To think people think your a better person because of your job status/money?

[Worriedaboutcovid19]

Just musing really after a discussion with my partner.

I really wonder why money/job title has such an affect on the way people treat you as its so strange when you really think about it.

When you meet someone for first time they ask you what job you do, if you say something 'impressive' like a surgeon/solicitor the person asking instantly looks impressed and the you will get treated with much respect.

I thought thats because you obviously worked extremely hard and must be committed/consistent/have strong work ethics which are valuable skills in society that not everyone has.

However..

The same type of respect/admiration goes to people who are wealthy by luck/inheritance whatever.

Random Example: if your friend has invited another friend to joint you for a meal they may say "my friend 'molly' will be joining us for tea tonight. Her dad's the owner of warburtons bread."

Why is that relevant?!

Its not just socially either. It impacts your experiences in how you navigate the world.

I drive a 20 year old banger, own a house in a shit area and am a black woman. However I am also a professional on a very good salary but I am admittedly frugal and not bothered about big houses/cars. Not because I am moral, but because I prefer to waste my cash elsewhere (makeup, clothes and holidays tbh).

I've had several incidents when I've had to deal with professionals whilst wearing a tracksuit on a scruffy lazy day.

Incidents:

1. Getting rushed into hospital due to illness. The staff were kind of dismissive of me until my job title came up. Then suddenly when they realised I was quite a high up professional, the attitude completely changes and I have such good care. Then when admitted to a ward the doctor comes in with "ooh it says on your notes you do XYZ?" As if to say "your one of us, let's be friendly".

1. Again in a scruffy tracksuit and driving my banger car through a rough estate. I get into a car accident (other drivers fault completely).

The police show up. Treat me with utter disdain and suspicion. Ask where I was heading. So I tell them I was on my way home to get dressed to go to work after staying at a friend's. Police ask me where I work in a very abrupt manner. I tell them and suddenly I'm treated so well, asked how I am, comment on how hard my job must be and lots of banter/polite chit chat.

I was obviously prejudged. But prejudged as what? Not worthy of respect as I may be poor? Not a valuable person as I may work in an unskilled job or be unemployed?

These are just 2 incidents that stand out in a long chain.

I've also noticed I get the best treatment from my GP's. If I cant get an appointment they will email me to see if I would like one the next day which isn't typical protocol. They refer me instantly to other services if needed without being dismissive, ask me how the jobs going etc. Yet I know of 2 other people in low paid jobs in retail who have polar opposite experiences with the same surgery.

So I ask mumsnet why do you think this is?
Why do people value others based on job status and money?

There are people in my profession who are awful people as with any other job. There are people who work as a part time waitress/waiter who are lovely people.

Job and money literally have no bearing on how moral a human is. Its basic logic. Yet society still treat strangers better if they drive a range rover and live in a 5 bed house. Why? Putting them on a pedal stool won't suddenly make you rich too or give you the job/house they have.

Why is society like this?

@CuriousSeal

I don't think that people perceive others with traditionally respected careers as 'better' but perhaps have more respect for them? Everyone deserves to be treated with a basic level of respect, but naturally people will have more respect for people in high status careers because they've worked hard to achieve the qualifications required for their chosen career. Deep down, I think it's partly because higher earners and people in low paid but respectable jobs (such as nurses) are seen to be contributing more to the economy and/or society. Even a wealthy person that hasn't earned their lifestyle is respected because others assume that they will be spending money and contributing to the economy in this way.

It might not be fair that a van driver is often treated with less respect that a doctor, but I think this is what it comes down to. My dad is a van driver by the way - so I really don't mean any offense! I wouldn't say that he is automatically perceived as being less moral though.

Except the real issue is that a lot of people aren't even treated with basic respect, unless they somehow manage to prove they're "worth " it.

The sliding scale makes the "basic respect " completely arbitrary and subjective.

I had a similar experience in the dentist. Usually I'm very formally dressed. I'm WFH currently and took my child in to see the dentist. I was spoken down to in the most apauling manner, my queries were met with generalisations. It life I'm afraid!

Also, as a single woman past a certain age i feel that lowers my status believe it or not. A lot of married women dont realise that half of their "standing" is from being one half of a couple.

Go solo and you see that some stupid people look down on single women. Even women!! Ive a cousin, gives me the silent treatment while love bombing all our other cousins. She has a less internal locus of validation than i do.

I work in retail. I'm also a student teacher. When people ask me what I do, I tell them that exact sentence as I'm proud of the two and work just as hard in both.

