Is it okay for parents to call teachers by first name?

[thisisnot]

Hi,

At my child's previous school we referred to all the teachers by their first name, and they signed off with the same (in emails etc.).

But in this new school, despite the email address including the first name, the teacher always signs off as Mrs last name - even when I have sent the initial email with her first name.

I also sign off with my first name and she responds "hi mrs last name".

What is going on here? Is it wrong for me to call her by her first name? I don't want to be rude so I will stop if I am being unreasonable.

It just feels odd calling them mrs, but I understand there may be some etiquette I have missed.

I also don't like being referred to as mrs, but not to the degree that I would bother correcting anyone. Just not something I would use myself.

Please let me know what you think!

DD's teacher calls me by the first name using the long version not my street name. 🤣 I don't mind it is registered on the system I use Ms X she signs off with her first and surname.
Same with DS. I had a zoom PTA with 2 teachers and SNA they referred to each others first names on the call, I finished the call with "Thank you Ms X & Ms Y" I don't feel comfortable using their first name.

You wouldn’t call your GP by their first name would you?

Mine gets all her patients to do exactly that so yes I would! I wouldn't call her by her first name without her making it clear that she welcomed that though.

I don't call my GP anything tbh. But HCPs do tend to introduce themselves by their first names in hospitals. There was an initiative started by a HCP who was a patient somewhere other than her own hospital. She noticed how doctors and nurses came and went with no introduction and found it all quite dehumanising. Medical students now get taught to start every interaction; "hi, I'm First Name...". Not the point of this thread at all and I couldn't give a shit if a teacher wants me to call her Mrs, Ms or m'Lady as long as she teaches my DC and isn't a twat. But thought I'd share!

I cannot understand all these people who use the “they are not your mate” line, as if we only call people by their first names if we are friends with them. I’m not friends with my architect, or my surveyor, my “relationship manager” at the bank, or a lot of the people in the large organisation I work for - they are all professional relationships, but we use first names because it would feel awkwardly formal not to. Not being “mates” is meaningless in this context.

You wouldn’t call your GP by their first name would you?

I absolutely would! I would not be remotely comfortable discussing my medical needs with someone who didn't. I would find a different GP if they were not comfortable with such.

Using a person's name does not make them your mate, it's just their name.

You wouldn’t call your GP by their first name would you?

Of course I would! I work in healthcare and all but the most old fashioned staff use first names.

@Chickoletta - so the only people you call by their first names are your mates? What would you call a nurse or health care assistant? Your work colleagues? DC's friends' parents? Your cleaner or gardener? Your social worker? Financial advisor?

@VanityWitch - such a great initiative. Lots of hcps wear 'hello my name is' badges too. Such a little thing but so important for our patients.

@Chickoletta

I’m a teacher and prefer Mrs with parents unless I have a personal relationship with them (either outside school or have developed a good relationship with them through school). I’m not your mate, I’m your child’a teacher. You wouldn’t call your GP by their first name would you?

You get all the way to page 10 and post this? You clearly haven’t read the thread.

As others just now have helpfully reiterated, yes, plenty of us do call our doctors by their first name.

As we call all people we’re dealing with on a professional basis by their first name. My lawyer and my accountant spring immediately to mind.

Bluegrass is correct - this ‘they’re not your mate’ distinction is odd. It’s not just my friends I call by their first name, it’s everyone.

I’ve been married 17 years and think I may have been referred to as Mrs Xxxx once or twice in that period. So it goes both ways.

I’m not in the UK, which is clearly an important distinction, as other countries have certainly moved on in this regard.

I work in a school (not a teacher, but allied health professional directly employed by independent school). We have been told we must always
address parents as 'Title + Surname' and sign off as 'Title + surname' in all correspondence. When parents sign off with their first name I feel quite rude responding with 'Dear Mrs X' but it isn't my choice!

I have no problem at all calling teachers Mrs Whatever but it’s completely bizarre some teachers seem to think you only use “your mate’s” first names.

I work with lots of very senior people including a couple of Sir Whetevers and a Lord Whatever who sit on the same board as me and they’re also all first names.

I work with lots of very senior people including a couple of Sir Whetevers and a Lord Whatever who sit on the same board as me and they’re also all first names.

And yet some people on here will have you believe that they go into their work place and proceed to call everyone Mr, Ms, Miss! Just so hilarious.

@Stompythedinosaur

You wouldn’t call your GP by their first name would you?

