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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to buy gift for rude godson! Who wld u blame

795 replies

Highfivemum · 07/12/2020 08:46

It was my Godson birthday two weeks ago. I bought him a lovely jacket from Next. It was the type I see him wear. I bought him age 11 as even though he isn’t a big child for his age Next in my mind is small fitting and rather bigger than smaller. I ordered online and then wrapped and messaged his mum to say his gift was their porch. I didn’t hear anything. Then this morning I received a card from him. It said “ thank you for the present that didn’t Fit ! I am 10 not 11 OK!!!!!! “
That was it. I was shocked to be honest. Must have read the card over and over again.
His mum has not said anything to me. I could have exchanged it.
His mum must have sent the card though surely. ?? whether she knew wot was written I don’t know.
I have said to my DH I am not buying a Christmas gift. DH said he is a child and not to get wound up. WWYD?

OP posts:

purpleme12 · 07/12/2020 09:00

I can't believe the couple of people of people on here who are saying he's still learning the social complexities! Shocking!
That age is more than old enough to know this is awful behaviour
If I were you OP I would definitely send a photo of the letter to the mum asking if she knows he sent this
And I would think twice about getting him a present again - but then again if I was his mum I would be telling him that you wouldn't get him a present again as well

MatildaTheCat · 07/12/2020 09:00

Dear lord, send her a photo of the message and say you are happy to exchange it. She needs to be aware of that.

Beamur · 07/12/2020 09:00

It's a bit rude. I think the poster who said he's interpreted it as meaning you got the age wrong might have a point. He sounds a bit miffed too.
I'd not take it too personally, contact his mum and ask if it fits or needs changing.
Don't punish him for this, as a godparent lead by example and show him instead how to behave graciously.
Given his age, unless he particularly likes clothes, I wouldn't buy clothing as a gift in future to be honest. Not many kids think it's a great gift and the likelihood of you getting it right once he hits the teen years is slim!

HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 07/12/2020 09:00

It's rude and I'd want to know if my child had written that soon could teach them the correct way to receive a gift.
I'd probably just not go to any trouble from now on unless the mum apologises etc.

frazzledasarock · 07/12/2020 09:01

10 years old is plenty old enough to know what’s rude and what’s not.

The card coupled with the fact he doesn’t normally thank you for gifts I’d stop sending gifts at all.

Itsnotagazebo · 07/12/2020 09:02

I'd asked his mum.
I have to check what my boy writes (similar age) as he is brutally honest and says if he likes something or doesn't. We have to rehearse apt responses.

Then I wouldget him a chocolate Santa and hope it fits into his mouth OK.

FoxyTheFox · 07/12/2020 09:02

But he is still learning, a 10yo isn't "finished" and levels of maturity can vary wildly. It doesn't make what he did right and it doesn't excuse it but its hardly a hanging offence. He needs to have it explained to him why it was rude and he needs to apologise then hopefully thats the lesson learned.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/12/2020 09:02

Do you consider Christmas presents as something they have to earn through the year or as a gift you give because you care about them?

I'd wait for the Mom to reply, as you're his GM I'm assuming you're close to one of his parents but it's possible they had no idea what was in the pile of thank yous he was instructed to put in an envelope.

You say he isn't a big child for his age, do you mean he's average or he's small? Could it have pressed a button that he's had this nice coat that's huge because his GM can't remember how old he is? I know that isn't the case but he doesn't know that so just wondering if there's a sensitive spot here you've inadvertently poked?

unicornparty · 07/12/2020 09:03

I have a 10 yo and no way in hell would he ever write something like that. That's disgusting.

ProudAuntie76 · 07/12/2020 09:03

We always received clothing in the size up as gifts. At 5, I was confused (I wanted to wear the Disney PJs NOW) but my parents explained it to me. By double that age, there is no way that child doesn’t know he is being rude. He should know to behave better than that. Hopefully the mother has no idea and will be mortified. However it’s the kind of thing my BIL and a couple of my friends would send anyway - they think their children’s rude behaviour is hilarious and delight in showing it off for “likes” and laughs.