I don't like it when people put down my retail job or find out about me being at uni and say things like, 'Oh, you'll soon be out of there then.' I tell them that I hope to keep it on part-time when I go into teaching as I like my colleagues and I like the job! There's a lot more to retail than people think. We have to know about law for trading standards, maths for working out percentages/refunds and literacy for stocktaking/admin work. There's also a lot of online learning so digital literacy is needed too. The job has opened my eyes. I never realised how much was involved. It's certainly not the easy option at all. I wish the 'put downers' knew what goes on behind the scenes.

Sounds like you really enjoy retail

Why are people always assessing others perceived worth? 😥

Sadly i dont think it will ever be amy different. I was reading something about exclusion and and aldult bullying and adults still value friends "with resources" more highly than friends without resources. Depressing really. I value generosity. But im pushing water uphill. Most people (no statistic) value resources.

Well this thread has got me very frustrated!!

Everyone should be given 10/10 respect and decency whether or on benefits and never worked or a top chief exec. Then the respect should only go down if they prove you otherwise by being rude/nasty/unkind.

On the note of needing snap judgements for survival, that only applies in context? So if your walking alone at 2am through a park known for crime and someone in a hoodie faster approaches you from behind, then you make a snap judgement they could be a threat/dodgy.
But if you meet someone in tesco looking scruffy then you treat them with the same respect of someone in a suit?

@Worriedaboutcovid19 I totally agree and that is how I try to treat people. It is probably why I have a hugely diverse range of friends.

@Worriedaboutcovid19

Well this thread has got me very frustrated!!

Everyone should be given 10/10 respect and decency whether or on benefits and never worked or a top chief exec. Then the respect should only go down if they prove you otherwise by being rude/nasty/unkind.

On the note of needing snap judgements for survival, that only applies in context? So if your walking alone at 2am through a park known for crime and someone in a hoodie faster approaches you from behind, then you make a snap judgement they could be a threat/dodgy.
But if you meet someone in tesco looking scruffy then you treat them with the same respect of someone in a suit?

Very few people think everyone is worthy of 10/10 respect. You've seen it on this thread.. sliding scales,pointless "basic respect" comments, intelligence,need to make a snap judgement for safety etc. All bullshit designed to cover the fact that they don't deem all people worthy of the same respect, and they don't want to either. Otherwise they wouldn't try so hard to justify it.

Well I agree! I think.

I guess if anything I judge people on their receptiveness to a genuine connection (with me) so if i meet somebody who is operating out of their mask, only nice to those who can validate them, i feel superior /annoyed, which i know is bad as well.

I am a single woman in a very ordinary job in a very ordinary job and im 50. Perhaps this is why im working so hard on my internal sense of self worth. Because aint nobody going to be validating me.

I get annoyed at work when we are encouraged to give a faster service to the higher grades. We dont see these people. They could be ugly, fat, short, but if their grade is high their request will be dealt with quicker. But a part of that is a fear of complaints.

I've experienced a lot of people "underestimating" me at face value.

I'm a 35 year old blonde. I'm also a Head Of Marketing for a national company. I often get people expecting me to do something very different based on first impressions.

Much of this i experienced in my old industry which was VERY male dominated. They really couldn't figure me out a lot of the time, which was always amusing.

I used to get it from a lot of the wives at dinners and awards evenings too. They thought I was the wife of someone in the company

This was based more on general sexism though than anything else. Although I have experienced being treated very differently socially as soon as someone is told what I do for a living.

If you're young and attractive and surpass people's expectations now, prepare again to be underestimated at 50+ in a way that is harder to overcome. They dont notice when you prove yourself!

I find now that i get comments like "having that kind of day are you?" If i so much as drop a pencil.

Some people want to put me in the doddery old lady box, already.

Luckily thanks to mumsnet i dont make it easy for them. My reply to "having that kind of day are you?" was a cheerful "like you most of last week!"

Im not spiky honestly, just aware that you can lose control of your narrative at work.

@WiseOwlWan

If you're young and attractive and surpass people's expectations now, prepare again to be underestimated at 50+ in a way that is harder to overcome. They dont notice when you prove yourself!

I find now that i get comments like "having that kind of day are you?" If i so much as drop a pencil.

Some people want to put me in the doddery old lady box, already.

Luckily thanks to mumsnet i dont make it easy for them. My reply to "having that kind of day are you?" was a cheerful "like you most of last week!"

I'm the "why" dick.

It's hilarious seeing people try to explain their twattery without looking like a twat.

