To consider telling my 2yo the truth about Father Christmas?

[owmn]

Basically, looking for a bit of advice and other’s experiences!

DD has just turned 2, and so has no concept as yet of Father Christmas, aside from some decorations we have that feature him.

I’ve been thinking about being honest with her from the get go, largely because the idea of her finding out we’ve lied to her for so long, years down the line, makes me a bit sad! But will she be missing out on part of the magic of Christmas? The tradition of writing a letter, leaving out mince pies and carrots, etc.

I also can’t figure out how to ensure she knows she’s very lucky to receive presents, and recognises her privilege, if she believes in Father Christmas. Do we tell her we’re lucky enough to be able to pay him?!

We won’t be telling her she has to behave for presents, only her stocking will come from him, and we’ll be making sure her letter asks him for things for others too, if we do go ahead.

If you have been honest with your LO, what have you replaced those kind of traditions with?

Genuinely never thought I’d have to give it this much consideration! 😂

One thing I HATE is the "Santa won't come if you're naughty" That is horrible. Small children can't stop being children because they've been told that He's 'watching them' that's effing emotional blackmail.

Let her believe.

I doubt there are many people traumatised as adults by their parents telling them about FC and then at an appropriate time telling the truth.

What a horrible, spiteful idea to even think about....

The desperate need for children to believe on these threads is very obviously about the adults’ own need to believe in a particular version of childhood.

I went to school with a girl who was a Jehovah's Witness, she was always very sad at Christmas as she wasn't allowed to join in. On the other hand the Muslim and Jewish kids joined in with enthusiasm and all had visits from Father Christmas.

We didn't do Father Christmas and presents came from us, but nether did we actively say that he didn't exist. One of my now adult children did say that they did think he existed for a time in their childhood. When they were a bit older and asked about it we were honest. I don't think it spoilt Christmas for any of us and it's still a favourite time of year.

We go along with my daughter's decision to do FC with the grandchildren and wouldn't dream of spoiling it for them. Did have a sticky moment last week when the 6 year old asked me if FC was real. Fudged that one a bit, but I feel the thought is starting to creep in.

Only DS was really upset when DD2 told him at age 9 ! bless him! I said that that some people liked to believe in magic. He is religious now and we're not

My DD is like that, and I've said to DH before that I wouldn't be at all surprised if she turns out to be religious when she's older (we're atheists). She tells me my dad is in heaven, and that it's OK if I don't believe in it because it's still true I'm quite glad we decided not to send them to religious instruction at school (not UK) because I think she would have got an extremely strong dose!

Santa is just a very small side issue at Christmas and not worth agonising over!
Play along or not, it’s no big deal. As long as your child grows up knowing that Christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus, the incarnation of God and the redemption of humanity, their views on a fake bloke in a red suit really don’t matter.
When I used to teach Sunday School, most of the kids at the Christmas party knew fine that the visiting Santa with sack of presents was one of the church elders dressed up, but it didn’t spoil the fun. I think they saw it as a nice bit of make believe and an extra present!
For my own kids, I used to do a stocking purportedly from Santa and put family presents under the tree. We still did that when they were teenagers, and it was just a bit of fun, not the main event.

I think Santa is a proto patriarch. The whole naughty & nice thing makes my skin crawl. It's absolutely lying to kids, and for the benefit of the parents watching them be awed by it all. Kids believe you absolutely. They don't know the difference between this untruth, and any other. Our four year old has never been told anything but the truth about Santa. He understandably thinks other kids belief (and that's what's been taught here, the foundations for belief) is irrational.

Keeping Father Christmas low key is fine but I really wouldn’t say he doesn’t exist at that age. My DCs are 10 and 12 and there has never been a big reveal about Father Christmas. They use to ask questions about practicalities and I’d just say ‘He’s magic!’.

@Nottherealslimshady

But personally, I still remember that feeling of realising I'd been lied to, it was on Christmas morning and it really put a downer on the day for me. I felt embarrassed and betrayed. So I wont lie to them, I'll tell them about the magic and we'll have the excitement of whether he'll come, but I'll never say "he's real" or pass off something I've bought as from Santa

We are all different and this proves it. I do not consider it a lie, nor do I consider, before someone adds the comment, that their children do not believe because they are clever 😂

If you will not pass something off that you bought as from Santa then how will that work ??

I did not feel the need to take Santa’s credit so presents in the house on Christmas morning and main present were from Santa, then relatives presents etc and a small £10 present from Mum and Dad were separate. Again boils down to my own childhood experience and how I grew up. My children are young adults now and we all have such lovely memories of Christmas I am not image not having that excitement about Santa.

We always said that Father Christmas was a game that everyone played. He wasn't real but it was fun to pretend. And we emphasised that you should never tell anyone it was a game - that was part of the fun.

So we talked about Father Christmas coming and writing letters and we always emphasised that FC knew more about toys than they did so the best thing to ask for was a surprise.

