To be overwhelmed at this level of extended breastfeeding?

[ThornAmongstRoses]

I belong to a FB group for extended breast feeders (from when I was breastfeeding my 3 year old) and a thread just popped up on my newsfeed where a woman was celebrating her daughter’s 6th birthday and saying how she still breast fed her.

As I read the comments they were all lovely and supportive and other women came forward saying they were still feeding their 8, 9, 10 year olds (and some even older).

I won’t lie - I was surprised that breastfeeding continued for that length of time in some families, not that there’s any specific reason why it shouldn’t, but I was genuinely taken aback. I was a bit in awe really of the women who were continuing despite probably feeling it was viewed as something they ‘shouldn’t’ be doing.

When I was breastfeeding my 3 year old my husband would make the odd comment about our son “being too old for that now” so I can’t imagine what he’d have thought if I’d carried on for much longer. I suppose that’s due to the UK’s societal and cultural attitudes towards extended breastfeeding though.

AIBU to be so astonished by this?

Does anyone know anyone who has breastfed for that long or done it themselves?

I would love to understand the reality of it, and learn about the emotions/reasons behind it, and especially how the mothers cope with any negative attitudes they face - of which I imagine most sadly do.

@lovemenomore

Well then in the absence of evidence I shall have to file that under "random on the internet says" I'm afraid. Unfortunate if you are telling the truth, but it sounds so astonishingly unlikely I'm willing to risk being a little unfair.

@LolaSmiles is almost ranting in her several lengthy posts about how it's all because of men that women might choose to stop breastfeeding or not to even start.
Not all new mothers are in a heterosexual relationship or in any relationship at all.
Some women can't or don't want to commit to using her own body to feed a child for 5+ years when adequate nutrition can be provided through food.
Literally nobody has ever said, 'boobs are totes sexual' or whatever the ridiculous statement was. You start losing credibility when you come out with guff like that.
Some people don't find using dummies appropriate. I never used one for my child. She also stopped using a bottle when she was old enough to drink from a cup.
I didn't use a food source to comfort her because I'm not always there to comfort her and nobody else can breastfeed her so she has learnt to receive comfort in other ways and from other people.
The comments about having to rush back to work or be a good maid are bizarre. Again, not everybody is in a heterosexual relationship or financially independent enough to not work for the entirety of their offsprings' childhoods. Some mothers are single parents. Some just want to go back to work, which is their choice. And some women like sex in their beds. Nothing wrong with that. It's called choice. To suggest that most women who do not continue with breastfeeding past toddlerhood and make choices based on what's best for their families as a whole are just browbeaten Madonnas/whores because their husbands insist on it is doing women a huge disservice.

Don't know if it's been mentioned but if a child is breastfeeding and also eating a full diet isn't there a risk of them becoming overweight?
I'm also not sure I'd want to see my mothers breasts when I was 10.

@Rosebel

Don't know if it's been mentioned but if a child is breastfeeding and also eating a full diet isn't there a risk of them becoming overweight? I'm also not sure I'd want to see my mothers breasts when I was 10.

No

Of course they can become overweight, but as 1 oz of breastmilk is about 22 calories, the calories derived from food are a far greater factor and make up a far bigger portion of daily calories.

@LolaSmiles is almost ranting in her several lengthy posts about how it's all because of men that women might choose to stop breastfeeding or not to even start
Hardly, I've said up thread that it's great formula is there and women can make a choice. 🤷‍♀️

What I've said is that those who spend their time saying 'eewwie breastfeeding.. it's gross if they are past infancy... it's weird if the child can talk... it's obviously just for the mother's benefit but a child might see their mum's boobs as sexual' need to examine their attitudes to women and women's bodies.

I think there's a lot of troubling attitudes towards women and motherhood. Discussing what the 'ideal' woman is from the perspective of the endless judgement doesn't mean I think that is ideal.

It does seem the 'ideal' woman breastfeed to start (complete with guilt tripping women who choose formula) but then after a certain point it's expected that women will swap to formula because breastfeeding is disgusting (and then more judgey crap is thrown women's way). Even in pregnancy celebs and public figures are accused of "flaunting " their bump, as opposed to existing as a pregnant women.

