Is it okay for parents to call teachers by first name?

[thisisnot]

Hi,

At my child's previous school we referred to all the teachers by their first name, and they signed off with the same (in emails etc.).

But in this new school, despite the email address including the first name, the teacher always signs off as Mrs last name - even when I have sent the initial email with her first name.

I also sign off with my first name and she responds "hi mrs last name".

What is going on here? Is it wrong for me to call her by her first name? I don't want to be rude so I will stop if I am being unreasonable.

It just feels odd calling them mrs, but I understand there may be some etiquette I have missed.

I also don't like being referred to as mrs, but not to the degree that I would bother correcting anyone. Just not something I would use myself.

Please let me know what you think!

It would be polite to refer to her as she refers to herself.

It’s normal to call a teacher by their last name unless they invite you to do otherwise.

I always refer to dd's teacher as Mrs in both written and spoken interactions, I know her name is Debbie but she I've never been invited to use it so don't.

By signing off with Mrs Lastname, she's telling you she wants you to call her Mrs Lastname.

At our school teachers seem to sign off emails with their first name but I still call them by mr/Mrs last name. Seems weird not to.

I'm a teacher and I sign all emails with my first and last name and parents can use whichever they are more comfortable with, however I know that some teachers really protect that professional distance and prefer the use of their 'teaching name'

It seems she is giving you a very clear message of what she would prefer.

By signing off with Mrs Lastname, she's telling you she wants you to c
all her Mrs Lastname

Yet she doesn't acknowledge the OP's preference by how she signs her email...

That's fair.

But guess this means she should send my emails with my first name too!

Also just want to know why they like this?

(FYI, I will use mrs last name as you have all suggested, just curious to know why the mrs last name for someone you see every day?)

Yeah only call her by her first name if specifically invited.

Unbelievably some parents (I know at least 2) use teachers first names in a sort of power trip passive aggressive way

As in I will call you by your first name as I don’t have to follow your rules because I am the parent

It’s normal to call a teacher by their last name unless they invite you to do otherwise.

^ This. I've been a teacher for 25 years and I've never been called by my first name by the parent of a pupil unless I also knew the parent in another context out of school. I've taught in primary and secondary, state and independent, and this has always been the case.

I am not friends with these parents just putting that out there

@sirfredfredgeorge

*By signing off with Mrs Lastname, she's telling you she wants you to c all her Mrs Lastname*

Yet she doesn't acknowledge the OP's preference by how she signs her email...

Yes! This is why it confuses me!

I know one of my kids’ teachers outside school but still use her surname in school context, as that’s what the school do.

Must be easier for the teachers too, I would hate to have to learn the first names of 30 sets of parents!

I always refer to teachers with Mr/Mrs/ Miss xxx but sign off with my first name & surname (or just first name). They always tend to reply dear Mrs 4forkssake

@PTW1234

Yeah only call her by her first name if specifically invited.

Unbelievably some parents (I know at least 2) use teachers first names in a sort of power trip passive aggressive way

As in I will call you by your first name as I don’t have to follow your rules because I am the parent

Haha I'm definitely not trying to assert some sort of power here but wonder if they are by using mrs?

Depends on the school. Some schools and teachers use first names, others prefer their ‘teacher name’ and to stay more formal. Go with whatever she signs off as.

Also just want to know why they like this?

Well, probably partly because it used to be the norm to address other adults like this unless you knew them personally, and schools never stopped doing this.

Also because teachers are used to being called Mr/Mrs Surname all day every day by their pupils (and even by colleagues when in front of pupils), so it is their normal way of being addressed at work. Also, as a parent, you are not a colleague or client, but sort of an extension of the relationship they have with your child.

Surely you don't sign yourself off as Mr/Mrs, though. That's hardly correct form.

@katy1213

Surely you don't sign yourself off as Mr/Mrs, though. That's hardly correct form.

What do you mean

I'm so glad I'm not the only one not to understand the etiquette of this! I've had very little email correspondence with her but have signed off as Dappled. She has replied Dear Mrs Things.

I'm fine to address her as Miss Surname, no problem at all but when we had Zoom parents' evening and she greeted me as Mrs Things I really wanted to say "Oh call me Dappled". But then I thought that might be a massive faux pas, that she wants to keep it formal and I would be rude to try and undermine that

I suspect I may been overthinking it just a tad.

I've always been Mrs Smiles unless I've had a very long, close relationship with a parent (for example being their child's form tutor for several years and we've done a lot of work together). When I phone home I will say 'hello it's Lola Smiles here from school..' but if parents call asking to speak to me then they ask for Mrs Smiles.

(FYI, I will use mrs last name as you have all suggested, just curious to know why the mrs last name for someone you see every day?)
The same reason that my GP is Dr Smith. It's a professional role and there are conventions.
I'd not call the surgery and ask for my medicine review with Charlotte.

My sons J3 teacher always starts any communications to me with my title and name, despite me always signing quite informally. She also always signs her name formally.

Therefore, I stick to calling her Mrs X as she quite obviously prefers it, but I still sign off informally myself.

I have to admit, if she had addressed me informally from the off and without invitation, I think I would've been rather taken aback!

I usually follow their lead.

The headteacher calls me first name and refers to herself as first name, so that’s how we communicate.

But the teacher refers to herself as Mrs Teacher and calls me first name. Which I find weird as she lives down the road and I’ve known her for years as first name socially.

When with my DC all the above are Mrs Teacher and I’m first name.

It’s a weird one.

I have this the other way.

Teachers referring to myself in the first name on emails. I use my full name on the email but several of my dc teacher have just use their first name.

Seems a bit too familiar for me. I would prefer just Hi/ good morning etc And I say that as a teacher, who will speak to them if I see them, but I would always refer to them as mrs teacher not by their first name.

That teacher just prefers a more formal relationship with parents, that's all. I prefer parents to call me by my first name personally but neither of us is right or wrong here. I do think it's wrong of you to call her by her first name in repeated email when she's constantly using Ms. X as it's quite a clear signal from her.