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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider telling my 2yo the truth about Father Christmas?

492 replies

owmn · 04/12/2020 08:47

Basically, looking for a bit of advice and other’s experiences!

DD has just turned 2, and so has no concept as yet of Father Christmas, aside from some decorations we have that feature him.

I’ve been thinking about being honest with her from the get go, largely because the idea of her finding out we’ve lied to her for so long, years down the line, makes me a bit sad! But will she be missing out on part of the magic of Christmas? The tradition of writing a letter, leaving out mince pies and carrots, etc.

I also can’t figure out how to ensure she knows she’s very lucky to receive presents, and recognises her privilege, if she believes in Father Christmas. Do we tell her we’re lucky enough to be able to pay him?!

We won’t be telling her she has to behave for presents, only her stocking will come from him, and we’ll be making sure her letter asks him for things for others too, if we do go ahead.

If you have been honest with your LO, what have you replaced those kind of traditions with?

Genuinely never thought I’d have to give it this much consideration! 😂

OP posts:
BorderlineHappy · 04/12/2020 09:07

I think you sound like a bit of a Grinch.

I think the only reasonable time to tell kids there's no Santa is for religious reasons.

Seriously there's nothing like being woke at the crack of dawn by your kids.
The wonderment and excitement is amazing.

Anyway they cotton on quick but they keep it going

Avery7 · 04/12/2020 09:08

We don't lie to our children either. Just explain that Santa is a character like Peppa Pig or Elsa. They probably won't get that distinction when they're very young but that's ok.

You can still do the same traditions if you want, but more importantly you can come up with your own. Instead of writing a letter to Santa begging for presents, they could write a letter of gratitude to someone and give them a present.

& don't worry about it not being "magical" - how can it appear magical to them if they think it's real? That's just adult nostalgia talking. There are plenty of amazing things in the real world that they'll get just as excited about. & let's be honest - it's the presents they care about, not who gives them.

StickTheKettleOnAlice · 04/12/2020 09:09

YABU why?? The best part of my childhood was the magic of Christmas and the excitement of santa. I also believed in other things like the tooth fairy, easter bunny and that fairies were real and it was bloody awesome! I would have hated it looking back as an adult if my parents has have spoilt it all by telling me! Gosh you're a child for such a short time and it can be truley magical so don't take the magic away op.

StickTheKettleOnAlice · 04/12/2020 09:11

Oh and I don't know any adults in real life annoyed because their parents told them Santa came! Infact quite the opposite they say those were the best christmases and it was never the same again when they stopped believing...

Nottherealslimshady · 04/12/2020 09:12

We'll be telling it as a story that some people believe but they can believe whatever they want to believe. The excitement is in the not really knowing but believing anyway.
We'll tell stories of magical things that happen at Christmas that could have been father Christmas and presents turning up under the tree when you're not sure who bought them. But I wont be telling them he's definitely real, and I wont be telling them them men dressed up as santa are really santa or tha every present comes from santa.

andtellyouofmydreaming · 04/12/2020 09:14

Going against the grain here... But... I find the whole lie of FC quite weird. I never told my kids about FC. They had stockings full of presents, understood that their parents put them in, and understood that there were stories (books, TV etc) about FC doing it but they knew these were just make believe. To be honest leaving out an empty stocking and waking to a stuffed one is magic enough.

There are so many traditions and magical stuff that you can do that I don't think not doing the mince pies and letters etc matters, just do other stuff.

ChikiTIKI · 04/12/2020 09:14

She is 2! Just don't even mention FC this year and see how you feel next year.

My DD is just turned 3.we won't be doing the FC thing at any point but she hasn't even mentioned it yet anyway.

Also I wouldn't say he doesn't exist because she might repeat it to others and cause a lot of upset. Just avoid for now.

Nottherealslimshady · 04/12/2020 09:15

But personally, I still remember that feeling of realising I'd been lied to, it was on Christmas morning and it really put a downer on the day for me. I felt embarrassed and betrayed. So I wont lie to them, I'll tell them about the magic and we'll have the excitement of whether he'll come, but I'll never say "he's real" or pass off something I've bought as from Santa

Avery7 · 04/12/2020 09:15

I don't understand why other parents are so threatened by children who don't believe in Santa. Surely an important part of parenting is that you explain to your children that other people have different beliefs? Do Christian parents keep their children away from the atheist and Muslim children too?

StickTheKettleOnAlice · 04/12/2020 09:17

We just say that who ever buys the presents buys them and are truthful on that aspect. We are saying we send them to Santa at the north pole and then santa brings them on xmas eve and if they are lucky they will get something him and his elves have made in his workshop so maybe one present from Santa too.

Usernamenotava1lable · 04/12/2020 09:17

I never really for the hype around Father Christmas, and was genuinely surprised when mine were little how seriously other parents take the whole thing. We never really said anything either way to ours. We did stockings, but never made a big deal about them being from Father Christmas... but they didn't need us to spin the lie for them, as other kids / school got them up to speed on the story. I don't think it took very long for them to realise it was all made up (we were a bit half hearted about playing along) but they still had fun putting out carrots and mince pies etc. One memorable year they brought us each a glass of sloe gin in bed first thing xmas morning when they came in to open their stockings.... they said they knew we like it because its what we'd suggested they put out for father xmas, and we had obviously drunk it as it was no longer there!