Unfortunately many women internalise this sort of misogyny and like to bash women for making perfectly valid choices regarding feeding their child because they have hangups about other women choosing to use breasts for their biological purpose.

That’s gross

Going to school and still breast feeding heck no! Time to stop!

Suzi888
That's how I feel. It's not for me.

But if it's right for another woman and her child then does it really matter?

I wouldnt be shoving my tit in a toddlers mouth never mind a 6/8/10!! Year old but each to their own.

Up to around 6 months i probably would however i only managed 6 weeks last time as i had to go back to uni. How is that even practical after a few months when you go back to work etc..

How is that even practical after a few months when you go back to work etc..

I’m a nurse and with both my children I went back to work when they were 9-12 months old, doing 13 hour shifts three times a week.

I still managed to breast feed them until they were 3 years old.

Going back to work doesn’t mean breastfeeding has to stop.

It can be a bit of a transition period whilst the milk supply readjusts but things do settle down and breastfeeding can just carry on as normal.

I think I may be on the same group too - is it one from a different country to UK which you are not allowed to mention on public sites?

My daughter weaned last month she will be 5 in January. She obviously can remember feeding, she said dada (as she calls it) made her happy, feel warm & safe. Breasts are designed to feed babies & children not for sex. Funnily enough I was of the judgy pant hiking brigade before I had her but then gradually realised it was the most natural thing & nothing to judge others for.

How is that even practical after a few months when you go back to work etc.
People I know tend to do a morning feed and a night feed once they go back go work, maybe a middle of the night or early evening one depending on their schedule. Some combi feed and the child has formula through the day at childcare and then nurses at home.Some express milk throughout the day and the child has expressed milk in a bottle or cup when mum is at work.
By around a year to 18 months more calories are from food so the milk during the day decreases.

Each family finds something that works for them and their children. Most of those examples are people I know who nursed until 3ish.

@LolaSmiles - but surely it's up to individual women to view their bodies as they see fit. For some women their breasts are purely sexual. That is up to them. Its a bit trite to say that breasts are only there for nursing a child. Body hair is designed to keep us warm but now many women choose to remove it for their own reasons and wear clothes instead. Yes, our bodies are designed for reproduction, of course that's what breasts are for, but for those women who want to view their own breasts as purely sexual, let them carry on.
I really don't think that many people raise serious eyebrow at a mother nursing a three year old but this thread is originally about extended breastfeeding. Reports of children up to 10 years of age breastfeeding and pretending it's completely natural. Being naked is natural but I would have felt uncomfortable seeing my parents naked when I was seven. Body hair is natural but it makes me feel uncomfortable so I remove it. Changing a child's nappy/giving them a bath is natural but there comes a point where such input from a parent is just not as necessary. Children need to grow up and by ten they really shouldn't be in a place where the only thing that will comfort them is breastfeeding. They are starting to become more independent from their parents and need to learn to be comforted by other things. Just out of interest, and this is completely genuine and honestly not goady, at what age does it become inappropriate to breastfeed? If a child/teenager doesn't want to stop?

I breastfed DD until she was 4, eventually it was only at nighttime/bedtime as she was falling asleep. I haven't told many people in real life as I think people would find it wierd.

What a disgusting way to talk about something so natural.

That’s exactly what I was thinking.

The language around bfing can be absolutely appalling and so indicative of the misogyny underlying the debate. How many threads have we seen on where where people talk about ‘whacking’ or ‘flopping’ boobs out to feed? What does that say about how we view the practice?

Honestly I would love to breastfeed until school. However personally I will stop earlier not because its icky or whatever crap people are spouting but because I'll want to have a drink eventually.

@LolaSmiles - but surely it's up to individual women to view their bodies as they see fit. For some women their breasts are purely sexual. That is up to them.

I agree. The key phrase in your post is THEIR BODIES.
They are free to choose how to feed their child, if they want to breastfeed, if they want to formula feed, if they want to combi feed. They are free to wean from the breast at 3 weeks or 3 months, or 3 years or whenever is right for them and their child. They are entitled to stop because they find breastfeeding a hassle, or it doesn't work for them going back to work, or they don't want to nurse a toddler, or they feel uncomfortable past a certain stage, they simply are fed up with their child attacking their nipples, they find it weird going from nursing breasts to having their breasts touched sexually or any other reason.

