She's so beautiful

[Goldenhind]

Sitting watching Strictly tonight & when Amy comes on my husband says "she's so beautiful"
I appreciate she is beautiful but what really pisses me off is that he very, very rarely gives me verbal compliments.
I said nothing but thought "why do you need to say that"? I see many gorgeous men when we are watching TV but I might think a guy is lovely but don't say it out loud out of respect for my husband...I'm quite distracted & irrationally upset now.
I've got a feeling I'm being a bit ridiculous here but would be interested to hear others thoughts...

I've just googled her. I was expecting someone really beautiful. She not that stunning. He needs to get out more!

Yes, I also had to google her. She’s nice looking, but I don’t think she’s breathtaking beautiful.
For your husband to comment like this is a bit thoughtless, I’d tell him.

I think YABU. You can comment on and find someone attractive without it meaning anything or wanting to run off and have an affair. I always comment on Paul Hollywood blokes ok tv. It doesn't mean I don't love or fancy my other half.

I had to google- she looks very fresh faced, definitely had Botox and veneers (or teeth bleach), fake tan, good beauty routine and obviously very fit and healthy. You’d probably look as beautiful if you did all that too.

@Goldenhind Did he ever give you compliments, e.g. at the start of your relationship? When did this tail off?

If he stopped saying nice things when you put on weight and/or your appearance changed (e.g. when you gave birth if you're a mum) then feeling insecure and upset is a logical reaction.

Both of you should be able to comment on other people's looks without feeling threatened, but first, you both have to be in a position where you feel secure about the way the other person sees you. It sounds as if you need some reassurance.

rainkeepsfallingdown

Yes he gave me compliments at the beginning but men seem to think once said, a compliment last for ever and don't have a shelf life of 24 hours!

He tells me he loves me, is affectionate and randomly bought me flowers and chocolates yesterday. Thing is I get lots of compliments from others on my appearance but don't get why he's reluctant to be more vocal. I give him plenty of compliments on his handsomeness and abilities (and never comment on the fact that he is a good 2 stone overweight whereas I'm at the gym almost daily).

I know if I mention it to him he will get defensive and tell me I'm overthinking. Maybe I do need to let this drop but I'm not good at that.

"She's so beautiful"...that is just one person's opinion based on what his idea of beauty is.I agree with him, so many here disagree.Can't see an issue either way!!

Can't SEE an issue

Very generic looking lady honestly standards of beauty for some women astound me!

I think this is a level of insecurity and jealousy that’s concerning. I couldn’t give a shit if my husband said something like that, but I’m not insecure in my relationship.

The question is why you need compliments from him, is it something wrong with your relationship that he needs to say it repeatedly and you can’t tell from his actions, or something in yourself.

The bottom line is you can stop him saying it. You can’t stop him thinking it.

I don't know how he even noticed Amy, Johannes and Giovanni were utterly mesmerising last night.

I'd be really annoyed if my DH did this. There's just no need!

There is no need i guess
I sometimes say it though. Man OR woman. If they are super beautiful i say it to my husband. And he on his turn sometimes does it. But it is not often.

But i am sensing the real problem is not him saying that... the problem is he never says it to you. Talk to him op

I have just googled her, never heard of her (I don’t watch much television)

She isn’t beautiful neither is she pretty, she’s an average looking woman. I don’t understand why you are so upset by your DH comment, it just goes to show he doesn’t know the definition of the word “beautiful”

So in answer to your question, YABU

@katy1213

Just googled her out of curiosity as I'd never heard of her. She looks rather ordinary to me - certainly not beautiful - but she'd be much improved if she washed that orange stuff off her face.

I am glad someone agrees with me!

Nah, no big deal to get bent out of shape over, it's TV ffs, that is of course unless you don't feel secure in your relationship, in which you likely have bigger problems.

FGS, he made one comment about her looks. I think you have to be incredibly insecure for this to bother you so much. And this chorus about his comment being disrespectful is nonsense. He didn’t say he wanted to shag the woman. Really, OP, you need to work on your self esteem rather than policing innocuous comments made by your DH.

I don't think commenting on the opposite sex is necessarily a bad thing but if he doesn't compliment you I see why you might be pissed. However I would certainly comment on other men & his weight gain.

That’s odd as I found myself thinking I’m so glad they have a couple of UK professionals this year - it has felt for a while like the UK dancers aren’t “good” enough. But I see Amy and think she is really plain and ordinary (although seems lovely).

Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder

A Vera he looking woman?! She’s a professional dancer with a full make up and wardrobe dept! You guys must look gorgeous!

My DH fancies Diane and I’m all about the lovely smiley Aljasz... we do both compliment eachother regularly too.

*average

I think it's a fair comment- Amy is beautiful. But I would be telling you DH that you were upset because he doesn't compliment you anymore and that makes you feel sad.

My DH will often comment on people he finds 'hot' - male or female 😄 but give loads of compliments to me so it doesn't even register when he comments on other or people.

We have different taste in men btw....

You sound insecure and needy. You get compliments from other people, he buys you flowers and chocolates.....
If he says it again, say " oi! What about this gorgeous woman sitting next to you!"

Thing is I get lots of compliments from others on my appearance but don't get why he's reluctant to be more vocal

You don’t need the validation of others in order to have positive self-esteem. That can only come from within. Have a brew and take time to consider positives about yourself that you have achieved, enjoy doing or want to do in the future.

I can see why it would upset you. I don't think it's a case of whether you're 'being ridiculous' or not. There are no rules. You can have any feeling you want.

I think the issue is more that he's said something that made you feel uncomfortable, and yet you don't respect your own feelings enough to mention it to him. What stops you? Surely if he thinks you're being silly he'll reassure you? And if so, why are you avoiding saying something? What response would you expect from him, if you calmly said 'I felt quite put out when you said that woman on TV was beautiful, because you don't tell me that I am.'?