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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Missing DP

245 replies

Secretlyseethingg · 02/12/2020 14:50

Preface with DP and I don’t live together but it was decided he would stay here for lockdown.

Last night there was a football game on and he went to watch it at a friends. I didn’t mind too much as it was only 4 hours before he’d have been able to do so legally in a pub! While he was there his phone must have died. This happens often as he’s using an awful broken phone.

The time he’s due to come to mine rolls by.. no show. A few hours after.. nothing. I decide to lock the door and go to bed. But still heard nothing at almost 3pm today!

AIBU to think this isn’t on? Despite him staying for lockdown I still think that he is a guest and if he tells me he is coming to my house, then he shouldn’t just not show up or whenever he feels like it. Help me to not send a tirade of texts to a dead phone as I don’t want him to have ‘why can’t I be with my friends’ as a defence.

OP posts:
Whydidimarryhim · 02/12/2020 19:55

She’s not coming back is she?

Notapheasantplucker · 02/12/2020 19:57

Lol nope, op's gone like the wind.

100% he will do it again.

user541633589911 · 02/12/2020 19:59

Are you expecting us to cheer you on for getting sucked back into this bullshit? Because it's just sad.

Ginger1982 · 02/12/2020 20:03

If you take him back, says more about you than him.

Original poster
Secretlyseethingg · 02/12/2020 20:08

Suddenly all the comments are just turning on me. I was simply busy and was just coming back to update but feel as though I’m unwelcome on my own thread

OP posts:
Growapair · 02/12/2020 20:09

And the cycle continues. Please don’t have children with this man

Notapheasantplucker · 02/12/2020 20:15

I'm not turning on you op.

I do think that he will 100% do it again and he'll do it numerous times over the years. They never change.
The small pet hates at the start of a relationship become the bigger problems which end up being the straw that broke the camel's back.

wineandroses1 · 02/12/2020 20:16

Op the latter responses are because you’re clearly wavering. He’s a useless twat and you know that but you’re communicating with him and reading his stupid responses. That indicates you’re going to let this go. Good luck with that.

Depressing when women are prepared to accept shit behaviour. There are good men out there. Dump this idiot.

doodleygirl · 02/12/2020 20:18

I dont think people are turning on you but we are all trying to explain how he wont change and fast forward a few years and you will still be posting about this.

Think about if this is what you want for your future life?

Feedingthebirds1 · 02/12/2020 20:19

@Secretlyseethingg

Suddenly all the comments are just turning on me. I was simply busy and was just coming back to update but feel as though I’m unwelcome on my own thread
Nobody's turning on you, just not posting what you want to hear. DP is showing you exactly how he behaves and where you come in his list of priorities. And how he'll treat you in future.

Your latest post (before this one) sounds like this isn't enough to make you dump him. That's not in many ways unreasonable, it takes many women several incidents before they're ready to call time on a relationship. But women who've been there before you just want to spare you the effort of the next however many times he does this. Because we know he will.

If you're not ready, you're not ready. But do think carefully. He's already told you that his apologies mean nothing, that they're to get him off the hook, they're just words. So if you take it that he's not sorry (and I'll bet my last mince pie that he isn't) are you willing to let this go?

WouldBeGood · 02/12/2020 20:19

@Secretlyseethingg no judgment here. I know only too well how hard it is to do the right thing in these situations.

Take some time to think what’s acceptable to you. You decide. 💐

sage46 · 02/12/2020 20:21

My Ex DH would disappear on 'benders' for a couple of days at a time. I put up with it for years, all the worry, anger and resentment. Then one day when he turned up at the house after one of his sprees with his 'I've been a bad boy, I'm sorry' face on, I told him to go away and don't come back. That was 20 years ago and I have never regretted it or looked back. My only regret is that I put up with it for so long and wasted my time worrying about a man who had zero respect for me.

Original poster
Secretlyseethingg · 02/12/2020 20:21

I’m currently packing up his things. I’ll admit I wasn’t sure. He showed up and was giving many apologies. He said he was running to his friends to pick up some tools he needs and he’d be back in half an hour, to order a takeaway..

His foods going cold and he’s been gone 2 hours. Not picking up his phone. So I’m sticking to it.

He took the charger.

OP posts:
NovemberR · 02/12/2020 20:22

Have you told him to collect his stuff, OP?

Or are you busily making up with him?

NovemberR · 02/12/2020 20:22

Sorry - x posted.

Yeah, this will become a pattern if you stay with him. Get rid now. He's a piss taker.

Nunoftheother · 02/12/2020 20:23

I'm gobsmacked by the number of posters on this thread rubbing their hands together in righteous indignation at the thought that the OP isn't going to immediately turf out and block her partner.

Perhaps that would be the right thing to do after his disrespectful behaviour, but I don't see anyone acknowledging that it's still a difficult and painful decision to make.

And I don't believe for one minute that everyone posting "DTMF" or words to that effect would be so effortlessly resolute if they had to make the decision to terminate their own relationship.

I expect the same people would have enjoyed knitting at the guillotine.

babbaloushka · 02/12/2020 20:23

oh OP this is such a difficult time but you'll regret it if you dont send him packing. He's shown you who he is and he won't change. Let him be someone else's problem now. Hugs.

AmandaHugenkiss · 02/12/2020 20:24

I’m sorry OP. For what it’s worth, I think you are saving yourself from countless years of this.

HowManyToes · 02/12/2020 20:25

If you even let him over the door after this again then you're a mug.

Original poster
Secretlyseethingg · 02/12/2020 20:25

I know he’ll come back (he’ll have to, stuff still here) and just say ‘sorry’ repeatedly while he talks over me. Fucking prick.

2 hours after me explaining why I was upset LN/today and he’s learned nothing

OP posts:
greenspacesoverthere · 02/12/2020 20:26

He is a tosser. Total
Waste of space

If you allow him to treat you like this , you're empowering him to be a tosser

It's very simple

EmmetEmma · 02/12/2020 20:26

Oh OP, you must feel so sad. Did you order his food for him? He’s a dick. It sucks now but you will feel relief to not be with someone who so genuinely seems to think they can do whatever they want with no consideration at all to their partner - that’s he’s done it again tonight is utterly taking the piss.

WouldBeGood · 02/12/2020 20:27

Oh @Secretlyseethingg that’s so rubbish

Standrewsschool · 02/12/2020 20:28

Anyone else wondering if there’s another woman involved? (Or maybe I’’ve been on mn too long!)

1stDecember · 02/12/2020 20:28

Sorry to hear this OP. You're right to get rid of him.

You need respect in your life, and love. He isn't providing them!