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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to buy gift for rude godson! Who wld u blame

795 replies

Highfivemum · 07/12/2020 08:46

It was my Godson birthday two weeks ago. I bought him a lovely jacket from Next. It was the type I see him wear. I bought him age 11 as even though he isn’t a big child for his age Next in my mind is small fitting and rather bigger than smaller. I ordered online and then wrapped and messaged his mum to say his gift was their porch. I didn’t hear anything. Then this morning I received a card from him. It said “ thank you for the present that didn’t Fit ! I am 10 not 11 OK!!!!!! “
That was it. I was shocked to be honest. Must have read the card over and over again.
His mum has not said anything to me. I could have exchanged it.
His mum must have sent the card though surely. ?? whether she knew wot was written I don’t know.
I have said to my DH I am not buying a Christmas gift. DH said he is a child and not to get wound up. WWYD?

OP posts:
saraclara · 08/12/2020 21:25

Don't take him out. Seriously, if he treats you like that, he clearly has no regard for you. Neither of you will enjoy it.

And if there's a comment from him or his mum about the lack of present, tell them why. Who on earth would buy a gift for anyone, adult or child, who had the nerve to be so ungrateful and unpleasant?

MumOfPsuedoAdult · 08/12/2020 21:33

Seriously? Of course it's rude, but HE'S 10 FFS!

The whole "I'm not buying a Christmas gift" makes me wonder who the adult is here.

You're his godmother, have a word with him yourself!!

FortniteBoysMum · 08/12/2020 21:43

It was rude that's for sure. However knowing my own 10 year old son they have no filter. My son would probably react the same to your face but then he has ADHD and asd. It may be that he really liked it and was gutted it was too big so he might need to wait a whole year to wear it. Maybe his mum said he had to say thank you and he was annoyed he can't wear it. I would talk to his mum about it and say you know his 10 but with clothes if it's aged 11 not 11-12its actually classed as 10-11.i worked in children's clothing for years so point out it is the correct age range. Then hopefully she makes him apologise if not then you also have a friend problem.

NiceGerbil · 08/12/2020 21:55

Good luck OP I think you're handling this well.

Things can get extreme on mn but he's only ten and clearly his mum is an arse. So that's what he knows.

You seem like a conscientious person so yes a card is fine, if you're doing cards anyway.

10 is young. The fact his mum read that and said yep send is bonkers.

The mum is maybe not fussed? You were God mum because of the link to her ex via your husband. It's not close is it. She may just want to let it go, really.

Anyway good luck and really don't worry about it. Whatever you do it don't do isn't going to cause family issues or anything so. No big deal.

MusicTeacherSussex · 08/12/2020 22:07

I was once told off and made to rewrite a thankyou card (for a gift I really liked, saying thankyou very much) because I had made such a bad job with my handwriting! She said it looked half assed and rude. I was about ten, and was really embarrassed. I rewrote it in my best handwriting and now have the fear everytime I write a card, (in my 30s) that it's not neat enough!

Dread to think what my mum would have made of what you received 😬

Bikingbear · 08/12/2020 22:23

The mum is maybe not fussed? You were God mum because of the link to her ex via your husband. It's not close is it. She may just want to let it go, really.
It was the DHs who were friends, the mum is now divorced.

I wondered that too if the mum wasn't actually that bothered about the Godparent relationship. The mum is certainly no friend of the OP and sees her as a cash cow.

Sally2791 · 08/12/2020 22:24

Incredibly rude, I would be horrified if my children had written anything like this. Definitely tackle it with him/his parents as he’s not going to have many friends with an attitude like that.

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 08/12/2020 22:48

@RealLifeHotWaterBottle

You need to have a word with his parents. Either they are unaware he sent that card and need to have a discussion with him about it, or they do know and you need to have a discussion with them about being rude idiots.
This, absolutely this
Cherrysoup · 08/12/2020 23:09

Very restrained of you, OP. I would definitely have replied to the Christmas list message with ‘Well, as he was so unhappy with his birthday present, I will no longer be sending gifts. I found his response rude and I am appalled that you were aware of it’. He’s been a rude little git, obviously enabled by his dm!

