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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to buy gift for rude godson! Who wld u blame

795 replies

Highfivemum · 07/12/2020 08:46

It was my Godson birthday two weeks ago. I bought him a lovely jacket from Next. It was the type I see him wear. I bought him age 11 as even though he isn’t a big child for his age Next in my mind is small fitting and rather bigger than smaller. I ordered online and then wrapped and messaged his mum to say his gift was their porch. I didn’t hear anything. Then this morning I received a card from him. It said “ thank you for the present that didn’t Fit ! I am 10 not 11 OK!!!!!! “
That was it. I was shocked to be honest. Must have read the card over and over again.
His mum has not said anything to me. I could have exchanged it.
His mum must have sent the card though surely. ?? whether she knew wot was written I don’t know.
I have said to my DH I am not buying a Christmas gift. DH said he is a child and not to get wound up. WWYD?

OP posts:

Fieldofyellowflowers · 08/12/2020 18:44

@Jennylou88

Did you not read about how the boy and his mum have acted since then?

Jennylou88 · 08/12/2020 18:47

@Fieldofyellowflowers oh Jesus! No I hadn't! Okay that changes a few things 🙈🙈

Frazzledstar1 · 08/12/2020 18:53

That is so rude! I would message the mum as hopefully she’s not aware of what he wrote. My 8 year old wouldn’t be that rude (and he’s by no means an angel) so he should know better.

Although I find next clothes big on my DCs, I know completely irrelevant but it intrigued me!

Boysnme · 08/12/2020 18:54

That’s so cheeky! I’m sure when my kids were younger looking at sizes in next and an 11 was the equivalent of an age 10-11, next sizes are also small.

I’d not bother sending the receipt and don’t send any more present (or send one donating money to charity on his behalf).

Can’t get over how rude the mother was too!

sue20 · 08/12/2020 18:55

@SnuggyBuggy

I'm guessing he was made to do the thank you card despite not being happy with the size. Normal reaction from a 10 year but he needed an adult to guide him through the situation.

This. He sounds like he's just had a blazing row and his card is part of a massive sulk. Contact his mother and ask if all is OK. She's likely to be very embarrassed when you tell her what the card says, surely.

Bikingbear · 08/12/2020 18:59

Sue20 read the thread, mother knew before she posted it.

Original poster

Highfivemum · 08/12/2020 19:01

@teagirl27

I never comment on here but have got my password reset and logged on to say even my autistic 10 year old (who incidentally wears at least an age 11, if not 12-13) thinks that his "thank you" was rude

Thank you, appreciate your comment. I sent the receipt back as I said yesterday. To be honest I did hesitate before posting it but I sent it as I wanted to be the bigger person in all this. I will only be sending a card at Christmas and I have bought a Godson card to send him. I have chatted to DH today and I totally get he is only 10 and I totally blame his mum for his actions but I do not wish to slag his mum off and cause a riff with our relationship. There will be a little note in his card wishing him well. I will also say when we are allowed we will all go out for the day together. I am not closing the door on him I am just not prepared to fuel his spoilt attitude. I will take him out with mine as normal but the treats will stop until he learns Manners. I am sure the lack of gift will be commented on.

OP posts:

Scotland32 · 08/12/2020 19:02

I posted before I read the entire thread and agree that the mother is rude and hasn’t taught her son proper manners. However, at that age there is still no excuse for that level of rudeness - he will understand right from wrong (what is rude and what isn’t) based on picking up on social norms at school, from tv etc. (unless he doesn’t attend school or watch any tv!) even if his mother is lacking.
However, the complexities of the issue with his mum and her replies just add an extra, and very sad, dimension to the story and so it’s not black and white.
My inclination would be not to send gifts again, but I do understand why some people don’t agree. No easy answer really. Such a shame.

Lovaduck74 · 08/12/2020 19:02

@Whatafool123

I think there is a good chance his parents have no idea he wrote that and they do need to know. I will now remind DD (11) to write a thank you and it comes back to me sealed for posting. I trust her so don't tend to check (I will now I think!). If they are like me though, they will be blissfully unaware of his rudeness and they need to have a conversation with him. Even if he was offended about the age thing, there is no excuse for that level of rudeness. If you don' say anything, it will sour your relationship with him and his parents will probably pick up on that but not understand why.

But the Mum did know what he had written. And was just as rude back IMHO

Thewarrenerswife · 08/12/2020 19:03

I think you are more gracious than I could be. I might be tempted to buy him a sponsorship for a child in Africa. For everyone saying he’s only 10yrs old, he may not have developed the social skills, maybe now’a the time. His mother clearly won’t be guiding him!

