To consider telling my 2yo the truth about Father Christmas?

[owmn]

Basically, looking for a bit of advice and other’s experiences!

DD has just turned 2, and so has no concept as yet of Father Christmas, aside from some decorations we have that feature him.

I’ve been thinking about being honest with her from the get go, largely because the idea of her finding out we’ve lied to her for so long, years down the line, makes me a bit sad! But will she be missing out on part of the magic of Christmas? The tradition of writing a letter, leaving out mince pies and carrots, etc.

I also can’t figure out how to ensure she knows she’s very lucky to receive presents, and recognises her privilege, if she believes in Father Christmas. Do we tell her we’re lucky enough to be able to pay him?!

We won’t be telling her she has to behave for presents, only her stocking will come from him, and we’ll be making sure her letter asks him for things for others too, if we do go ahead.

If you have been honest with your LO, what have you replaced those kind of traditions with?

Genuinely never thought I’d have to give it this much consideration! 😂

By whom? I'm assuming by one of the ugly, vitriol-filled parents I mentioned earlier; not by an education professional.

By the class teacher. The way my friend tells it, the teacher asked the class (silly thing to do if true!) so her son told her and wouldn't back down. Of course this may not be the whole story.

I didn’t grow up with Santa and we don’t do Santa with my children. The state of scientific literacy in this country is abysmal (look at covid-19 vaccine fear, 5G conspiracy etc) and I will not encourage magical thinking at any age. Teaching rational thinking is so important even for children. Don’t get me wrong, my children have a great time at Christmas. They get presents but they know where they came from.

I have a Doctorate in a scientific discipline, my children all have great scientific minds.
But yes we did do Santa - although not over the top and big presents came from us or other relatives. My Mum doing Santa didn't stop me going into science. But then it was always a bit of a game of "Let's Pretend". I think imagination is extremely important, as important as rational thinking - and even crucial in science. I always love the story if Kekule dreaming about the Benzene ring.

"By the class teacher. The way my friend tells it, the teacher asked the class (silly thing to do if true!) so her son told her and wouldn't back down. Of course this may not be the whole story."

Yeah, I'm afraid I simply don't believe this. If it's true, that teacher shouldn't be a teacher.

I've been telling my kid it's a big fun game that everyone plays, now before people talk about magic and spoiling the spirit my sister as a kid really believed in the tooth fairy she would write notes (tooth fairy)saying things like lovely clean teeth etc and my sister became obssesed really believing writing notes it ended with her smashing her face on the side of the bed trying to get a loose tooth out to talk to her again. Saying it's a big game is fine thats what it is I think it's really nice but pretending it's true could be damaging, might end up with kids being disappointed or not trusting their parents etc.

I'm afraid I simply don't believe this. If it's true, that teacher shouldn't be a teacher.

I wouldn't take the story too seriously though I can see how a misplaced question could get out of a control with a child who was determined to argue their case in front of everyone. And that teacher did have form. My friend moved her DS to a different school not long after.

I think this is definitely one of those situations where you do you but dont expect everyone else to do you as well.

Just because another family does Christmas/Santa/whatever differently from you or even not at all doesnt make their DCs' childhoods a lesser experience.

By the time DCs are back at school in January what happened at Christmas is ancient history.

I will not encourage magical thinking at any age

Saddest quote of the day.

I think this is definitely one of those situations where you do you but dont expect everyone else to do you as well
This is spot on.
The idea that there's parents out there ready to take on others who do Christmas differently is bizarre.

@TheKeatingFive and @VivaMiltonKeynes I agree my experiences in Ireland in the 70 /80's included pretty much all of these things apart from Christmas Eve boxes. I only heard of them here on MN.

We did not 'track' Santa but we did spend a lot of time gazing out the windows into the sky on Christmas Eve once it got dark and straining our ears for the faint and distant sound of sleigh bells - all fuelled by our parents! I have wonderful memories of Christmas and I am forever grateful that my family gave us that.

And we did exactly the same for dd when she was a child too. I wouldn't change a thing even if I could

It is up to you but I've never known a child feel betrayed by being lied to.

I do. Youngest child in a large family. Absolutely devastated when she realised they were all in on it together, and none of them had told her. I wouldn't take the risk. It's still fun, even when everyone knows it's pretending.

It's not lying imo, it's whimsy, tradition and fable, part of a rich cultural experience. I never tried to make it seem believable, but we enjoyed stockings and putting out a mince pie for santa. Presents were from us though! Children cope with the dissonance of 'Santa giving Lewis an ipad' without really thinking about it.

I'm still sad that my mum told me the truth when I asked. I think I was around 7 or 8 as a guess, because it was in our first house. I was not sad that "I'd been lied to", I don't think I had been. I was sad that she'd told me the truth! We weren't a big "Father Christmas" house, we weren't a big presents house either, that wasn't the focus. I remember having tags on one or two presents "from Father Christmas" but by the time I could read that I don't think I believed it. I remember looking at it and thinking it's not true. My mum says she used to talk about Father Christmas coming etc, but I don't remember any of that, and I don't remember believing. I don't remember that part. My first memories about Father Christmas are being confused, thinking there was no way he could come through the type of fireplace we had then. I don't think I said anything out loud about that. Also remember investigating, trying to find presents hidden in the house before Christmas day, and I remember being asleep on the sofa on Christmas Eve and waking up opening my eyes seeing my mum putting presents under the tree, I shut my eyes and pretended to still be asleep. I was also confused about the many Father Christmas's I saw in the different supermarkets, shops, school, I think I didn't know if I was supposed to believe they were actually Father Christmas or if I was supposed to believe that they were just dressing up as him. Also I knew whose dad the school Father Christmas was. He had a very distinctive voice as he was a Londoner and we lived up North, rural Lancashire farming village. I was sad that she told me the truth and the way she said it, like "of course he's not really real". I wish I had the full on Father Christmas belief for longer, if I ever had it at all. I don't remember. Wish I did. I do remember getting up at the crack of dawn, waking my parents up, and running downstairs in our first house. I wish my parents and all other adults had been better liars and hadn't raised my suspicions!

That wasn't supposed to come out as a big block of text, sorry. I turned it into paragraphs. Don't know what happened

I still love the feel and sound of a stuffed stocking. It takes me right back to childhood. I am glad I believed. We always had our big presents from our parents etc but that stocking from Santa was the most exciting part for sure.

As a kid I lived believing in Santa, and as I got older I really enjoyed finding out and then proving Santa wasn't real.

I get the logic behind telling kids, and not indulging it. But, it can also be a useful lesson in learning how to investigate and work out what is and isn't real. And how, just because you once believed something wholeheartedly it doesn't mean it's real. Can be a great way to teach kids to interrogate their own beliefs, though obviously that part works best when they are old enough to reason and deduct.

WTF? Are you mad?? Why would you take away the joy of a child like that?? Believing in Father Christmas is one of the best bits of being a child!

If you want her to be grateful you teach her Father Christmas only brings the stocking, or the big present or whatever, and the rest is from you/grandparents.

If you tell her too young she’ll ruin it for other kids too. Please do not do this. Just play along and get her to write him letters and put out a mince pie and sherry for him on Christmas Eve. She’ll love it, and she won’t care remotely later that you lied!

Or glass of mummy's favourite beverage and cake of choice because Santa gets sick of all the sherry and mince pies