"But why?"

I agree there is likely to be an older age issue for women too although I tend to be in charge or people are paying me and probably at height of legal career in 50s etc so not happened yet.

When I was dating men in my 40s I would often look at how they treated junior people by the way and people who "don't matter" to assess if they were good people nor not. It is how people treat those they have nothing to gain from pleasing that shows whether they really respect everyone or not (which is the true Catholic/Christian and indeed human value it is good if people can have or adopt).

I've noticed this . Not only in Institutional life.. There are certain types of people that seem to be impressed by money or 'posh things' for whatever reason. Someone really pished me off recently by saying that were 'impressed' I went to an Opera.

This type of person I call 'reaching' they want to surround themselves in, what they perceive to be class or wealth in the hope they would somehow catch it.

In my dealings with police, hospitals etc I’ve never had to disclose my occupation or education (unless there’s a form to complete that asks).

Yes, i have been noticing recently a few women who divide others in to two categories 1) those i look up to whose friendship will validate me and 2) those beneath me who help me feel superior. They have two completely different personalities which they switch on and off.

I only notice this really when somebody is disdainful to me and yet blowing hot air up the right people's arses

@xenia i have the same personality for everybody and what i gain from that is that i dont feel like a shallow fake obsequious creep. Isnt it weird how the people who suck up to those with status and kick down at those without status, do they not see what they're doing?? Or is it below their veil of consciousness. They are either just thinking "like me like me" or "peasant, thank god im superior to you" without analysing what is going on in their head!

I'm a senior systems director for a global firm. My salary is well in excess of six figures.

When I meet somebody I don't know and they ask what I do, I say I'm an analyst, which is close enough to the truth.

So many interesting points raised on this thread. I am of Indian heritage and work as a professional and because I speak in a certain way (assisted place to an independent school), then Oxbridge there is always the assumption my parents must have been doctors - they weren't. They did manual work and faced a lot of racism.

I definitely get treated differently when I mention my job - I get remarks like "you must be really clever" so I often brush over it as I want to be treated as myself. It's also not a reflection of my values - its a reflection of what I could get funding to study 20 years ago and also that I don't have family money/ a husband to support me to retrain and as a lone working parent I can't afford to change career. My professional career has served me well in that I can pay my bills but it's not who I am. I hear that a lot from other BAME women in my profession. There is also a common thread that they have learnt to speak RP to be accepted and heard.

Sadly even in 2020 there is so much racism, and also classism.

@Xenia

I agree there is likely to be an older age issue for women too although I tend to be in charge or people are paying me and probably at height of legal career in 50s etc so not happened yet.

When I was dating men in my 40s I would often look at how they treated junior people by the way and people who "don't matter" to assess if they were good people nor not. It is how people treat those they have nothing to gain from pleasing that shows whether they really respect everyone or not (which is the true Catholic/Christian and indeed human value it is good if people can have or adopt).

100 % this - It is how people treat those they have nothing to gain from pleasing that shows whether they really respect everyone or not

I see this so much in my daily life and it really does make me reassess the people around me -

I guess in the same way as Olympic athletes are respected for their achievements and hard work, so are people with impressive careers. I don't think that there is anything wrong with this though.

I think the fact that some people with more ordinary jobs are judged negatively or treated badly is a seperate issue. It's really unfair that people are judged on their age, race, gender or appearance.

@WiseOwlWan

Well I agree! I think.

I guess if anything I judge people on their receptiveness to a genuine connection (with me) so if i meet somebody who is operating out of their mask, only nice to those who can validate them, i feel superior /annoyed, which i know is bad as well.

I am a single woman in a very ordinary job in a very ordinary job and im 50. Perhaps this is why im working so hard on my internal sense of self worth. Because aint nobody going to be validating me.

I get annoyed at work when we are encouraged to give a faster service to the higher grades. We dont see these people. They could be ugly, fat, short, but if their grade is high their request will be dealt with quicker. But a part of that is a fear of complaints.

I am confused - would you plan to give them worse service if they were ugly/fat /short?

And also @WiseOwlWan surely there is a good reason why you would probably give people on higher grades faster service? I am pretty senior at work and if I need something done it is normally a v high priority for the organisation and so that would be the reason it was prioritised...

Interesting. On reading your OP title I was going to say definitely not. Or at least I don't think that way. But reading your examples I can definitely see that happening . It's not so much people thinking a person is better because they are moneyed or in a high earning profession , but the other way round that there is prejudice if someone looks poor and scruffy .