In our house Santa brought some small gifts and the stocking, but big ticket items came from us.

After they opened their gifts we gave them our gift.

No way was he getting the credit for a large item like a PS4, for example.

I don't think any children see it as their parents 'lying' to them, and most would rather have the years of magic before they find out.

The majority of kids work it out for themselves, and even those who are a bit upset still get excited about Christmas because they still get exciting presents, no matter who brings them!

Oh please don't OP.

I was lied to by family quite a bit growing up (in my best interests apparently ) and I can promise you that the Father Christmas and Tooth Fairy 'lies' are not the ones that bother me 30 years later!!

There's a great difference between 'lying' to create magic and lying about things that impact someone's life.

Tired of the whole “lying to you kids” thing .
It’s not a lie , it’s like believing in a fairytale , it’s harmless.
Don’t burst her Father Christmas bubble before it’s even started just because you’re anxious about 8 years time.

My parents always paid Santa by leaving out money on our fireplace to explain how some kids got more/less than others depending on what their parents could afford which I'll admit now sounds a bit grim but was just normal to me. With my own kids they get one special thing from their list from Santa, and then presents from me and my husband. I like it because they get the magic and the excitement but at the same time know how privileged they are and understand not all kids are as lucky (not that we're particularly well off and I don't like overloading them at Christmas anyway). Plus i hate the thought of a child who doesn't get as much from santa because their parents aren't as well off thinking that they weren't good enough and not understanding why santa gives loads to other kids and not them. At least if they hear my kids talking they know most of the presents are from us. Thinking about that is also pretty grim and heart breaking.

Really ? Yes we are a nation of traumatised people because our parents "lied" to us about Father Christmas . God help you when she is a teen and your problems really start

I think it would be a real shame to deny them the magic that all of Christmas brings

*I could not imagine.

I never did the naughty or good list or anything and thank goodness there was no elf on the shelf or Christmas Eve box tradition when mine were young as that is just too commercialised and awful, what is traditional about that ?

At 2, she probably won’t really understand the idea of Father Christmas, never mind explaining that it’s not real. My daughter didn’t really get it until the Xmas she was 4. She’s 5 now, and it’s lovely to see how excited she is. Nursery and school have talked about Santa a lot, so she’s picked up a lot of ideas about him from there.

We’ve been low-key about Santa - he brings your stocking and a special present, but other presents are from us and the wider family. But I would be upset if another child told her Santa wasn’t real, because it would take that little bit of magic away.

Why would you take the magic away from her and make her different from every other child. How are Nursery’s and schools supposed to manage her when they are all doing Christmas activities and Santa trips & visits. She will be singled out, why would you do that to her?

And as others have said your potentially causing big issues for yourself and DD from other children and parents.

There is a friend of my DDs whose mum told her there was no Santa in year 1. I told her mum outright her DD better not say anything to mine, she can ruin her child’s childhood but I won’t let her ruin my child’s.

When they are little who cares if they think it all comes from Santa, mine did/do, as they get older you teach them otherwise. My 6 & 8 year olds know that we work with Santa when it comes to gifts. They now understand and know some stuff comes from us too.

As for the whole you would be sad that she found out you have lied to her, again why? Seriously I don’t know anyone who every had a problem with it, she’d probably hate you more from not letting her enjoy the magic of Christmas.

You don’t have to lie. Just never explain and let society do the rest.

We did big presents from names people, but the stocking was completely unnamed. Put out your stocking - perhaps it will get filled in the night! Then the DC overlaid onto that whatever they believed at the time from what they were hearing from school, friends, TV or whatever.

At age 2 she won’t know or care. If she’s at nursery or when she starts preschool/school, there will be plenty of talk about FC and that’s the time to decide what you want to do.

We went with low-key, mainly because that’s what my DP and ILs both did. Stockings from FC, big gifts from whoever bought them.
Took DD to see FC when she was almost 5 and she hated it, got very upset about the beard and costume and already had the gift she was given. She was quite a smart child so I explained it was a fun tradition to represent the magic of Christmas and many people liked it, but if she didn’t that was ok too, and never ever to tell anyone else as that was unkind. Shes now almost 11 and has not said a word, but loved being involved with the preparations and being on the ‘grown ups’ side making it fun for younger relatives. She was much happier with it being explained as a role being played. I know a few people who have been unhappy with the idea of a stranger in their house at night so it’s not that uncommon.

If you don’t want to go all in, that’s ok. I don’t think I would go so far as to tell them it’s all lies and make a big deal of that either. Keep it mysterious, then it can be whatever it needs to be each year.

MN take Santa very seriously IME, but I don’t think you have to. I’ll vaguely go along with it but I’m not going to go in for anything elaborate. I’m getting a bit sick of other people deciding my child’s character will be inherently unpleasant because I don’t subscribe to the view that lying to them for a sustained period of years is actually brilliant parenting.