Would doing this make my dd a bit spoilt?

[Maisymooster]

Last night dd was out and her phone must have fallen out of her pocket. She arrived back absolutely distraught. We managed to track it on the find my I phone thing and her dad collected it from the street! It was smashed in 1 corner but now doesn't work. I haven't yet inspected it but the extra annoying thing is we were going to surprise her for Christmas with an upgrade.
So my dilemma now, do we pay for a repair or upgrade the phone now earlier than planned?
Her current phone until it smashed last night is an i phone 11 and I wanted to sell it to recoup some costs back from upgrading. So it would need fixing if I did that. But I have no idea the cost of fixing it versus what I'd get for selling it.
But if we just upgrade immediately, not only does it completely ruin the surprise on Christmas day (and her sibling would get a surprise too when she'd already had hers) It would also seem like the wrong message to send to her as she was obviously careless. Like showing her don't worry sweetie, you've smashed your phone here's a better one to replace it with! Wwyd?

Your daughter having an upgrade on an iPhone 11 makes her a bit spoilt.

If she was mine she'd get by with a brick until Christmas and have to pay for the repair out of her own money so you can sell it

@opinionatedfreak exactly the same here. I explained this to my mum too as I think once she did the math she would see it makes no sense for her to have it

Regardless of her age, I’m sure she can go 3 weeks without a phone in reality. I was about 21 before I had a phone!

Yes it’s not ideal, yes the world has moved in since I was younger but it’s not the end of the world to have no phone for 3 weeks under the circumstances.

If you can afford it then get it fixed and I assume you can as she’s got the latest model and they aren’t cheap.

@ClaireP20

It’s basically a small tablet (second hand not that I have to justify it) he has had it since he was 8, and is no different to having a kindle fire/android/iPad. Kids these days have phones or tablets. They use them to play together, do their homework, listen to music and read. I don’t see it as ridiculous- I genuinely don’t know any of his classmates (small school) who don’t have some form of phone/tablet.

As for paying for it... he dropped it on something when he wasn’t meant to have it, so he paid the £20 to get the screen fixed. Just like when my son lost his school book and so I made him pay to replace it. They need to learn consequences, and that there’s not always somebody there to fix things for you.

I also think it’s a wind up

I would be distraught if I lost mine. The issue is I have too many videos and photos to back up to iCloud without paying. I use google photos to do it but it’s not the same for use ability.

Also the passwords are all on there for banking. Whilst I am sure no one else could get in, I’d have to bloody remember them all which would be hard. Next, i haven’t seen friends for MONTHS because of corona and it’s my main method of keeping in touch.

I don’t think getting it fixed makes her spoiled, upgrading from an 11 definitely does

🙄 She was distraught when she’d lost her phone, hardly a sign of a spoiled child. But on here any child who gets anything is spoiled. Accidents happen, I know plenty of adults who have lost or broken a phone.

My kids both have iPhone 11s. They have lots of nice things. They’re lovely kids, kind, appreciative and they think of others. To me spoiled kids are ones that have a bad attitude and behave badly as a result of having lots of things and not being disciplined when they misbehave.

OP, I’d find out how much the repair will be. I’m sure it will be worth getting it fixed as it will very likely be cheaper than what you can sell it for. Then I’d let her use the repaired phone til Xmas so that she has her new phone as planned on Xmas Day. Then sell the repaired iPhone 11.

@Retiremental

‘Losing something ONCE doesn't make you careless’

It does when that something costs £600 minimum.

So you’re not careless if it costs a tenner? Completely illogical.

I really don’t understand the difference in “spoiling” between handing it over now and in 20 days time. Particularly since it’s presumably already in the house. We don’t really make a big thing of Christmas and birthdays, we tend to give big presents when they’re needed.

G*et the broken 11 fixed and she keeps till Xmas.

Give her 12. *

*Sell 11.

Not it's not spoiling her.

She's your daughter and it's Christmas.

Don't listen to the 'kids should have no phones or ancient iPhone 1s' brigade.
*

So lack of phone insurance doesn't necessarily equal poor financial planning. For me it is a calculate risk

^ This. There are people spending more on insuring^ their phones than my entire 'cheapy SIM only and Moto handset bought when on offer' costs me.

Unless you're in the habit of dropping high end phones regularly, all this insurance is quite a waste of money?

If I were you OP, I would do the following:

• Repair the broken phone
• Give her the new one in 3 weeks (on Christmas Day)
• Sell the old one to recoup some money

I don't think you should give the Christmas one now, it won't teach her anything about looking after her things, and it will also show her that expensive items will be immediately replaced. That WOULD be spoiling her. Your DD being a bit sad about her phone for 3 weeks is not going to kill her.

I lost something very very precious to me over the summer. It was a mistake.