Mcnotty · 08/12/2020 23:10

@NannyOggsWhiskyStash @RealLifeHotWaterBottle You both clearly haven’t read the thread at all have you past first post? OP already said the boy’s mum knew.

BloggersBlog · 08/12/2020 23:15

Why would they read the thread @Mcnotty? That is for plebs like us. Surely you can see that after 29 PAGES and over 711 posts we are desperate for their unique pearls of wisdom

Grin
copperoliver · 08/12/2020 23:40

@SquirtleSquad love it. X

DeRigueurMortis · 08/12/2020 23:50

I'd argue that part of being a Godparent is to help instil good values.

One of those is being polite.

Yes the mother is at fault, but the child also needs to understand that rudeness has consequences.

At 10 I hardly think it's unreasonable for a typical child to understand that note was rude and if they didn't then it's high time it was pointed out to them.

So I agree no Christmas present and if it's commented upon being direct as to why.

saraclara · 09/12/2020 00:25

Jeeze, people have incredibly low expectations of 10 year olds.

ASD apart, there is NO excuse for a note like that, and the mother knowing about it and thinking nothing of it is grim.

Mamanyt · 09/12/2020 00:53

At 10 years old, both of my sons knew what constituted a decent thank-you note, and wrote them regularly. It is old enough to know what is and is not rude. He was.

I'd be very tempted to get him a very inexpensive, mundane gift, and if it was remarked on, reply, "Well, I learned with his birthday gift that an expensive gift would be just as unappreciated as an inexpensive one. Why waste the money?"

Mamanyt · 09/12/2020 00:53

And for the record, what parent of a child that age doesn't check thank-you notes, just in case?

CandyLeBonBon · 09/12/2020 00:56

@Mamanyt

And for the record, what parent of a child that age doesn't check thank-you notes, just in case?
She knew what was in the note!
TwinklyLightsandBaubles · 09/12/2020 02:38

Hi OP,

I can’t quite believe the rudeness of the card your godson sent you which was actually ‘approved’ by his Mum and she was happy for it to be sent to you. Confused.

I am sure the lack of gift will be commented on.
This is the part where you need to be prepared to stand up for yourself if you do receive some kind of comment about this. Don’t be a walkover. I really would also reconsider taking the godson out for the day. Does he actually say please and thank you when he spends time with you and your children?

Original poster
Highfivemum · 09/12/2020 06:27

To clarify Godson has no special needs. I met the mum as she married my DH best friend at the time. I also knew her DH well as my DH And I met at school.
When he has been out in the past with me and my children he is fine. Initially he can be demanding, he is used to being on his own so doesn’t consider siblings . My DC usually say comments like «no we can’t go there as we have a baby» or «No we have to go home now as X needs a nap». His demanding usually stops quickly and he is pleasant and no trouble. I think it does him good to be down the pecking order of a large family if that makes Sense. My idea is to stop all gifts, but not to stop contact and to still take him out. I may mention my disappointment as to his note depending on if it comes up. If the no gifts comment is made I will be honest but I am not going to be rude to him. My line would be i was disappointed as I had made the effort and I know your love of clothes. Not sure what I will say to the mum though😳

OP posts:
WhyDoYouAsk · 09/12/2020 06:35

I wouldn’t have anything further to do with either of them tbh.
They both sound awful Mother and son.

urkidding · 09/12/2020 06:56

Neither the mother or son like you or is grateful. I think you should ask the mother to return it, so that you can exchange it. But then, get the money back, and stop sending presents to a family who is entitled and concentrate on giving things to charity or sponser a child abroad through Save the Children. There are hundreds of children in the world who need basics.

Els1e · 09/12/2020 06:57

I think you’ve handled this situation well. He is 10 and capable of knowing good manners but it sounds like he has not had much guidance on this from his parents.

Bikingbear · 09/12/2020 07:24

If the mum has the cheek to say anything I think I'd use finances as the reason, "having 6 kids of our own, Christmas is expensive so decided to cut it back on other children (especially those who don't reciprocate)"

BloggersBlog · 09/12/2020 07:26

Tesco have 89p selection boxes atm, I think that would get the point across more than nothing would 😁

And its still far more than she's ever got for your dc

Skipsurvey · 09/12/2020 07:29

I would buy him a gift voucher for christmas but would make it the last present