To consider telling my 2yo the truth about Father Christmas?

[owmn]

Basically, looking for a bit of advice and other’s experiences!

DD has just turned 2, and so has no concept as yet of Father Christmas, aside from some decorations we have that feature him.

I’ve been thinking about being honest with her from the get go, largely because the idea of her finding out we’ve lied to her for so long, years down the line, makes me a bit sad! But will she be missing out on part of the magic of Christmas? The tradition of writing a letter, leaving out mince pies and carrots, etc.

I also can’t figure out how to ensure she knows she’s very lucky to receive presents, and recognises her privilege, if she believes in Father Christmas. Do we tell her we’re lucky enough to be able to pay him?!

We won’t be telling her she has to behave for presents, only her stocking will come from him, and we’ll be making sure her letter asks him for things for others too, if we do go ahead.

If you have been honest with your LO, what have you replaced those kind of traditions with?

Genuinely never thought I’d have to give it this much consideration! 😂

I didn't tell our kids until they were 6 - one of them asked, and I said, do you really want to know, and they did, so... by that age I was able to get them to agree not to tell their school friends so it was fine. Now 8yo DD2 still does the carrot for Rudolph etc she's really into that sort of stuff and is able to suspend her disbelief.

I think till about aged 5 it's pretty benign - they believe in all kids of nonsense at that age, and they don't really notice if their wee friends have more or less stuff than them or whatever. IMO once you start getting questions about how Santa gets round everyone or why did their friend not get as much as they did, that shows a child who's reached the age of reason, who knows that material reality is different from imagination, and at that point I become uncomfortable with not being honest about what category Santa is in.

You’re overthinking and needlessly considering removing a sweet and harmless piece of childhood. Children love things like this - Father Christmas, the Tooth Fairy, etc. It’s part of being a child and, tbf, childhood is getting shorter and shorter.

Tell her all about Father Christmas and let her share the magic. Plenty of time for life’s realities as she gets older.

And I also agree with a PP. She’ll potentially spoil it for other children, and won’t be very popular.

There is nothing wrong with believing in FC. Has anyone ever really been damaged from the 'lies'? And once you tell a child it's not real, they love to share that information.

If you're worried about privilege, then a) don't swamp with presents.(and maybe only the stocking comes from FC, presents come from people b) don't buy them everything they've asked when they ask for it c) Make sure every year you buy something for a child who needs it (think Salvation Army campaign or other charities d) Let them choose items for the foodbank when you do a weekly shop.

Lol other parents will hate you if your kid goes around telling everyone Santa isn’t real when they’re 4 or whatever. Enjoy!

@lioncitygirl

God I would be SO angry at you if your child ruined the concept of Father Christmas for my Children. SO ANGRY.

There are always some kids in the playground who don't believe and will tell other children Santa isn't real. You can't stop it.

Strangely though it doesn't really seem to often affect the kids who believe or change their minds (until they get to the age where they wouldn't anyway).

It's amazing how strong a child's belief in magic can be!

I think that's quite sad actually. I loved believing as a child and I remember still looking out of the window hoping to see his sleigh when I was about 10!

Equally, nor was I traumatised when I discovered the truth.

Also if you tell her the truth from the get go, she's going to be the kid in nursery and early yrs that tells the other children he isn't real. Which probably won't go down well with the other parents

My DC are starting to get suspicious now, they’re 8, 9 and 10. It’s mostly due to non-believers in their class at school. I don’t really want to tell them, I think I might do it after Christmas. We have had many magical and wonderful Christmases, Father Christmas is part of the magic and wonder for young children. Don’t take that away from your DC, they’re only small for such a short period.

I felt the same but you get drawn into it through their peers and before you know it you don’t have the heart to extinguish the magic in their eyes.

Santa for me as a child was just the most exciting concept EVER. The thought of not giving my children that experience just doesn’t sit right with me. If they’re lucky they have this small window of time where they believe wishes come true and magic exists. It’s wonderful. Reality kicks in soon enough.

