DP and shared house with sibling ! AIBU

[Istheyearoveryet21]

Ok - I am not new by the way but changed my name for this post. I will try to explain the best I can and no drip feed.

My dp and I have 3 kids between us ( me 3 him 1 )
Anyway I have my own house and he moved in.
Years ago him and his sibling got a mortgage on a house splitting the deposit and have been splitting the mortgage ever since.
This is a nice house in a nice area and his sibling lives in the house with partner and kids. . . DP has never lived there.
Now we have our own child, and he is living with me I don’t think it’s fair he is paying half a mortgage of a house he doesn’t live in or benefit from in anyway.
He said it was an investment and that it was meant so when he was ready to need a family home then he would take money out and have a deposit but of course this hasn’t worked because he doesn’t want to upset family.
So as it stands I am the higher earner but work much more hours. When it comes to finances we join money apart from this 500.00 he pays towards this other mortgage every month !
Now his sibling wants to sell the house and get another house using the money from the first house. I have asked DP to take his part money and to stop funding the mortgage also as we have our own family / house to pay for.
Am I being a total cow ?

It IS worrying OP. His lack of push to change the situation indicates a lack of commitment to you and his DD.

He's having his cake isn't he? He's got a home with you AND the security of the house his brother lives in. He feels safe regarding that investment because it's blood.

[quote Istheyearoveryet21]@Sobeyondthehills he has never lived there and yes he is expecting all the money to go in to the next house.
They would not accept a lodger.[/quote]
Just to confirm into his siblings house or yours and is?

Because if its the siblings that is unbelievably stupid.

If you two get a house together, then the sibling either needs to take on the lodger or buy him out or sell, they can't expect him not to pay towards his own house (I sort of get it when the house is just in your name)

Also I don’t think my wage should mean I subsidise someone else’s house !
500.00 a month when you live in London even in a good wage is still a fair chunk.

Well isn't his sibling&their partner sitting pretty?

They live in a house where they only pay half of the mortgage which also probably less than current market rent too.You wouldn't be able to rent a house for £500 pcm where I live;you'd be hard pushed to even find a one bed flat for that;a bedsit would probably be your lot for £500 pcm.

Your DP is currently £500 out of pocket so they can live a nice lifestyle;now is absolutely the time for him to take his money and run;you and he should be looking at perhaps upgrading your own house with £500 more a month in his pocket.

Don't buy a house with him unless he gets his equity out of his existing property and puts it into the new house. If it was me I would buy on my own and not get married.

I don't think you've said whether he is currently paying you rent but if he isn't he should be and at market rate. He should be doing what normally happens and either sell his property and split the profit or let them buy him out of his share.

Is he contributing less to the pot for your joint household expenditures to accommodate the £500 (wtf!) he's literally giving away to his sister every month? How much disposable income does he have every month?

Quite honestly its like they all view you as a cash cow, I hope there isn't any plans to marry as they'll take the piss/your money moreso.

Yes @popsydoodle4444 you are right they live a v good life and honestly so do I but I am the one that funds my own life 🙈
I know my DP and sibling have roughly the same wage so it would roughly be 38k a year

And partner would want less so I think at a rough ball park their joint income would be about 56k a year.

Thanks guys you have given me a lot to think about !!!
I am worried about the fact that I earn a good wage will mean they think they have got away with it.

@thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter yes he pays less than me well is all very new tbh but yes the budget is he pays less than me as I earn more.

@FortunesFave

It IS worrying OP. His lack of push to change the situation indicates a lack of commitment to you and his DD.

He's having his cake isn't he? He's got a home with you AND the security of the house his brother lives in. He feels safe regarding that investment because it's blood.

This.

Whatever you do, don't marry him. Atleast get a lawyer to secure your share of a new house. He probably cannot believe his luck finding a financially secure partner, why should he change anything, to him you got everything under control as is.

@Istheyearoveryet21

Yes *@popsydoodle4444* you are right they live a v good life and honestly so do I but I am the one that funds my own life 🙈 I know my DP and sibling have roughly the same wage so it would roughly be 38k a year And partner would want less so I think at a rough ball park their joint income would be about 56k a year.

Quicksh maths here. You're telling us he's giving away 20% of his take home pay every month to his sister?!

[quote Istheyearoveryet21]@thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter yes he pays less than me well is all very new tbh but yes the budget is he pays less than me as I earn more.[/quote]
Sorry I meant after bills and paying his sister's mortgage does he have much disposable income left?

@thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter yep !! This is my issue I know it’s my wage but still.

*not my wage

@thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter so the budget at the moment is yes he would left with around 600 a month but I think that’s me being a bit of a mug

I agree with giantangryrooster, he's set up nicely with you. Time to get tough and rock the boat, he's massively taking the piss.

I should probably add about the whole he has been lucky to find me as I have money. In his defence we have known each other 18 years. We met when I was 10!
I really love him
He is in many ways a great guy, he loves the kids just he also loves his nieces and nephews. His family are v hard work. When we got in to the discussion a few weeks ago I could see in his face he was trying to work out a way not fall out with them all whilst still trying to keep me.

[quote Istheyearoveryet21]@thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter so the budget at the moment is yes he would left with around 600 a month but I think that’s me being a bit of a mug[/quote]
Bugger that, he should only have £100. Throwing money away should come out of his spends.

He's having your cake and eating it, it's easy to be generous with other people's money.

I love my nieces and nephews but I wouldn't take the food out of my own kids' mouths for them - that's their parents responsibility.

@thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter you are right but I think they see it as it wouldn’t be effecting my kids because there is enough money.

Damn it woman you sound tough and capable, he needs to fully commit to your family, no matter what his family is like. If he doesn't grow a backbone you are in for a life time of cfuckery and resentment.

Although I don’t think they have taken in to consideration that my work has taken a massive hit over Covid and then I have had to take a very unexpected maternity leave.
Also part of my wage doesn’t come from my contracted job but extra agency work to which obviously won’t be there for my maternity leave.

@giantangryrooster trust me I won’t let it go !
I am not watching people who don’t want to help them self benefit from what I achieved. I also am aware that some people looking it will be like I am being selfish as I can afford it but I have not own siblings I don’t fund them either !

You have a DP problem here, there'll always be cheeky fuckers about so there's little you can do about them. Your DP needs to fund the £500 out of his £600 monthly disposal income, currently he's not boshed because it does affect him but I'd like to see how long he lasts with only the £100 a month.

Doesn't not does