AIBU to think Sil is a CF?

[UsernameA1B2]

Changed username as this is quite outing.
Background - I'm a sahm so look after dc (almost 3) and do all the cooking and cleaning. Dh works from home full time with lockdown. Dc is quite an active handful and and I'm quite stressed/ busy with dc and my OCD (it has got worse during the lockdowns, but I'm reading some ocd books and slowly trying to reduce the amount of ocd rituals. I might ask to be put on waiting list for cbt but with lots of people suffering with their mental health I don't want to take the place of someone who may need it more. My in laws do not know about my ocd).
Mil lives about 60 miles away and we don't have a car as we both can't drive. Mil rents a house and the tenants moved out recently and left the house and garden in a bit of a mess. Mil wants to move into this house so she can sell the house they living in as they downsizing.

Sil sent dh this text: I think u should consider offering to come down for a wknd or couple days over Xmas to help clean the house (either alone or with the wife and dc). Mums physically drained looking after her mum and fighting her shingles and FIL getting on and doing so much as well. I'm high risk with my job. You're relatively low risk working from home.

Sil is a primary school teacher. AIBU or is that mega cheeky? We are in tier 3 and before the recent lockdown we were in tier 3. Me and dh looking forward to a break over Christmas and my parents helping with dc for a few days over Christmas. We certainly do not want to go and clean mil's house.

I don’t think it’s that bad.

Yes, of course you want to relax over Christmas. But if Christmas is when MIL just happens to be moving, then yes, she probably kinda does need help with that and cleaning.

I don’t think it’s cheeky for her to send that text. If your DH is mortally offended by the suggestion, then he just says no, surely?

You're tier 3, can you even do that? Not sure cleaning a house would be within the guidelines. However, maybe both your husband and his sister could chip in to pay for an actual cleaner to go and do it? That way it's their job and it's not breaking the rules.

What has SILs job got to do with it?

I have to say I don't think it's a cheeky text.

He works from home and has a stay at home wife to look after things with the dc. Sounds pretty easy to me tbh! If he doesn't get on with his mum fair enough. Shingles is absolute hell though.

Text her back, say it's not possible but you'll be happy to go halfers on a deep cleaner one off.

While she sits on her arse at home! Cheeky twat.

And 60 miles is hardly far away.

I would 100% send a message like that to my brothers if I thought that our parents needed their help

I would love to her SIL’s side of this.

And agree that your OCD is irrelevant, given they have no clue about it.

How old are PILs.
You dont really have a lot on your plate do you? One child, 2 parents, only one working and from home at that.
If PILs are old, and caring for even older relatives and managing their own health issues. And they were not abusive parents. Then yeah, their son should go help them in my opinion.

SIL phrased it a bit blunt but she's right, she's high risk, despite you being in a tier 3 area, you're actually low risk.

Normally, tenants who leave a house and garden in ‘a bit of mess’ will have money deducted from their deposit to put it right. That is the whole point of having to pay a deposit so your DH might want to mention that to her.

Sil is suggesting we help out and she does not. Sil would never help out cleaning. I meant more she has no dc to look after/ find childcare for. Mil can definitely afford a cleaner, she is richer than Sil, bil and dh combined.

YABU, she's made a suggestion. Sounds perfectly reasonable from what you've put here.

Why wouldn't your DH want to help now he knows his mum is struggling?

I don’t really think it’s cheeky no, I’d gladly do the journey and back to help my mum. There’s no reason why you and DC need to go with.

If she considers herself high risk she can do the garden and your DH can do the indoors stuff.

Echo PP though she should be retaining deposit proportionately to spend on this it’s the purpose of them.

Yabu, families help each other out. It sounds like your MIL is struggling and her son should be offering to help her whether or not his sister is too.

I'm guessing that she is far more involved day to day than the dh in this scenario. And hardly sat on her arse out working.

Sounds like your SIL is trying to nudge your DH into doing a nice thing, which honestly isn't that cheeky at all! Your MIL sounds like she's had a tough year and it would be nice for your DH to help out. Not cheeky, can make an excuse if you really want to. I'm more surprised your DH hasn't offered already

MIL should use deposit money to get professional cleaners in. Your DH could go alone to help your SIL together, as surely being a teacher she'll be finished work early (my children break up 16/17!) He could stay with her bypass their parents.

Why would they need to help with DC? Does he want his mum to struggle? She’s already tired looking after her mum and shingles can be bloody awful, my mum still has recurring pain 18 months after having it.

SIL isn’t being a CF at all to ask her brother to help their mum. If he doesn’t want to he can say so. No need to get het up about her asking. If your inlaws don’t know about your issues you can’t expect them to consider them.

IndecentFeminist its more my ocd that is the hardship and what I'm struggling with.

It seems a very curt message

Suggest to sil she comes over to look after your dc and you can go get cleaning...
I doubt she will accept your suggestion...
Send her links to local cleaning agencies..

Whether he wants to or not, it isn't an unreasonable suggestion that he support his parents. Neither of you have a lot on your plates, you need to keep life in perspective

Yeah I get that, but to the point that nothing else can happen? It all just sounds a little OTT

Do not understand why MIL doesn't pay for a deep cleaning / house clearance service. If she's selling a house and not buying one, she's quids in... seems very mean spirited (and slightly batshit TBH) to not spend a few quid getting it cleaned and instead want her DC or DIL to do it!!!!