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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Missing DP

245 replies

Secretlyseethingg · 02/12/2020 14:50

Preface with DP and I don’t live together but it was decided he would stay here for lockdown.

Last night there was a football game on and he went to watch it at a friends. I didn’t mind too much as it was only 4 hours before he’d have been able to do so legally in a pub! While he was there his phone must have died. This happens often as he’s using an awful broken phone.

The time he’s due to come to mine rolls by.. no show. A few hours after.. nothing. I decide to lock the door and go to bed. But still heard nothing at almost 3pm today!

AIBU to think this isn’t on? Despite him staying for lockdown I still think that he is a guest and if he tells me he is coming to my house, then he shouldn’t just not show up or whenever he feels like it. Help me to not send a tirade of texts to a dead phone as I don’t want him to have ‘why can’t I be with my friends’ as a defence.

OP posts:
YoniAndGuy · 02/12/2020 17:54

'In trouble? I've no idea, sounds like something a little boy would say to his mummy, so not really relevant to me. This isn't what I want, so I've got your stuff together and it's outside. Including your charger. I'm not interested in discussing it further, good luck.'

Chickychickydodah · 02/12/2020 17:56

I’d pack his bags and leave them outside your door

Nicketynac · 02/12/2020 17:56

My now DH did this once. I was at work when he eventually contacted me the next day and a male colleague thought I was over-reacting. I calmly explained how rude it was, and that DH just had to send a text at some point during the night to say his plans had changed and that he wouldn't be home (This was pre-kids and was a rare night out with old uni pals) and that then I wouldn't be worried about him.
He seemed actually amazed by this. He said he did it all the time and just thought his wife was horrible by moaning about it. He genuinely didn't seem to have considered that she was worried about him, or that it might be annoying to have to change her plans for the following day - they did have kids at the time.
No idea if he changed his behaviour. DH did though.

IBelieveInAThingCalledScience · 02/12/2020 18:01

"How much trouble am I in?"

This is deeply unattractive. I couldn't have sex with this man again without thinking of him a giant toddler.

Whoateallthestuffingballs · 02/12/2020 18:02

I had an ex who used to do this. He didn't think about how it would affect me at all, because he didn't care. In the end, he cheated on me at least three times (I am not saying that's what the situation here is at all, but just that this kind of "eff you" behaviour is not great sign for taking your feelings into consideration in the future).

Ginfordinner · 02/12/2020 18:08

What does DTMF mean?

It sounds like he is taking you for granted. Just pack his bags and leave them outside the front door.

DH says this to people who behave unforgivably badly

"Don't say sorry, just don't do it in the first place"

Sexnotgender · 02/12/2020 18:08

@WouldBeGood

Just say he can collect it with the rest of his stuff and block him
This. He has no respect for you.

I cannot even IMAGINE my husband doing this. And I wouldn’t do it to him.

RandomMess · 02/12/2020 18:13

You're not on trouble, I'm not your keeper. I'm ending things with you because this isn't for me. I'll leave your stuff on the doorstep for when you finish work at Xpm

Thecobwebsarewinning · 02/12/2020 18:16

How much trouble am I in? 🤮.

He’s a liar (broken phone my arse) and a user and now he’s trying to get out of it by being cutesy.

I’d reply ‘you seem to be confusing me with your mum. I’ll leave your charger on the doorstep with the rest of your stuff’. And then do it.

AmandaHugenkiss · 02/12/2020 18:18

If you have his charger, how has he charged his phone up to message you? And if he has access to a friends charger he could have used it last night to tell you he wouldn’t be home.

He’s an arse. He knew you’d be pissed off, by his opening comment, but he still did it anyway. He doesn’t respect you.

IAmBeatrixKiddo · 02/12/2020 18:18

Ugh, what a big baby. This must have put you off him, surely OP?

MotherofTerriers · 02/12/2020 18:19

You're not his mum! he's probably trying to work out whether he just needs to smile and apologise or if he should stop for a bunch of flowers on the way

Thecobwebsarewinning · 02/12/2020 18:19

Actually ignore me, don’t leave his stuff on the step. I agree with everyone else saying take it round to his mums. Then block his number.

Goldensnitchy · 02/12/2020 18:19

Clearly he doesn’t respect you or really give a shit what you think. Please don’t just take this because it will never change

AmandaHugenkiss · 02/12/2020 18:20

My money is on him switching his phone off to avoid you last night, and just turning it back on today. But as I said, I worked out the tricks my ex used to pull to try and get away with this stuff, so I’m not objective about these situations.

Feedingthebirds1 · 02/12/2020 18:20

I wouldn't even text him, that gives him something to argue against.

Put his stuff in black bags outside the door with a note that says 'the message should be clear'. Then if he has a key, put yours in the lock from the inside so he can't get in. Don't answer the phone, ignore him banging on the door.

ShortSilence · 02/12/2020 18:20

Ugh. Agree with PPs that the cutesy toddler approach makes it even worse.

Please free yourself of this manchild

sapnupuas · 02/12/2020 18:22

How long have you been together?

TechnoDino · 02/12/2020 18:24

Ughh, he’s acting as though you are his mum. Deeply unattractive. Dump the manchild and put his stuff in a binbag on the step.

CarolNoE · 02/12/2020 18:25

@Ginfordinner

What does DTMF mean?

It sounds like he is taking you for granted. Just pack his bags and leave them outside the front door.

DH says this to people who behave unforgivably badly

"Don't say sorry, just don't do it in the first place"

I am guessing " Dump The Mother F**r" but I could be wrong.
TenShortStories · 02/12/2020 18:31

"You're not in any trouble as I've come to the conclusion that this relationship isn't the one for me. I'll leave your things on the step to collect, charger will be with them, although just to be clear I didn't ever have the charger as it was right where you left it. 👋"

OhDearMuriel · 02/12/2020 18:32

He doesn't respect you in the slightest.
He even slags his friend off.
He drinks in a pub mid afternoon,
He's got a crappy mobile phone.

He sounds like a sorry arse to me.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 02/12/2020 18:35

Don't live together? absolutely pack his shit up and leave it on the doorstep.

You can do better.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 02/12/2020 18:37

As you said, he has dug his own grave because he has told you that he uses a fake apology as a way to supposedly get away with things. So he has told you he will not change.

That text is really shit. The problem isn't the charger, anyway. The problem is him staying out for a night and a day. If he didn't have his charger he could have come home.

He just did what the hell he wanted and thought a wheedling pathetic text would do the trick.

Is he really God's Gift to women???

No respect whatsoever.

alreadytaken · 02/12/2020 18:38

Text back No trouble - but I dont want you staying here so collect your bag today."

Lockdown is over, vaccinations will free us up soon. You can find someone better.

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