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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP and shared house with sibling ! AIBU

227 replies

Istheyearoveryet21 · 03/12/2020 23:08

Ok - I am not new by the way but changed my name for this post. I will try to explain the best I can and no drip feed.

My dp and I have 3 kids between us ( me 3 him 1 )
Anyway I have my own house and he moved in.
Years ago him and his sibling got a mortgage on a house splitting the deposit and have been splitting the mortgage ever since.
This is a nice house in a nice area and his sibling lives in the house with partner and kids. . . DP has never lived there.
Now we have our own child, and he is living with me I don’t think it’s fair he is paying half a mortgage of a house he doesn’t live in or benefit from in anyway.
He said it was an investment and that it was meant so when he was ready to need a family home then he would take money out and have a deposit but of course this hasn’t worked because he doesn’t want to upset family.
So as it stands I am the higher earner but work much more hours. When it comes to finances we join money apart from this 500.00 he pays towards this other mortgage every month !
Now his sibling wants to sell the house and get another house using the money from the first house. I have asked DP to take his part money and to stop funding the mortgage also as we have our own family / house to pay for.
Am I being a total cow ?

OP posts:
Ismellphantoms · 03/12/2020 23:28

You're not being a cheeky cow. They are CFs. I assume the house is in both brothers' names, so one can't keep all the money. See a solicitor for legal advice.

MiddleClassProblem · 03/12/2020 23:33

YANBU, makes perfect sense for him to get out when they sell and sibling to figure out their own finances. Is the sibling asking to keep the deal going?

Also, how many kids? It went 3, then 4 then 5. Got a big confused but sounds like you need a lot of space.

Original poster
Istheyearoveryet21 · 03/12/2020 23:36

Oh sorry !
We have 3 combined haha
I have 2 and then we have 1 together.

OP posts:
LoveMyKidsAndCats · 03/12/2020 23:38

YANBU OP. Strange set up.

dane8 · 03/12/2020 23:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Tinselandbaubauls · 03/12/2020 23:40

What a weird set up! You’re not being unreasonable! Not sure his it’s an investment 🤷🏼‍♀️

CeibaTree · 03/12/2020 23:41

What does your DP say about the situation?

MiddleClassProblem · 03/12/2020 23:42

Got it!

I don’t think it’s a strange set up. I can totally see how it came about. They bought the place together, gradually the partner moved in, became the norm that they lived there/awkward to figure out the finances, they start a family etc.

I know a couple of siblings that have bought together but most have parted ways before this point. DH used to own with a friend many moons ago.

5foot5 · 03/12/2020 23:42

Yes very odd. So far your DP seems to have been subsidising his brother £500 per month!
YANBU

Original poster
Istheyearoveryet21 · 03/12/2020 23:43

Right !
Now they are not short of money as such they have more money than my DP probably not more than If we add my money but I think we will need to move soon and I don’t see why only my house sale should be the contribution to a bigger house.
If he took his money our combined with mine we could buy a house with no mortgage. However he is saying this is unfair because then his siblings mortgage would increase.
But surely that is not my problem😐

OP posts:
doodleygirl · 03/12/2020 23:44

This is such a strange set up. I’ve never heard of a sibling paying half a mortgage for the other. How does your DP benefit from this arrangement?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 03/12/2020 23:45

Of course he should take his half now. Why on earth would he not. Is he planning on paying for his siblings new house?

Original poster
Istheyearoveryet21 · 03/12/2020 23:46

@doodleygirl exactly but DP can not see his sibling is taking him for a ride !

I don’t want to put all my money in to a house whilst he substitutes his sibling for their house.

He seems scared to rock the boat.

OP posts:
CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 03/12/2020 23:48

He has clearly benefited presuming the house had increased in value. And if you own half a house it is normal to pay half the mortgage ( although his sibling should really have paid some rent to him too)

However that was then and now he wants to buy with you and has the opportunity to take his investment to put towards that he'd be crazy not to. And I agree that his siblings mortgage is not your concern, they will also have made money on this arrangement which they can now invest in their own home

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 03/12/2020 23:49

Cross posted. If it is only you putting money into the new home, that needs to be in just your name

Original poster
Istheyearoveryet21 · 03/12/2020 23:50

@CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson that’s what I have said the past is the past but now it’s time to separate however he is saying because this house is a 4 bed house with garden by the way that is they sell up and he takes his money out that they wouldn’t get a house the same size without having a bigger mortgage than what they are used to.

OP posts:
Original poster
Istheyearoveryet21 · 03/12/2020 23:52

@CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson that’s is also my point it might sound selfish but I worked really hard a single mum to 2 to save and pay for my house and then paid of a huge chunk of the mortgage. To get a house in the same area but we need a bigger one so will cost more than mine does then I will end up with a higher mortgage again to 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
10pennychews · 03/12/2020 23:52

The way to look at it is the sibling living in it is part buying part renting so they should pay half the rental value and their half of the mortgage, partner then pays his part of the mortgage out of the rent money.
Rent is almost always going to be more than mortgage, so you would have a small income. Down side is as a landlord you would be liable for half of any maintenance costs, so it might be better to come to a comprise over them just paying DP part of the mortgage.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 03/12/2020 23:53

But they'll be able to buy something better than they would if they hadn't invested with your brother so they are still in a better position than before. Do they really expect him to keep on buying a house for them to live in rather than for his own family with you? If they do they are proper CF but you may find they don't expect this at all and this is all your dp feelings of obligation....

saraclara · 03/12/2020 23:55

So he cares more that they will have a bigger mortgage, than that you will?

What does he get out of this deal with his sibling? It's bizarre.

Original poster
Istheyearoveryet21 · 03/12/2020 23:55

@10pennychews they do pay DP any rent

The choices I have put on the table is either
They sell the house, dp takes his money.
Or they don’t sell the house but they start paying rent.

Apparently both are unreasonable for me to suggest so I give up so I told him it was either that or I will sort the house out for the kids and I and he can sort him self out 🤣

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 03/12/2020 23:55

[quote Istheyearoveryet21]@CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson that’s what I have said the past is the past but now it’s time to separate however he is saying because this house is a 4 bed house with garden by the way that is they sell up and he takes his money out that they wouldn’t get a house the same size without having a bigger mortgage than what they are used to.[/quote]
Err - so?

His sibling is an epically CF.

Only 50% of the equity is hers. So OF COURSE she can’t have it all.

Is your DP not very bright?

Original poster
Istheyearoveryet21 · 03/12/2020 23:56

@CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson nope I 100 percent believe it’s coming from sibling and their mother !
DP is a really sweet and nice guy but for some reason literally rolls over for his sibling it’s ridiculous.

OP posts:
Original poster
Istheyearoveryet21 · 03/12/2020 23:57

Weirdly that’s the frustrating thing he is v bright ! Just an absolutely push over.

OP posts:
Original poster
Istheyearoveryet21 · 03/12/2020 23:59

You are right, they would never have afforded the house without him bearing in mind we are all between 26 and 33 years old and this house was bought 6 years ago.
They both work full time but in average paying jobs.

OP posts:
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