To think overtly sexy dressing looks very old fashioned?

[BecomeStronger]

E.g Claudia's style looks far more modern than Tess'. I love the way young women will wear flats or even trainers and be comfortable rather than dressing for men.

What is wrong getting dressed liking the way you look and liking that it gets you attention

I loved this I had a great figure and I was going to show it off and I would wear heels too yes they made me feel sexy and I knew I was

I even wore a push up bra not really needed but looked good

@Ifailed

Yes! Girls night is the best time to get dressed up and have fun. All my female friends do it.

If people get dressed up for themselves, why wait until a night out - they can get dressed up at anytime, and save the money otherwise spent on going out?

You right- you failed.

Horrible misogynist attitudes on here

I agree. The tone is like a bunch of immature men bashing women for their clothing choices. & We all know the wailing that would go on if a man landed here dissing women for how they dress, don't we?

Stinks of bullshit respectability politics too.

I was mortified when my boss asked if I’d ‘glammed up’ for a Skype meeting! I didn’t tell him the lipstick and blowdried hair was actually for my kid’s zoom meeting an hour earlier as I didn’t want to face the other parents looking a mess 😂
I was also leaning back in my desk chair (a bouncy one) so my boobs were sort of thrust at the screen by accident when I moved (I had a high necked top but the camera angle focused on my boobs by mistake!) He also made a joke about me looking like a helicopter pilot as I don’t normally wear a headset to Skype! Usually he only sees me in scrubs, mask and with my hair in a bun so I kind of get it.

The thing I like best about society today (and to be fair there isn't much I like about society today) is that you can wear pretty much whatever you want and while people may mutter or stare or start bitchy threads on Mumsnet you can pretty much get away with it. So women who like to dress like Betty Page can, punky lasses in DMs can, androgynous women can wear jeans and lumberjack shirts and buzz cuts and only sometimes have people give them the 'are you a guy or a girl?' questioning stare...There is literally a place for everyone and while certain trends can predominate from time to time (go to your local chain club/meat-market for a sense of the prevailing wind) the pressure to conform (if you're an adult) is nothing like what it was when I was young.

However I'm aware this will be at least in part because I am in my mid thirties, a mum and middle class. Teenagers are still horribly pressured to conform, and the standard for confirmation has become hideously convoluted, and the scrutiny and performance of your conforming demanded seems astonishingly high. I fear for my strong, solid, quirky little girl (currently 3) when she hits teen years, I don't want to see her struggling to lose weight, to look older, to contour, wax, and falsify her lovely face so she looks right on TikTok. I feel like when I was young there were more 'tribes' amongst teens when I was young, so if you weren't 'cool' you had a place to go among the goths or the geeks or the greebos or ... somewhere. Whereas now it seems like all I see is young girls trying to look like 30 year old women out for a hen do. Mothers of teens, where do the nerdy girls go?? And how do you bear it seeing your babies conform to what is quite frankly a ludicrous look on a 13/14/15 year old kid?

One of the things I am liking best about getting older is how much less I care about how I look and what people think. I'm not quite 'in my stained onesie' but I only wear what I like, I don't try to pretend to myself I'm going to start blow drying my hair or making up my face like I used to when I was in my 20s (never did, was raised mainly by a man and it just wasn't in my routine and I never could make it something I 'just did'), people can take me as they find me as long as I'm clean and tidy. And I do think it helps that I have long since stopped caring about being attractive to men.

I'm sure there are lots of women who think I'm a slob; and you know what? Don't care about them either It's SO LIBERATING!!!

I was mortified when my boss asked if I’d ‘glammed up’ for a Skype meeting! I didn’t tell him the lipstick and blowdried hair was actually for my kid’s zoom meeting an hour earlier as I didn’t want to face the other parents looking a mess 😂
I was also leaning back in my desk chair (a bouncy one) so my boobs were sort of thrust at the screen by accident when I moved (I had a high necked top but the camera angle focused on my boobs by mistake!) He also made a joke about me looking like a helicopter pilot as I don’t normally wear a headset to Skype! Usually he only sees me in scrubs, mask and with my hair in a bun so I kind of get it.

Your boss needs to wind his fucking neck in and stop passing remarks on your appearance

Mothers of teens, where do the nerdy girls go?

I was a nerdy girl. In my bedroom with a book most of the time.

@HikeForward

I was mortified when my boss asked if I’d ‘glammed up’ for a Skype meeting! I didn’t tell him the lipstick and blowdried hair was actually for my kid’s zoom meeting an hour earlier as I didn’t want to face the other parents looking a mess 😂 I was also leaning back in my desk chair (a bouncy one) so my boobs were sort of thrust at the screen by accident when I moved (I had a high necked top but the camera angle focused on my boobs by mistake!) He also made a joke about me looking like a helicopter pilot as I don’t normally wear a headset to Skype! Usually he only sees me in scrubs, mask and with my hair in a bun so I kind of get it.

