To be overwhelmed at this level of extended breastfeeding?

[ThornAmongstRoses]

I belong to a FB group for extended breast feeders (from when I was breastfeeding my 3 year old) and a thread just popped up on my newsfeed where a woman was celebrating her daughter’s 6th birthday and saying how she still breast fed her.

As I read the comments they were all lovely and supportive and other women came forward saying they were still feeding their 8, 9, 10 year olds (and some even older).

I won’t lie - I was surprised that breastfeeding continued for that length of time in some families, not that there’s any specific reason why it shouldn’t, but I was genuinely taken aback. I was a bit in awe really of the women who were continuing despite probably feeling it was viewed as something they ‘shouldn’t’ be doing.

When I was breastfeeding my 3 year old my husband would make the odd comment about our son “being too old for that now” so I can’t imagine what he’d have thought if I’d carried on for much longer. I suppose that’s due to the UK’s societal and cultural attitudes towards extended breastfeeding though.

AIBU to be so astonished by this?

Does anyone know anyone who has breastfed for that long or done it themselves?

I would love to understand the reality of it, and learn about the emotions/reasons behind it, and especially how the mothers cope with any negative attitudes they face - of which I imagine most sadly do.

My youngest still tries to get milk occasionally, but none there. A nasty infection and medication needed by me stopped her feeding. But the desire is still there. I breastfed for over 3 years

I breastfed both of mine until they were 3 (give or take a few months) and my oldest, who is coming up 7 still finds my boobs a source of comfort. If ever he’s unwell, or upset, or we are just watching a film together, without even realising it he will put his hand down my top.

When I was breastfeeding my youngest my eldest would occasionally ask if he could have some but he always had a smirk on his face so I think he was just trying to be humorous as opposed to actually wanting it

Maybe they don’t latch on and it’s expressed into a Monster Energy drink cans, and that’s why we see Year 5 & 6’s walking to school swigging from them ?

@HotGlueGun
I'm on that page and I think you've misinterpreted some of what the women have said. I saw 2 or 3 that were still feeding 8 year olds but no one has said they were feeding older than that, that I could see

I’m on what I’m assuming is the same FB page (my child is only 1.5 though), but the post was regarding the poster’s 8 year old not 6 year old, and there are quite a few replies saying their child weaned or is still nursing at 9 or almost 10, with one saying hers weaned at well past 8 and another saying she knows mothers who were feeding a 10 and a 12 year old. These women were definitely talking about individual children and not their breastfeeding journey as a whole.

@midgwit well there must be 2 FB groups for extended breastfeeding then because I certainly didn't see anything like that on the one I'm on.

Says more about the mother’s need than the child’s if it’s still going on until the age of 8! Poor child!

I’d say there’s probably quite a few. You were quite sure you’d read the same thread as the OP though...

Hot Glue Gun - there are probably about 50+ groups about extended breastfeeding so perhaps take that into account next time you accuse an OP of saying things that aren’t true or telling everyone she misunderstood.”

midgwit - is it the one with the photograph of the girl in the pool? If so I must have misread her age. If not then even we’re looking at different groups

My friends daughter is 5 1/2, when we have a recent zoom social she prewarmed that her daughter might come in for milk,

^^

There's also a time and a place. Talk about making other folks feel awkward!

Even the language we choose to use around breastfeeding is interesting.

I have a 16 month old, and will hopefully breastfeed until he wants to stop. We hope to naturally wean, which to me is not ‘Extended Breastfeeding’, but rather ‘Natural Term Weaning’.

The benefits of breastfeeding to both child and mother have been studied, peer reviewed, and published.

Breastfeeding figures in the UK, are quite frankly, abysmal. Whilst the WHO recommend breastfeeding to 2 years and beyond, studies showed that in the UK in 2010, only 1% were still breastfeeding exclusively at 6 months old. Something is wrong with our society, and it’s views of breastfeeding, for our figures of breastfeeding to be so low.

Going off to high school and still breast feeding just doesn’t sit right with me . Just my opinion.

@Peppafrig

Going off to high school and still breast feeding just doesn’t sit right with me . Just my opinion.

I have never ever heard of that and, if it does happen, it must be pretty rare, like never!

Bitty!

[can't believe I'm the first poster to say that!]

That women in the third world don’t care what their boobs look like is such a patronising narrow minded view do you know many women from third world countries or developing countries

The women in my family in Asia (amf from) certainly didn’t bf for long it’s not the done thing for many

I’m never quite sure why women on here who advocate bf for older children witter on about women in developing or third world countries as though they can relate to them your lives are nothing like many of these women’s lives

I don’t see how it could be an issue for anyone as long as the mother and child are happy

Natural term breastfeeding quite common but not often talked about because in our society we tend to shame families that do this by viewing them as weird. I've known quite a few kids that self weaned from 7 years onwards (all the way up to 10). Usually weaning is a gradual process so might take a few years of the child slowly going longer between nursing and the actual nursing sessions becoming slowly shorter. Never known a child not to stop when allowed to breastfeed for as long as they want. Losing milk teeth is nature's way of naturally weaning as mouth shape changes when more adult teeth come in. And the older children don't tend to see it as weird because it is something they have always done and is like the comfort of a hug (but better ).