Does your child live in a sealed bubble, that they will continue to occupy until the age of ten? No? Then you cannot and should not do this.

All you need to do is give one second's thought to the other children that your DC will go to school with.

As for how to manage it and promote gratitude, that's easy. Stocking from Father Christmas (and maybe one other present). Gifts from parents and relatives are just that.

I've never told my children Father Christmas is real, anymore than unicorns or the tooth fairy. I just say they are all magic!
They might believe in unicorns & elves at 3 or 4 or 5, but most children understand the difference between reality and fantasy by 7 or 8. They still enjoy the magic and traditions though.

What I do find a bit unpleasant, is parents who actively lie to their children, especially as they naturally get to an age where they understand magic isn't real. It's the parents that get angry or upset, and threaten their children won't get gifts if they don't believe - I just think WTF are you doing

God Almighty i feel nothing bit pity for your poor child. She is 2 and you want her to recognise her privilege ! You will deserve the teenager/adult she becomes. What a joyless home yours must be

My mum got out of having 'lied' to me by saying 'if you believe in him, he's real.' Not sure that logic holds much water but it was a nifty way of not making me feel duped!

Unlike others, I was really hurt when I realised my parents had lied to me about Santa. We’d been thought not to lie by them, and to realise they’d lied about something I loved so much was pretty devastating. That said I have a toddler and I doubt we’ll go down the route of saying he isn’t real. Instead, I think the idea of a low-key Santa is good. We’ll read looks about him etc just as we’ll probably read books about the nativity at Christmas, even if we aren’t practising Christians. And include all of that in our Christmas celebrations. We’ll probably keep presents to a minimum, as she’ll get a lot from family members.

@Level75

We do the stocking from Father Christmas and presents from us. I never really understood people saying all presents from FC. How do you explain why some children get many/expensive presents and some get very little.

We did the same. I was damned if some elves and a fucker in a red jumpsuit were going to get the credit for my present-buying

You're thinking of your DD like an adult, OP. Young children don't have the rigid dividing line that we do between real and fantasy - and that's lovely. Let her enjoy this phase of her development, when magic is real. There is time enough for reality!

Don't do it. Life loses it's magic younger and younger so keep it up for your child. Trust me, they're teens before you know it.

@ReeseWitherfork

how can it appear magical to them if they think it's real? Magic doesn’t mean imaginary or fake. It means mysterious. So something can appear both magical and real.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/magical

It means either produced by magic (I.e. fake) or special and exciting.

Xmas is plenty special and exciting already without introducing fake elements.

My parents lied to me about it for ten years, I don’t think I’m traumatised by it 🙄

I told dd2 at the age of 6/7 that he wasn’t real, she has ASD and was so fearful about a strange bearded man coming into our house at night that she didn’t find Christmas magical at all (just scary), after telling her she has been far more relaxed about it all.

I would just wait and see, at the age of 2 you don’t really have to explain anything to them, they are likely to hear about FC from others, from TV etc... but you don’t really have to put any ideas into their head on what’s real and what’s not.

It's a rite of passage for most older primary school children to work it out and then feel grown up for doing so. My 9 year old is 99% confident that it is us now but we'll go for the 'magic' one last time.

@Avery7 produced by magic doesn’t mean fake. It means just that... produced by magic.

You're overthinking all of this and being a bit silly. A 2 year old has no concept of Christmas or Father Christmas or any of the rest of it. Just go with it. I don't even really celebrate Christmas (technically I'm Jewish), but we also have a Christmas tree and Father Christmas brings the stockings (because dh is atheist but grew up celebrating Christmas). He doesn't bring any main presents in our house and I think that's the case for many families. We make sure she knows how lucky she is to receive gifts because we are comfortable enough to buy them for her, and she is appreciative. It's lovely. Kids grow up so soon and there is so much that isn't magical about the world, especially these days, there's no harm in having a bit of magic one day a year.

