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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She's so beautiful

231 replies

Goldenhind · 06/12/2020 00:53

Sitting watching Strictly tonight & when Amy comes on my husband says "she's so beautiful"
I appreciate she is beautiful but what really pisses me off is that he very, very rarely gives me verbal compliments.
I said nothing but thought "why do you need to say that"? I see many gorgeous men when we are watching TV but I might think a guy is lovely but don't say it out loud out of respect for my husband...I'm quite distracted & irrationally upset now.
I've got a feeling I'm being a bit ridiculous here but would be interested to hear others thoughts...

OP posts:
EggBobbin · 06/12/2020 07:05

I point out to my DH that his crush Diane is unlikely to throw it all away for a man fifteen years older than her with 3 kids and curry on his T shirt: The chances of Giovanni sleeping with me if I were to meet him, however... seem a bit higher?!

DH’s second Strictly dream is to go for a pint of ale with Anton at an old man golf club type venue and get him to bitch about everyone Grin

CloudyVanilla · 06/12/2020 07:17

That's horrid. My dp always tells me I'm beautiful and never directly comments on other women because he knows it could make me feel bad.

I'm not saying he has to pretend he only has eyes for me, but he never makes me feel less beautiful and he would never see a random woman on the tv (or anyone else) and comment. It's disrespectful to me and depending on context could be disrespectful to her.

I met my dp young and he is my first real relationship but before him I was casually seeing a guy/FWB. I remember being round his and watching some inane weekend daytime tv and a woman came on. He exclaimed SHE'S SO FIT. It was genuinely a big turn off to me. In reality looking back I think he was "negging" me which is horrible

pilates · 06/12/2020 07:18

They are all made to look beautiful, professional hairstylists and makeup artists do wonders. For example, Oti looks stunning on Strictly but when you see her at rehearsals you wouldn’t look twice. Her legs are amazing though Xmas Envy

WokesFromHome · 06/12/2020 07:25

It wouldn't bother me as a) she is very beautiful and it is enhanced by the fact that she is very sweet and sensitive and b) I've had a million compliments myself over the years and I'm not greedy Wink

PurpleFlower1983 · 06/12/2020 07:26

My ex used to do this and I knew it was specifically to wind me up. Now my husband I and comment on both men and women together, it’s usually me who pics out a beautiful woman and he will say - look at that handsome bastard! Or similar. It’s an entirely different dynamic. We compliment each other every day though.

I do think Amy Dowden is stunning though, it’s her constant smile that helps too.

Oreservoir · 06/12/2020 07:30

I googled Amy too.
V. attractive, not beautiful imo.

I was once on a break in Malta with a female friend. We caught a bus one day and a man about 23 was sat at the front. He was the most beautiful man either of us had ever seen. Not in a sexy way, it was as if Michelangelo had carved his face.
We agreed afterwards that the poor man must have spent his life being stared at.

Anyway, I digress, tell you dh that if he's prepared to spend about £200 a month on your hair, teeth, nails and make up and not forgetting the lighting in your living room you'll soon look the same.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 06/12/2020 07:35

Its irrelevant if it upsets other people. Personally I wouldn't care if he said someone was beautiful but it's not very kind .
I'd be more concerned that he either doesn't know how this would affect op after X years orlf marriage- shows lack of emotional intelligence or he knows and just doesn't care .
And as for not complimenting you ever, that's just mean.

Bluntness100 · 06/12/2020 07:36

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I really don’t understand why folks think there views on her beauty is relevant to the thread. The op isn’t posting so folks can discuss this woman’s beauty. The point is her husband thinks she is.

Strangedayindeed · 06/12/2020 07:38

How is your relationship otherwise? Theoretically in a secure relationship this shouldn’t matter, but if he never complements you it would be hurtful to hear.

daisypond · 06/12/2020 07:53

YABU. Your DH thinks this Amy, whoever she is, is beautiful and said so. So what? He’s just expressing an opinion, just like he might about sport or the news etc. Is he not allowed to mention his opinions about those as well? I frequently comment on people on TV who I think are beautiful. So does my DH. I think it’s quite a normal thing to do. I am not beautiful, but I can appreciate beauty. I really don’t understand why you need your DH to tell you you are beautiful. Maybe you are, maybe you aren’t. But why does it matter? Beauty is not something you have any control over. One of my DC is extremely beautiful. I used to tell her so until she asked me not to - because her beauty is nothing to do with her; it is not an achievement or a mark of character or personality.

Taikoo · 06/12/2020 07:55
Confused Had to google her. I was expecting Christy Turlington (from the 1990s) or Liza Soberano (actress, google her, oh my god, imagine looking like that) and indeed this Amy one holds a candle to neither of those. Beautiful? No. Pretty. Ok.

I agree that some of you have husbands who are nobs though and I do feel very sorry for you on that account.
Having a partner who's a dick is hard.

Sceptre86 · 06/12/2020 07:57

She is lovely in the face and all her partners say that she is the nicest person. Tbh I wouldn't mind because dh does compliment me and vice versa. He gets a bit prickly when Jason Momoa comes on screen and I might close his mouth when an ad with Charlise Theron comes on screen. There is nothing wrong with appreciating beauty when it is so far away ie. on screen, if we were in a restaurant and he said that about a fellow guest I would probably be annoyed.