What they are not entitled to do is decide that because THEY wouldn't nurse past a certain stage that others who do are weird. They are not entitled to decide that a woman's child would be probably viewing their breasts in a sexual way. They are not entitled to decide that another woman is gross for choosing to so natural term weaning. They are not entitled to take the view that's been alluded to throughout this thread that natural term weaning is disgusting because it just is (which seems to routinely rest on misogynistic views of women's bodies as sex objects).

We live in a society where topless and implied topless photos of models and celebs are allowed on social media, but women sharing photos of breastfeeding are told their photos break the rules. Women's boobs are always subjected to everyone's opinion about what they should and shouldn't do, with particular scorn for mothers who choose to use them to feed their children, especially out of infancy. When women decide to move from 'my choice for my body is X' towards 'women who do Y are gross and Y is disgusting and weird', they could do well to reflect on their attitudes.

@Countdowntonothing

"shoving my tit in a toddler's mouth"

And this ^ is why it's such an issue. What a disgusting way to talk about something so natural.

It's what boobies are made for.

personally I will stop earlier not because its icky or whatever crap people are spouting but because I'll want to have a drink eventually

You can absolutely have a drink (and more) when bfing

Is this still going wow.

On boozing. You can. Any drink you have is really watered down. It's not the same mechanism as when pregnant when they're sharing your blood.

[quote LolaSmiles]**@LolaSmiles - but surely it's up to individual women to view their bodies as they see fit. For some women their breasts are purely sexual. That is up to them.

I agree. The key phrase in your post is THEIR BODIES.
They are free to choose how to feed their child, if they want to breastfeed, if they want to formula feed, if they want to combi feed. They are free to wean from the breast at 3 weeks or 3 months, or 3 years or whenever is right for them and their child. They are entitled to stop because they find breastfeeding a hassle, or it doesn't work for them going back to work, or they don't want to nurse a toddler, or they feel uncomfortable past a certain stage, they simply are fed up with their child attacking their nipples, they find it weird going from nursing breasts to having their breasts touched sexually or any other reason.

What they are not entitled to do is decide that because THEY wouldn't nurse past a certain stage that others who do are weird. They are not entitled to decide that a woman's child would be probably viewing their breasts in a sexual way. They are not entitled to decide that another woman is gross for choosing to so natural term weaning. They are not entitled to take the view that's been alluded to throughout this thread that natural term weaning is disgusting because it just is (which seems to routinely rest on misogynistic views of women's bodies as sex objects).

We live in a society where topless and implied topless photos of models and celebs are allowed on social media, but women sharing photos of breastfeeding are told their photos break the rules. Women's boobs are always subjected to everyone's opinion about what they should and shouldn't do, with particular scorn for mothers who choose to use them to feed their children, especially out of infancy. When women decide to move from 'my choice for my body is X' towards 'women who do Y are gross and Y is disgusting and weird', they could do well to reflect on their attitudes.[/quote]
Bloody well said!

@Ohtherewearethen no one said that breastfeeding is the only thing that comforts a child! Yes, when they're really little breastfeeding can often be the only thing that settles a baby or calms a toddler tantrum, but when you're feeding an older child, of course they are perfectly capable of being comforted by someone else, or by something else.

Breastfeeding involves the input of mother and child. If one of them wants to stop, then they can stop. As many have said above, it's pretty impossible to make a child breastfeed, and if mum has really had enough, then she can take steps to stop. If the child doesn't want to stop, but the mum does, it's going to be a bit tougher, but that's life.

"Body hair is designed to keep us warm but now many women choose to remove it for their own reasons"

It might feel like their "own reasons", but no. It's another tool of the patriarchy. It's just become so ingrained that we feel better about ourselves when we're conforming.

"but surely it's up to individual women to view their bodies as they see fit"

Yes, of course. And isn't it also up to individual women to use their bodies as they see fit? Without anyone saying it's disgusting and child abuse when they're using their bodies as they were designed?