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Original poster

Not to buy gift for rude godson! Who wld u blame

795 replies

Highfivemum · 07/12/2020 08:46

It was my Godson birthday two weeks ago. I bought him a lovely jacket from Next. It was the type I see him wear. I bought him age 11 as even though he isn’t a big child for his age Next in my mind is small fitting and rather bigger than smaller. I ordered online and then wrapped and messaged his mum to say his gift was their porch. I didn’t hear anything. Then this morning I received a card from him. It said “ thank you for the present that didn’t Fit ! I am 10 not 11 OK!!!!!! “
That was it. I was shocked to be honest. Must have read the card over and over again.
His mum has not said anything to me. I could have exchanged it.
His mum must have sent the card though surely. ?? whether she knew wot was written I don’t know.
I have said to my DH I am not buying a Christmas gift. DH said he is a child and not to get wound up. WWYD?

OP posts:
IrmaFayLear · 07/12/2020 09:24

It doesn’t matter if OP bought him an age 15 top with dancing dinosaurs on, the boy should say thank you so much, wonderful gift.

Otoh, he did write a note, which is more than a lot of ungrateful gift recipients do !

AaronPurr · 07/12/2020 09:25

Because some kids have a very literal view of the world and would not necessarily understand an adult thought process here.

Even if that's the case in this situation, why is it the OPs job to explain why a bigger size was bought? Why couldn't the boys parents do it?

KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 07/12/2020 09:25

Very rude, and if I was his mother there would be consequences and he would have to phone you to apologise. As his Godmother I assume you are close to him and when he calls you'll also be able to advise him with regard to how to behave if someone gives you a gift you don't like. I wouldn't withhold future presents because of a one off.
I wouldn't buy a child a coat for a birthday, that's a necessity not a gift. A teenager who wants a particular fashion/brand is different but to a ten year old a coat is probably something he doesn't even want to wear most of the time and his parents tell him to because it's cold.

ProudAuntie76 · 07/12/2020 09:26

@TheKeatingFive

Why would you need to explain why you bought an item of clothing in a bigger size?

Because some kids have a very literal view of the world and would not necessarily understand an adult thought process here.

Surely that’s where his parent should explain that most adults buy in the size up rather than allowing their tween to be so rude to someone who kindly bought them a gift.
TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 07/12/2020 09:26

I'll say upfront that we don't do thankyou cards, but I would be horrified if my child said that to someone!

When maybe 3 or 4 they might have loudly expressed the opinion, and they would have been told that the correct behaviour is to say thankyou, and talk to me privately later - if it's too small, then never mind (or I'll see about exchanging it), if it's too big, they'll grow into it - in any case, I would sort it, but they should not be rude about it!

TheKeatingFive · 07/12/2020 09:26

why is it the OPs job to explain why a bigger size was bought? Why couldn't the boys parents do it?

Well if the OP’s going to withdrawn gift giving on the basis of him mentioning it (bluntly) you’d think she’d have the decency to explain her reasoning first.

5zeds · 07/12/2020 09:27

As his God Mother you need to have a chat with his Mum and try and work out how to help him.

JohannaSpyri · 07/12/2020 09:27

I'd have taken a photo of what he wrote and whatsapped it to the mum and written. "Sorry the jacket was the wrong size. I thought Next came up small. Shall I exchange?" I'd hope the mum hadn't seen it and would be mortified/apologetic and would tell the boy off.

TheKeatingFive · 07/12/2020 09:27

Surely that’s where his parent should explain that most adults buy in the size up rather than allowing their tween to be so rude to someone who kindly bought them a gift.

We don’t know whether the parent saw the card or discussed his reaction with him.

OchonAgusOchonO · 07/12/2020 09:29

I think the fact you have never received a card before is very telling. There is no way a 10 year old who has never been asked to send a card previously will suddenly decide to send one off his own bat.

I suspect he kicked off and it was suggested he let you know it was too big via a card.

I definitely wouldn't be giving him a christmas present. A 10 year old should know that the only acceptable response when you receive a present is "Thank you". Gushing is not required but manners are.

LizziesTwin · 07/12/2020 09:29

I’ve got a rude son - daughters aren’t rude but he is. He has often said that he doesn’t like a present so won’t write a thank you letter as that would be lying, I’ve said well you need to as that’s polite & then they won’t give you a present & he says he doesn’t care.