It is Natural term breastfeeding rather than extended breastfeeding, nothing extended about it as children will nurse until they are ready to stop.

When my daughter was 9 years old, she was in a ballet class. The mothers waited together in a side room. One of the mothers with a daughter in the class brought her six-year-old daughter and two-year-old son along with her and breast-fed both of them in the middle of the group of mothers and younger children.
Someone called Child Protective Services and reported her for child abuse and exhibitionism. Don't know what happened because the child was withdrawn from dance and the mother never came back.

@Countdowntonothing

Reading this thread has me banging my head against the wall.

Breastfeeding older children is not about nutrition. Just like sitting cuddled up on the sofa drinking hot chocolate is not about nutrition. Making a 'proper' hot chocolate with mini marshmallows and sprinkles and hesting it and putting it in their favourite mug is effort, I'm not doing it for me. I'll do it because it's nice to comfort my child. Same for breastfeeding older babies/toddlers/children. Feeding my 2.5yo is quite frankly horrible! He pulls, twists, climbs little hands go everywhere. But I'm not doing it for me. I'm doing it to provide comfort and because he likes it. I offer cows milk which he does have sometimes but he prefers breastmilk from me.

But yea, I'm confused about the latch thing. I was under the impression it was physically impossible to suckle once adult teeth came in.

Some children cope better than others with the loss of milk teeth/new adult teeth and nursing. Adult teeth gradually change shape of the mouth so it is nature's way of naturally forcing weaning but most children will get at least a few adult teeth before they wean (eg six year molars and front 8)

I’d think it’s weird for a 7 year old to still be drinking milk from a bottle or using a dummy so yep is weird to still be breastfed, just mothers being selfish, 6/7/8year olds don’t need breast milk OR formula milk, it’s just mother’s being selfish and not letting go lol. Hopefully my child will be capable of using a cup at the correct age

'And the replies are from women who are. Including some women who have replied to say they are still feeding their 10+ year old.'

OP how do you know these comments are genuine?

Wow! There's some weird (and plain bigoted in some cases which I have reported) attitudes on this thread and they're not from the extended feeders/supporters of extended feeding!

WHO recommends bf to at least 6 months and up to 2 years old and beyond for health benefits for both mother and child.

I wanted to but medical condition caused my milk to dry when dd was around 10 months which was heartbreaking AND a pita!

My mum didn't bf for very long formula was very much promoted when she was a mum to babies and she fell for the hype which she now regrets.

My grans both bf for long periods inc feeding multiple children of different ages during the same time period as they had their dc close together in age.

It's our culture that's wrong!

We have an APPALLING societal attitude to bf full stop.

Mothers and babies aren't supported or helped to achieve successful bf even in the very early stages, we've had to LEGISLATE to stop people bullying and discriminating against breastfeeding mothers ffs!

I had a relatively unscathed experience of bf though I certainty had dirty looks, and 1 person who actually came up and told me I was disgusting for bf in a bf zone in a well known baby store! Friends and family were mainly supportive, mum struggled with certain aspects mainly due to she'd internalised a lot of myths from her indoctrination as a young mum herself by formula companies and the hcps she had then who had also been indoctrinated but I discussed with her and showed her the up to date advice and she became more supportive and understanding.

I think IN OUR CULTURE 4-5 years, but stopping before starting school I think makes sense because the child might feel embarrassed if it were to come to light or if they commented on it at this stage. Also practically as I think it would be hard to maintain a good supply when you're not with the child 6-7+ hours a day.

But...each to their own and I wouldn't particularly feel a mother who bf for longer than this by maybe 2/3 years was out of order as long as it was right for both parties.

In my circle and generation at that time the other mothers I knew generally stopped around 4 months (which at that time was when food was introduced) and most had stopped by 6 months but it wasn't just personal choice it was also logistical reasons as they were returning to work around that stage too (Paid Mat leave being much shorter then too)

Factors like mat leave are going to have an effect on the cultural perception here I think.

Perhaps we should change attitudes to breastfeeding instead?

Exactly

The posts around this do show up the general attitude in the UK which is not positive about bf.

Which is a shame because it's free and good for mother and baby (if she can get to grips with it with the zero support we get on NHS).

The pro lot don't help either a lot of the time either.

In short in UK society bf is pushed, then not supported, then seen as icky.

My own mother kept going on at me after DC turned 6 months to stop. She was a doctor FFS.

In short we're not great about it. And then there's all the bitty, ruins your tits etc etc blah.

Bottom line is I find it hard to believe that there are loads of women in the UK BF children aged 8+. Let alone 10+.

Good opportunity for a froth though