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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider telling my 2yo the truth about Father Christmas?

492 replies

owmn · 04/12/2020 08:47

Basically, looking for a bit of advice and other’s experiences!

DD has just turned 2, and so has no concept as yet of Father Christmas, aside from some decorations we have that feature him.

I’ve been thinking about being honest with her from the get go, largely because the idea of her finding out we’ve lied to her for so long, years down the line, makes me a bit sad! But will she be missing out on part of the magic of Christmas? The tradition of writing a letter, leaving out mince pies and carrots, etc.

I also can’t figure out how to ensure she knows she’s very lucky to receive presents, and recognises her privilege, if she believes in Father Christmas. Do we tell her we’re lucky enough to be able to pay him?!

We won’t be telling her she has to behave for presents, only her stocking will come from him, and we’ll be making sure her letter asks him for things for others too, if we do go ahead.

If you have been honest with your LO, what have you replaced those kind of traditions with?

Genuinely never thought I’d have to give it this much consideration! 😂

OP posts:
Alexandernevermind · 04/12/2020 08:51

I think you are overthinking this. I do like the idea of the stocking being from Father Christmas and gift under the tree being from family.
Just let her enjoy the magic, many older children know full well the "truth", but are happy to play along for the fun.
Oh, and the Santa's watching you thing is really, really useful Xmas Grin.

Level75 · 04/12/2020 08:51

Don't do it! Were you harmed by believing as a child? No. It's a lovely tradition.
From a practical perspective do you trust a 2/3/4/5 year old to be able to keep it a secret from her peers? You'll ruin it for others, not just her.

Level75 · 04/12/2020 08:53

We do the stocking from Father Christmas and presents from us. I never really understood people saying all presents from FC. How do you explain why some children get many/expensive presents and some get very little.

TeenPlusTwenties · 04/12/2020 08:54

If only the stocking comes from FC it keeps everything a lot simpler.

We never told DD2 that FC was real, but everyone else did.
If you tell a 2 or 3 year old, they may tell other children at nursery, and you may become a social pariah.

ReeseWitherfork · 04/12/2020 08:54

This is a bit odd to me - unless you were traumatised when you found out the truth.

Personally, I think it’s important for children to believe in magic and have a sweetened view of the world, and I think it’s important for adults to have a realistic and practical understanding of the world. And finally, I think it’s even more important that people transition between the two at the appropriate rate at the appropriate time.

TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag · 04/12/2020 08:55

You’re massively overthinking this. Let her believe is Santa and the tooth fairy and all that stuff while she’s little. They’re not children for long, I don’t know a single person who’s ended up in therapy or even really angry or whatever because mummy and daddy “lied” about Santa.

Ilovesugar · 04/12/2020 08:56

We are doing large presents from us (parents) and smaller presents like the stocking from Santa.

Purely because I hate that poorer children think Santa doesn’t like them when they don’t get an iPad which the parents can’t afford.

MrsPinkCock · 04/12/2020 08:56

YABVU.

She deserves to have a childhood.

Her future school friends deserve not to be told the truth and have part of their childhood tainted.

You’d be very selfish to do this IMO.

oneglassandpuzzled · 04/12/2020 08:57

In three years’ time your child will be the object of wrath from other parents as he spills the beans to his classmates.

lifesnotaspectatorsport · 04/12/2020 08:57

Honestly for a few years yet she'll just accept whatever you tell her even if it's not particularly logical. My son (3.5) is excited about Santa delivering presents but also knows they come from his family and friends. Like a very special delivery service! Stockings are an extra treat from Santa. I won't do the letter writing thing as I personally find it a bit greedy. You can pick and choose what works for your family and still enjoy the fun bits of leaving out carrots etc.

Mumdiva99 · 04/12/2020 08:57

Don't over think this. Millions of us were not told it was a lie and are not scarred (scared?) by the experience. It really doesn't hurt.

I don't go overboard. I've never used FC as a punishment or warning. But my kids loved leaving stockings out, sprinkling reindeer food, going to see him.

If your kids are anything like me they will know he isn't 'real'....there are too many around for him to be real. But we can all still buy into Xmas magic.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 04/12/2020 08:57

She won't be popular at school will she? I knew a right little madam who delighted in telling dc he wasn't real. She wasn't well liked...
Ime Xmas is a fab time to have dc. Investing in Santa brings it's own rewards op...

