To be overwhelmed at this level of extended breastfeeding?

[ThornAmongstRoses]

I belong to a FB group for extended breast feeders (from when I was breastfeeding my 3 year old) and a thread just popped up on my newsfeed where a woman was celebrating her daughter’s 6th birthday and saying how she still breast fed her.

As I read the comments they were all lovely and supportive and other women came forward saying they were still feeding their 8, 9, 10 year olds (and some even older).

I won’t lie - I was surprised that breastfeeding continued for that length of time in some families, not that there’s any specific reason why it shouldn’t, but I was genuinely taken aback. I was a bit in awe really of the women who were continuing despite probably feeling it was viewed as something they ‘shouldn’t’ be doing.

When I was breastfeeding my 3 year old my husband would make the odd comment about our son “being too old for that now” so I can’t imagine what he’d have thought if I’d carried on for much longer. I suppose that’s due to the UK’s societal and cultural attitudes towards extended breastfeeding though.

AIBU to be so astonished by this?

Does anyone know anyone who has breastfed for that long or done it themselves?

I would love to understand the reality of it, and learn about the emotions/reasons behind it, and especially how the mothers cope with any negative attitudes they face - of which I imagine most sadly do.

Other children might find out about their schoolmate breastfeeding because they tell them maybe?

If they don't, that suggests that they've realised that it's something to keep secret, or even to be embarrassed about. I do think that's such a dangerous lesson for a child to learn - that intimate touching with an adult should be a private secret. Not that breastfeeding is sexual, but that by allowing something intimate that must be kept secret, leaves them vulnerable to others asking for secrets.

If they don't, that suggests that they've realised that it's something to keep secret, or even to be embarrassed about.
I disagree. I just don't see it coming up as a topic any more than talking about bedtime cuddles with classmates. Children like to talk about more exciting things.

@TheKeatingFive

It was not obvious abuse at all - the mother had genuine reasons for EBF; she thought it was natural, beneficial to the child for comfort & health reasons etc. She believed the anti-EBF backlash was cultural - all the stuff previously said in this and many other threads. She also derived a lot of her identity from being a mum and wanted to be the best she could be.

It was definitely not abuse, it was more akin to a miscommunication- the child seemed to know how important EBF was to her mum, so wanted to please her by continuing.

This seems to strike a chord to a PP that discusses the ‘martyr mum’ notion of EBF being seen as the best / most natural way.

Exclusive breast feeding of a six year old IS abuse, how could it not be? You aren’t meeting the nutritional needs of a six year old through only breastmilk and you’d have to be pretty tuned out from the world to think this.

@TheKeatingFive

Sorry, my fault - I was using ‘EBF’ as an acronym for ‘Extended BF’ not ‘exclusive’; I can see how that is confusing. The kid ate food!

Seeing extended breastfeeding as weird doesn’t mean people find it gross or only see boobs as something sexual (or they think that’s their primary function). I have no idea what the dictionary definition of weird is, but I would describe something as “weird” if it’s alien to me and not something I could ever imagine doing (or imagine anyone close to me doing). Weird doesn’t mean wrong or gross (to me anyway), just means not the norm. So by that reasoning... breastfeeding a ten year old is weird! But I wouldn’t pass comment if I came across someone doing it in real life.

I disagree. I just don't see it coming up as a topic any more than talking about bedtime cuddles with classmates. Children like to talk about more exciting things
True.

This seems to strike a chord to a PP that discusses the ‘martyr mum’ notion of EBF being seen as the best / most natural way
But breastmilk is best and the most natural way. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with formula or weaning when mum has had enough. It's great formula exists because it offers mums greater choice, but the reason formula companies model their milks on breastmilk and spend millions on breastmilk research is because breastmilk is best.

I've always said I stop when I get fed up or DC has enough. I zone out of feeding/sleeping discussions on facebook groups because it's always polarising between people who think they need a golden boobie award for getting less than 87 minutes sleep a night for 5 years due to feeding all night, and those who think the answer to everything is a bottle of formula and sleep training.

