Would doing this make my dd a bit spoilt?

[Maisymooster]

Last night dd was out and her phone must have fallen out of her pocket. She arrived back absolutely distraught. We managed to track it on the find my I phone thing and her dad collected it from the street! It was smashed in 1 corner but now doesn't work. I haven't yet inspected it but the extra annoying thing is we were going to surprise her for Christmas with an upgrade.
So my dilemma now, do we pay for a repair or upgrade the phone now earlier than planned?
Her current phone until it smashed last night is an i phone 11 and I wanted to sell it to recoup some costs back from upgrading. So it would need fixing if I did that. But I have no idea the cost of fixing it versus what I'd get for selling it.
But if we just upgrade immediately, not only does it completely ruin the surprise on Christmas day (and her sibling would get a surprise too when she'd already had hers) It would also seem like the wrong message to send to her as she was obviously careless. Like showing her don't worry sweetie, you've smashed your phone here's a better one to replace it with! Wwyd?

@Mustbe3ormorecharacters

Is it normal for parents to take back gifts when they give a newer version? If I was your daughter I would expect to keep my old phone and new one.

I think it's not unreasonable if discussed beforehand.

You can have a phone for X and keep your old one, or a phone for X+£100 and hand back the old one so we can sell it.

YABU, but I think by 8 pages it might be clear.

Having an iPhone 11 to start with is being spoilt.

She can wait. You can transfer her SIM to a dumb phone, she can have calls and texts for 3 weeks. I suspect she has an iPad anyway so she can do social media on there.

DS13 broke his phone and we made him use the random old cracked phone we had in a draw for 6 months until it was time for his free upgrade. He learnt his lesson. I would not replace a broken phone immediately especially not with an upgrade!

Having an iPhone 11 to start with is being spoilt.

That’s an opinion, not fact ! Also, try reading OPs updates. 🙄

Wait for christmas.

Its 20 days away.

I know it was an accident but hopefully itll teach her to look after her things.

It wont always be possiblr to upgrade or buy new.

She can wait.

Nearly 17. She should understand patience.

@BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze Thank you, just done and googled price of iPhone XR.

Revised opinion: having an iPhone XR is being spoilt. Sorry, still a cash strapped household here.

For wet phone: stick it in a zip bag with rice, the rice is supposed to pull the moisture.

Can you try taking it into one of those cheap corner shop type phone shops? We have them all over where we are, I smashed by XR up pretty bad (front and back) a few months ago and it completely stopped working. They replaced the front for £40 and it took two hours. Although the back was still smashed up I wasn’t bothered because I was due an upgrade and at least it worked in the mean time.

Apple quoted me something like £300 and said they weren’t sure it could be fixed and I might need to pay for a replacement.

Revised opinion: having an iPhone XR is being spoilt. Sorry, still a cash strapped household here.

At least you acknowledge it’s just your opinion now. Sorry that you’re struggling but that really doesn’t necessarily mean that a child is spoiled if they get something that they’re parents have chosen to buy them.

You could upgrade and get her a nice phone cover for Christmas so she doesn't smash it. As long as she realises she won't be getting a big gift. I don't think having a fancy phone necessarily makes her spoilt, if she was spoilt she would probably not have been distraught about breaking it.

If y’all read the update you’ll see OP figured out what to do and it wasn’t an iPhone 11 so you can stand down from jumping on your high horse’s ok?

Sorry, didn't spot your update! Sounds like a good plan.

@Balaur

You're overthinking. It's not giving her the message of "it's ok sweetie here's a better phone" if you were planning on giving her a new one anyway?! Just get the old one fixed, since you were planning to sell it, then give her the new one at Christmas, no-one's surprise ruined, no-one "spoiled". You can get an iPhone screen fixed for around £25. DS has broken his twice, just accidents.

Can you?! Mine cost 200 quid to fix.

@BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze thanks. I don't remember prefacing my first point with "This is a fact" as on this forum people are asked about their opinion on the OP's predicament. Your point is an interesting parenting point though.
Actually, even if you can afford the snazzy, should you? Or should the kids get to save/work etc?

@user1493494961

I would make her wait until Christmas, I can't get past the fact she was 'distraught'.

🙄

i would go for the upgrade now op

she is old enough to accept a token present for Christmas if you go for the upgrade now

@user1493494961

I would make her wait until Christmas, I can't get past the fact she was 'distraught'.

I'd be distraught if I smashed my phone too. It has lots of pics and videos that I'd really hate to lose, not to mention many kids are barely seeing their peers face to face at the moment and social media/video calls is filling that void a bit.

cardswapping

You said, ‘having an iPhone 11 to start with is being spoilt.’ That certainly sounds like you’re presenting it as a fact and can’t believe that it’s possible for a child with one, not to possibly be spoilt. I think being spoilt is them behaving badly and not appreciating what they have, I don’t believe children are spoiled just because they have nice/expensive things.

Actually, even if you can afford the snazzy, should you? Or should the kids get to save/work etc?

There’s no right or wrong, people do things differently. There’s lots of judgement of parents who spends lots of money on their children though. If there was the same amount of judgement on people who don’t spend much, because they don’t want to/can’t afford to, this would be rightfully seen as unpleasant. I just wonder why it’s ok to judge parents who spend what others see as ‘too much’.

@Balaur

You're overthinking. It's not giving her the message of "it's ok sweetie here's a better phone" if you were planning on giving her a new one anyway?! Just get the old one fixed, since you were planning to sell it, then give her the new one at Christmas, no-one's surprise ruined, no-one "spoiled". You can get an iPhone screen fixed for around £25. DS has broken his twice, just accidents.

£25 to fix an iPhone screen, that's very cheap, where did you go? Local phone shops here seem to be £100

@Sammysquiz

Where’ve you gone OP? Why aren’t you telling us how old DD is?

Calm down with the interrogation. She only posted the original question half an hour ago!

Agree with this. Why has Mumsnet become so over the top? I am now paranoid I will get jumped on in case I should have wrote become or became!!!

@isadorapolly

There’s nothing wrong with upgrading from an 11 and a most 16 year olds would be embarrassed with an iPhone 6. Mumsnet does me me laugh.

I was thinking an iPhone 6 would be really slow? I upgraded from an 8 and that had become slow

Actually, even if you can afford the snazzy, should you?

Why on earth not? Surely one of the reasons we work hard is so our kids can have nice things? I don’t believe in withholding things just for the sake of it.

@Maisymooster

My apologies for not responding immediately 🤣 It's not a wind up but I got the bloody model wrong. It's the 1 earlier than the 11. I phone XR!! Dd is 16 nearly 17. Has a part time job but due to covid hours have been reduced so she barely earns anything. She was distraught yes. Crying her eyes out as she thought she wouldn't get it back and we wouldn't get her a new one. I've decided what to do. I've found somewhere that will replace the screen for £75. I will tell dd she has to pay half of that over several weeks gradually as she doesn't have the money to do it upfront. Then I'm going to sell it and go with the plan of upgrading at Christmas. Only concern is the phone was lying on the wet pavement for about an hour and it's not working. Dh has followed instructions from Google to check for water damage and there doesn't seem to be any (he doesn't think) but if there is it'll either be knackered or cost loads more. Phone is covered on home insurance but years back we claimed for a broken I pad (not dd fault) and I worked out due to premium going up we wouldn't have been much worse off buying a new one anyway. Dd isn't usually careless and it was a genuine accident. Phone was in a case too.

That's a good idea, more special to open at Christmas/ sure she will love it. The seem to work wonders at phone repair shops, id take it as soon as possible and see what they can do. I'd be distraught too if I lost my phone, and imagine being a teenager.

If make her wait until Christmas so she learns the lesson of being careful with your things.