To consider telling my 2yo the truth about Father Christmas?

[owmn]

Basically, looking for a bit of advice and other’s experiences!

DD has just turned 2, and so has no concept as yet of Father Christmas, aside from some decorations we have that feature him.

I’ve been thinking about being honest with her from the get go, largely because the idea of her finding out we’ve lied to her for so long, years down the line, makes me a bit sad! But will she be missing out on part of the magic of Christmas? The tradition of writing a letter, leaving out mince pies and carrots, etc.

I also can’t figure out how to ensure she knows she’s very lucky to receive presents, and recognises her privilege, if she believes in Father Christmas. Do we tell her we’re lucky enough to be able to pay him?!

We won’t be telling her she has to behave for presents, only her stocking will come from him, and we’ll be making sure her letter asks him for things for others too, if we do go ahead.

If you have been honest with your LO, what have you replaced those kind of traditions with?

Genuinely never thought I’d have to give it this much consideration! 😂

I went through the same process. First time I'd lied to my PFB.

In the end, we told him and he was fucking terrified. Stayed up all night armed with a broom, ready to kill the old man who was planning a home invasion.

@SlightDrizzle

The desperate need for children to believe on these threads is very obviously about the adults’ own need to believe in a particular version of childhood.

Isn’t it? Not about the child at all.

I tried to tell my 4 year old the truth about the Easter Bunny and he refused to hear it. He simply blanked me and insisted the chocolates had come from the bunny, so I went with it.

We've always been really low-key with Santa. He brings one gift, and is mostly about the mince pie and carrots.

Just this morning DD (4) was watching something on netflix that concluded "christmas is about giving" and I stuck to my line: "Christmas is about slowing down at the darkest time of year and having a lovely, quiet time with family"

ancientgran I feel very sorry for the JW kids who not only don't do Xmas they don't do their own birthdays That IS sad.

Is it for the adults or the children I wonder?

Yes welcome and Drizzle You've both hit the nail on the head!

God, some people can’t cope with anything but the most literal black and white understanding of the world.

I don’t see it as a lie. It’s a lovely way of communicating a bigger truth. That yes, there is magic and kindness and selfless generosity in the world.

Damn straight I want my children to know that.

Think about it, is the world mostly full of people traumatised a damaged by this ‘lie’? Or mostly full of people who loved it as children and want to recreate the magic for their own?

As for understanding privilege, challenging for a two year old. But if you teach your child to be generous, appreciative kind and in time, build their aware of structural inequalities in this world and what they can do to counter them, you’ll achieve far more than banning santa,

Christ this is sad. What the hell have parents and society done that some kids are terrified of Santa these days. Unbelievable.

@ArabellaScott

I went through the same process. First time I'd lied to my PFB.

In the end, we told him and he was fucking terrified. Stayed up all night armed with a broom, ready to kill the old man who was planning a home invasion.

My godson is autistic and was petrified by the idea of FC coming into the house — I think he saw him as a burglar/intruder, and found the idea really threatening. His parents had to come up with an entirely different Christmas story involving an ice dragon who left presents in the garden, (I think.)

I would let her enjoy the magic of Father Christmas for now but maybe don’t get too caught up in all the elf on the shelf, snowy footsteps, letters from/to Santa etc.
My eldest was quite relaxed about him not being real but we told my 10 yr old this summer and she was in bits. Curled up on the floor listening to her Charlie Brown Christmas record, sobbing into her blanket. She was so upset and angry that we had lied to her all these years.
So, my advice is to go along with it but accidentally on purpose not let it be too convincing so she works it out early on.

I’ve thought about this before, I don’t know any adults who resent their parents for lying about Santa or have trust issues as a result. It’s just such a normalised tradition and a huge part of our culture that all our friends were also ‘lied’ to and we see it as a normal part of childhood, not something weird just our parents did. And everyone I’ve ever known has then carried it on for their own children, so I think worrying about betraying trust is overthinking a bit.

Also children tend to start figuring it out by themselves once they’re a bit older, it’s a good introduction to critical thinking- weighing up the evidence with their own growing knowledge and beginning to question it

The desperate need for children to believe on these threads is very obviously about the adults’ own need to believe in a particular version of childhood

I can 100% assure you that when I believed in Santa as a child it was all about me.

Kids tend to be pretty ... willing ... participants.

My mum always told me the stocking presents were from santa, the big ones from parents. The 'lie' of Christmas is part of the fun/fantasy and I think you'd be denying her some of the magic.

Thanks all! Should probably have expected this would be quite polarising!