Lots of what we fold into our practices and special days is make up stuff. That's what myths are. It's just a myth, the way lots of cultures around the world have myths that explain why we do the things we do. You don't see aboriginal peoples going around saying they shouldn't re-tell their myths around special days because they'll be lying to their children because they aren't technically real. They aren't meant to be real, they're just meant to explain rituals. And that's really nice and it makes for special routines and memories. I don't think anyone ever grew up and resented their parents for letting 'Father Christmas' give them a few presents.

Some of the hysterical responses on this thread are hilarious .

Do whatever you want/think best OP. Plenty of children in this country are raised in households where they aren't brought up to believe in FC - I was raised Muslim so was one of those. It didn't ruin my childhood like some people are saying it would! I was happy to treat it all like a big fun game. We still left a carrot out and all sorts but there was never a time when me and my siblings ever believed a fat man was coming down th chimney to bring us presents. We knew who our presents came from, especially as some Xmas mornings we'd not have anything then and there as we'd not be seeing the Christian side of our family until say Boxing Day or even later. Also none of us went around telling other kids he wasn't real, our cousins believed in FC for a looong time. My 2 yr old is already able to play pretend as has been able to for some time so we are going to take the same approach with her. We are a multicultural, multifaith household. The idea that not bringing a child up to believe in FC is ruining their childhood is one of the most ridiculous pieces of hyperbole I've seen on this website and that's saying something .

I considered this for the same reasons you state. My husband said I was being an arsehole so I went along with it and now they're 3&4 and I'm SO glad I wasn't an arsehole

This is the first year they both have an understanding and they are beyond excited. Completely caught up in the magic. My eldest is quite a logical child so she has questions on the practicalities, I don't actively lie to her as that wouldn't sit right. I generally turn the questions back to her and ask what she thinks and she comes up with some hilarious answers. Considering Lapland next year (covid dependent) as I've gone completely the other way and am now all in. I'm sure it would still be magical if they didn't believe but it's not the same really is it?

They grow up so fast (trite but true) and they only believe for a few short years. It is a lovely tradition, there's so few left I think this one is worth keeping.

My DD loves the idea of Father Christmas and I can’t recall being devastated when I found out the truth.
We tell her that Father Christmas brings stocking bits but helps us get the other stuff and brings it with him so she knows that most of her gifts are from us which i think is better as it then doesn’t give the idea that FC only brings expensive toys to the families who can afford it.

Also, if you tell your 2 year old, when she goes to school she will also tell the other kids he isn’t real and then that could cause issues. I would be pretty peeved if my DD was told by her class mate at this age that he want real.
The fun of Christmas for me is watching the magic of it through her eyes and it makes it so special

What else are you joylessly going to eradicate? The tooth fairy ? 🙄. So, so happy not to have anyone with your weary belief systems in my friendship circle.

We don't celebrate Christmas, and therefore obviously don't have Father Christmas. When my kids were old enough to ask about it (my oldest was confused why there were so many posters in town with "people in Christmas costumes" which I still think was very adorable), we told them that it was a special magic part of Christmas for many people. We don't want people ruining our magic fun by going on about how they don't do X or don't like X, so we don't do the same to them. Everyone has their own fun and they can choose to play along too with their friends when they want. Never had any issues to my knowledge.

I grew up with Christmas and don't have any magic Christmas memories so Santa is no guarantee of it, but even as someone who is much happier without it, I do not get needing to explain this to a 2 year old. My parents had just one gift from Santa and everything else from them (though if we mentioned the truth around my mother, she would screech we would get nothing if we didn't believe. Consistency wasn't her strong suit), there have been threads of others saying they pay Santa for the gifts, however you explain it - it's a story, we don't need to say it's real or fake anymore than any other story we tell our children.

I mean, if she has no idea, why does she need to be told anything? Do you explain every storybook or show is fake? Do you go into detail about no ethical consumption in capitalism and global poverty with every gift? This is really no different to telling any other fairy story and then acting it out for fun, other than millions of other people are doing it alongside you with their own different variations. For some, he's coming in two days for the Feast of Saint Nicholas. It's all about how you want to connect with the tradition - if at all, it is optional even with Christmas - but there is no need to be explaining this to a toddler.