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/12/2020 08:58

Who ever felt lied to when they found out about Father Christmas? Not me! Just gutted the magic was over.
Honestly seeing a child’s face when they think Santa’s been is the best part of being an adult imo.
As for the money- every family is diff. In ours only the stocking is from Santa, usually inexpensive toot, the tree presents are from us so we still get recognition.

ibblebibbledibble · 04/12/2020 08:59

Aww it makes me more sad to think of a small child not having the magic of Father Christmas :(

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 04/12/2020 08:59

I was going to do this, but in the end it would have made everything too tricky- being questioned on what they'd asked Santa for in front of other children and being worried they'd blurt out that he wasnt real at nursery christmas parties etc...its not just my child, I'd have been imposing my views on everyone else's children as well because they go to nursery and socialise with other children and no way would they have been able to keep quiet when other children discussed santa

campion · 04/12/2020 09:00

Yes she will miss out on the magic. And so will you.
Stop worrying about 'recognising her privilege' enough to let her enjoy a few precious years.

nameisnotimportant · 04/12/2020 09:01

I remember as a kid being gutted when I found out that Santa wasn't really but because I had younger siblings, my Mum carried on with the Christmas traditions, like putting the mince pie and milk out etc. I just remember still feeling the magic and secretly hoping he was still real for a couple of years after that ! My plan with my kids is to never admit that he's not real. Obviously they will find out from friends or other adults eventually but I will still put out the mince pie and milk and keep the magic alive. Even when they're teenagers and rolling their eyes at me 😂

MrsWooster · 04/12/2020 09:01

Stocking and one (or two..) tree presents from Santa and the majority from you. When it’s time for the truth, they’re old enough to understand that Santa is ... more of a concept than a person? But they’re too young now.

Petitmum · 04/12/2020 09:02

It's quite possible to do Santa in a low key way, it does not have to be all or nothing.

Emmapeeler2 · 04/12/2020 09:02

We just do a stocking from FC and don't overplay it. Go along with it but don't make a big deal out of him being real or not real, I'd say. Apart from anything else, in my experience you won't be popular on the school Facebook group!

My DD was petrified of FC coming into her house at 2 but later on it was so lovely to see her putting out mince pies and writing letters.

sar302 · 04/12/2020 09:02

There's also no point in telling a two year old "the truth", because they won't understand it any more than they understand the concept of santa!
No two year old is aware of their privilege. They don't understand money, or how much things cost. She also won't even remember the conversation you've had by next Christmas. In fact she probably won't remember it by the time this Christmas actually comes!

Just relax and enjoy Christmas being magical while she's tiny, and rethink the conversation much further down the line.

TimeQuest01 · 04/12/2020 09:03

My daughter found out recently, she started having doubts and we thought it was the right time to tell her. She is 9.

I actually asked her two days ago how she felt about us having lied and she said she didn’t mind, that she had loved the ‘magic’ all these years.

We also discussed how a friend of hers had never believed because her mum told her very early on and she told me she felt sad for her.

This is my daughter’s experience, take whatever you want from it, I understand we all see things differently.

As a mum of someone who wasn’t told though, I would ask you to please ask her not to disclose this information to her friends.

Pukkatea · 04/12/2020 09:05

The privilege thing is interesting. I wouldn't want to tell them that mummy pays for Santa to come or admit that he doesn't visit poorer kids or those in developing countries because that makes Santa sound like a dick.

Stockings from Santa is the way to go, it gets around the discrepancy between children to a degree, then you can encourage her to ask Santa to bring extra for those who don't have much. Maybe Santa can work in mysterious ways and things like christmas charity etc can be people doing Santa work.

Wellpark · 04/12/2020 09:05

When my kids were little a friend told me that her child had never been allowed to believe in Father Christmas. I dropped her immediately as it was coming up to Christmas and I didn't want her son spoiling Christmas for my kids by telling them FC didn't exist. So think on a few years. Your kid will be very unpopular for spilling and be you will have to deal with the fallout.

Buttercream22 · 04/12/2020 09:06

Oh no please don't tell her. Christmas is such a magical time for children and she should be part of that excitement. I agree with other posters that you are over thinking this. Take the opportunity to talk to your child about being grateful, and generous and the joy of giving.

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