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AIBU?

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Original poster

She's so beautiful

231 replies

Goldenhind · 06/12/2020 00:53

Sitting watching Strictly tonight & when Amy comes on my husband says "she's so beautiful"
I appreciate she is beautiful but what really pisses me off is that he very, very rarely gives me verbal compliments.
I said nothing but thought "why do you need to say that"? I see many gorgeous men when we are watching TV but I might think a guy is lovely but don't say it out loud out of respect for my husband...I'm quite distracted & irrationally upset now.
I've got a feeling I'm being a bit ridiculous here but would be interested to hear others thoughts...

OP posts:
TableFlowerss · 06/12/2020 09:17

@Viviennethebeautiful

She is though
Always one and I bet your single or the sparks gone in your relationship! Grin
dasey · 06/12/2020 09:17

So he's wrong for saying a woman on tv is beautiful but it's ok for you to sit and sneer about the fact he's overweight.
Should he be sat watching strictly grateful he's lucky enough to be sitting next to you when he's got two stone to lose instead of noticing a dancer is pretty?

TatianaBis · 06/12/2020 09:24

It’s nothing to do with misogyny.

I don’t disagree that the core issue is simply that DH doesn’t compliment OP enough and make her feel attractive. If he did she may not mind if complimented other women. The key is that OP finds it hurtful so it’s not tactful.

However, if DH looks at Amy and finds her beautiful he may well think the same of the OP. He’s not lusting after some impossible ideal of beauty he’s just finding a normal looking woman attractive.

4cats2kids · 06/12/2020 09:26

I would have got grumpy and said the why do you need to say that thought out loud. It was a thoughtless comment, and a hurtful one at that!

grisen · 06/12/2020 09:27

You have a right to be hurt if he doesn’t compliment you much. But do you compliment his looks regularly and out of nowhere?

Rainbowb · 06/12/2020 09:28

Oh men are always going to notice long legs and big eyes, don’t compare yourself as that way madness lies. You’re not an trained dancer and you don’t have to be, you’re lovely as you are, so sit down with a cuppa and a mince pie tonight, watch her ‘beautiful’ arse get sent home and remember he is lucky to have you and he knows it really.

TableFlowerss · 06/12/2020 09:29

YNBU OP. I recon the ones on here that call you out are generally either single or have been with their partner for 100 years or there’s no spark anyway, probably rarely have sex etc.... and would happily have a sh$t in the toilet in front their partner....

They’ll try and say it’s because they’re so secure in the relationship and that you’re insecure to think like that. The reason I know this, is because I was in the exact relationship years ago. I would say ‘wow she’s stunning etc’ and it didn’t bother me in the slightest if my ex agreed. I didn’t care for him the way I do my now DH. It’s completely different now and I’d be gutted if DH pointed out how beautiful another woman was randomly.

It wouldn’t bother them because they’re more like friends and can’t see the fuss- again, I used to think like that faith my ex.

For someone that is with what they consider to be the love off their life that they adore, I think most would agree with you.

It’s insensitive to point out how attractive another woman is, particularly using the word beautiful as that is generally considered the epitome of perfection.

MiniCooperLover · 06/12/2020 09:31

Amy and her partner JJ did a beautiful routine last night, they were dressed in lovely sparkly clothes, big smiles, make up etc. I think that's what he saw as I remember thinking she sparkles and was so happy looking and yes, beautiful! It doesn't mean he thinks she's 'better' than you (though frankly your pointing out he's overweight while you gym it every day doesn't make you sound a prize either!).

TheMarzipanDildo · 06/12/2020 09:33

Amy average looking?! Where do you all live? Confused

Saying that, Oti is my queen.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 06/12/2020 09:34

When I'm dating someone I like to keep an illusion of only having eyes for each other. Yes, of course that's BS and we will fancy other people, but I just prefer my partners not to say it out loud, especially if, like OP's partner, he doesn't give me compliments. Some thoughts don't need to be shared.

Rhine · 06/12/2020 09:36

@lovelemoncurd

I've just googled her. I was expecting someone really beautiful. She not that stunning. He needs to get out more!
This. She’s pretty enough but nowhere near as stunning and attractive as some of the other female pros.
Regretsandregrets · 06/12/2020 09:38

I think you should watch TV seperately and listen to Classic FM and Radio 4 together!! and discussing your relationship while listening to Classic FM is more likely to be harmonious and rewarding.

slashlover · 06/12/2020 09:44

To everyone saying she's nothing special - I just googled her and the pictures do her no justice, she looks so much prettier on the show. I think because she always looks so happy and smiley.