Of course I would! I work in healthcare and all but the most old fashioned staff use first names.

I've never called any doctor I've seen by their first names.

And I don't expect them to use mine.

@CarlottaValdez

I have no problem at all calling teachers Mrs Whatever but it’s completely bizarre some teachers seem to think you only use “your mate’s” first names.

I work with lots of very senior people including a couple of Sir Whetevers and a Lord Whatever who sit on the same board as me and they’re also all first names.

It isn't only your 'mates' it is also people you work with on whatever basis if it fits in with your organisation.

However, I really don't like people (unless in a social situation) using my first name on first meeting.

And I'm happy to be called 'old-fashioned'

I'm a primary teacher. I've worked at schools where both scenarios are the case. It usually comes from the head and SLT's expectations.
I personally feel very daft expecting adults to call me Miss Scatterbrainbox. But it's the expectation at my current school that this is how I refer to myself. I really dislike it.

@MerchantOfVenom

I work with lots of very senior people including a couple of Sir Whetevers and a Lord Whatever who sit on the same board as me and they’re also all first names.

And yet some people on here will have you believe that they go into their work place and proceed to call everyone Mr, Ms, Miss! Just so hilarious.

When I worked for a very large organisation I would not have called any of our Board by their first names.

I expect that I feel so weird about it because teaching is a second career for me.
As other posters have said, schools are the only place I can think of with this level of formality these days.

I’m not in the UK, which is clearly an important distinction, as other countries have certainly moved on in this regard.

I'm not sure why total informality is considered 'moving on'

When I was a receptionist at a FTSE100 company in London, I called the CEO "Andy". Not because he especially liked me either. It is very much the done thing at work, even in very corporate environments and has been for years.

When I worked for a very large organisation I would not have called any of our Board by their first names.

When and where was this? I’ve not come across this in the last 10 years I’ve been dealing at boats level. I call them all by first names including the chair. The only time I ever gets Mrs Valdez is if it’s a legal letter I think!

Board level not boats level 🤦🏻‍♀️

@Scatterbrainbox

I expect that I feel so weird about it because teaching is a second career for me. As other posters have said, schools are the only place I can think of with this level of formality these days.

Well its not the only example of UK schools being stuck in the 1950s.

See also primary schools assuming there's always a parent (usually the mum) at home in the day to drop things off, or pop in for a family art/reading session, and acting all surprised when you say you're in work.

Also primary schools who haven't heard of email, or debit cards, or online payment systems, and still expect you to send in a handwritten letter and dinner money in correct change in an envelope with your child every Monday.

This was in 2016 when my child was last at that primary school.

Or secondary schools who expect teenagers to wear a kilt, shirt, tie and blazer, despite no one else dressing like that EVER in the modern world, even in business. Unless you're at a posh Scottish wedding in a castle, or a royal or suchlike.

I use first name last name in emails with the school, and use whatever they use to respond to them - at my DS's, it's first names, and DDs' it's either full name or title surname. I don't mind formality to keep distance or professionalism, but in over 3 years at my DD's secondary school, I still have a couple teachers who insist on calling me Mrs which has caused some issues.

There was an issue at the recent parents' evening which was obviously online. Several of us couldn't log into book appointments - getting messages that 'this parent doesn't exist'. It turned out we were listed under the wrong title and that while the booking in form gave the option to include both parents (two title options were available), everyone I know could only list a mother's name. While any new tech as teething issues, it seemed silly, out of date, and unprofessional.

When I worked for a very large organisation I would not have called any of our Board by their first names.

I work (presently) in a very large organisation, and when I email, for example, the Minister’s Office, I/we/everyone call his private secretaries by their first name. I/we call the Chief Executive and Deputy Secretaries by their first name.

It is moving on, because more and more people are evolving to do this, and the idea of surnames and titles is increasingly antiquated. It’s perfectly possible to be respectful and courteous when using someone’s first name, which is why people increasingly do it.

And again, teachers, doctors, lawyers, accountants - everyone - is referred to by their first name, regardless of profession, and regardless of ‘mate’ status.

If you need to insist on people using your surname and title, that’s your right and business. Meanwhile....

I always refer to myself as Miss Lastname. That’s basically who I am at work and the parents should and do refer to me as that as well. To be fair I don’t ever say “Dear Firstname” in emails to parents, I just say “Good morning/afternoon”. Seems weird calling them by their first name?!?