Poppingnostopping · 06/12/2020 08:03

I always think Amy is all about the personality, she's very bubbly and vivacious and approachable, I think, she's not a classic beauty but just very ordinarily attractive and by all accounts a lovely person.

That's irrelevant though, your husband doesn't make you feel beautiful. This sounds like a love languages mismatch- you'd like some verbal reassurance, he's all about buying stuff for you and forgets to mention anything else.

It wouldn't bother me if my husband said Amt was beautiful, we talk about how gorgeous Oti is all the time, and which of the guys is the hottest! But I do think it makes a difference if you feel secure in your own relationship, I know I'm not as young and as 'hot' as Amy but my husband feels lucky to have me so it's a different conversation.

I'd tell him- oy, how come you never say nice things about my appearance, how about some nice compliments coming my way? Read about the love languages as well, you rarely find someone who expresses their love in all 5 ways!

BuggerationFlavouredCrisps · 06/12/2020 08:10

OP, you sound quite vain and needy.
I think you should be grateful he’s willing to sit and watch Strictly with you because there’s no chance I’d sit and watch it. It’s dire. Shock

Iamtooknackeredtorun · 06/12/2020 08:17

Even if only done to make the OP feel better can we stop with Googling Amy and then saying she's not that nice? This thread is about a whole different issue and it's just unnecessary for you to comment on whether you think she's beautiful or not.

picklemewalnuts · 06/12/2020 08:17

It's interesting people feel like that about Amy. Refreshing really- she's not one of the 'obvious' dancers. She's not one that I would have expected people to gush about, I guess she has a girl next door quality.

Oti makes my jaw drop, and the guy who looks like a pirate. Christina was one of my faves, and I miss Brendon.

They are all pretty stunning, though.

RaspberryCoulis · 06/12/2020 08:18

Ah, Amy's lovely! DD met her last year when they were on the tour, there was a group of them who stood outside the hotel in the rain to meet all the pros and Amy was one of her favourites. So nice, so smiley, so much time for them all. And she got photos of her wearing no make up and yes she's lovely. Clear skin, shiny eyes, pretty features.

It's not disrespectful to say that about her though, the issue isn't Amy or anyone else it's that you're feeling a bit insecure.

BlueCatRedCat · 06/12/2020 08:21

@Bluntness100

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I really don’t understand why folks think there views on her beauty is relevant to the thread. The op isn’t posting so folks can discuss this woman’s beauty. The point is her husband thinks she is.
This with bloody bells and whistles on!

Please leave Amy Dowden alone. She is on Strictly because she is a highly skilled professional dancer and teacher, not for her looks.

To all the people being snide about her looks, her lovely personality radiates from her smile and eyes, and that lasts a lot longer than a superficial spray tan. She also suffers from Crohn's disease, so to do what she does with that smile on her face, when she must be in a lot of pain some days, makes her amazing.

TatianaBis · 06/12/2020 08:22

I’ve no idea who Amy is but I suppose you could try commenting on how slim and fit some men are and see if he takes the hint.

TatianaBis · 06/12/2020 08:24

Have googled: she seems very normal looking to me.

LemonTT · 06/12/2020 08:24

If it bothered me I would say something and he would listen.

I’m really not bothered by a man who compliments women. I get that socialisation means they focus on their beauty. But that is easy enough to challenge and point out. Which I would do for any man in any situation. Definitely for husband or partner.

It’s the men who are derogatory about women who I steer clear of. Whether it’s picking fault in beauty or brains.

TatianaBis · 06/12/2020 08:25

@EggBobbin

I point out to my DH that his crush Diane is unlikely to throw it all away for a man fifteen years older than her with 3 kids and curry on his T shirt: The chances of Giovanni sleeping with me if I were to meet him, however... seem a bit higher?!

DH’s second Strictly dream is to go for a pint of ale with Anton at an old man golf club type venue and get him to bitch about everyone Grin

😂
Sammysquiz · 06/12/2020 08:26

FFS, why are people commenting on what Amy looks like? It’s totally irrelevant. The OP’s DP thinks she’s beautiful and said so out loud in front of his partner, whether or not you agree with him is really not the point of the thread.

So let’s try and discuss the actual issue without criticising someone’s looks.

Poppingnostopping · 06/12/2020 08:27

Please leave Amy Dowden alone. She is on Strictly because she is a highly skilled professional dancer and teacher, not for her looks

You honestly think looks are irrelevant to professional dancers? That they do the spray tan, have their teeth fixed, undoubtedly have cosmetic enhancements and so forth for no reason at all.

Dancing is an aesthetic sport and their looks are absolutely part of it!

yetanothernamitynamechange · 06/12/2020 08:29

@Iamtooknackeredtorun

Even if only done to make the OP feel better can we stop with Googling Amy and then saying she's not that nice? This thread is about a whole different issue and it's just unnecessary for you to comment on whether you think she's beautiful or not.
I agree. I think it is an instinctive thing if someone is upset that their partner considers someone else attractive to say "oh her? Shes not pretty/wears too much makeup etc etc" (particularly with friends) but it completely misses the point and doesnt help at all (other than dragging another woman down who has nothing to do with any of this). The point is the OP is not jealous of the woman on strictly. She is hurt because her husband never compliments her but instead compliments other women in front of her. OP, in the context you describe this wouyld hurt me too. I think the issue to focus on is that your husband never compliments you/makes you feel attractive since that is likely to be the thing actually upsetting you. His comment about Amy was just a catalyst to bring those feelings to the surface.