To ask for your useless DH stories?

[Bananapancakes0]

So I spent a couple of weeks making over our bathroom. Painted the tiles (it took 4 coats), the floor, the walls, put up new cabinets, towel rails and accessories.

Dh dyed his hair last night and then showered it off. He failed to notice that all the gleaming Bright white tiles were covered in dark, dark brown hair dye. I just had my shower now, pulled back the curtain and wanted to cry.

How can that not be noticed? Thankfully I was able to get it off with some flash but not before panicking about all my hard work ruined in 2 minutes flat. Just silently raging here.

Please make me feel better with your equally incompetent stories. I hate having to be the 'man' and the woman, it's like having an extra child.

Its not really an aibu just shamelessly posting for traffic.

Oh God I have one of these, it's definitely defective. I am 'the man' and 'the woman'. He appears to be the teenager. I tell myself often that it wasn't always this bad

My oh did exactly the same op to a white framed mirror. In his defence though, he'd removed his glasses to apply the colour so didn't see the flecks of dye all over it!

I wouldn't throw a marriage away for the sake of a man not having full brains at home if he is hard working, providing and a good father at the very least... not every man is born with all sets of amazing skills there's ought to be shortfalls somewhere.

The hair- dyeing in itself would put me off.

We've been together 13 years, since we were teens so he's all I've ever known. We do get on but I know my own life would be easier if we split up. Things would just stay nice. But it's not just me, the kids love him and I know he loves us. He just hasn't grown up and has no motivation to learn new skills or even just not messing up my hard work would be a start!

@Soandsoandso

I wouldn't throw a marriage away for the sake of a man not having full brains at home if he is hard working, providing and a good father at the very least... not every man is born with all sets of amazing skills there's ought to be shortfalls somewhere.

If he's capable of functioning at work, he's capable of functioning at home, but is choosing not to because he knows his wife is picking up the slack. That's just shitty disrespectful behaviour. I work full time, i manage to have "full brains" at home, and so does literally every working mother i know. Having a dick doesn't exempt him from being an adult.

Are you Melania Trump OP?

Highlights of my ex included; informing me the dog had been sick on the kitchen floor so to be careful stepping over it when I went home from work as he'd 'not had time to clean it up' (the whole day he'd been at home). Happily informing me he'd brought the washing in when I'd text it was raining and would he mind? He screwed it up into a giant damp pile on the kitchen table so I had to rewash it all, leaving all his beard trimmings in the bathroom sink which had sunk down as he'd then tried to rinse it down the plug hole, which blocked the sink (shock), constantly moaning if I switched the heating on (it's expensive dontcha know?) whilst insisting on leaving the lights blazing all night at the bottom of the landing/top of landing and in the bathroom? Potentially worried he'd fall down the stairs if he went for a wee in the middle of the night? 🙄.

Insisting that we'd 'save a fortune' by investing in a petrol mower vs me paying someone to cut the grass for a min fee every month, except he only cut the grass under massive protest, I paid for the mower that I can't start the pull cord on, and the petrol, and the engine oil plus I'd paid for the grass cutting originally because I work unsociable hours.

@thatonesmine yes exactly. It's obvious what will happen but they do it anyway!

I agree entirely @Ohalrightthen but still wouldn't end a marriage because of it

I don't like these threads. Before we know it, some Daily Fail journalist will be writing an article headed up: "Mumsnet awash with stories of useless husbands." It seems like we'd be falling into that kind of stereotyping trap which isn't helpful at all IMO.

I dearly love my DH. He is loving, caring, considerate, and does his share. He is also an awesome father and grandfather.

But he likes to shop for groceries etc. as he thinks I am impulsive and take too long. The result is he comes home with the wrong brand.

I am only fussed about a few things. One is laundry detergent. I like a certain brand. It works and it has a nice fresh scent. I admit it is a bit more expensive than some.

He constantly comes home with a different brand. This time it is a huge bottle of unscented. It's a good brand, he says, and it was on sale (Costco size). Argh. It will take a year to use up. I have now bought and squirreled away my own supply of my favourite to use on my clothes. They smell great again.

So first world problem for sure!

Can you imagine a man starting a thread about useless wife stories here, he'd get absolutely shot down in flames.

@hollyhope

The hair- dyeing in itself would put me off.

Me too very vain. It’s so obvious to see when a man dyes his hair.

@Sh05

I agree entirely *@Ohalrightthen* but still wouldn't end a marriage because of it

To be fair, i didn't say I'd end a marriage over this, just that i wouldn't have started one.

