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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be overwhelmed at this level of extended breastfeeding?

436 replies

ThornAmongstRoses · 05/12/2020 22:13

I belong to a FB group for extended breast feeders (from when I was breastfeeding my 3 year old) and a thread just popped up on my newsfeed where a woman was celebrating her daughter’s 6th birthday and saying how she still breast fed her.

As I read the comments they were all lovely and supportive and other women came forward saying they were still feeding their 8, 9, 10 year olds (and some even older).

I won’t lie - I was surprised that breastfeeding continued for that length of time in some families, not that there’s any specific reason why it shouldn’t, but I was genuinely taken aback. I was a bit in awe really of the women who were continuing despite probably feeling it was viewed as something they ‘shouldn’t’ be doing.

When I was breastfeeding my 3 year old my husband would make the odd comment about our son “being too old for that now” so I can’t imagine what he’d have thought if I’d carried on for much longer. I suppose that’s due to the UK’s societal and cultural attitudes towards extended breastfeeding though.

AIBU to be so astonished by this?

Does anyone know anyone who has breastfed for that long or done it themselves?

I would love to understand the reality of it, and learn about the emotions/reasons behind it, and especially how the mothers cope with any negative attitudes they face - of which I imagine most sadly do.

OP posts:
DishingOutDone · 05/12/2020 23:39

@HotGlueGun

FFS! No-one on that breastfeeding page has said they are feeding a 10 year old!!
Few on here seemed to be up for it though ... Hmm and @Jenasaurus that’s got to be bitty ... haven’t clicked but spidey senses tell me Grin
kinsi · 05/12/2020 23:39

I think it's about cultural context. We live in a society where very extended bfing is not the norm. When a child can remember it clearly (maybe 6 plus) you're getting into murky territory because they will know that their friends most likely didn't and it's seen as weird in our society. So being aware of the potential confusion/mental conflict your child might experience as they get older towards teenage years or adulthood as a result of prolonged bfing because they remember it and realise it's not culturally acceptable is important. Even if they enjoy it at the time I think you have to as a parent be thinking ahead, will my kid feel.the same way about this remembering it in a few years or decades?

NiceGerbil · 05/12/2020 23:40

My kids both started puberty at 8.5 and periods at just turned 10.

So, um. Not sure at all.

As PP stated 4 is general natural average.

Are you sure all the people on the FB are on the level and some of them aren't not who they say they are...

HotGlueGun · 05/12/2020 23:40

@TheKeatingFive ..... cross-posted with you! I don't think @NoPainNoTartine must have ever breastfed. No-one who has would ever make a statement like that.

TheKeatingFive · 05/12/2020 23:40

you can't see the difference between twins and siblings of different age? Really?

So why can’t mothers feed two different aged children in tandem again? I know quite a few who’ve done it successfully.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 05/12/2020 23:41

@NoPainNoTartine

What's wrong is that it becomes something for the mother, not for the child..

you can argue that children start school too early in this country, but by 3 most go to nursery/pre-school and start school around 4, so are independent enough to put their own clothes own, use the toilets, carry their hot diner tray to their table, and have a social life without you.
Can't you see how far more advanced they are and breastfeeding really belong in the past?

You’re being ridiculous. My children were competently feeding themselves with a spoon well before their first birthday, toilet trained and dressing themselves before their third, and still breastfeeding through all this. They’re not related activities or facts.

DS weaned naturally shortly before 4. It was a nice and easy way to end. Some stages I found easy, many I found tough, overall I wasn’t sad to see the back of it (other than in that inevitable pang of nostalgia, like packing away clothes they’ve outgrown) so I really don’t see that he kept going because I was getting something out of it.

DD still going at 2.5. She doesn’t feed much - snuggled in bed first thing in the morning, as part of her winding down bedtime routine, occasionally in the daytime if she’s feeling shy or confused or overwhelmed or a bit under the weather. It’s more akin to a cuddle than a meal.

I can’t imagine feeding an 8yo, or even a 6yo really, but I don’t think it’s cause for alarm if a tiny number of women are.

NoPainNoTartine · 05/12/2020 23:41

[quote HotGlueGun]@NoPainNoTartine .... trust me, breastfeeding an older child is not "about the mother". You cannot force a child to breastfeed. Have you breastfed?[/quote]
my 4 children, thanks for asking.

not at the same time

It's not a badge of honour.

LadyFelsham · 05/12/2020 23:41

Sometimes it's not about the latch or lack of but for comfort for mother and child-a time to bond and be close.

I didn't do that but a neighbour did. She and her son were fine with it (8 years old) and they did have a remarkably close bond and still do, It happened on average about 3 times a week, although no set times.

When he was about 8 and a half, it became less and less and eventually stopped without any fuss or hand wringing by the time he was 9.

As far as I know, it hasn't damaged either of them and at 17, he seems to have a good relationship with his mum.

As an aside, I don't think anyone breast feeds a secondary school child and I would take any tales about that happening with a large pinch of salt.

HotGlueGun · 05/12/2020 23:41

@NiceGerbil please... RTFT. There is literally no woman on that breastfeeding page claiming to feed a 10 year old.

Pinnacular · 05/12/2020 23:42

I was breastfed until just before I turned two. I remember it.

