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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be overwhelmed at this level of extended breastfeeding?

436 replies

ThornAmongstRoses · 05/12/2020 22:13

I belong to a FB group for extended breast feeders (from when I was breastfeeding my 3 year old) and a thread just popped up on my newsfeed where a woman was celebrating her daughter’s 6th birthday and saying how she still breast fed her.

As I read the comments they were all lovely and supportive and other women came forward saying they were still feeding their 8, 9, 10 year olds (and some even older).

I won’t lie - I was surprised that breastfeeding continued for that length of time in some families, not that there’s any specific reason why it shouldn’t, but I was genuinely taken aback. I was a bit in awe really of the women who were continuing despite probably feeling it was viewed as something they ‘shouldn’t’ be doing.

When I was breastfeeding my 3 year old my husband would make the odd comment about our son “being too old for that now” so I can’t imagine what he’d have thought if I’d carried on for much longer. I suppose that’s due to the UK’s societal and cultural attitudes towards extended breastfeeding though.

AIBU to be so astonished by this?

Does anyone know anyone who has breastfed for that long or done it themselves?

I would love to understand the reality of it, and learn about the emotions/reasons behind it, and especially how the mothers cope with any negative attitudes they face - of which I imagine most sadly do.

OP posts:
MeringueCloud · 05/12/2020 23:28

@NoPainNoTartine

when a child is old enough to ask for his food, let alone hold a spoon, then yes, it feels wrong.
Why? A newborn asks to be fed, just not by using words.

What is wrong with it?

NoPainNoTartine · 05/12/2020 23:29

Once your "baby" can feed himself, he no longer needs your tools, that's the point...

Jenasaurus · 05/12/2020 23:29

@TheSilentStars

What's weird is women (presumably) criticising other women and saying feeding their children using the tools which were made for that purpose is wrong.

I can see a couple of oldies on this thread @ShowOfHands can you remember the name of the MNer who went onto GMTV to sort that ignorant man out? His attitude was a bit "ooh titties are only for babies till they're 6months then they should revert back to being sex objects for the menz"

One of my friends told me her DH used to enjoy drinking her breast milk too which I did find a bit strange
HotGlueGun · 05/12/2020 23:29

Please.... before people get in any more of a lather about this one.... I'm on the same breastfeeding page and the OP has MISUNDERSTOOD what many of the women have stated in their posts. Most are feeding children somewhere between 3-4.5 years old. Very few are feeding 7 or 8 year olds. NONE are feeding 10 year olds or older, as claimed by the OP. She has misinterpreted what they have said

madcatladyforever · 05/12/2020 23:30

Breastfeeding a 10 year old and older is just wrong. It makes me feel sick just thinking about it. How can you have normal relationships if you are still sulking on your mothers breaststroke at that age.

Kakiweewee · 05/12/2020 23:30

I don't think it's wrong after a certain age. I just know I'd transition to BM out of a cup way before I got there because I'd want my nipples back.

Firefliess · 05/12/2020 23:30

Breastfeeding a 10 year old reminds me of that mad woman in Game of Thrones. Shock

It's wrong, because you're creating something that the child is going to learn they have to keep secret from other people that involves intimate touching with an adult in a position of trust. That's a very dangerous lesson for them to learn.

Mamanyt · 05/12/2020 23:30

The consensus on both sides of the Atlantic seems to be about three at the outside, with a year being more normal. However, I actually have two friends who continued breast-feeding until their children started school...our systems number differently, but it would have been 6-7 years old. BOTH of these children were the most confident children I have even met, and both were almost tiresomely healthy. Both are grown now, and one of them has never had so much as a cold. Both of their paediatricians attributed it to the long breast-feeding time.

Jenasaurus · 05/12/2020 23:30

One thing I think though is when you have more than one child it may be time to stop as your body will be under strain feeding several children at once.

HotGlueGun · 05/12/2020 23:31

Some women have said they've been "breastfeeding for 10 years" but they mean more than one child over that period! Come on OP... go back and read the Facebook page again and admit you got it wrong!

NoPainNoTartine · 05/12/2020 23:32

What's wrong is that it becomes something for the mother, not for the child..

you can argue that children start school too early in this country, but by 3 most go to nursery/pre-school and start school around 4, so are independent enough to put their own clothes own, use the toilets, carry their hot diner tray to their table, and have a social life without you.
Can't you see how far more advanced they are and breastfeeding really belong in the past?

HotGlueGun · 05/12/2020 23:32

FFS! No-one on that breastfeeding page has said they are feeding a 10 year old!!

MeringueCloud · 05/12/2020 23:32

@NoPainNoTartine

Once your "baby" can feed himself, he no longer needs your tools, that's the point...
Oh dear... a lot of babies can feed themselves finger foods from six months. What drink do suggest they have?
Jenasaurus · 05/12/2020 23:32

This is making me think of this

vimeo.com/115629263

NoPainNoTartine · 05/12/2020 23:34

Even breastfeeding a 7 years old is wrong Shock

They wouldn't even dare bring a teddy or a dummy at school at that age for fear of being teased, so breastfeeding?! Poor kids.

HotGlueGun · 05/12/2020 23:34

THE OP IS WRONG!! NO-ONE ON THAT BREASTFEEDING PAGE HAS SAID THEY ARE FEEDING A 10 YEAR OLD. IT IS A NON-ISSUE!

NoPainNoTartine · 05/12/2020 23:35

Oh dear... a lot of babies can feed themselves finger foods from six months

you have very advanced children, good for you. Most 6 months old I know would be completely unable to feed themselves 😂

MeringueCloud · 05/12/2020 23:36

@Jenasaurus

One thing I think though is when you have more than one child it may be time to stop as your body will be under strain feeding several children at once.
Many mums breastfeed twins.
AnnnaBananna · 05/12/2020 23:37

AnnnaBananna I doubt that mothers in third world countries care what their boobs look like
Why?
Because it’s a different culture with different beauty standards. Women aren’t going around having Botox and tummy tucks. Makeup is expensive and not widely used. Breasts are often exposed in warmer countries with no self consciousness. There isn’t the same sense of vanity as in Western countries. I doubt they would stop feeding their baby because they thought their left breast was starting to sag (which is why I stopped).

HotGlueGun · 05/12/2020 23:37

The average weaning age around the world is 4. So if you take into account the woefully low breastfeeding rates in the uk, then there are a lot of children round the world being fed for much longer than 4. Just because our society views it as "wrong", doesn't mean it is.

NoPainNoTartine · 05/12/2020 23:37

Many mums breastfeed twins.

you can't see the difference between twins and siblings of different age? Really?

MeringueCloud · 05/12/2020 23:39

@NoPainNoTartine

Oh dear... a lot of babies can feed themselves finger foods from six months

you have very advanced children, good for you. Most 6 months old I know would be completely unable to feed themselves 😂

Ah thanks for the compliment. . Breast milk or formula is recommended until at least 12 months. Most babies can self feed before then. Would you also stop formula as soon as your baby was able to feed themselves, if that was before 12 months?
TheKeatingFive · 05/12/2020 23:39

What's wrong is that it becomes something for the mother, not for the child

You can’t force a child to BF. People know that, right? It’s literally never ‘for the mother’.

HotGlueGun · 05/12/2020 23:39

@NoPainNoTartine .... trust me, breastfeeding an older child is not "about the mother". You cannot force a child to breastfeed. Have you breastfed?

NoPainNoTartine · 05/12/2020 23:39

You can also compare the infant mortality rate across countries. Picking and choosing some aspects of comparison is always misleading.
It's a bit more complicated than saying they are doing it differently so they must be right.