To consider telling my 2yo the truth about Father Christmas?

[owmn]

Basically, looking for a bit of advice and other’s experiences!

DD has just turned 2, and so has no concept as yet of Father Christmas, aside from some decorations we have that feature him.

I’ve been thinking about being honest with her from the get go, largely because the idea of her finding out we’ve lied to her for so long, years down the line, makes me a bit sad! But will she be missing out on part of the magic of Christmas? The tradition of writing a letter, leaving out mince pies and carrots, etc.

I also can’t figure out how to ensure she knows she’s very lucky to receive presents, and recognises her privilege, if she believes in Father Christmas. Do we tell her we’re lucky enough to be able to pay him?!

We won’t be telling her she has to behave for presents, only her stocking will come from him, and we’ll be making sure her letter asks him for things for others too, if we do go ahead.

If you have been honest with your LO, what have you replaced those kind of traditions with?

Genuinely never thought I’d have to give it this much consideration! 😂

If you do tell her you better be confident that she does not tell other children.

If you tell her, she will tell all the other children (assuming she can even speak well enough to do so at this early age).

My DS has a friend whose parents had to tell him, because he was completely petrified that a strange looking man could break into the house while he and his parents were asleep. He was afraid to go to bed or sleep, so they explained it all to him, which solved the problem. They also talked about other children believing in Santa, and how he should not tell them he didn't exist.

Clearly he ran straight into nursery the next morning and used circle time to tell everyone that there is no santa, parents bring the presents, and it's all a big lie to trick children. So it didn't go well, but I don't see what else his parents could have done tbh.

Teaching a 2 year old about privilege is obviously ridiculous though.

Oh for Gods Sake, its a bit of fun which lasts about 5 minutes per year.

Unless of course, you are one of these people who starts in August and has special boxes, reindeer food, Christmas breakfast, an elf with a camera, sacks full of gifts and so on.

She will not even understand yet she is too young, I personally do not understand why parents feel the need to spoil the magic. But I do think it normally has to do with how you experienced these things yourself.

What was your family tradition ?
I replayed my Christmas for my children, my husband did not have the mince pies and milk out etc or the tooth fairy or anything really and I think that is sad. Luckily he humoured me although didn’t understand what all the fuss was about - again sad in my opinion, he missed out on the magic.
I encouraged my children to write a ‘wish list’ not a Christmas list so they always understood they would not get everything they wished for on the list as Father Christmas had to make things for everyone so their expectations remain managed that way.
I hate the term Christmas List as that seems to me an order for presents which must pressurise parents. There are plenty of things over the years they did not get on their wish lists I as thought they were a waste of money or too expensive.

I loved the magic of Christmas as a child. I was the youngest of all the cousins and last to find out about FC and I can remember my cousins and DB telling me that they’d seen him on his sleigh one night on the roof and I was SO EXCITED! We all find out eventually and I’ve never known anyone feel traumatised but the magic as a child is just amazing and I will be making DS’s Christmas’ just as magical. They only believe for a short while, there’s plenty of time for learning privilege when they’re a bit older and more aware. Just let them be children!! I’d be gutted if another child told my DS FC isn’t real and if I knew one of his friends was telling everyone that he wasn’t real I’d drop them as a friend before they ruined the surprise.

Father Christmas has always had a fairly low key role in our Christmas, he leaves just your stocking. I never actually told them he wasn't real, they asked me and I said "Well if you don't believe he might not leave your stocking". My children are all well past the believing age at 13, 16, 19 and 21! We have gradually dropped the rituals around Father Christmas. It's such a magical time for children and I think the majority remember the rituals with nostalgia rather than anger that you "lied".

I am so glad that in DDs class there was no parent that selfishly told a small child 'the truth' about Santa and ruined it for everyone else.

A family member had this, where a child spoilt it for a whole class of 4-5 year olds.

Its not just about you, its the implications for all the other children your daughter will tell.

