To ask for your useless DH stories?

[Bananapancakes0]

So I spent a couple of weeks making over our bathroom. Painted the tiles (it took 4 coats), the floor, the walls, put up new cabinets, towel rails and accessories.

Dh dyed his hair last night and then showered it off. He failed to notice that all the gleaming Bright white tiles were covered in dark, dark brown hair dye. I just had my shower now, pulled back the curtain and wanted to cry.

How can that not be noticed? Thankfully I was able to get it off with some flash but not before panicking about all my hard work ruined in 2 minutes flat. Just silently raging here.

Please make me feel better with your equally incompetent stories. I hate having to be the 'man' and the woman, it's like having an extra child.

Its not really an aibu just shamelessly posting for traffic.

I think I can win this! My DH and I were chatting recently and I can't remember how it came up but he said "anyway you gave me mouldy bread the other day".

I had no recollection of doing this so I asked him to be more specific. It turns out that he had made himself some toast using bread from the bread bin and as he was eating eat he noticed a couple of green dots on the bread. In his mind I had inflicted this upon him......

Before I get jumped on for marrying a fuckwit, in fairness food shopping and catering come under my remit as he's always out-earned me by far allowing me to be work part time and so I do more stuff at home.

At one point when I lived with my ex, I had to move back home temporarily to look after a family member but I'd left very suddenly without packing, so I asked him to bring me some clothes – he didn't include any underwear and all he packed was jeans and woolly jumpers. In the middle of summer. AAAAH.

It's heartening to know I'm not alone, some of these are hilarious too.
To the poster who said it sounds dramatic, I'm really not and neither is our relationship. As I said in my OP I was just silently seething, I didn't have a go at him, there's no point. Its just cathartic to rant to strangers sometimes.
I do wonder too if he could be dyspraxic. When it comes to building things etc its like he can't visualise what needs to be done.
I'll just go back to day dreaming about competent men.

Oh what do you mean you can dress the kids correctly? You want to redo our bedroom? Take me now!

Hes not done anything particularly stupid yet, he did however manage to fling a glass of red wine on the living room wall, I was able to sand the floors where it went all over the floor, but the bricks are stained. Now there is a frame and mount around the stain with his signature and the date on the mount. Red wine is now only allowed in a minchkin cup.

I imagine hes got a lot about me, I’m amazed I’ve kept us alive.

Mine is wonderful in many ways but GOD his clumsiness and forgetfulness drives me insane! Example: yesterday we were at Supermarket. I had done shopping whilst he stayed in car with kids. He got out to help me pack shopping into boot (good and courteous) and he put a 24 pack of Diet Coke by side of car whilst he was moving stuff around in boot. He tells me to get in car (recovering from major surgery - good and courteous again) so I say “don’t forget to pack the diet cokes down side of car” (I can’t lift currently). So he goes “yeah yeah” (because he maintains I always nag him). Gets in car, starts reversing. Woman knocks on door telling him he’s forgotten pack of Diet Coke!!!! He then tries to blame ME, saying I should have put them somewhere he could see them, to which I responded, erm, no, it was you who took them out the trolley and put them there. Then he changes tack and says he thought when I’d said don’t forget them that I was picking them up and putting them in front of car (knowing full well I’m not allowed to lift at present).

Doesn’t sound that bad but it’s one in a long line. Always breaks things. I mean, always. The other day was a kitchen knife from a perfect set I’ve had way before I met him. Broken by trying to get ice out of ice cube tray with it. I mean, come on! And the number of bloody wine glasses he breaks is unbelievable.

And just so forgetful with everything.

I almost started a similar thread yesterday after another DH incident, but then I realised it would turn into an epic story and I didn't have the time. Sympathies with all other sufferers.

Mine is so clumsy I call him baby elephant. The worst incident was when I and my handyman had spent a backbreaking week working on the attic very carefully not stepping between beams, DP arrives and after five mins of ‘help’ puts his foot on loose beam I had JUST pointed out which goes through ceiling. Me and handyman patch up as best we can but to this day the ceiling slopes noticeably in the bedroom and the loft hatch is wonky. That was the week I nearly left him for the handyman!

That’s not an example of being useless, it’s an example of being thoughtless and inconsiderate.

There is a returns policy as you well know.

@ChloeCC

God imagine just having dry mince and beans to eat when you're poorly and looking forward to a chilli!
Reminds me of an ex boyfriend who made me a coffee - handed me a cafetiere of warm water with all the coffee above the plunger. He said as he gave it to me it 'might not be quite right'

There is a returns policy.
Alternatively, stop enabling this behaviour by covering for him and doing stuff for him. It's like training a dog. It will be tiresome for a while, but he will learn.

My parents very much had 'traditional' roles - Dad went out to work and Mum looked after 4 children and the house (and dogs and horses later on). There were many arguments over the years about the 'right' way to load the dishwasher - mum did it right (in her opinion) dad didn't (in her opinion - in his eyes his way was perfect!). Until this year. Mum had a massive stroke and dad has taken over . He now does all the cooking, cleaning, looking after animals etc and recently admitted that now he does it every day, plus emptying it, he totally understands her original method of loading the dishwasher and has to reload it every time she tries it . Its a pity that it took mum having a stroke for this to happen - he never took an opportunity to do the cooking and she never gave him the opportunity! He is an excellent cook - he follows recipes exactly so the result it always fantastic.

I don't know why I read these threads as it just gives me the rage.