To me, it's just such an obvious marker of total disrespect. It's not the hairdye that's the issue, it's that he a) ruined her hard work b) was careless and thoughtless and c) didn't fix it afterwards, and that all of those behaviours are very typical for him.

@LEELULUMPKIN I've just checked DHs hands and can confirm they're not tiny so fairly certain I'm not, he doesn't like fake tan either

@ssd

Can you imagine a man starting a thread about useless wife stories here, he'd get absolutely shot down in flames.

In an alternate reality where men typically bear the brunt of the house and childrearing work, probably not. In this reality, rightly so.

It was my husbands turn to "cook" tonight. I.e. Warm up something I had previously made. How can you, time and again, fuck up the microwave.

Evrytime, cold in the middle. Wouldn't you learn?!? Tell him to do it for longer tho and you're patronising. Obviously he knows how to use a microwave.

@Ohalrightthen precisely, if I could go back and still have the same kids I wouldn't choose him. That sounds awful. But I've made my bed so just have to make the most of it now, I would never want to be away from the kids so I'm stuck.

I don't think I could ever relax fully if they had to stay with him elsewhere. Couple of months ago Dd, 2, wanted to go down the stairs on her own so I said of course as long as you go down with her. So he did. Behind her..

Husband ruining clothes by putting whites and colours together and then drying everything on high heat

Anyways since in wfh he is not allowed to touch the washer. But seems to have forgot how to empty the dish washer. His excuse is it's new and he doesnt want to break it

A year a go, I would have been able to give you examples of frustrations, but looking back, I brought it all on myself by enabling him - cleaning up after him, doing it because I didn't expect him to have the same standards I did.

In May, I was admitted to hospital - it didn't look very serious but it was and thank goodness my GP advised me to go to A&E - turns out I would have died if I didn't. I had 10 days in hospital with no visitors. He put a bag together for me and brought it to hospital. He managed 2 children and ensured they kept on track with their lockdown learning. Despite the fact I was critically ill, he mastered the washing machine, iron and ironing board, all the cleaning, online food shopping and brought me a fresh bag of PJs towels, toiletries every other day and waited for my bag of used stuff to be brought out.

We are now in December and I have symptoms that will take at least until next summer to be resolved but am back at work and well. We both have working from home for the past month. Either of us will do lunch depending on who gets a break at the right time. Tonight he has cooked the tea while I continued working and has just booked another food delivery slot.

We've been married for 25 years and it took a near fatal illness for me to raise my expectations of him, which he did out of necessity. My children were brilliantly looked after by him and he's opened his eyes to what needs to be done.

Don't wait 25 years and be in my position - I should have laid down the expectations years agao - your husband will rise to the challenge!

I remember coming home from shopping with my sister, ex was in the kitchen wiping down where the kettle went, my sister was "oh isn't he a good one!"
As she walked out the door I looked him straight in the eye and said "What did you break?'
A glass full of beer , was the reply.
I had to bleach it down and move everything as the beer was under the microwave still.

DH can run a successful business and manage staff, but loading the dishwasher is a complete mystery to him.

His party trick is putting it on last thing at night without his glasses on so it goes on a rinse cycle and not a wash - then he unloads it and puts it away in the cupboards. We have to check everything we use that it's actually clean. And loading things so water can get around it? Not a chance in hell............ and he must interrupt it at least 15 times when its washing so he can shoehorn another spoon and mug in there.

It literally makes me want to kill him. It's such thoughtless incompetency. However hair dye? My libido would have shrivelled up and died on the spot................

@ssd I'm not a man hater. My husband just happens to be male and as this is mumsnet, therefore mainly female audience, and the majority of women are straight I don't think I'm being unreasonable in wording this as I have. Feel free to imagine it says partners if that doesn't apply to you but the context is obviously about unequal partnerships, not just men.

For DS fifth birthday party I organised (and paid for) absolutely everything. So he wouldn't feel completely useless I asked DH to get the balloons. Even had to send him the link to the ones he was to buy online. Night before the party I ask where the balloons are. He forgot. So I told him to go to the shop and get some plain blue ones. He came back with blue balloons with white ribbons and 'Christening' written all over them. I was so mad, I yelled and he refused to go back claiming the shop didn't have any plain blue ones. So I had to go...and guess what? They had heaps of plain blue balloons . He then said oh yeah there were but they were £1 each so he didn't buy them. In fact they were £1 for 6. But he insists the shopkeeper told him the wrong price...even though the price was also written on the shelf