I’d screenshot and send to your friend as suggested by a pp, say that you would have exchanged it if you’d known there was a problem. And no, I wouldn’t be sending that rude child a gift. I’d be tempted to send a charity gift in his name and make it clear you’ve bought something for a family who will be grateful for what you’ve got them.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 07/12/2020 09:04

That's so rude!! Send a picture of the card to his mum saying you have the receipt if he wants to swap it and see what she says

LightTheFlameThrower · 07/12/2020 09:04

I’d have sent her. picture of the message.

Saying something like “I just wanted to make sure you knew what he had written in the card because it could upset somebody if he has sent others like this”

Clymene · 07/12/2020 09:04

My children have been given some wildly inappropriate gifts over the years but they always say thank you, even if they hate the gift. And one is autistic so social communication doesn't come naturally.

Sounds like a problem with the parents tbh - you have to teach children good manners, they don't come naturally

GlummyMcGlummerson · 07/12/2020 09:05

@TheKeatingFive

He’s only 10. Obviously he didn’t handle it as well as you would have expected an adult to, but I think you should cut him some slack.

My 8yo wouldn't dream of writing like that to someone and if she did I'd be mortified and giving her a short shrift

NataliaOsipova · 07/12/2020 09:05

That’s horrendous. Especially at that age. I think his mum needs to know what he said, to be honest. Just send her a picture of the card as a factual record; no need to comment other than the “didn’t realise it didn’t fit” you’ve sent already.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/12/2020 09:06

I can't wait to find out if his mum read what he wrote before they mailed it. Rude little shit.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 07/12/2020 09:06

Sorry OP just seen you have text his mum - I'm waiting with baited breath about her response bet you anything she defends him

Original poster

Highfivemum · 07/12/2020 09:07

i Have always sat down with my DC and got them to write a thank you card for any gift they receive. Not matter how small a gift or whether it is suitable.
Not saying everyone should but to me it is manners.
I would rather have had no card than the one I received to be honest. !

OP posts:

Whatwouldyourmamado · 07/12/2020 09:07

Yeah he needs to be pulled up. If a child is upset over something then the parent explains that either the pucharser didnt realise and maybe we can exchange it.

Same as getting a double of something.

As his Godparent you need to explain to him how his behaviour is not Christian and we should be thankful for what we have been given and not be rude to our elders or anyone else for that matter when someone is showing kindness. Unless of course the parents had Christening for the party and presents and not to bring their child into the church and raise them as a Christian?

ClaireP20 · 07/12/2020 09:07

It is rude but i'm not sure he meant it to be - my little one (admittedly only 7) would write something like this if I let him I think. His mum never checked the card..which was naive in the extreme...kids often have no filter and it's our job to check and correct them, and explain why some things are very rude.

I'm actually annoyed at his mum - she should have phoned and said thank you. Then you would be able to ignore what he wrote. So actually I wouldn't buy him a gift for Christmas, he won't even notice. And his mum is quite rude x

FourTeaFallOut · 07/12/2020 09:07

I wonder if all his thank you cards were like this? Maybe he took inspiration from Horrid Henry's thank you letters.

He's ten, speak to his Mum. He'll get told off and you can all get past it like people who understand that kids fuck up. And, as an aside, most kids hate clothes for presents.

TheKeatingFive · 07/12/2020 09:08

My 8yo wouldn't dream of writing like that to someone and if she did I'd be mortified and giving her a short shrift

Children learn at different rates 🤷‍♀️

I’ve known very literal 10 year olds who wouldn’t understand why this is rude. They need to be taught, but gently.

I’m with the poster who says the OP should be gracious and lead by example. I’m a bit aghast at how many are proposing stopping all presents, rather than teach him, gently, that his response wasn’t appropriate.

CorianderBlues · 07/12/2020 09:08

I'd be asking what DH thinks he's playing at. If he's not bothered by this, then he's clearly having an affair.

(joke, standard MN response)

purpleme12 · 07/12/2020 09:09

Exactly I'm still just shocked by the people making light of it. My child is younger and if they did this at any age now and older I would certainly be telling her that person wouldn't be getting her a present. It's simply about being appreciative and grateful. But she'd know that

ClaireP20 · 07/12/2020 09:09

@Highfivemum

i Have always sat down with my DC and got them to write a thank you card for any gift they receive. Not matter how small a gift or whether it is suitable. Not saying everyone should but to me it is manners. I would rather have had no card than the one I received to be honest. !

True x

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