The magic & excitement of Christmas is writing your list, putting out your stocking, wondering what you'll get, waking up on Christmas morning. Whether or not you literally believe and actual fat old man climbs down your chimney or not is pretty irrelevant.

My 10 year old obviously knows that immortal present bringers and flying reindeer aren't real, but he still loves Christmas and finds it magical and exciting. We still do all the traditions.

You are way over thinking this! I think it's really sad for a child to not have the opportunity to feel the magic of Santa. They aren't young enough to believe for long so may as well make the most of it. Mine love the run up to Christmas, getting excited that he's going to come while they are asleep etc. We always do some baking on the 23rd or 24th and save one of whatever we make to leave for Santa, and they get so excited hanging up their stockings. Christmas eve evening is the best, I love seeing the excitement in their eyes.

We don't give big or expensive presents from Santa, they are from us. Santa fills the stockings and brings a few presents. We pretty much do the want, need, wear, read from Santa. So an inexpensive toy from the list, something like a backpack or fun lunchbox, couple of books and something to wear (pyjamas/dressing gown/dressing up outfit). I don't think that things like ipads and bikes should be from Santa for obvious reasons, and I wish it was just a universally agreed thing that only the cheap stuff comes from Santa.

Your DD is so young, too young to even understand it yet. Just wait until she's older and see how you feel then.

Every year someone trots out one of these ridiculous posts. However I think you win as I’ve never seen one aimed at a 2 year old.

2 year olds only understand relevant things in their immediate small circle of influence. Mine didn’t get the concept of Father Christmas until they were a fair bit old as we hadn’t rammed it down their throats at an early age and we didn’t make it hugely important. So unless you’ve been bleating on about it to them for the last year, they really won’t get what you are on about anyway.

It depends on the child, we never said he was real or not, the ILS said it all . At 3 DD1 asked "Where is mother Christmas?" . She cottoned fast I was non commital. DD2 just went along with it. We gave stockings and tree presents, never saying one thing specifically.

Only DS was really upset when DD2 told him at age 9 ! bless him! I said that that some people liked to believe in magic. He is religious now and we're not.

Best not to say much

Please don't, it takes away so much from a children's Christmas. Let them have some magic. Otherwise you might as well only read them factual books in case they feel lied to when there is in fact no magical wardrobe to Narnia, and Narnia doesn't exist.

@StickTheKettleOnAlice

Oh and I don't know any adults in real life annoyed because their parents told them Santa came! Infact quite the opposite they say those were the best christmases and it was never the same again when they stopped believing...

See, that's kind of the point. If you create the situation where believing in Father Christmas is essential to feeling the Christmas magic, then Christmas isn't the same once they find out the truth. And if that happens earlier than you hoped, then...

I think people forget that children are able to be a lot less literal than adults, and able to both believe and not believe at the same time. I had two older sisters and never really believed in Father Christmas, but absolutely loved all of the traditions of putting out mince pies etc and found Christmas a utterly magical time.

I honestly had no idea that children literally believed in FC until I had children of my own. DC1 asked me at about 2 or 3 if FC was real and I said no, of course not, he is just a lovely story which we all enjoy. I happened to mention it to a friend (thank god I did, TBH) and she was utterly HORRIFIED, properly shocked. I thought about it a bit more and realised all the problems it would cause if DC didn't go along with the whole parade, and so I managed to backtrack!

In the end, we've taken a low key approach and enjoyed all the traditions (FC brings the stockings, we do mince pie & carrot etc) but never gone overboard on insisting he is real. Definitely no naughty/nice lists, elves on shelves. The eldest two (12 and 10) don't believe any more (not sure they ever did) but despite our best efforts to give the game away our youngest seems not to have twigged yet.

Anyway, OP, I do get where you are coming from. If you weren't bought up with it yourself, the whole FC cult is pretty odd when you think about it. But based on our experience I'd say go along with it, but in a low key way.