TeenPlusTwenties · 04/12/2020 09:19

@Avery7

I don't understand why other parents are so threatened by children who don't believe in Santa. Surely an important part of parenting is that you explain to your children that other people have different beliefs? Do Christian parents keep their children away from the atheist and Muslim children too?
To be fair, Santa & Tooth Fairy are pretty much the only thing where adults and society completely and utterly collude in lying to all children. Plus there is the 'proof' of the physical presents.

It's not the same as religions which are faith based without tangible evidence the child gets to open.

Witchend · 04/12/2020 09:20

Dm resented her brother who did this. She felt she never was allowed to have the magical.
She was also upset that when she went to ask her parents, they just said yes he was right rather than trying to let her believe, which she wanted to.

Wellpark · 04/12/2020 09:20

Sanctimonious I'm afraid

HmmSureJan · 04/12/2020 09:21

I also can’t figure out how to ensure she knows she’s very lucky to receive presents, and recognises her privilege,

🙄 two year olds aren't "privileged". They're at the complete mercy of every single adult around them. They have no power whatsoever.

lioncitygirl · 04/12/2020 09:22

God I would be SO angry at you if your child ruined the concept of Father Christmas for my Children. SO ANGRY.

cardswapping · 04/12/2020 09:24

It is up to you but I remember fondly the believing, not the fact it was maintained by adults around me. Actually when we found out I told my cousin not to tell the grown ups as it would be nicer to continue, but she was a tell tale...

glitterelf · 04/12/2020 09:25

I'm finding all the different view interesting. We do FC here we don't use it as a behaviour tool though we just like the magic it brings.
I've no issue with parents choosing to tell their children he's not real but I do think it needs to be well thought out and that those children should be told not to spoil it for other children.

One of the schools mums just this week blurted out that she'd told her child that he wasn't real but then quickly backtracked saying he helps her, I think that's probably more damaging and gives mixed messages. Also this child isn't the sort to keep this info to herself which is a shame for those children who really need the magic of Christmas this year.

ChikiTIKI · 04/12/2020 09:26

I read something about someone who never put a "from" note on the Christmas stockings. At first the children assumed the gifts were from their parents. But then when they started school etc and hear about FC they assumed they were from him. The parents always just said "when you're ready to hear the truth about where the presents come from, let me know" and eventually the children asked after a few years of keeping it going when they probably really did know anyway.

As I mentioned above, we aren't doing FC and I was tempted by this idea as it does sound nice. I've already explained why we give gifts at Christmas in our house though. We are Christian and give gives as a reminder and celebration of the greatest gift (Jesus), so I've already said the presents are from us anyway.

Like I said though, my child is 3. She doesn't remember last Christmas, didn't remember what tinsel was etc. So there's time to fine tune the message 😅😀

ChikiTIKI · 04/12/2020 09:27

*gifts

wildraisins · 04/12/2020 09:29

Whatever you do, definitely don't tell your kid you are paying Father Christmas.

Either tell her the truth or keep the magic. But don't pretend Father Christmas is on a salary - that's just horrible!

Teakind · 04/12/2020 09:29

I honestly don’t know why you would even consider this. Christmas is magical for children and they only believe for a short while.

Some of my fondest memories from childhood are from Christmas.

You also risk alienating her from her peers if she starts telling them he’s not real when she starts school.

peakotter · 04/12/2020 09:30

We tell ours at this age that Santa is from the world of magic, like cartoon characters.

We also have a story book about the first St Nicholas. As they’ve got older we explain that Santa is secret presents following the tradition of St Nicholas. So nobody can know who Santa is each year, but he is real because he brings the stockings.

I remember very clearly exactly where I was when I found out my parents had lied about Santa, and my disappointment in them. We have tried to find a compromise which is still fun, doesn’t offend mainstream parents too much, but doesn’t lie to the kids. I don’t think we’ve ruined their Christmas!

ReeseWitherfork · 04/12/2020 09:30

how can it appear magical to them if they think it's real?
Magic doesn’t mean imaginary or fake. It means mysterious. So something can appear both magical and real.

LivingMyBestLife2020 · 04/12/2020 09:30

I find it odd that you'd spoil Christmas for a child?

When we were children Santa bought us all our presents. Our parents told us they helped to buy some and sent them to Santa.

My son in 2.5 and Santa is bringing him his gifts from me and his dad (bike and train set) and anything else is from family. I completely appreciate the sentiment of other kids who dont get much so I make the point of donating gifts to charities and we give all his old toys and clothes away to the local food bank. This is all the time, as I want him to have good morals. Once he gets older and becomes aware of the divide in wealth, I may well change how much Santa brings but for now its magical and I love it.