Oh dear, I want to self wean but not for that long 🤣

@LolaSmiles

I meant extended (not exclusive) BF by the acronym ‘EBF’. Apologies for the confusion.

Breast is most definitely best, but once a child has a developed immune system and derives their nutrition from a healthy, varied diet, the health benefits of BM are less clear.

That said, there is some suggestion that BM can have health benefits for adults - there is a growing community of power lifters who supplement with it, and some cancer patients use it as a therapy. The evidence is scant, but then, it would be - no one is going to fund a study to prove the benefits of a freely available resource that cannot be patented or mass produced (at least not without some horrifying scenes!)

Anyway, I say as long as everyone is happy, crack on.

thatonehasalittlecar
Makes sense now.
I thought you were talking about exclusive breastfeeding being best.

I totally agree with you. Live and let live.

My youngest fed to five. I know plenty of people who feed to stuff and seven. I'm surprised that children are able to continue past that. My child's latch changed and made it impossible.
A few months after she stopped she suddenly seemed really old and I couldn't imagine breastfeeding her. Until then it was just a continuation of what we'd always done. I think there's a big hormonal shift that happened quickly on weaning, but more slowly as a breastfeeding child gets older that is responsible for this phenomenon. ( I also felt it when her older siblings stopped at 2 and 3)

At 5, she knew that people have different opinions on breastfeeding and learned about discretion, so no chance of her being bullied by other kids as it wasn't something she would discuss, but also felt/feels now at ten no shame about it. She'll be a mother one day and sees breastfeeding as long as it works for mother and child as completely normal, as do her older siblings.

21:30Ohtherewearethen

If you had read up on extended breastfeeding, you'd be aware of all the benefits for both the child and mother and you wouldn't have to ask.

The reason why children tend to stop around the age of 7 is because that's when their milk teeth fall out which then makes it difficult to latch properly. The benefits are still there. Again, if you had read up on it you'd be aware of this.

My eldest BF until 6. Eldest would have liked to continue but id had enough and at time was also still feeding younger sibling. Youngest stopped a couple of months later

Both still talk about BF and how much they loved it. Eldest health deteriated after stopping due to underlying congenital problem so i often wonder of stopping contributed to this

When I was at primary school there was a boy whose mum would come stick her tit through the school gate. The head had to ask her to stop as kids would gather to watch. Poor boy was picked on all through school.

🤣🤣🤣 Yeah this definitely happened. Jog on love.

@Racoonworld

Surely once they start school its too old. Imagine the teasing from other children if they found out!

Children teased me at school because I preferred reading to playing Pogs. They teased me for using long words. They teased me because I wore my big sister's old uniform. They teased me because I liked wearing hats.

Kids (like adults apparently) can be little shits to people who do anything slightly different.

I'm not sure the lesson we should be teaching our kids is that (a) this is perfectly fine because "culture" or (b) the correct response is to bow to the bullies and only behave in the prescribed way or do the things they approve of.

@BigusBumus

Theres a woman in our village, who's 7 year old goes to the village school. She still breastfeeds him, (she told another mum and somehow word got round). All the other mums now gossip about her with raised eyebrows and laughs. (Not me, I hasten to add, but ive heard it). It would be awful for the children to all find out and for her son to be the object of their ridicule, but i fear thats what you let your child in for if you carry on feeding past about 2 or 3.

The mums in your village sound like nasty bitches and you sound like a coward if you've never stood up to it.

Another person who seems to think the way to respond to cliquey bullies is to submit to them.

For me at least my breasts have never been sexual. As soon as they developed and people started treating them as such I've been uncomfortable with it. I've been bored by sexual partners who want to fiddle with and slobber on them and ditched them pretty quickly. The decent men I've been with have very soon realised that they do nothing for me sexually and directed their attentions in more fruitful directions

Breastfeeding was brilliant for many reasons but one of the key things for me is that I finally made friends with these strange protruberances on my front which, apart from filling out my dresses had always seemed incredibly pointless. Suddenly I knew what they were FOR, enjoyed having them and was proud of them.

