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Original poster

To ask how my “d” h spent £400 in a strip club

1000 replies

porcelaine · 07/12/2020 01:34

Posting for traffic. Please know that I am obviously naive as I have no idea what really happens in strip clubs and I don’t know what they cost, but H has just told me that his night out ended in a strip club in zone 1 and when I checked the balance there were 2 atm withdrawals for £200 apiece. So he’s spent £400 (we do not have) in a fucking strip club.
Can anyone enlighten me as to what this might buy as he claims it was just ladies dancing on tables in their lingerie which sounds pretty fucking suspect to me. £400.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
InkieNecro · 11/12/2020 16:04

Let him file for divorce online, it will save you £550. It doesn't make a difference to the divorce outcome.

However I think he is waiting for you to beg him to come back so unfortunately won't do it.

Fluffycloudland77 · 11/12/2020 16:09

Oh god I’d tell her no, he sounds an utter nightmare of a husband.

Sandals19 · 11/12/2020 16:16

Tell her you've been trying to make it work for a long time. It's her arsehole of a DS who screws it up and thinks 'trying to make it work' means he does whatever he wants and you put up with it.

I'd be more specific than that; I'd say he's told you she feels sorry for your kids, like him; that maybe his bleeding heart for his kids should have been more evident when he was spending hundreds of the savings for the deposit for their home on private dances and drinks for he and his mates in a strip club that advertised itself as fully nude. And that he says he list a hundred or so through carelessness on the way home too.

funinthesuntime · 11/12/2020 16:19

If he keeps this up he will have you apologising to him soon and begging him to come back! Master manipulator. Don't fall for it.

LolaSmiles · 11/12/2020 16:21

It sounds like he was a little over-confident that he could flounce and you'd come running. When you've not done that he has seen your strength and is panicking because your lack of reaction has removed some of his control.

Personally, I'd tell his mum you appreciate the sentiment, and you're not going to air all your laundry to her, but she needs to accept that her son lost his chance when he chose to spend family money in a strip club, showed no remorse and was subsequently unpleasant and belittling to you.

Sandals19 · 11/12/2020 16:23

In general his fecklessness, rashness, immaturity, irresponsibility, dishonesy etc are rather unattractive.

He's increasingly like a train wreck.

It's hard to believe he has a decent job.

Sandals19 · 11/12/2020 16:26

she needs to accept that her son lost his chance when he chose to spend family money in a strip club, showed no remorse and was subsequently unpleasant and belittling to you.

Sounds like he was being unpleasant and belittling before this mess.

I keep forgetting as well that he's gotten rid of another 400 quid - supposedly as s donation to a shelter - without consulting op at all!!!

I wonder can that actually be verified.

thepeopleversuswork · 11/12/2020 16:27

Well done OP. Stand your ground.

His mum can get to fuck really. He’s made his bed, why should it be on you to sort this shit out.

Then if she puts pressure on you you just need to repeat that you have been trying for months, he’s not kept his side of bargain and you have made your decision. And close her down. You don’t have to justify this to people.

thefourgp · 11/12/2020 16:30

You’ll be so disappointed in yourself if you take him back. Please don’t. He’s not sorry. You’d have a couple of months of pretending to be happy and a lifetime of incidents like this. It’ll be really shit for a while but long term you’ll be happier off without him.

myla1 · 11/12/2020 16:31

Thank god he’s a plane flight away. Let’s hope he stays there.

Getting mummy to call you. What next? I do wonder what the father was / is like for him to have turned out like this.

I’m so glad your sister can see through the bullshit and has your back.

It does make me laugh how strip clubs try and pass under the guise of “gentlemen’s clubs.” Ha! These men are anything but gentlemen - as aptly demonstrated by your DH. They are little boys who stamp shine, play games, stamp their feet and then run home to mummy when adults tire of them.

myla1 · 11/12/2020 16:40

whine not shine!

Anyway OP, now you can focus on your actual children, as opposed to pandering to his man-child shit.

copperoliver · 11/12/2020 16:45

Disgusting what was he doing there in the first place ? X

Sandals19 · 11/12/2020 16:45

then run home to mummy when adults tire of them.

