To be overwhelmed at this level of extended breastfeeding?

[ThornAmongstRoses]

I belong to a FB group for extended breast feeders (from when I was breastfeeding my 3 year old) and a thread just popped up on my newsfeed where a woman was celebrating her daughter’s 6th birthday and saying how she still breast fed her.

As I read the comments they were all lovely and supportive and other women came forward saying they were still feeding their 8, 9, 10 year olds (and some even older).

I won’t lie - I was surprised that breastfeeding continued for that length of time in some families, not that there’s any specific reason why it shouldn’t, but I was genuinely taken aback. I was a bit in awe really of the women who were continuing despite probably feeling it was viewed as something they ‘shouldn’t’ be doing.

When I was breastfeeding my 3 year old my husband would make the odd comment about our son “being too old for that now” so I can’t imagine what he’d have thought if I’d carried on for much longer. I suppose that’s due to the UK’s societal and cultural attitudes towards extended breastfeeding though.

AIBU to be so astonished by this?

Does anyone know anyone who has breastfed for that long or done it themselves?

I would love to understand the reality of it, and learn about the emotions/reasons behind it, and especially how the mothers cope with any negative attitudes they face - of which I imagine most sadly do.

@lovemenomore

Let's see the court report then?

@Draineddraineddrained

For me at least my breasts have never been sexual. As soon as they developed and people started treating them as such I've been uncomfortable with it. I've been bored by sexual partners who want to fiddle with and slobber on them and ditched them pretty quickly. The decent men I've been with have very soon realised that they do nothing for me sexually and directed their attentions in more fruitful directions

Breastfeeding was brilliant for many reasons but one of the key things for me is that I finally made friends with these strange protruberances on my front which, apart from filling out my dresses had always seemed incredibly pointless. Suddenly I knew what they were FOR, enjoyed having them and was proud of them.

Fed my daughter until 2.5, only weaned because of the endless grief I was getting on all sides for continuing. She was sad, I was sad. A year on she still remembers it fondly and wistfully. As do I.

The sexualisation of women's bodies and the misogynistic subjugation of women to men's sexual wants is at the root both of western society's disgust for natural term weaning and it's compulsion to foster "independence" and "self soothing" in babies as young as 3months up. Women shouldn't be putting any of their energy in resources into things that benefit them or their children if it gets in the way even temporarily of their menfolk's right to rut is the long and short of it.

I don't want to get too into this, but some women do find breast touching etc sexually pleasurable in appropriate contexts - its not necessarily something foisted on us by men. I definitely feel my breasts have a purpose beyond BFing, which I guess might on some subconscious level be one of the reasons why I personally find the thought of EBFing a bit 'nope'. Each to her own though!

"Hilda40

If a child can remember being breastfed in later life then it's fucking weird.

I so agree with this. I know it's judgey but it's just how i feel !"

I've just read these comments out to my 13 year old. He laughed and asked "where did you read this? Was it on Mumsnet?" And rolled his eyes.

Anything after 3 is just horrible imo

@Jj2431

Anything after 3 is just horrible imo

What happens at 3?

@SomewhereEast

Each to her own though!

Well quite. And if things were left at that the thread would be 15 pages shorter! [Grin]

There are people who get sexual pleasure from toes. Doesn't mean toes are inherently naughty naughty sexy parts that should be hidden away, or that my daughter and I shouldn't paint each others toenails once she'll remember it!

[quote Draineddraineddrained]@SomewhereEast

Each to her own though!

Well quite. And if things were left at that the thread would be 15 pages shorter! [Grin]

There are people who get sexual pleasure from toes. Doesn't mean toes are inherently naughty naughty sexy parts that should be hidden away, or that my daughter and I shouldn't paint each others toenails once she'll remember it![/quote]
I wasn't saying with that, just arguing with what seemed (fairly or unfairly) to be a sweeping generalisation.

Generally I think how we feel about our bodies is very complex & personal. For me the idea that women shouldn't be pressured or guilted in terms of what they do with their bodies extends to EBFing and even BFing generally and I think some EBF rhetoric does cross a line into shaming (How can you not want to do the 'natural' thing???) I'm not a huge fan of the word 'natural' either, in any context related to birth or child feeding, but thats another debate

Let's see the court report then?

Yes of course. Because naturally PP has access to the report on her device and the express written consent of the Court and all parties involved to plaster it all over Mumsnet doesn't she?

If it went to the high court I should imagine there would be some public reporting. If the poster is talking shite however ... 🤷‍♀️

@SomewhereEast

I expressly said "for me". Don't see how that qualifies as a sweeping generalisation.

For what it's worth I am also against the appeal to nature as a rule. Lots of things are natural that aren't necessarily a good or the only good idea. But as those who bf as long as their child wants to are so often pilloried as sick, depraved, mentally ill or borderline perverts, it bears reminding that this is actually totally normal for mammals, primates and indeed large numbers of human beings the world over. It's only in westernised societies that it's seen as abnormal. So if natural isn't the right word to use in defense, it's hard to think of a better one.