I was devastated and disappointingly it wasn't handed in to police or transport company lost property.

To anyone other than me it was a nice but relatively valueless item (think cosmetics pouch) to me it had enormous sentimental value.

Why are you upgrading the phone getting her the latest model? Ffs - get her an iPhone 6 for 130£ it will do the job. An iPhone 11 for a child is ridiculous tbh

Hi Op
I think it depends on your daughter age,usaul carefullness and general behaviour,

It sounds like a real expensive upgrade status symbol,idea,to keep up with her peer age group
(You are aware? there are other pretty good mobile phones/deals out there,that are just as good, but not as expensive as iPhone 11.

I think what happened here in this situation, it be a good idea/life skill to teach her value of money if she, your daughter, is old enough say 15 or 16yrs or older for her to have a Saturday job like working in fruit/veg stall or doing a bit/some waitressing work etc.

If she is younger she can save up by doing possible helping out doing stuff around the house e.g doing house hold chores or by helping to look after family pet in some way if you have pet/or just doing kind deeds.

@Heyahun

Why are you upgrading the phone getting her the latest model? Ffs - get her an iPhone 6 for 130£ it will do the job. An iPhone 11 for a child is ridiculous tbh

The child is 16 from what previous history says. An iPhone 11 isn't an issue, its upgrading it to pretty much the same phone in a year that is the odd thing here. Especially when said posting history shows the 16 year old is irresponsible in other ways as well.

@Heyahun if the op can afford to give her child nice things why should she give her an iPhone 6?

Hi Op

I forget to mention your daughter, could have some kind of partime job,that fits around school /college etc.
Teaching her very valuable life skill, and helps her to have cofindence in herself, etc..

It’ll cost more to fix than to upgrade. I’d make her wait for the sake of twenty days... maybe she’ll learn to be more careful?

Out of interest, how would you be teaching a child appreciation? Tell them repeatedly how lucky they are? Show them pictures of “unlucky” children with less up to date models?
Usually it’s the lack of something teaches you to appreciate what you have.

My kids have never really lacked anything. They’ve obviously wanted things and sometimes have waited excitedly til Xmas or their birthday for it but they’ve also got things for no particular reason through the year, like an iPhone.
They’ve just never exhibited ‘spoiled’ behaviour when we have said no or wait and we’ll get it for birthday/Xmas. Obviously when they were very small they would sometimes cry but it was short lived and they moved on and that hasn’t happened since they were toddlers.
I like to think they see us being kind, appreciative of what we have, they know we give to food banks/charities, have helped out friends and family when they’ve needed it, not just financially. And now at 17 and 12, I’d say they are both extremely appreciative of what they have. They’re thoughtful and just generally nice kids to be around. Maybe other kids would have been ‘spoiled’ by how we’ve done things but it’s worked for us.

I can’t understand why you would update an iPhone 11. The next iPhone will probably be out after Christmas and you’ll then need to upgrade the 12. Craziness

@thosetalesofunexpected

Hi Op

I forget to mention your daughter, could have some kind of partime job,that fits around school /college etc.
Teaching her very valuable life skill, and helps her to have cofindence in herself, etc..

Yes, very easy to get one of those with unemployment heading for the highest levels in 40 years. What planet do some of you live on?

@opinionatedfreak who is your phone insurance with please?

@thosetalesofunexpected

Hi Op

I forget to mention your daughter, could have some kind of partime job,that fits around school /college etc.
Teaching her very valuable life skill, and helps her to have cofindence in herself, etc..

Again (since the op isn't returning), just look up the history. Daughter has dropped out of college, and is working 10 hours a week. As I said in a previous post, she's also apparently overspending on her Apple Pay, and getting threatening letters from the bank.

Advance search comes in very useful when the op won't elaborate....

My apologies for not responding immediately 🤣 It's not a wind up but I got the bloody model wrong. It's the 1 earlier than the 11. I phone XR!!
Dd is 16 nearly 17. Has a part time job but due to covid hours have been reduced so she barely earns anything. She was distraught yes. Crying her eyes out as she thought she wouldn't get it back and we wouldn't get her a new one. I've decided what to do.
I've found somewhere that will replace the screen for £75. I will tell dd she has to pay half of that over several weeks gradually as she doesn't have the money to do it upfront. Then I'm going to sell it and go with the plan of upgrading at Christmas.
Only concern is the phone was lying on the wet pavement for about an hour and it's not working. Dh has followed instructions from Google to check for water damage and there doesn't seem to be any (he doesn't think) but if there is it'll either be knackered or cost loads more.
Phone is covered on home insurance but years back we claimed for a broken I pad (not dd fault) and I worked out due to premium going up we wouldn't have been much worse off buying a new one anyway.
Dd isn't usually careless and it was a genuine accident. Phone was in a case too.