I wonder why that post made me cringe.

To be honest, I dress day to day for comfort, but if I was going out for a meal or night out I would dress up in a lovely dress and heels, because that would make me feel feminine and pretty, not for dh, or anyone else, for me.
Each to their own I guess, dress how you like, but it's wrong to assume women dressed "sexily" are doing it for men!

My Niece is in her early twenties and is absolutely beautiful, no two ways about it. On nights out she gets herself glammed up and looks incredible. MIL regularly comments on our family WhatsApp how she doesn't look respectable or won't find a nice husband by dressing in x y and z. She comes to babysit our DC dressed in tracksuits looking scruffy as fuck - her style is lovely, a mixture of all the different parts of her personality and not once has she turned up to anything and made me think "look at the state of her". She roots through my wardrobe and borrows stuff - it is a wonderful mix of old and new all at once. I love that she and her mates don't feel the need to conform the way other generations did.

I am secretly proud that she has the balls to wear whatever she likes without consideration for puritan woman-shaming bullshit like "if you wear that you must be a slut" because we should have moved past that point. DN is spectacularly bright, works hard and doesn't tolerate bullshit from anyone, let alone the men she meets. I honestly believe some of MIL's judgement is secret jealousy that her youth has gone because there's no real reason for that level of judgement towards other women.

Wear whatever the fuck you want to wear, and let the judgy folk judge. If they're not judging your sexiness they'll be judging something else and tbh anyone who has that much time on their hands can trot on.

I wonder why that post made me cringe

Why did it make you cringe?

It was awkward but I think he was just shocked to see me in normal clothes with my hair down and lipstick on!

@EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide

To be honest, I dress day to day for comfort, but if I was going out for a meal or night out I would dress up in a lovely dress and heels, because that would make me feel feminine and pretty, not for dh, or anyone else, for me. Each to their own I guess, dress how you like, but it's wrong to assume women dressed "sexily" are doing it for men!

But you're dressing up because you're going OUT where you will be SEEN by PEOPLE so it's not for yourself is it?

Yes you will be seen by people. Yes, it is for you. It is for your own self esteem and feeling good about yourself.

@HikeForward

I wonder why that post made me cringe

Why did it make you cringe?

It was awkward but I think he was just shocked to see me in normal clothes with my hair down and lipstick on!

Specifically this:

I was also leaning back in my desk chair (a bouncy one) so my boobs were sort of thrust at the screen by accident when I moved (I had a high necked top but the camera angle focused on my boobs by mistake!)

You sounded pleased...

But you're dressing up because you're going OUT where you will be SEEN by PEOPLE so it's not for yourself is it?

Presumably, she dresses up, goes out, get seen all dressed up by people (shock horror!) and it makes her feel good. Only she is getting any benefit of of her dressing up, so she is doing it for herself.

"Only she is getting any benefit of of her dressing up, so she is doing it for herself."

Well no, everyone else does as well.

@Gwenhwyfar

"Only she is getting any benefit of of her dressing up, so she is doing it for herself."

Well no, everyone else does as well.

Yes. Talk about trying to spin it. 🙄

You sounded pleased...confused

Pleased? 😂 Why did I sound pleased?
Embarrassed yes. I was busy watching my colleagues not my reflection!

@HikeForward

You sounded pleased...confused

Pleased? 😂 Why did I sound pleased?
Embarrassed yes. I was busy watching my colleagues not my reflection!

Whatever.

@1Morewineplease

I have yet to see a woman walking comfortably in stilettos. Makes me giggle.... bum sticks out, shoulders hunched , calves enlarged, walking cautiously.

Calves enlarged?

What do you mean by this? Do you think there should be no muscle shape to lower legs or do you see ppl walking around with popeye-like muscles? Lol

Well no, everyone else does as well

What benefit do they get?

The thing about the male gaze is, if you allow it to become internalised or to affect your clothing choice, it is impossible to escape from. So if I get dressed up, people can argue I am choosing those clothes to appear attractive to other men. If I chose different clothes for this reason, I am still dressing for men - it could be argued I have chosen those clothes because I know men dont find them attractive. Added to which, it is quite hard as a female to dress in clothes that arent "sexy" in some way or other (sexy nurse, sexy school girl, sexy MILF/yummy mummy, sexy teacher, sexy librarian in sexy glasses and a severe bun, everything on show = sexy, everything covered up = maintaining the mystery oooh sexy.) In other words just fuck of.
If I am being honest maybe I am partly dressing for myself and partly for other people. But in my case at least those other people are women, I have realised reading this thread I care a lot more about womens opinions/receiving womens compliments on my clothes than men. But for some reason some poster refuse to believe that.

So if I get dressed up, people can argue I am choosing those clothes to appear attractive to other men.

Are you a man?

No, Im a woman, why?

Ahh, Ive just reread the message - I have no idea where the "other" in "other men" came from. I think because I typed a sentance out and then changed it it got stranded there.