Is it okay for parents to call teachers by first name?

[thisisnot]

Hi,

At my child's previous school we referred to all the teachers by their first name, and they signed off with the same (in emails etc.).

But in this new school, despite the email address including the first name, the teacher always signs off as Mrs last name - even when I have sent the initial email with her first name.

I also sign off with my first name and she responds "hi mrs last name".

What is going on here? Is it wrong for me to call her by her first name? I don't want to be rude so I will stop if I am being unreasonable.

It just feels odd calling them mrs, but I understand there may be some etiquette I have missed.

I also don't like being referred to as mrs, but not to the degree that I would bother correcting anyone. Just not something I would use myself.

Please let me know what you think!

I just go with what feels right - but I do find it a bit wierd. I work in a very professional large organisation and even the Chief Exec is referred to by first name, so to then have to refer to the 21 year old NQT as Miss Teacher, is really strange. Plus I hate Miss/Mrs in a professional context - it should always be Ms to be professional, your marital status has nothing to do work!

@sirfredfredgeorge

*By signing off with Mrs Lastname, she's telling you she wants you to c all her Mrs Lastname*

Yet she doesn't acknowledge the OP's preference by how she signs her email...

Probably because she is trying to keep, get, a professional distance.

I always follow their lead. DS are sporty and I've spent a lot of time with the PE staff as a consequence and am on first name terms with most.

But in front of the DC I always address them as Mr/Mrs/Miss regardless of whether we are on first name terms or not.

Do teachers go in the staff room and go 'morning Mrs x how was your weekend?'

I've always imagined you do. It's a quaint image I have in my head.

All teachers do it that I’ve come across - I think it’s a good way of stopping parents getting too familiar and over stepping the mark and its consistent for the children. I don’t blame them ! I’d prefer them to use my first name - I’ve always used it - it makes me approachable - I understand why they don’t .

It’s not professional or good manners to address someone you don’t know by their first name.

I don't really agree with this. I work with children in a secure children's home, and I manage to be professional while using parent's first names and with them using mine. I work alongside doctors an social workers who do the same. Obviously we do check how people like to be called, but I can't remember the last time a parent wanted to be called anything apart from their first name.

Obviously I don't particularly mind calling teachers by title and surnames, but it is quite unusual I think.

The last school we had used "Mrs" etc. The preschool and current school use first names. I think the teachers have just been told to use "Mrs xxx" and call each other and parents by the same consistently, but I doubt they will mind if you use their first names in correspondence.

Oh definitely, I agree would always use mrs last name when my kid is around.

Happy for them to keep their professional distance. Did not realise they could mistake my use of first names for anything else

I'm fine to address her as Miss Surname, no problem at all but when we had Zoom parents' evening and she greeted me as Mrs Things I really wanted to say "Oh call me Dappled". But then I thought that might be a massive faux pas, that she wants to keep it formal and I would be rude to try and undermine that

In my current school we are supposed to call parents Mr/Mrs/Dr even if they say to us “Oh no, please call me X”. It feels a bit rude, but I understand it’s supposed to keep a professional relationship. I would never tell a parent they need to call me Ms Lastname though, they can call me whatever they like!

I have sent emails that start “Dear Mrs Jones” and received a reply that is signed “Love from Sarah xxx” though, so I’m not sure it works!

LolaSmiles - that’s interesting thank you, although what you describe makes it sound as if you are almost acting as a social worker to parents in those scenarios, which then makes me wonder if social workers also use Mrs/Miss/Ms to maintain a professional distance during similar difficult conversations.

I write Mrs X and sign off as Hannah Thompson and expect them to do the same. Sometimes they will call me Mrs X and sign off as Mrs X. Occasionally they've called me Hannah and signed off as Mrs X. Not ideal but they are probably busy and not thinking about it

At primary it was formal. Teacher and parents were title and first name. Fine with me but the teacher using my first name whilst expecting me to use their title would not have been.