For what it’s worth, you sound like a wonderful Godmother. xx

Chloe1973 · 08/12/2020 19:04

Absolutely unbelievable! Contact his mum and find out what the situation is. I would not spend my hard earned money buying my Godson another gift until he apologised for such rudeness!

ilikemethewayiam · 08/12/2020 19:06

@mbosnz

Isn't it fairly simple 'actions equals consequences'?

Child doesn't like gift. Child is rude in acknowledgement of gift. Child no longer gets gifts. . .

I was about to write along these lines but couldn’t have put it better than @mbosnz!

I would however be very clear about that to his mother so he understands why he won’t be getting anymore ‘gifts’. In fact I would text that going forward the money OP would have sent him will go to child poverty charities where it will be gratefully received.

He will then learn actions have consequences. It’s not a difficult concept for a 10 year to understand. I bloody well did at 10 years old and was so grateful when an adult bought me ANY gift. It didn’t matter what it was! I fully understood NOone owed me anything!

restingbitchface30 · 08/12/2020 19:08

You sound like a very lovely lady. I will not comment too much on godsons mother as she sounds quite awful. You are far nicer than me as I would be closing the door on that relationship after that. Good luck to you though.

Bikingbear · 08/12/2020 19:08

OP you really are far more gracious than I would be. The only day out I'd be taking him would be a visit to the church.

Godparents role is religious guidance....

Aglet · 08/12/2020 19:09

To suggest that a ten year old wouldn't know what was rude is absolutely unbelievable. He is clearly a little shit. However, I probably would have added a note in with gift telling him not to worry if it didn't fit because it could be exchanged. No Xmas gift though.

tallduckandhandsome · 08/12/2020 19:09

I will only be sending a card at Christmas and I have bought a Godson card to send him. I have chatted to DH today and I totally get he is only 10 and I totally blame his mum for his actions but I do not wish to slag his mum off and cause a riff with our relationship. There will be a little note in his card wishing him well. I will also say when we are allowed we will all go out for the day together.

I would watch his behaviour if/when you take him out, if he's rude don't feel obliged to take him out again.

Do you know why they picked you as GM, given it was the men that were friends with each other? The cynical part of me wonders if they thought you would always give presents and take him out.

Dontbeme · 08/12/2020 19:15

will also say when we are allowed we will all go out for the day together

Why? Both mother and son are rude and rightly think you are a doormat OP, you don't need to let them wipe their feet on you again to prove them right.

Plumbuddle · 08/12/2020 19:15

Unfortunately he will not change his ways for at least a decade with a mother as selfish and entitled as this. Her letter to you in explanation for his rudeness just underlines where the problem lies. I can't believe she has given nothing celebratory to you or your kids as a mark of appreciation over the years, even when you had a baby - that is weird.
Remember a godchild is for life, you are there to be a potential lifeline for him ultimately, but as for gifts they are optional. If you carry on giving gifts you will simply get more rudeness as it's hard to know a young man's tastes in the age he is entering, and the demands will become ever more prescriptive over the next few years. That will eat you up. Do treat him when out and about with your kids the way you might treat them, but from now on in forget other gifting. Just send cards and a small celebratory token to mark whatever religion you godparented him in, on that religious occasion, and not birthday and xmas.

Bobbi73 · 08/12/2020 19:16

I have a 10 year old with ADHD. He sometimes misses social cues etc. but would never write something like that. Of course the boy knew it was rude. If I was his mum, I'd be mortified!

whittingtonmum · 08/12/2020 19:26

I'd laugh it off and send him a Xmas gift with a note saying no thank you card required

Harvestsquirrel1 · 08/12/2020 19:31

@Highfivemum

Shocked ...Just got a text from his DM. She knew he sent the note and what it said. She said he was being over dramatic as the jacket is slightly large but fine but he doesn’t like it as it isn’t Nike !!

I would absolutely not give this kid any more gifts. To do so, would reward bad behavior. Take the jacket back to the store and get your money back and buy something nice for yourself.

ExpatAl · 08/12/2020 19:32

It’s rude. Take a pic and send to the mum saying if she sends it back you’ll exchange it and that you were surprised and offended by his message. Don’t be passive - you’ll regret it.

Bikingbear · 08/12/2020 19:35

@ExpatAl

It’s rude. Take a pic and send to the mum saying if she sends it back you’ll exchange it and that you were surprised and offended by his message. Don’t be passive - you’ll regret it.

Read the thread or even the Ops posts.

tallduckandhandsome · 08/12/2020 19:36

I'd laugh it off and send him a Xmas gift with a note saying no thank you card required grin

Do you routinely give gifts to people who don't give anything to your children @whittingtonmum ?

MzHz · 08/12/2020 19:37

I honestly wouldn’t waste any more time or money on these people.

She doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong, her non apology is a joke!

Send cards but leave it there.

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