As the adult you should show good manners and ignore this rudeness, he’s the child not you.

littlefireseverywhere · 07/12/2020 09:30

I’d leave it to your ex DH to buy presents for him.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/12/2020 09:31

@FourTeaFallOut

Anyway, are you a proper fully paid up nominated at a Christening God mother? I'm an atheist so I'm not particularly clued up on all the responsibilities that you signed up for with that agreement but I'm pretty sure there's a clause about moral guidance?

I'm not sure passive aggressively and silently withdrawing from your God-son while complaint about his rude manners is really hitting that target, is it?

A Godparents role is to provide child's religious instruction if the parent is unable or unwilling to do so.

There are no "clauses", nor it it a legal obligation.

Cavagirl · 07/12/2020 09:31

Hopefully the explanation is that the coat was too big, mum mentioned "oh she's bought you age 11 that's why" then grumpy 10 year old thinks you don't know his age, has later been made to write thank you cards, and you've been the brunt of his grumpiness. That still makes him a little shit IMO but it's sort of understandable what happened.

I really think don't pussyfoot around with "oh goodness little Johnny mentioned the coat was too big in his card" send her a photo of what he wrote so there's no equivocating.

Iwonder08 · 07/12/2020 09:31

Do send a photo of the card to the boy's mother. Unless she makes him apologise don't buy even a token gift in future.

LittleMissLockdown · 07/12/2020 09:32

As the adult you should show good manners and ignore this rudeness, he’s the child not you.

He might be a child but he is 10, not 4!! How old is it acceptable to be so breathtakingly rude and still get away with it because you're a child?

oldmum22 · 07/12/2020 09:33

I would lay money that if you send a photo of the card , there will not be a response from Mum.
My two are older now ,but there is no way, no matter what they got that they wouldnt have thanked the sender properly.

If he continues in this vain , she will have her hands full once he is a teenager .

Original poster
Highfivemum · 07/12/2020 09:34

Shocked ...Just got a text from his DM. She knew he sent the note and what it said. She said he was being over dramatic as the jacket is slightly large but fine but he doesn’t like it as it isn’t Nike !!

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 07/12/2020 09:35

I’d have sent a gift receipt, in case.
Regardless of that, it was extremely rude. Assuming no SN, 10 is certainly old enough to be aware of good manners - I’m amazed that anyone thinks this is excusable or to be expected at that age. Makes me wonder whether their own dcs are rude, obnoxious brats.

anon666 · 07/12/2020 09:35

It's rude but he's only 10. Kids don't have great emotional intelligence at that age. He's probably genuinely disappointed and unable to hide it.

It does sound incredibly ungrateful but that's kind of par the course for that generation. He definitely won't intend it to be a big deal - it's just a temper tantrum.

Can imagine it was a bit horrific receiving it - I'd try to see the funny side if I were you. Flowers

ProudAuntie76 · 07/12/2020 09:35

@Highfivemum

Shocked ...Just got a text from his DM. She knew he sent the note and what it said. She said he was being over dramatic as the jacket is slightly large but fine but he doesn’t like it as it isn’t Nike !!
Well, we can see where his rudeness comes from Angry. Disgusting.
MikeUniformMike · 07/12/2020 09:35

Give him a 'goat for africa' for Christmas

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/12/2020 09:36

@Highfivemum

Shocked ...Just got a text from his DM. She knew he sent the note and what it said. She said he was being over dramatic as the jacket is slightly large but fine but he doesn’t like it as it isn’t Nike !!
Post the receipt to them. She can take it back.

Never bother with them again. Your DH can do any present-buying f he thinks it's appropriate.

Lordamighty · 07/12/2020 09:36

Shockingly rude, both parent & child.

Holly60 · 07/12/2020 09:36

To be honest I think way too many adults get caught up in expecting children to prostrate themselves with gratitude at any gift received. I give gifts for the pleasure of giving and the anticipation of the other person’s pleasure. I really don’t need ‘repaying’ with a card. If I see the person using or enjoying their gift that is thanks enough.

To offer an alternative view I understand that people often size up for babies but I don’t think you should have sized up for a 10 year old - it’s like saying ‘here is a lovey jacket YOU CAN’T WEAR’. A year is a long time for a 10 year old to wait before he can wear it. His mum may also not have offered to exchange it for him or wanted to ask you for fear of being rude. In which case he may have been sorely disappointed.

You could have asked his mum what size to get him or put a note in saying you could change for the right size.

Kids don’t do fake, passive aggressive or disingenuous (which I love about them)

I think I would have laughed at the card, and then remorselessly teased him about it in future years when no doubt he will be mortified about it Grin

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