My children self weaned just after their fourth birthdays. They remember it fondly - as warm cuddles and feeling loved. Just how I remember it. None of us specifically remember nipple in mouth, for what it's worth.

MeringueCloud · 05/12/2020 23:42

@NoPainNoTartine

Even breastfeeding a 7 years old is wrong Shock

They wouldn't even dare bring a teddy or a dummy at school at that age for fear of being teased, so breastfeeding?! Poor kids.

Perhaps we should change attitudes to breastfeeding instead?
HotGlueGun · 05/12/2020 23:42

@NoPainNoTartine then you would know that it's not "about the mother". So why would you say such a thing?

SleepingStandingUp · 05/12/2020 23:43

My friends daughter is 5 1/2, when we have a recent zoom social she prewarmed that her daughter might come in for milk, but I think it's mainly bedtime. As someone whose milk dried up after 6 months of pumping I'm just amazed her body is still producing.

From conversation I think her attitude is just that as long as her daughter is happy, she's happy and so is DH. No one else's opinions matter. She's happy DD will stop whenever she chooses.

Lalliella · 05/12/2020 23:44

What’s weirder is drinking the milk of a different species.

Firefliess · 05/12/2020 23:45

Children will only breastfeed if they want to at the time. The issue is that they may feel uncomfortable about it as they get older, or become aware that other people think it's weird and so learn to keep it secret.

NoPainNoTartine · 05/12/2020 23:45

[quote HotGlueGun]**@TheKeatingFive* ..... cross-posted with you! I don't think @NoPainNoTartine* must have ever breastfed. No-one who has would ever make a statement like that. [/quote]
Confused Again you thought wrong.

It's possible to breastfeed your baby AND have a different opinion. Shocking concept I know.

onedream · 05/12/2020 23:46

My little one weaned himself off the breast at 12m..I was ready to carry on..he wasn't so it ended..
As long as mother and child are happy what's the problem? Breastfeeding is not just about the feeding. Live and let live..

HotGlueGun · 05/12/2020 23:46

@NoPainNoTartine so tell me...
How is it about the mother?

NoPainNoTartine · 05/12/2020 23:47

I am still waiting to see the medical evidence about the physical benefit of breastfeeding a 5 year old...

at least in our countries with unlimited food and running water if you want to be picky.

I maintain that if you breastfeeding your 3, 4 or 5 year old, it's entirely for yourself. At least be honest about it.

NoPainNoTartine · 05/12/2020 23:48

[quote HotGlueGun]@NoPainNoTartine so tell me...
How is it about the mother?[/quote]
Haven't you breastfed? Why do you need to ask if you have?

EnidMatilda · 05/12/2020 23:51

I am surprised by my desire to breastfeed beyond a year (baby currently 10 months). Pre child me felt that extended breastfeeding was 'weird' and 'for the mother'. I feel sad that I felt this way and even sadder that our society accepts boobs entirely for porn and pleasure but not for feeding a one/two/three year old. WHO recommends breastfeeding for two years or longer. The health benefits are well reported. So why do we have a problem with it? It's not outright hostility we face, but quiet disapproval. Even my husband and MIL have made mildly negative passing comments and my little one is still a baby.

For those who haven't breastfed, my favourite thing about it is the instant calming effect it has on baby (and me too). You will never see relaxation like it when they are worked up or anxious. It's a lovely closeness and helps both parties to sleep. I've had colds and literally snotted into my child's mouth and they still didn't catch it. It makes me feel more secure of our health during a world wide pandemic.

Absolutely no judgement to bottle feeding parents. But I do now feel that attitudes to breastfeeding the UK need to change.

Loved the Mongolian article. So interesting.

HotGlueGun · 05/12/2020 23:51

@NoPainNoTartine I fed my first til 3.5 and am currently feeding my almost 2 year olds. At no point has it been "something for me". I have had ductwork thrush twice, mastitis, blocked ducts, no sleep, constant scratching by child... etc etc. Have you considered that maybe some women still feed because, I don't know, their children have CMPA? Or that they find it bonding if they've been at nursery and not seen their mother all day?

Mumof2bears · 05/12/2020 23:51

Both of mine BF until they were over 4 - they stopped during the summer before they started Reception. In both cases, they reduced the number of years gradually to once a day, at bedtime, and the age gap meant that they were tandem fed for 2 years. I always enjoyed it but said that it had to be driven by the children - we would stop whenever they were ready. It worked out well for us, but an awareness of how unusual it is in this country meant that I haven't even mentioned it to my mum friends. Some level of judgement passing would take place and life's too short and busy to deal with that!

joanwinifred · 05/12/2020 23:52

I don't think there's anything weird about breastfeeding until children's "milk teeth" fall out. It's the reason people call them milk teeth. I was breastfed until around 5, and would do the same with my child if it was possible and wanted.

MeringueCloud · 05/12/2020 23:52

@NoPainNoTartine

I am still waiting to see the medical evidence about the physical benefit of breastfeeding a 5 year old...

at least in our countries with unlimited food and running water if you want to be picky.

I maintain that if you breastfeeding your 3, 4 or 5 year old, it's entirely for yourself. At least be honest about it.

Do you have evidence about the physical benefits of every single food you give your five year old?
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