just for rape/sexual assault and all the other behaviours are just "little things that we must get on with"?

Article with another study suggesting as many as 10% of men on uni campus in America are rapists.
As in admit it when asked the right questions.
fivethirtyeight.com/features/what-if-most-campus-rapes-arent-committed-by-serial-rapists/
This was just from quick google.
Original study with 6% result can be found in link. Lisak study.

I've honestly never experienced anywhere near what others on this thread have. I think some guy once brushed up against me too close in a club in my youth, and I've heard awful comments from male members of the public when working in retail/hospitality. However, I am well aware of how many people are affected by the awful actions of a lot of men because I read awful stories in the newspaper EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

No woman should slap, throw a drink at a man unless she wants the same. We need to behave like woman not ask for equality then behave like men. I like men but I dont want to be one. I've met some terrible pigs and some gents too, unfortunately pigs seem too numerous to ignore

@Ddot

No woman should slap, throw a drink at a man unless she wants the same. We need to behave like woman not ask for equality then behave like men. I like men but I dont want to be one. I've met some terrible pigs and some gents too, unfortunately pigs seem too numerous to ignore

What's behaving like women?

Not like an animal

Sorry got carried away

I never appreciated how many of the apparent 'good ones' were actually predatory sleeve bags until my dad died at a relatively young age. Within the space of months my vulnerable and grieving attractive mother was getting harassed by a number of his friends, including married ones. Sexually inappropriate text messages, turning up at her house and making comments. Repulsive.

I agree with OP.

Having reached my 30s and gone through my own sexual / physical / verbal abuse on many occasions as well as seeing it with close friends and family, men can sicken me. You only have to pick up the paper/go online EVERYDAY to realise it is the norm, and more than 90% of the time, the truth is, it's men!

When I was 17 I worked in an office with 'loyal' husbands that would try it on with me (usually at least 10 years my senior). Now I'm in the office I see guys my age (and much older) oggling up the girls I once was, and I just see it for what it is. Sleezy men praying on young girl's naivety.

This is just the stuff we know, I dread to think of the stuff we don't.

I have a son and I hope to god I can teach him to respect women! Unfortunately I don't think his dad, also my current partner is setting a great example for that!

I know well bloody hope there must be some good guys out there! If you find them then please let me know!

Sleazebags rather!

Maries2020
Sorry cant help, i've got knob radar

@Ddot

Not like an animal

Sonia it ok for men to act like animals?

I get the feeling that when some people see women standing up for themselves, asserting their boundaries, and refusing to Stand for abuse and harassment, they go "oh my, how unladylike, don't behave like an animal"

[quote Wheresmykimchi]@ScienceSensibility shock horror you like the post yet again singling me out [/quote]
I'm singling you out. For your shitty opinions. If you choose to be a handmaiden, go nuts and enjoy that. Lots of people don't want that for themselves and perfectly entitled to articulate that here.

A great thread thank you. A sister to three brothers and a father who told me as an 11 year old...."You are sitting on a goldmine!" Huh
You only have to listen to a group of men when women are out of earshot to know the true nature of the beast.
Consider, why would half the population with all the power choose voluntarily to relinquish it.
How do we change this?

I actually find this thread quite disturbing, judgmental and weird.

Let's just imagine a guy starts a thread saying how he's had it with women because;

They're irrational
Too emotional
Weak
Talk too much
Too sensitive

I'd love to know your reactions.

This thread is also probably part of the reason sadly every other day there's a gender disappointment thread about how sad someone is they're having a boy.

@hellymissy

I actually find this thread quite disturbing, judgmental and weird.

Let's just imagine a guy starts a thread saying how he's had it with women because;

They're irrational
Too emotional
Weak
Talk too much
Too sensitive

I'd love to know your reactions.

OK, since you asked. A man would not need to start a thread about those things because he freely expresses those things to his friends whenever they are together. Although, on other venues, you actually will see threads like that, and they are enthusiastically received by other men. And if a woman stands up for herself and other women, we are "aggressive," "shrill," "strident," "unladylike," and my personal favorite, "a dyke."