Oddly, my two sons (both with SEN) are capable of cleaning and cooking and caring.

After reading your op I have to say I had limited sympathy. Being around someone so incompetent would do my head in. I can't think why you would have kids with someone like this or go on to marry them. Why set yourself such low standards?

I then read your subsequent posts and understand that despite your frustration you will put up with his behaviour as he is a good dad and works hard ( which counts for a lot). I feel for you in the situation that you are in.

I think too many women just make excuses for partners and laugh off men just being useless or that their dad behaves similarly so it is normalised.

My dh works full time and I part time. I do most of the organising but on days where I am at work, he makes lunches and dinner, at the weekend whoever is free will cook. He makes whatever he wants, I refuse to micromanage him. He is a good dad and parents as much as me (he is more patient). He is an equal partner and tbh I would not have accepted anything less and made that clear when things were getting serious. He is genuinely appreciative as am I, we both bring different skills to the table.

OP are you me?! I also feel that my DH is another child I have to look after.

Too many stories to list, but most recently I chose, bought and wrapped all presents for our DC’s birthdays (which are in the same week). I asked him to wrap 1 present - he completely failed to do so. Also, he managed to somehow lose a present sent by a relative which got delivered to the house and handed to him. So we had to buy a replacement. How do you lose a parcel which is handed to you at the front door?

I wouldn’t mind so much but I am the one who works all the hours God sends and brings home the huge majority of our income.

He’s not a bad person - just completely inept. Sad thing is, once you lose respect for someone, the attraction goes also. Like you, I won’t leave him or anything - he’s a good man and a good father in many ways and our DC adore him - and so try to focus on his good points but being married to a man child does get you down.

I’m glad you started this thread though - makes me feel a bit better to know I am not alone!

@tectonicplates

My DH isn't useless.

Nor mine, quite the opposite.

Oh I had one of these. His idea of cleaning the kitchen was wiping crumbs off the counter tops....onto the floor. I was picking up his socks from where he had kicked them off in the lounge one day (again) and it hit me, if I stay in this relationship I'll be doing this for ever and looking after kids. So that night I ended it. Luckily I found a lovely man who's wonderful and does loads around the house and spends lots of time with our son and appreciates everything I do and tells me. He's not perfect (crap at DIY-so am I) but neither am I. I count my lucky stars when I read threads like this though. Honestly, you don't have to put up with this!!

Bought me a lambs wool scarf as a birthday gift last week.

I’m allergic to wool and have been in the 20 years we’ve been together.

That was the week I nearly left him for the handyman!

😁😁 I so get this!

The Freedom Programme refers to this type of behaviour as consistent with a King of the Castle (abusive) mentality. We can all mistakes but ...

What if it is a useful deliberate mistake or a signal of lack or respect?

Picked up 2 pizzas I had ordered from 1 block away (so not far to transport... less than 100 steps)

Carried the pizza boxes vertically under his arm.......

My late partner was completely lacking what became known, to us, as an "inner librarian".

He'd put stuff away, but anywhere it fitted, so Tupperware type stuff in with pans or casserole dishes, tools, books and paperwork crammed into random storage crates and so on. Despite having a bedside cabinet with 3 drawers, his socks, pants and thermals were all jumbled up together.

It drove me mad, but I really miss the chaotic fucker.

Really not sure about this thread. There are lots of things that I am rubbish at, and my husband is good at and vice versa. Not helpful to tell anyone they are rubbish at anything IMV. We would feel it was unbelievably sexist if men posted how useless all women are at car maintenance, DIY etc a) not true and b) really patronising.

Why @Brainwave89? Because men shouldn't be expected to do housework, just like women shouldn't be expected to do car maintenance and DIY ? The issue is that most women now hold their own in terms of working and bringing home the bacon but still seem to end up doing all the "wife work". Most men have not nearly stepped up in terms of "wife work" in the same way. This is why it is so frustrating.

And if women were doing the bone-headed things people have posted about on here, it would be fair game if men posted about it. But frankly, you don't hear about hopeless women doing these idiotic things, do you? And there's a reason for that!

However, he has a good job and works really hard in a role that requires a lot of problem solving, working with public and adhering to laws.

Of course he does. Once he gets home he's like a child.

The thing is, at home, it's easier for him if YOU do it for him. It really is that simplistic. And, importantly, he's willing to take advantage of that. Men often are.

Before marriage and kids I liked to ‘run the show’ strong, confident, smart girls often do don’t they? Most of my friends were the same, so we naturally orientated toward easy going passive men who let us take the lead and do things/organise things/run things the way we liked. I ran our calendar, did our food shop, put away the laundry (the way I liked) and did everything else too. DP would occasionally cook or book a romantic table for dinner. Come home with flowers or tidy the bathroom and I’d be like ‘that’s lovely (you put the toothpaste in the wrong place but good effort)’.

As young professionals with no kids this worked great for us! Never had an issue.

Queue 3-5 years later, married kids/more on the way. 5 million more stressful jobs, 2 tiny peoples calendars to also co-ordinate. Shit loads of laundry and tedious errands. ALL we do is compare how useless our ‘genuinely trying their best’ DH’s are for basically being the same men we married.

As a childless young professionals our relationship was balanced. Two of me would have been scarily intense and no doubt ended badly- there wasn’t enough ‘stuff’ to take that level of energy/management. 2 kids later two of me Is EXACTLY what I wish I had!

Kids change the dynamic sooooooo much!