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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your baby cut off age would be

504 replies

Allthestarsarecloser · 08/12/2020 17:42

I had my kids at 34 & 38 and I am now 46. My lovely friend is pregnant with a much wanted first baby at 46 and it’s got me thinking if I could do it at that point- I don’t think I could to be honest. I think my cut off was 40 probably!
Aibu to ask what ideal your cut off point age wise would be for kids? I know life isn’t perfect so it’s not so simple for everyone as my friend proves

OP posts:
AIMD · 09/12/2020 12:42

@WankPuffins I haven’t ever thought about age of parents at school gates either. We have some in early twenties and some close or into 50s.

If anyone is bothered in talking about parents ages then it says something really sad about them.

HitthatroadJack · 09/12/2020 12:43

@Onadifferentuniverse

That doesn’t mean you’ll make it to 80.

Neither of my parents made it to 70, one didn’t even make it to 60.

I’m not judging people for having children older but for me, I couldn’t risk it.

Confused

no one is saying you SHOULD do this or that, it's entirely up to you

but I have friends who lost their mother when she was 35, a friend lost his 28 yo wife when their baby was 6 months old... there's absolutely no guarantee you are not taking a risk at any time.

AlexaShutUp · 09/12/2020 12:44

That doesn’t mean you’ll make it to 80.

Neither of my parents made it to 70, one didn’t even make it to 60.

I’m not judging people for having children older but for me, I couldn’t risk it.

My very dear friend had her first baby at 24, and the second one at 26. She was dead by the age of 34 after a four-year fight with breast cancer. So on that basis, none of us should risk having children at any age.

You can never erase all risks from life. It is ridiculous to live your life in that way.

loobyloo1234 · 09/12/2020 12:44

Who wants to be 4 years off 60 with a 10 year old?

People who really want their chance at being a parent? 60 is not old. Im sorry you feel you need to project @Onadifferentuniverse but do try and have some empathy for some of the posters who havent been so lucky to conceive easily and therefore, will try longer than most

AiryFairyMum · 09/12/2020 12:47

No upper limit, trying for number two in my 40s. I'm a better mum now than I would have been in my 20s - I have a great career, happy settled marriage, house with spare rooms, garden, comfortable lifestyle etc. I can do the school run and have more to offer than I did 20 years ago. I just hope number two happens.

WankPuffins · 09/12/2020 12:56

My mum was 30 when I was born, my dad was 46.

She died of cancer at 40. He's still alive, well and up and down ladders cleaning his guttering at 86.

You can never know what life has in store for you.

ButterflyOfFreedom · 09/12/2020 12:58

40

AlexaShutUp · 09/12/2020 12:59

Sorry to hear that WankPuffinsFlowers

mamaof2girls · 09/12/2020 13:04

27 only because my mum had her last at 27 and she's 49 with a 22 year old as her youngest! I already have 2 kids though! And I would only like 1 more so for me that's a realistic age for me to be done!

Csx99 · 09/12/2020 13:26

I've just had my 1st at 21, would prefer to have a 2nd (and last!) before I'm 25 then be done ideally! Who knows how life will turn out but that's my plan atm Smile

Billericaydicky · 09/12/2020 13:46

I put early in the thread what my cut off point would be (35), absolutely no judgement of anyone who has them later. Just the latest I would go taking everything into account.

CounsellorTroi · 09/12/2020 13:53

I started ttc at 29 but never did get pregnant. In theory I could have done right up until menopause as we never used contraception. In hindsight I am rather relieved that I did not get pregnant in my mid or late 40s. My DH is 10 years older than me and we could be 60 and 70 with a stroppy teen.

EThreepwood · 09/12/2020 13:53

I've always said 32 because my hypothetical youngest would be 18 when I was 50 and I can wind down start enjoying child free life, more chance of grandkids etc.

Well like the stubborn cow I am, I am having my third and last at 31. I told my DP that I meant it and I will not be pregnant after 32 so it was now or never.