Paradoxically once the dc were at independent schools it was more informal.

Please dont! I actually like it because it's a blanket rule. However if they are getting your title wrong do say. I'm always v careful to check our systems - surprising amounts of doctors, reverends.and earls have popped up!

As a teacher I always sign of Mrs Bluepolkadots42 and if a parent addressed me in an email by my first name I would be embarrassed (for them) and feel it was a huge overstep

Oh no - you're one of those teachers!

Do you want parents to doff their cap at you, Miss?

@Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor

Do teachers go in the staff room and go 'morning Mrs x how was your weekend?'

I've always imagined you do. It's a quaint image I have in my head.

Actually I sometimes call some of the staff - Mrs T, Mr D not full surname but the initial.

I've never thought about this before but recently I've had regular contact with 2 teachers a dc school. One signs his emails Firstname so I replied addressing him by his first name and signing off with mine. The other teacher signs of with Title/Firstname/lastname so I address emails to him with Title/lastname. Both feel appropriate and the form of address doesn't affect the parent teacher relationship at all.
To the poster who said that they would always address a doctor as Dr Lastname, I have seen my gp regularly for 10years and wod as for an appointment with Dr Lastname but we use first names or diminutives of our first names when talking. I'd say as long as everyone is comfortable then it doesn't matter but I would always follow their lead in written correspondence.

I now work in an FE/HE college where all lecturers/ tutors and support staff are referred to by their first name by the students. Before I did my teaching training I worked in several nurseries and pre-schools. The ones attached to schools preferred the children to call the staff Miss/Mrs/Mr last name. I found this really strange but it was supposed to get them into a routine for when they started school. As a compromise I got the children to call me Mrs first name. I have a double barrelled surname anyway so quite difficult for tiny children to get their heads around. In settings not attached to school the norm was just to be known as first name. At my DDs primary(where I was on PTA) the teachers were all know by first name when not in presence of pupils- my Mother was horrified at my lack of respect, I now cringe when my students or their parents use my surname!

Our primary school everyone is called by their first name, teachers, students, parents. Our secondary school kids call their teachers miss or Sir but parents call them by their first name and vice versa. Both Irish speaking schools so I'm not sure how they differ from the English speaking ones.

@MoiraCrows

As a teacher I always sign of Mrs Bluepolkadots42 and if a parent addressed me in an email by my first name I would be embarrassed (for them) and feel it was a huge overstep

Oh no - you're one of those teachers!

Do you want parents to doff their cap at you, Miss?

😂

I'm a school governor and only call the leadership team, admin team and site manager most of whom I have a lot of contact with by their first names, the rest are Mrs/Miss, there is no Mr. I even refer to them as Mrs/Miss when mentioning them to those I call by their first name.

Best to avoid first names and use title and surname, unless the teacher indicates they want you to use first name. That would be unusual in my experience.

@huuskymam

Our primary school everyone is called by their first name, teachers, students, parents. Our secondary school kids call their teachers miss or Sir but parents call them by their first name and vice versa. Both Irish speaking schools so I'm not sure how they differ from the English speaking ones.

That'd be standard for the Gaelscoileanna and Educate Togethers alright. Rare to hear of it in other primary schools ime.

Having worked in both sorts of schools I thought it was much of a muchness tbh...I don't think being Ms X gives me any more classroom management skills than being FirstName did!

if a parent addressed me in an email by my first name I would be embarrassed (for them) and feel it was a huge overstep

That's quite a reaction to an adult referring to another adult by their name 😂 why on earth would you be embarrassed for them?

Do teachers go in the staff room and go 'morning Mrs x how was your weekend?'

No. Or at least only occasionally in a jokey way. When not in front of pupils, and especially with close colleagues, teachers are often very informal and bantery . I did work at a private girls' school where it was well known that the headmistress preferred to be called Mrs Surname by all teaching staff except a select few of the senior members of staff though. That was a school with a very civilised, sedately-behaved staff. Unlike some schools I've taught at...