A "proper" woman knows her place, keeps that place, puts up and shuts up. It may not be said out loud as much now as it was when I was growing up, but it is very clearly shown to us each and every day of our lives.

This thread may be a bit judgmental, but some actions and attitudes should be judged, and harshly. I find it disturbing, as well, but only because it reflects what most of us deal with every single day.

If "being ladylike" means that I have to take anything a man dishes out, even verbally, with a smile and a "yes, Dear," then I shall remain a ball-bearing bitch to the end of my days.

Why don't you start a thread with that subject then, @hellymissy

Let the cheerleaders of men and men themselves depart this one so that we can air our profound disappointment and fear of men on this one.

@Ddot

No woman should slap, throw a drink at a man unless she wants the same. We need to behave like woman not ask for equality then behave like men. I like men but I dont want to be one. I've met some terrible pigs and some gents too, unfortunately pigs seem too numerous to ignore

If a man touches me and I say no and continues to touch me I punch him with a closed fist because they don't expect that.

If I get caught somewhere and a man is going to try and rape me, I yell fire, you know why? Because people come to a fire, they ignore a rape

I recently dumped someone for constantly saying ‘you women’ about everything negative. You could tell he thought he was better than me. Constantly telling him to ‘make me a brew woman’ and ‘serve him’.

As for the sexual attacks that’s awful, it’s very worrying.

@Coseynightin

I’m surprised many of you leave the house in case all these men attack and say bad things.

Maybe it is your mindset that is the issue. Women have it so much easier these days compared to when we were younger.

Easier - really? What colour is the sky in your world?

It's a rare day that one or more men don't behave as if the world is theirs and women exist only for service and fuckability. Their words and actions are specifically diminishing and disrespectful towards women.

I have friends who are men who know better, although I do remind them it's impossible for them to grasp when they say "I understand what you mean" - it's not a failing but from their position they'll never know what it is to be a woman in this world.

My friends notwithstanding, I'm sick to the teeth of the behaviour of many men along with the "women - look what you made me do" mentality. Men need to sort themselves out, now.

Two weeks ago I sat with my MD, who’s only three years older and said. “ we are of the same generation but this business we both work for has reverted to the 1970s ( only female exec let go during pandemic-was good at her job, got back stabbed) and it’s not your fault that you are in the pale,male, stale category but there are about 500 women that are now disenfranchised because there is no senior management that represents them”.....,,.He. Did.not.have.an.answer.....I’m going to keep working on this and him, because there is hope, being the same generation he inherently knows it’s not right. ....And I know HR ( which he’s also in charge of) are now implementing a diversity drive since he and I talked.

I did the same with my line manager and he’s now an “out” feminist and proud of it, he shares articles with me saying “ this isn’t right is it!”when discussing in-balance at work, he pushes me to get pay rises and job titles, he joins debates in public forums about more females needed in our profession and employs the best all female team.
I personally have found that by influencing men around me, even ones that are uncomfortable with it via their own conscious pricking (“thats not acceptable even if I think it”) I am being successful.... I know it’s not a formula for everyone but it keeps me sane and I am winning at micro level at least!

I've found that after I reached 45 I didn't get harrassed anymore...Also I do think that women (I'm a woman) need to start standing up for themselves. I worked in racing stables for a number of years and although it's better now women do have to try extra hard to be taken seriously. Like I said the issues surrounding harrassment etc from men and unwanted attention are mainly a younger woman's problem. One of the only good things as a woman growing older is that all that stops!

I said a woman should not slap or throw a drink I ment, just because she is offended. Every woman should defend herself if in danger or being manhandled, that's different. I hate to see woman throwing drinks over men generally on tv( wouldn't waste a good gin personally) I hate violence of any kind by either sex. Verbal assault is and should be enough, if in danger all that is off. My brother told me if your going to defend yourself against a man attacking, never hit him once, because if he gets up you wont get a second chance. I was dragged up an alley as a young girl, I froze with fear. Brothers voice came ringing in my head. I struck him as hard as I could, he recoiled so I booted him and brought my fists down. Only then did I run, made it.