Notable that he's not being put up by the friends who were worth spending some of his family's savings on in the strip club, (hosted their partners who are all just so cool with their exploits). Strange that.

Alann01 · 11/12/2020 16:48

400 quid!!! Must've been been a bloody good dance

LAgeDeRaisin · 11/12/2020 16:48

Still can't believe that he thinks giving away £400 to charity makes it better. It makes it worse; it wasn't okay to spend £400 of your joint money on the sex industry without consulting you, it's also not okay to donate £400 to charity without consulting you.

Where does he get off thinking he has the right to spent large quantities of your money when you are struggling financially without consulting you???! Right before Christmas.... when you have 3 young children?!?!

You could almost take out the sex work, the broken pandemic rules, the minimising, the blatant lying, the manipulation of the children, and the nastiness and he'd still have done something really unforgivably awful. £800 would have paid for a lovely Christmas. What money are you using for Christmas now??

The fact that he spend half of it on sex work, and then was really nasty to you about it for daring to have some feelings which may have dented his very important man pride, is despicable.

He sounds totally delusional.

copperoliver · 11/12/2020 16:55

Ask him to leave, if you separated and only trying again for 3 months, he's not worth your time. X

LAgeDeRaisin · 11/12/2020 17:00

I imagine you feel that you are far away from the wonderful future with a wonderful man that you thought you had planned, but you are actually SO much closer to a wonderful future with a wonderful man now that you have separated from him. If you go back to him, he won't change. You'll get through another few years of turmoil and break up again, or stay and be miserable til the children leave home.

Then you'll be in your 40's. You can't get back the last years you had with him. You can't get back your 20's, but you can get back the rest of your (youthful!) 30's, meet someone new and start a life with someone kind, and fun, and who is silly with the cat. If you live into your 80's you've got 50+ years to be with someone. Make sure it's the right someone.

Once you have met them you will be so glad that you didn't waste any more of your life with this man who isn't kind to you. Kindness is so important. It's the only important thing, really.

Yohoheaveho · 11/12/2020 17:25

Now his mum is saying if he comes back tomorrow, can we try again?
she knows he's dysfunctional/a nightmare to live with and she doesnt want him to be her problem, she wants you to take care of him and soak up all the shit

copperoliver · 11/12/2020 17:44

Yes he'd leave. X

copperoliver · 11/12/2020 18:03

Even his mum don't want him. 🤣🤣. Tell it's okay you don't want him to come back she can keep him. X

AnImposter · 11/12/2020 18:09

A simple 'no thank you' to the mil will do the trick without making you look emotional or whatever he will have pegged you as.

You're doing awesome xx

crosstalk · 11/12/2020 18:13

OP have you been to a solicitor or CAB yet to sort out all the shit? Do you know where you stand financially? Have you talked to your bank and got print outs? Stopped his access or moved your own money out to your own account or set one up? Tell MIL you need to have a covid and sexual check after his behaviour. Which you should do. And advise MIL that both she and her son should have a covid check. As should everyone when he flew to see you.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 11/12/2020 18:16

I would have to be explicit about his behaviour.

"Surely you would feel more sorry for the children if they have to witness their mother being disrespected and gaslighted by their father for any longer than has already happened? Or do you mean you feel sorry for them that money for Christmas will be a bit tight because daddy spent upwards of £200 in a strip club getting private dances from naked women who aren't mummy, lost £100 on his way home and then sent £400 from the family savings on a donation to a shelter that houses women abused and trafficked like the women who danced for him may well be? The relationship is over for the good of the children, it's in their best interests to not live with such unhealthy behaviour. We can now focus on coparenting successfully and put the children first. That's what I am doing and continue to do."

MerchantOfVenom · 11/12/2020 18:24

He treats you with complete disregard and disrespect.

And then punishes you for not rolling over and accepting it?

What a gem.

I really hope, for your sake, that you’re not going to be talked around. You will be in and out of this untenable cycle forever more.

MusicTeacherSussex · 11/12/2020 18:28

@youvegottenminuteslynn

100%

This is absolutely one of the best responses and you word it perfectly.

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