@lioncitygirl

God I would be SO angry at you if your child ruined the concept of Father Christmas for my Children. SO ANGRY.

Well I hope you live in some sort of Christian UKIP bubble then, because if your DC's school has any kind of diversity then you're going to very angry every year.

Not everyone celebrates Christmas. Not everyone believes in Santa. Don't be so ethnocentric!

Ffs. OP do you have any idea how selfish you sound? This isn't about your virtue signaling agenda, it's about letting your daughter experience some of the very fleeting magic of childhood. Poor child, you sound like a fully fledged member of the Fun Police.

We were always told that Santa was basically the delivery service for the presents from our parents. We were never told they were actually from Santa!

Life is miserable enough as it is without spoiling a bit of harmless fantasy for a small child

I’m amazed at all the posters worried about the effect on other kids.

We live in a multicultural society. Kids are going to meet others with different beliefs. If someone tells your 2yo that Santa doesn’t exist, or they don’t celebrate Christmas, I’m sure you can deal with it. Those of us with minority beliefs have to deal with this regularly.

I just don’t get all this angst about ‘lying’. What is the matter with people? It’s a well meant pretence, which for the vast majority of children makes Christmas that much more magical and exciting for those few short years.

As for worrying about ‘lying’ to a 2 year old, words almost fail me.

How many adults who once believed in Father Christmas, now wish their parents had never ‘lied’ to them?

I for one will always be grateful that my parents weren’t so miserably joyless as to deny me and my siblings that magical excitement. And I dare say my own adult dcs would say the same.

You can do stockings, FC letters, leaving out mince pies etc and all the fun magic traditions without needing to do ‘FC is literally true’, OP. DS is delighted by all these, despite having more or less grown up with FC as popular fictional or cartoon character.

I always wonder at the people who come on here shrieking about joyless funsponges and don’t those people’s children dare spoil their little darling’s illusions — do they live in completely mono cultural environments? DS grew up in a village in rural England but there were still lots of children in his class who were either from backgrounds that didn’t do Christmas at all, or did, but had different traditions about who brought the presents and when. DS was thus exposed from toddlerhood to kids who didn’t believe, and was fine with it

I’m with you OP. I generally don’t do make believe. But I don’t tell my DC that teachers, relatives and friends are wrong when they all tell her about Father Christmas and elves and fairies and all the other make believe characters and stories out there...You might have an opinion yourself but you don’t have control over what your DC is told by others. In which case it’s much easier to go with the flow rather than make a song and dance that others are wrong. My DC has never even asked me if Father Christmas is real and she’s a lot older than 2. You’re over thinking it.

Just let her enjoy the magic, many older children know full well the "truth", but are happy to play along for the fun. Mine have never admitted that they know he's make believe, two are in their 40s so I suspect they know.

I was told he wasn’t real by my fathers new wife at about 8.
I was upset but nothing compared to my 2 older sisters who were enraged that I had been told.
It ruined their Christmas.
They got to sneak out if bed & stay up late being “santa” for the younger siblings, got to eat cookies and watch a Christmas movie.

Don’t understand this thread, are you saying that you don’t believe in Father Christmas/st. Nicholas? Have never told my ds (20) there is no Santa. Why would I? Who else fills the stockings?
Jeez as if we haven’t suffered enough this year without people going round saying there is no Father Christmas.

Bah bloody humbug to the lot of you

We do the stocking (it’s a very small one) and one medium sized/priced present (unwrapped in front of the tree) from Father Christmas, everything else wrapped under the tree is from mummy and daddy/family.
The look on my DS face when we talk about Father Christmas, or when he sees that he has been is priceless- and a memory I will always cherish! I want him to have the magic of Christmas but it’s also restored the magic of Christmas to me and my DH when we see his enjoyment. There only little for such a short time!
Also I remember my mum being so upset when I came home from nursery aged 4 having been told by another girl that Father Christmas wasn’t real, i wouldn’t want my child to spoil it for someone else!