Fed my daughter until 2.5, only weaned because of the endless grief I was getting on all sides for continuing. She was sad, I was sad. A year on she still remembers it fondly and wistfully. As do I.

The sexualisation of women's bodies and the misogynistic subjugation of women to men's sexual wants is at the root both of western society's disgust for natural term weaning and it's compulsion to foster "independence" and "self soothing" in babies as young as 3months up. Women shouldn't be putting any of their energy in resources into things that benefit them or their children if it gets in the way even temporarily of their menfolk's right to rut is the long and short of it.

The sexualisation of women's bodies and the misogynistic subjugation of women to men's sexual wants is at the root both of western society's disgust for natural term weaning and it's compulsion to foster "independence" and "self soothing" in babies as young as 3months up. Women shouldn't be putting any of their energy in resources into things that benefit them or their children if it gets in the way even temporarily of their menfolk's right to rut is the long and short of it.

Beautifully said.

@Draineddraineddrained

When I was at primary school there was a boy whose mum would come stick her tit through the school gate. The head had to ask her to stop as kids would gather to watch. Poor boy was picked on all through school.

🤣🤣🤣 Yeah this definitely happened. Jog on love.

I was just coming on to say that this is actually true - I work for the Judge that heard this case in court.

We were actually only talking about it last week!

@lovemenomore

I say again - chinny reckon.

[quote Draineddraineddrained]@lovemenomore

I say again - chinny reckon.[/quote]
I am not sure what 'chinny reckon' means.

However it may well of been a different Mother but I can tell you it 100% is real and it got to High Court.

The sexualisation of women's bodies and the misogynistic subjugation of women to men's sexual wants is at the root both of western society's disgust for natural term weaning and it's compulsion to foster "independence" and "self soothing" in babies as young as 3months up. Women shouldn't be putting any of their energy in resources into things that benefit them or their children if it gets in the way even temporarily of their menfolk's right to rut is the long and short of it.
Well put.
There's a huge amount of attitudes to pregnancy and motherhood that seems to have quite sad views of women and motherhood.

It seems like this ideal mum is one who breastfeed enough to tick the box, keeps baby in the same room for enough months to tick that box, but she shouldn't feed in public as that's what toilets are for. Otherwise she should wean from the breast asap because people might think it's a bit eewie, she should put baby in their own room as soon as possible so they're not in the way (and probably so that with baby out the way there's one fewer barrier to the men folk getting some). She needs to be going back to work quickly and if she's not doing that then she better be being a live in maid. If baby is upset then they should cry it out or mum should go in to the nursery because dad needs his sleep. She should be happy to pass the baby around everyone to meet their emotional wants, regardless of whether it's best for baby. Throughout this time she should also be willing to have sex frequently because if she doesn't then her poor partner might get blue balls and be forced to cheat.

It starts in pregnancy though. Look how many newspapers and celeb sites talk about a pregnancy celebrity or public figure 'flaunting' her bump. 🙄 What they actually mean is 'pregnant women leaves house looking pregnant'. The emphasis on women's bodies is endless.

@Hilda40

If a child can remember being breastfed in later life then it's fucking weird.

I so agree with this. I know it's judgey but it's just how i feel !

For what @lovemenomore?

What type of proceedings?

@MariaK91

A lot of people feel instinctively that two men having sex together is "fucking weird". It's just how they feel. However it's become the custom in civilised society to interrogate our instinctive bigotries, and if we can't justify them with anything other than an "icky feeling" we are expected to overcome them. Holding homophobic attitudes isn't considered acceptable just because it's "just how you feel".

So, any reason at all why it's "fucking weird" for a child to remember being breastfed? Or just a bigotry you're choosing not to challenge in yourself?