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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your baby cut off age would be

504 replies

Allthestarsarecloser · 08/12/2020 17:42

I had my kids at 34 & 38 and I am now 46. My lovely friend is pregnant with a much wanted first baby at 46 and it’s got me thinking if I could do it at that point- I don’t think I could to be honest. I think my cut off was 40 probably!
Aibu to ask what ideal your cut off point age wise would be for kids? I know life isn’t perfect so it’s not so simple for everyone as my friend proves

OP posts:
Zeetah · 08/12/2020 17:57

40

chuggabo · 08/12/2020 17:57

I had my son at 37 and for the first two years of his life I was sure that I didn't want to go through pregnancy again. Then I started to feel differently, and we decided to try for another. Unfortunately we have lost four pregnancies since then. I am just shy of turning 45 and every month I just keep thinking " one more roll of the dice" because I don't want to accept there won't be any more babies. Realisticly I know disappointment and heartache (miscarriage) more likely for me now than another child, but even though the chance is small I want to keep going until actual menopause is here. But it is such a personal choice only you know what works for you and your family. If you are ready for a different stage of your life then make the mental change.

TheVanguardSix · 08/12/2020 17:59

Oh OP, in the loveliest way possible... that ship has sailed. 46 is really pushing the boat out. Flowers I understand completely how you feel and why you're feeling it.
Enjoy where you're at. You don't need nappies and perimenopause, believe me. Your 'almost' teenager will need you more than you know, coming up here. Be there for the children you have. And if number three happens, what a blessing. If not, don't sweat it.

IHaveBrilloHair · 08/12/2020 17:59

I was done at 23!
There's a thread currently which touches on men having second families later in life, and the thought horrifies me.
I've a few female acquaintances who've recently have children in their early 40's with already grown up children, and honestly can't see the appeal.
(Obviously first children are different, but Im still glad I had mine young)

Original poster
Allthestarsarecloser · 08/12/2020 18:00

@TheVanguardSix ha ha, I don’t want any more!! God no- it just got me thinking!!

OP posts:
Rosebel · 08/12/2020 18:01

I had two children in my 20s and always wanted another one but stopped trying at 37. This year I had my third and last child, I'm 40.

heydoggee · 08/12/2020 18:05

I'm mulling a third in 2022. I'd be 40/41.

I dunno how I will sell DH on it, I'll give it a go, but I won't be forcing it on him if he's not keen.

I have two DCs and consider myself very lucky indeed to have them.

CremeEggThief · 08/12/2020 18:05

If I'd tried for DC2, 30.
I'm 42 now and DS is 18, so while I miss spending time with my niece and nephews, no fucking way would I go back to the baby stage.

London91 · 08/12/2020 18:08

My cut off is probably around 35/36. But you never know what is going to happen.

JustAnotherUserinParadise · 08/12/2020 18:09

I wanted my first "by 30". I was 18 weeks pregnant on my 30th birthday! So kind of passed that test...

I'd like to be done by 40. We'll probably have 2/3 kids so might be done by 34-6 ish.
That said if we had struggled to conceive I'm sure I'd have moved my upper limit!

MirandaWest · 08/12/2020 18:09

I think mine was probably about 40. Had DS and DD at 28 and 30. Met DH when I was 36 and part of me did want a child with him. But am 45 now and think I’m 99% reconciled to it not happening

HTH1 · 08/12/2020 18:09

Mine was 30 but absolute cut off would have been 34 (so having baby at 35).

Inastatus · 08/12/2020 18:13

I wanted to be done by 40 but had 3 miscarriages and an ectopic. Had my first at 40 and my second at 42. As another poster said though, if I hadn’t had any kids, I would have kept trying until there was no chance left.

ImpatientlyImpatient · 08/12/2020 18:13

I currently don’t have a cut off but I really wouldn’t like to be having any really late in life. Unfortunately I didn’t meet my partner until I was 34 and didn’t realise I wanted kids until this year at 36. Ive been off contraception for 6 months and no baby yet. I’m worried that I won’t be able to get pregnant.

stayathomer · 08/12/2020 18:17

bitheby hugs, I think most people here are saying there's no age limit really, it's all in our own headsFlowersBrewCake

jessstan1 · 08/12/2020 18:17

I probably would have said 36 maximum because my parents were over forty when I came on the scene. However people are younger for longer nowadays than back then.

BetsyBigNose · 08/12/2020 18:18

I feel incredibly lucky and grateful that we had our two DDs when I was 27 and 28, as since I was 32, I have had a serious health condition, which would have stopped me from having children at all.

If I didn't have children (and didn't have my health condition), I wouldn't stop trying until I had one. I'm 40 now and feel very old and tired becuase I'm so ill, but several of my (similarly aged and older) friends have only recently started having children and they are all coping wonderfully with the newborn and toddler stages, whereas I'm really enjoying our DDs being 11 and 13 more than any other ages so far.

It's such a personal thing, I don't think you can judge another woman for her choices although, of course, it is perfectly acceptable to set a limit for yourself.

BuzzingtheBee · 08/12/2020 18:18

Im 42 and I would not have one now

Leonberger · 08/12/2020 18:18

I always wanted to be done by 30.
I’m 30 in 6 months so best hurry up! Blush

MadameBlobby · 08/12/2020 18:19

I had my 2 at 32 and 35 and planned on a third at 40 but changed my mind. So I suppose 40 would have been it. But then I don’t know how I’d have felt if I hadn’t had any kids by then.

Deelish75 · 08/12/2020 18:21
  1. I had DC1 at 32. Started trying for DC2 at 36, had a couple of miscarriages and wasn’t sure if anything was going to happen but luckily she came along when I was 38.
Connieston · 08/12/2020 18:22

If I got pregnant now at 45 nearly 46 I would have it but wouldnt be trying. I think by next year I wouldnt want a baby full stop. My kids are teens/pre teens, and I'm loving the freedom and space and opportunity to make up time on my career. I'm glad I had mine in my 30s when I had a bit of money and security but still had energy! Everyone is different though, I wouldn't judge anyone young or older.

Imworthit · 08/12/2020 18:22

If I had never had one and wanted one I would keep trying until I hit menopause I suppose - I wouldnt accept being childless until it was literally impossible.

I would be more concerned about the baby and my own health but I'm 34 and want one so much.

Fedup21 · 08/12/2020 18:22

I didn’t really want to be much over 30 and still having kids.

I had mine at 25, 27 and 30 as it turned out.

Obviously my answer would have been entirely different if I hadn’t met my DH at the time I did though. If I was still single at 30, it wouldn’t have still been my cut off.

Superstardjs · 08/12/2020 18:24

As some said, if I had no children i don't think I would want to stop trying, although I would draw the line before I got to a certain point I think. As it is, with one already, my cut off was 38 as I didnt want to go into my 50s with a primary aged child. It was definitely a good decision for me.