Saying that, Oti is my queen.

Also, this.

MacDuffsMuff · 06/12/2020 09:45

I think she's beautiful and said so to DH last night. I also said that Johannes and Giovanni were beautiful too. He likes Janette.

I see no issue with this, but that's the thing - if you do, then he shouldn't be saying it. If he knows it upsets you then he just shouldn't do it.

MacDuffsMuff · 06/12/2020 09:48

This. She’s pretty enough but nowhere near as stunning and attractive as some of the other female pros.

But it's subjective isn't it. I think she's beautiful and seems such a lovely woman which adds to that. But I also think Oti is completely spectacular but DH doesn't. We all have different ideas of beauty don't we.

ConcernedAuntie · 06/12/2020 09:48

I really don't get this. My OH has never told me I'm beautiful because I'm not. I know I'm not and if he told me I was I wouldn't believe him anyway. I'm just an average looking woman and always have been.

He tells me I look nice if I have made an effort when we are going out.

But then, we have been married for 48 years, together for 52 and I know from the things he does for me and the support he has given me through medical issues that he loves me for who I am, not how I look.

Wouldn't bother me at all if he said someone on the TV, or in real life for that matter, was beautiful if it was a matter of fact.

pessimistiquerealistique · 06/12/2020 09:50

She is good looking but not stunning.

Emeraldshamrock · 06/12/2020 09:52

Many men think like this watching TV. DP may deny he does when I first met him he was immature and every good looking woman on TV he his brother or dad had to pass a comment.
He wouldn't do it now it's tacky but he is not blind.
He compliments me lots.
Next week pick a guy on the show use words like "sexy - hot - his body gives you vulva gallops - say imagine his hot lips on my neck- I'd lick his toned stomach.
Your DH was insensitive.

Mittens030869 · 06/12/2020 09:55

I think I would be a bit stung if my DH said out of the blue that he thought a celebrity was beautiful. But that would be becoming I no longer look like the woman I was when we got together. I’ve put on weight and I no longer have the energy to care about my appearance because of MH issues, CFS and long Covid. Not helped by the fact that I stupidly asked him early on whether he would have found me attractive if I’d been overweight. He said, ‘I’m not attracted to big women.’ (My fault for asking a loaded question.)

He never makes any comment about my appearance, though he will compliment me when I’ve been to the hairdressers or when I’m dressed up for going out. He also never comments on the looks of celebrities. (And I never comment on the looks of male celebrities either.)

I don’t think here that the OP’s DH has done anything wrong. He clearly thinks the world of her. I think it’s just that when you’ve been together for a long time, it’s easy to start taking each other for granted. Maybe as far as he’s concerned, he’s demonstrating that he finds you attractive with all these romantic gestures?

Blondiney · 06/12/2020 09:56

I haven't watched since Gleb. Now he really was beautiful!

Regretsandregrets · 06/12/2020 10:00

@pessimistiquerealistique...so, is that beautiful or not?

maddy68 · 06/12/2020 10:01

Eh? I will often comment on both male and female looks. I have never even considered that my husband would be the slightest bit miffed

MrsLighthouse · 06/12/2020 10:03

My husband saw a clip of Strictly and when he saw the dancer said “l might start watching if there are legs like that “ l am 5ft 1 and NOT leggy . YANBU . I felt a bit crushed to be honest. But l did speak out and said “ that’s charming ...and a very 1970’s comment “ he looked uncomfortable as he is old but considers himself a “new man” 🙄 don’t get upset ..get even.

ShirleyPhallus · 06/12/2020 10:04

@Bluntness100

I think this is a level of insecurity and jealousy that’s concerning. I couldn’t give a shit if my husband said something like that, but I’m not insecure in my relationship.

The question is why you need compliments from him, is it something wrong with your relationship that he needs to say it repeatedly and you can’t tell from his actions, or something in yourself.

The bottom line is you can stop him saying it. You can’t stop him thinking it.

Totally agree with this

I also think it’s incredibly sad and fairly depressing at the number of posters who are keen to point out she isn’t pretty / attractive / beautiful but average / nothing special etc etc etc. Really baffling why some women are so bitchy about other women for no good reason.

Tw1nset · 06/12/2020 10:05

It isn't the kind of thing my husband would say - he married me and so beauty is not something he really notices

But it wouldn't really bother me, she is attractive . It isn't something he would say to me because I am not attractive. A bit like he wouldn't say lots of other things about me that are not true.