Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She's so beautiful

231 replies

Goldenhind · 06/12/2020 00:53

Sitting watching Strictly tonight & when Amy comes on my husband says "she's so beautiful"
I appreciate she is beautiful but what really pisses me off is that he very, very rarely gives me verbal compliments.
I said nothing but thought "why do you need to say that"? I see many gorgeous men when we are watching TV but I might think a guy is lovely but don't say it out loud out of respect for my husband...I'm quite distracted & irrationally upset now.
I've got a feeling I'm being a bit ridiculous here but would be interested to hear others thoughts...

OP posts:
CrotchBurn · 06/12/2020 01:02

You're going to get slammed by the cool girl brigade here.

But I think if your husband never compliments you then his comment is designed to be demeaning.

YANBU

grassisjeweled · 06/12/2020 01:08

Amy Dowden?

Wearywithteens · 06/12/2020 01:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

FallingStar21 · 06/12/2020 01:21

Similar happened with me and ex. Friend of his was talking to us, describing some female acquaintance. Cue ex asking "is she married?" in a jokey way, making it clear she's his type. Then quickly turns to me and starts paying me compliments, obviously trying to ensure I hadn't taken offence. Pissed me right off, cringy and embarrassing.

NotPrude · 06/12/2020 01:22

That would upset me too if he never complimented me. Sometimes when we’re watching TV and a hot girl comes on, DH does say she’s hot, but he compliments me too so it doesn’t bother me. But I know if he never said anything to me but then said that in front of me, then no...I would be peed!

NotPrude · 06/12/2020 01:23

@CrotchBurn

I wouldn’t agree that it’s designed to be demeaning...I would say more thoughtless and disrespectful.

Sherin18 · 06/12/2020 01:25

YANBU that would annoy me too

hananasa · 06/12/2020 01:34

YANBU

FlyingByTheSeatof · 06/12/2020 01:39

YANBU

ShirleyShirleyShirley · 06/12/2020 01:43

I don’t know who that is but I told DH off the other day for this. He complimented a woman on tv. Normally I wouldn’t care, but I reminded him that saying that in front of his exhausted wife who recently given birth was not wise!!!

On another note, DH doesn’t compliment me much, his best is ‘you look fine’ ( I once had a ‘you’ll do’) but when I asked him about it, he said ‘you don’t compliment me’ and I realised that I don’t compliment him much (looks-wise, not achievements, we support on achievements etc). I will tell him if something really suits him but I never just randomly compliment his appearance and that really made me get over it.

Blondiney · 06/12/2020 01:52

YANBU

Ifigotherewillbedouble · 06/12/2020 01:56

Is he saying it to wind you up? I’m wondering if there’s a bigger story here or you wouldn’t be feeling so upset by this

Viviennethebeautiful · 06/12/2020 01:57

She is though

Pyewhacket · 06/12/2020 01:58

Wouldn't bother me, got other things to worry about at the moment.

Defenbaker · 06/12/2020 01:59

OP, my DH makes similar comments whenever Amy appears on screen, and I agree with him, because she is stunning. She's so attractive that if I were a lesbian I'm sure I'd fancy her! Grin

It doesn't bother me but that's probably because our relationship is solid, he's never strayed and he does still compliment me at times, even after being married many years. I turn the tables on him though, when the gorgeous Giovanni appears [sigh]! Smile I comment on how handsome he is, and what a nice physique he has, then it's time for DH to roll his eyes! Grin

Nothing wrong with admiring beauty in either sex, but if your DH never pays you compliments, I can see why his comments about another woman would be hurtful. Perhaps he's just being insensitive, and doesn't realise how unappreciated he is making you feel. Have a chat with him, when you're in the right frame of mind to put across how this makes you feel. Hopefully he'll reassure you, but if he doesn't care enough to try, that would be a concern to me.

1forAll74 · 06/12/2020 01:59

If you see someone who is beautiful, or someone you consider as handsome, there should be no problem mentioning it, even if you have a partner. Its downright silly to get uptight about such things.

tolerable · 06/12/2020 02:25

id assume he wouldni have married a munter

Stompythedinosaur · 06/12/2020 02:31

If it upsets you, then it is a dick move for him to continue to do it.

I dont think there is anything expressly disrespectful to your partner in complimenting someone else, but every relationship has different boundaries.

Cottagepieandpeas · 06/12/2020 02:39

My ex made a similar remark about a stranger in a restaurant years ago.
He rarely complimented me and it caused lots of problems. I think if you’re secure and confident about how someone feels about you it probably goes over your head, if not....more difficult.

pnutter · 06/12/2020 03:44

She is really beautiful. With her I don't even feel envy, she's just a lovely beautiful person. Maybe he meant this?

GroundAlmonds · 06/12/2020 03:55

I see many gorgeous men when we are watching TV but I might think a guy is lovely but don't say it out loud out of respect for my husband...

Start. Enthusiastically & often.

katy1213 · 06/12/2020 04:01

Just googled her out of curiosity as I'd never heard of her. She looks rather ordinary to me - certainly not beautiful - but she'd be much improved if she washed that orange stuff off her face.

CuppaZa · 06/12/2020 04:05

@katy1213, I did too, and I have to say I agree with you. (Misses point of thread entirely)

wildraisins · 06/12/2020 04:46

I think if your husband said something that upset you then you should try to talk to him about it. It's OK to be upset by something like that, especially if he is not giving you those kinds of complements.

It doesn't have to be an attack on him (he probably didn't even realise it would upset you at all) but just sensitively say it to him.

You could try "You know the other night when you said that woman on TV was beautiful? That made me feel a bit sad as your wife because I haven't heard you say that to me for a while. I feel like I am less attractive to you now and I've been feeling that way for a while."

See how he responds. He'll either be surprised and apologetic or defensive.

If he's defensive just try to help him understand you're not criticising him, but you do feel sad that he doesn't say that to you. The point is you have to show your vulnerability and say how you really feel - don't just be angry as he'll probably close right off at that and feel criticised. If you look at it on the surface it's only someone on TV after all. Tell him what's really going on for you.

wildraisins · 06/12/2020 04:53

(Further to my above comment)...

The thing you don't want to come out of this is that he feels resentful/ controlled - "I can't say anything - now I just have to never say anything about another woman because my wife will freak out"

It's not about trying to control him, it's about helping him realise that you need compliments and you need to feel beautiful and appreciated by your partner (as does everyone!)

If he really loves you then he will realise how he's stopped saying those things to you and needs to make sure he does ALSO compliment you, at the very least!

Try to focus on your needs, rather than focussing on what happened with the comment about the woman on TV.

Swipe left for the next trending thread