Also given the respective rates of formula feeding and breastfeeding in this country, if women who would rather not are feeling "pressured" to breastfeed then this pressure is something that they are largely applying to themselves rather than being the victim of hordes of militant breastfeeders. I mean it's not like they need to look very far to find their tribe is it.

@SufferingFromLongLockdown

"Hilda40

If a child can remember being breastfed in later life then it's fucking weird.

I so agree with this. I know it's judgey but it's just how i feel !"

I've just read these comments out to my 13 year old. He laughed and asked "where did you read this? Was it on Mumsnet?" And rolled his eyes.

So, I can remember things that happened when I was two, DH has no recollection of anything before age six. Unfortunately our mothers didn't know this at the time so didn''t know when to stop BF.

If it went to the high court I should imagine there would be some public reporting.

No. Not every case before the High Court is reported on.

@ikltownofboothlehem

Court reports are public - and therefore anonymised if necessary. She could at least answer the question as to why it had court proceedings at all?

The clue is in the name as to why EXTENDED breastfeeding is ‘weird’...
‘Extended’ = longer period of time than usual
Opposite of usual = unusual
Unusual = strange
If you’re going to do something then don’t give it a name that basically defines it as weird

Let’s face it no one thought the mum breastfeeding the boy on GOT was normal did they but each to their own

This is why people who actually experience it and know there's nothing remotely weird about it call it "natural term weaning" - and then get lambasted for "shaming" other women by using the term "natural". So it's a bit of a catch-22 wouldn't you say?

I think possibly using a sex-obsessed, hugely misogynistic fantasy drama to form your opinions on normal mamallian behaviour might not be the absolute most rational approach.

@Draineddraineddrained

This is why people who actually experience it and know there's nothing remotely weird about it call it "natural term weaning" - and then get lambasted for "shaming" other women by using the term "natural". So it's a bit of a catch-22 wouldn't you say?

I think possibly using a sex-obsessed, hugely misogynistic fantasy drama to form your opinions on normal mamallian behaviour might not be the absolute most rational approach.

I guess whatever anyone does these days is judged so it will always be an ongoing debate as we all have different opinions! But I just really can’t get my head around how people feel like breastfeeding ‘children’ as opposed to a ‘baby/toddler’ is normal/natural, whatever. And not for perverted reasons at all, it just seems very ‘babyish’ so to speak, but then my baby is still a baby so who knows, perhaps this opinion will change when they are older...

This is why people who actually experience it and know there's nothing remotely weird about it call it "natural term weaning" - and then get lambasted for "shaming" other women by using the term "natural". So it's a bit of a catch-22 wouldn't you say?
True. Whatever people refer to it as, those who can only see women's bodies primarily as sex objects will claim it's gross, disgusting etc
I think possibly using a sex-obsessed, hugely misogynistic fantasy drama to form your opinions on normal mamallian behaviour might not be the absolute most rational approach.

@ikltownofboothlehem

If it went to the high court I should imagine there would be some public reporting.

No. Not every case before the High Court is reported on.

Quite right.

I cannot obviously post the report/order on here. It was a Private Care case so would not have been for the public to see.

@LazyName it just seems very ‘babyish’ so to speak, but then my baby is still a baby so who knows, perhaps this opinion will change when they are older...

I think this is how it usually goes actually. When my DD was a small baby I would have found it weird to picture BF a toddler or child too. But you don't suddenly start feeding an older child - you just keep feeding from one day to the next and suddenly they're a toddler and BF still feels as normal as it did the day before. It's a learning curve.

[quote wheresmymargharita]**@LazyName* it just seems very ‘babyish’ so to speak, but then my baby is still a baby so who knows, perhaps this opinion will change when they are older...*

I think this is how it usually goes actually. When my DD was a small baby I would have found it weird to picture BF a toddler or child too. But you don't suddenly start feeding an older child - you just keep feeding from one day to the next and suddenly they're a toddler and BF still feels as normal as it did the day before. It's a learning curve.[/quote]
I think it seems "babyish" because it's the norm to stop BF while your child is still a tiny baby. There are other things that older children and tiny babies do that aren't deemed as babyish (although by some they probably are) like playing with toys, using nappies and dummies, having a cuddly toy, watching TV/ipad......

I think it seems "babyish" because it's the norm to stop BF while your child is still a tiny baby.

As our very disappointing statistics show.

@MeringueCloud Exactly.

@MeringueCloud and @wheresmymargharita have it exactly. The reason people don't shit a brick about a 4yo still needing nappies at night or a 5yo having a "lovie" or special comfort object is plain and simple because it doesn't involve the mother's breasts. It gets in the way of society restoring her to her rightful place as a sex object. Same as why people lose their minds about bed-sharing/co-sleeping. The underlying horror is always "but what about SEX??!" Well what about it? I mean if women want it then there's always other times and places; but the idea a woman might actually STOP being sexual for a bit, might prioritise a different kind of intimacy for a time... Wowzers. People just cannot even.