Literallynoidea · 09/12/2020 13:55

Depends on your circumstances. I quite understand those who keep trying for their first until menopause - I'd have done the same if I hadn't met the right man in my early 30s.

fluffysubway · 09/12/2020 13:56

I want another now at almost 35. I am so sad I haven't had a second but dh keeps saying no. I had my one dd at 27 and she was such hard work unfortunately it did make us hold off. I think I will Dh ask at least once a year until a can no longer have them Grin

Literallynoidea · 09/12/2020 13:56

@AlexaShutUp

That doesn’t mean you’ll make it to 80.

Neither of my parents made it to 70, one didn’t even make it to 60.

I’m not judging people for having children older but for me, I couldn’t risk it.

My very dear friend had her first baby at 24, and the second one at 26. She was dead by the age of 34 after a four-year fight with breast cancer. So on that basis, none of us should risk having children at any age.

You can never erase all risks from life. It is ridiculous to live your life in that way.

Well said Alexa.

Awful judgmental people on this thread!

CounsellorTroi · 09/12/2020 13:59

@Literallynoidea

Depends on your circumstances. I quite understand those who keep trying for their first until menopause - I'd have done the same if I hadn't met the right man in my early 30s.
We stopped thinking of ourselves as actively trying after the age of 45 even though we weren't doing anything to stop it. It was just too exhausting and we wanted to get on with our lives. Fertility clinics weren't so keen on treating older women when we were trying back in the mid/late 90s.
Yeahnahmum · 09/12/2020 14:19

30 max 34

Bibidy · 09/12/2020 14:21

I don't have a cut off. I think that it's fine to have babies for as long as you are able.

Although it can be harder if you're older, you still cope and do it all. Only less than ideal thing is that you may not be around for as long for any grandchildren but even that isn't a given.

glastogal · 09/12/2020 14:23

I thought my cut off was 40 but here I am at 41, pregnant with #2 and weirdly not completely certain I am done!

whiteonesugar · 09/12/2020 14:28

Initially I wanted to have finished having children by 30. We started trying when I was 26 and sadly due to many miscarriages I was 29 by the time DS1 came along. I had DS2 when I was almost 34, and now I'm 35 after 7 pregnancies and 2 DSs and SPD during pregnancy - I am done!

I think it never really turns out how you plan does it?!

BagofOnions · 09/12/2020 14:28

OP - do you think maybe you feel like you couldn't do it because you now have kids aged 8 and 12 and are tired?
I guess someone having their first at 46 is going into it 'fresh' so to speak?

tempnamechange98765 · 09/12/2020 14:30

I think it depends if you already have one or not, I probably would have quite a high cut off if I didn't manage to have one earlier.

I'm 32 now and 95% sure I won't have any more, but I think for me my cut off if I was to have DC3 would be about 35. Not because I think any older is too old, but for me having had my two DC at 27 and 31, I wouldn't want to have a huge gap.

YenneferOfBattenberg · 09/12/2020 14:32

35 was my "ideal" cut off and I gave birth to my second child a few months short of my 35th birthday, so I was extremely lucky that things worked out the way I had hoped.

That being said, if I had struggled to conceive or had not met someone to have children with, etc. then who knows how long I would have kept trying for? Probably as long as possible! I am just grateful I wasn't in that position.

I don't think there is anything wrong with women having babies at a later age than 35 (by choice or circumstance), but for me I like the idea of getting a little bit more freedom (and sleep) back a bit sooner. But I'm sure I only feel that way because I was lucky, I'm sure I'd have gladly given up my freedom and sleep at a later age, if it was a choice between that and not having children.

It's such a thorny issue to discuss because many women don't get a choice in when they have their children, it's not something we have complete control over, after all.

MadamShazam · 09/12/2020 14:36

As long as you are fit and healthy, no age cut- off. Well menopause I suppose!

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