Morning is running away with me but shall catch up reply when I can! I can assure all concerned though that I’m not a miserable fun sponge, honest 😂

i like this

You want help with teaching a two year old about her privilege ?

Massive over thunk there op, relax and have some fun

the idea of her finding out we’ve lied to her for so long, years down the line, makes me a bit sad!

Blimey.

What happens at school when all the other kids are talking about him?

That’s gorgeous rosydreams

I welled up a bit

To Avery7 - as a Christian I can honestly say that I would never keep my DC away from children of other religions - I don’t, they both have several friends of other faiths. However I can also honestly admit that I would have found it difficult having a young child in the house telling mine that FC didn’t exist. Kids who are brought up without Santa, as it were, are quite likely to state their knowledge loudly in my experience. But I’ve never had a Jewish or Hindu friend tell my DC that Jesus is not the Messiah! They don’t tend to talk about it at all so it is not the same thing.
Santa brings gifts from other people in our house - so they say/write thank you - and we have done the whole sprinkling Santa dust, putting out mince pies, tracking Santa on NORAD - part of the magic of Christmas. Why spoil it? They find out around 9 or 10 but we asked DC1 not to spoil it for DC2, big age gap, and he was happy to keep the pretence going for those few years because he had loved it so much.

The same thing that happens if they talk about Jesus and you are atheists or they go to McDonald’s and your family are veggie or they go to watch a football match and your parents are more into museums.

Shock horror. You don’t have to conform.

@HmmSureJan

I also can’t figure out how to ensure she knows she’s very lucky to receive presents, and recognises her privilege,

🙄 two year olds aren't "privileged". They're at the complete mercy of every single adult around them. They have no power whatsoever.

This. I know none of us want to raise spoilt/entitled children. Of course we want them to understand that there are lots of people less fortunate than them. We want them to be grateful and to think of others. But this is honestly a lot for young children to process.

My parents were very big on making sure we knew we were privileged, and that we ‘gave back’. They constantly talked about how lucky we were, how others didn’t have what we have etc. We volunteered at the salvation army, we donated to the toy appeals and made up food parcels. At the beginning of our birthday month and then again at the beginning of December, we would sort through our old toys, and donate those we didn’t play with (which were all wonderful life lessons). But I honestly don’t remember ever been given a gift or doing something ‘Christmassy’ without a reminder that I was fortunate to have it/be doing it. This didn’t necessarily teach me gratitude or make me understand that I was was privileged. The main things I took away from this were guilt and shame.

Every Christmas my mum tells the story of how my grandad gave me a handmade dolls house one year, and I cried. In her version I was so happy, so grateful to receive something so lovely, that I cried happy tears. The way I remember it, I cried because I felt awful. I didn’t feel like I could possibly deserve something so special when others had so little.
When I was in my first year of sixth form, my boyfriend at the time used the money from his Saturday job to buy me a Ted Baker purse (very expensive to a 16 year). I felt so unworthy of something that seemed so extravagant, that I refused to accept it and broke up with him. Even now, 15 years later I am very uncomfortable accepting gifts.

I suppose what I’m trying to say, in a really long winded way is that, yes, it’s very important to teach children to be grateful and that others aren’t as fortunate as they are. Of course we want the to be generous and do good for those who need it. But that doesn’t have to come at the expense of them being able to enjoy what they do have.

Besides, since when have any of us brought our children up according to what other parents want us to do?

We kept Santa fairly low key. Only stockings came from him.. gifts under the tree had tags from mum & dad or granny or whoever. We did do the glittery footprints one year, which they were very excited about, and was very sweet. Ditto putting out a mince pie or glass of baileys. But it was only a small part of what we did at Christmas (ironically I think that made it more plausible, and mine believed for quite a long time). At two you don’t need to say anything, just hang the stocking up and let her be amazed when it’s full in the morning!

Don’t spoil the fun I don’t know any adult that is angry at their parents for lying about Fsther Christmas. I appreciated it all the more when I found out the effort my parents went to. I would also not want my child to spoil it for others.

Only the stocking comes from Father Christmas and mine ask for things that will fit in the stocking they know they cannot ask for big expensive gifts in the stocking.

The presents downstairs are from us so we can easily manage expectations and thank people for their gifts.

You will just be removing a bit of childhood fun from her and as an adult I would be much more upset at having missed out on what for many people is their fondest memories of Christmas than having been “lied” to.

God, so you're that bloody mum who tells their kids 'the truth' and then that child ruins the magic for everyone else.

Thanks a fucking lot.