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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what your baby cut off age would be

504 replies

Allthestarsarecloser · 08/12/2020 17:42

I had my kids at 34 & 38 and I am now 46. My lovely friend is pregnant with a much wanted first baby at 46 and it’s got me thinking if I could do it at that point- I don’t think I could to be honest. I think my cut off was 40 probably!
Aibu to ask what ideal your cut off point age wise would be for kids? I know life isn’t perfect so it’s not so simple for everyone as my friend proves

OP posts:
Ginqueen456 · 08/12/2020 18:43

I had my 2 children young so for me i wouldn't want any more after 30 otherwise I'd have 2 teen children and a baby at the same time!

Thirtyrock39 · 08/12/2020 18:44

I had my third just before I was 35. It was by far the hardest pregnancy and my gp said this was because of my age!! 35 seems young to me now but I think a good age to have had kids by biologically.
The things that would put me off having kids later are things like being a generation older than some other mums, still having dependant teenagers/ students at home when I'm hoping to retire , being a very old grandparent and the increased health risks .

Mummarama · 08/12/2020 18:45

40, and had my second two weeks after my 40th birthday. I was so wishing he’d be early! In an ideal world, I’d have had two by 35 but obviously they would be different children, so I can’t regret the ones I have. Therefore the time you have them is the perfect time.

AlwaysLatte · 08/12/2020 18:45

I had my last at 39 and noticed that my energy levels were not as great as the first time (although that might be because I had a toddler as well!). I think something to bear in mind is that the risk of disabilities in the baby is higher as you get older so adding an older maternal age to a much more needy baby/child/adult could be a whole new level of exhaustion! Although I was broody after no 2 we decided not to tempt fate and we got a baby dog instead.

AlwaysLatte · 08/12/2020 18:46

NB that's from my perspective of having 2. If I didn't have any at all I would probably take the risk...

Ragwort · 08/12/2020 18:46

I never particularly wanted a child until I hit my 40s so I don't think it is as simple as 'having a cut off point', I had my first, and only, DC a couple of months before my 43rd birthday and it was the 'right' decision for me and my DH, no one else's opinion really matters. I had no health problems or issues at all, and I combined the menopause with the stroppy 10 year old years!

Everyone is different, I would have hated to be a mum in my 20s/30s, by my 40s life was much more settled, mortgage nearly paid off, comfortable lifestyle, established career etc etc.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 08/12/2020 18:48

I had my last at 43. 2.
Ds is 6. No regrets..
Teens don't consider me an old dm!!

Sceptre86 · 08/12/2020 18:48

35 is my own personal cut off. I had my dd at 29 and ds at 30. We are having one last try and if it doesn't work out by time I am 35 I will accept it is not meant to be. My dh is 8 years older than me.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 08/12/2020 18:50

Have not read the thread beyond the OP. I'm not far off 60 now. I had my children when I was 30 and 32. We debated whether to have a third child and decided no. One of my reasons was that I'd heard that the chance of problems goes up markedly from the mid 30s. I would never have wanted to be pregnant in my 40s. Having said that, I was extremely fortunate to have met my husband when I was very young. Obviously for some people things work out differently.

What I wanted to say, though, was that if you have a baby in your 40s you will still have that child living at home with you when you are in your 50s and quite possibly 60s. That means dealing with a teenager while you are going through the menopause, which for many women is not a walk in the park.

Also, there really is a noticeable loss of energy as you get older. I know this is obvious, but it's easy to forget about it when you're younger. I look back to the sleepless years when my children were babies and toddlers and I marvel that we got through it. I really couldn't do it now. I am active and in reasonably good health but I have less strength and stamina than I had in my 30s.

Final point: if your parents are older, they are far less likely to want or be able to do hands on childcare for you, occasionally or as a regular arrangement. They simply won't be up to it in many cases. I'd give it a go if I had to, at my current age, but my parents are in their 80s and it's unthinkable that they could be asked to look after a tiny child for any length of time. That's been the case for many years now. They're fit and well for their age, they have all their marbles, but their mobility and their stamina levels just aren't up to being hands on grandparents, as they were when my children and my nieces and nephews were younger.

insiwinsi · 08/12/2020 18:51

I had my DD at 33, I'm a LP and it was the hardest thing ever, I only feel mildly human again at 42 now she is 8! So, probably 33! Although if I had been more well, througout the early years, probably later.

StickTheKettleOnAlice · 08/12/2020 18:53

35 as I won't want to change nappies on my 40s and a child of 5 would be manageable and easier.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 08/12/2020 18:53
  1. I'm pregnant now at 30 and always said I wouldn't have anymore after that age, bit I had my first at 18.
StickTheKettleOnAlice · 08/12/2020 18:54

Not to mention I'd not cope being too old with pregnancy and sleep deprivation etc.

Ohalrightthen · 08/12/2020 18:54

As a teen i imagined I'd be done by 25. In reality I'm going to be 29.

anormalperson · 08/12/2020 18:57

30 was my cutoff. I had mine at 26 and 27. Luckily as it turned out as I got horrifically ill at 32 and have no desire to go back to hospital for anything that isn't an absolute emergency.

Lightwindows · 08/12/2020 18:57

I had DS at 37 and DD at 38. It was a rocky road to get there and took 4 years ish by the time I had DS. I wouldn't rule out another, I guess I would give up on the idea if it hadn't happened by 42. Not trying now though as need a bigger age gap this time! In an ideal world I would have met my DH a bit younger and it wouldn't have taken so long or been so painful, but it's not and wasn't an ideal world.

minipie · 08/12/2020 18:57

If I had never had one and wanted one I would keep trying until I hit menopause I suppose - I wouldnt accept being childless until it was literally impossible.

This. I know there are all sorts of downsides of being an older parent but there are also plenty of younger people having babies in less than ideal circumstances - stretched finances, obesity or other health issues etc - and nobody says they are selfish for having children.

Where we live there are loads of parents who only started in their late 30s and number 2 was often post 40. I had mine at 32 and 34 and am relatively young among the people I know with same age kids.

Racoonworld · 08/12/2020 18:58

My ideal cut off is 35. After that you're classed as geriatric for pregnancy and it comes with added risk. Having had my first in my early 30s I also don't think I would be up to it physically much older, the no sleep is tough as is pregnancy. Saying that if I want a second I may end up being 35 or over so it isn't a hard cut off for me! If I hadn't had a baby at all by 35 my answer would have been 40.

TeachesOfPeaches · 08/12/2020 18:59

Had my only at 30, became a single parent he was a baby. Not interested in blended/step family set-up so the decision was kind of made for me.

Itstartedinbarcelona · 08/12/2020 18:59

Mine was 35, had DS at 34. However I appreciate life works differently for everyone. My friend had hers at 39 and 43 and seems very happy.

WankPuffins · 08/12/2020 19:01

It was 35.

I had my first at 22 and my second at 34.

Just had my third at 40 BlushGrin

Emeraldshamrock · 08/12/2020 19:01

It is easy to put a number on it if it has happened for you.

WankPuffins · 08/12/2020 19:01

I'd bloody love another but it would probably kill me. So I'd say 42 now.

Fleetwoodmacs · 08/12/2020 19:02

For me it was 35, I had my second then and it felt right.

However, had I not had them my upper limit would have been 40.

StickTheKettleOnAlice · 08/12/2020 19:02

@Imworthiti i have 2 dc and no more for me so send you lots and lots and lots of baby dust 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

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