To ask for your useless DH stories?

[Bananapancakes0]

So I spent a couple of weeks making over our bathroom. Painted the tiles (it took 4 coats), the floor, the walls, put up new cabinets, towel rails and accessories.

Dh dyed his hair last night and then showered it off. He failed to notice that all the gleaming Bright white tiles were covered in dark, dark brown hair dye. I just had my shower now, pulled back the curtain and wanted to cry.

How can that not be noticed? Thankfully I was able to get it off with some flash but not before panicking about all my hard work ruined in 2 minutes flat. Just silently raging here.

Please make me feel better with your equally incompetent stories. I hate having to be the 'man' and the woman, it's like having an extra child.

Its not really an aibu just shamelessly posting for traffic.

@3inthefuckingmorning

I have no idea, it was all fun and games til our 2 babies came along and now his short comings are more obvious because I don't have the time, energy or patience to cover for him.

OP completely agree with this, happened to me too!

My DP Didnt know you had to put any liquid/tablets into the washing machine to actually clean clothes. Also the dishwasher 🙄 I only noticed years into the relationship when he done a wash when we were out of detergent.

I could go on and on...

If you put our dishwasher on the hot/heavy soil setting everything comes out shiny and clean, even without a dishtab.

@SimonJT I don't think that's what he was doing 🤣

DH is fab (he does all the cooking) but he literally cannot grasp the fact that washing machines have MORE THAN ONE SETTING! Everything is mixed in together and bunged on at 40. He pulls his weight in every other way though so I've just accepted that is my job

Mine helpfully empties the dishwasher and mixes all the different size bowls and plates up in the cupboard. Twat.

Mine is like a robot. Often feel I have to write a list, wind him up, point him in the right direction, and off he toddles to get shit done. After some counselling a few years ago that’s what the counsellor suggested-writing up to 3 things on a list to get done, if it’s not done by X weeks then I pay someone else to do it. DH does his fair share now.

OP, fwiw I totally get you. I’ve walked in on my other half telling his mates stuff he feels I’ve done wrong. Men vent too. This isn’t a gender bashing thread, you were just asking for funny stories and feel like you weren’t in the only rocky boat. Seriously, how utterly ridiculous to attack someone for not always thinking their family members smell of roses. There are good and bad days, and some are clearly worse than others.

So glad your daughter was okay in regards to stair gate. Accidents do happen. 😘

We have given up fighting about it all. DH has mostly gotten over being defensive when he gets called out on his shiteness and I have mostly gotten over feeling the rage when things aren't done.

What we do these days (20 years of marriage) is a shared list on our phones (with a ridiculous amount of detail on it- such as 'clean bathroom including refill toilet roll holder, leave grout cleaner on for at least 5 minutes before rinsing off ' and 'empty recycling bin including rinsing out after emptying into main bin' etc) and then I ask him to add things he thinks need doing to it and we will try and tick some stuff off at least once / twice a week.

He is useless at household stuff. He is a 'typical man' in that he can look after the children or the house but not both at the same time. He will always leave a mess and forget stuff and need reminding. He does often forget to thank me for being able to walk in to a beautiful clean and tidy home. But, I have no desire to leave him over it. I don't enable him, I try to work with him to his strengths (he can follow a list, he cannot follow vague (to him) verbal requests like 'can you make sure you clean up'). He also had no standards set growing up as his parents never discussed housework, preferring to read or go out than tackle cleaning and I do get that it must be hard for him to see it from my POV (which is we all have a right to sit in a tidy/ clean/uncluttered space to relax and we shouldn't have to clear up another persons mess)

OP, lay it all out and ask for his perspective on how you feel. Ask him for support. Share with him what it's like in your mind / inner world. Describe to him all of the mental load you carry each day and ask him to find ways that mean you both cope well. Don't keep things to yourself and show him why you feel the way you do. Simmering resentment is a killer of your own energy and you obviously have a lot on with two small children as it is.

Thank you @Vallmo47

@LookatMeLookatMeLookatMuiii that's brilliant advice. I like your idea of detailed lists especially. Thank you for that

If you put our dishwasher on the hot/heavy soil setting everything comes out shiny and clean, even without a dishtab.

I never put a full tab in mine. Snap the things in half. Twice the number of washes and everything comes out just as clean.

I think talking and specifying new methods has to be a good idea. To those who are saying it's very sexist , it's fact for those commenting and it's good for me at least, to see that others have this same situation where husbands were great partners before kids but after kids we are still expected to assume the 1950s role regardless of whether we work or not. For me, going 4 days is thrown back in my face, like it means I get one day "off" which by the way with a baby/ toddler/ child isn't "off". He freely admits he would have just had a day off to himself and used childcare. I'm on the cusp of big decisions with my H. I'm finding this situation intolerable especially with a teen

Just getting this of my chest because AAAARRRRRGH!

I had a migraine yesterday. Full on all day kick in the head migraine that floored me. I woke up with it in the morning and spent the rest of the day half asleep with a pillow over my head wanting the world to fuck off - waking up occasionally to see if it was still there - and then falling back to sleep again when it was. My usual way of getting through one.

24 hours of my life vanished uselessly.

This morning I get up to find no one in the house has done a stroke of housework. Nothing in 24 hours. "Daddy's in bed; we'll do nothing."
So I think "Fuck it." and go and do the weekly shop - driving to our nearest town 15 miles away and shopping for us and elderly neighbour. I get back home several hours later and guess what. They're all up. Nobody has done any fucking washing up, tidied anything... nothing. Just sat around all day playing on their phones and waiting for me to come back and do it all. I feel like a fucking servant. My wife took the hump that I was annoyed that no one has done ANYTHING and went to bed to sulk.

Fuck it. Fuck it fuck it fuck it.