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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Missing DP

245 replies

Secretlyseethingg · 02/12/2020 14:50

Preface with DP and I don’t live together but it was decided he would stay here for lockdown.

Last night there was a football game on and he went to watch it at a friends. I didn’t mind too much as it was only 4 hours before he’d have been able to do so legally in a pub! While he was there his phone must have died. This happens often as he’s using an awful broken phone.

The time he’s due to come to mine rolls by.. no show. A few hours after.. nothing. I decide to lock the door and go to bed. But still heard nothing at almost 3pm today!

AIBU to think this isn’t on? Despite him staying for lockdown I still think that he is a guest and if he tells me he is coming to my house, then he shouldn’t just not show up or whenever he feels like it. Help me to not send a tirade of texts to a dead phone as I don’t want him to have ‘why can’t I be with my friends’ as a defence.

OP posts:
AmandaHugenkiss · 02/12/2020 17:21

This used to happen to me on a regular basis with a previous partner. It never gets better it just gets worse, and they make you the bad guy for kicking off.

MaskingForIt · 02/12/2020 17:22

@ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings Not saying that's always the case but in my experience men who lack basic respect for women in one area don't tend to be overflowing with it in other areas either. They never get better, your bar just gets progressively lower to accommodate them.

Could this be printed out, laminated and stuck to the front door of Mumsnet please?

baubling · 02/12/2020 17:22

Basically his attitude appears to be that he thinks he can do whatever he likes as long as he apologises afterwards?

Oh dear.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 02/12/2020 17:24

Dont answer or engage or answer questions. Disappear on him, basically. Hes clearly ok with it.

It's a basic lack of respect, housemates, guests, family, parents etc., whoever I've lived with has always said if they're going to be away all night, as a courtesy, to stop people worrying, and so that you don't get surprised by someone when you're not expecting to be etc

PhilCornwall1 · 02/12/2020 17:25

If I did this, I'd end up with two lumps in my neck and a very high pitched voice.

He's seriously taking the piss.

Original poster
Secretlyseethingg · 02/12/2020 17:29

So he’s been online for half an hour. I got too tempted so I just said hello.
His reply: “how much trouble am I in? It’s not my fault you have my charger”

It’s where he left it!! I don’t have it!

OP posts:
WouldBeGood · 02/12/2020 17:29

Just say he can collect it with the rest of his stuff and block him

MaskingForIt · 02/12/2020 17:32

If course it isn’t his fault. He can’t be expected to remember to take his phone charger, poor little lamb.

Make sure his phone charger is at the top of the pile of his stuff.

Whenwillow · 02/12/2020 17:34

Argh 'how much trouble am I in'.
Bloody man child talking to you as if you're his mum

Justmuddlingalong · 02/12/2020 17:35

"Your charger is on the doorstep along with the rest of your belongings. I suggest you collect them before they're stolen. And no, don't chap the door."

notanothertakeaway · 02/12/2020 17:35

"You're not in trouble, but this relationship isn't working for me" (if that's how you feel)

sandragreen · 02/12/2020 17:36

I have very low tolerance for arseholes like this. I would text back telling him all his shit was on your doorstep in bin bags, he needed to put your key through the letter box. Then when he has collected it, block him.

WouldBeGood · 02/12/2020 17:40

If you could drop his stuff at his that might work better and save the anxious wait and inevitable pleas?

sandragreen · 02/12/2020 17:41

@WouldBeGood

If you could drop his stuff at his that might work better and save the anxious wait and inevitable pleas?
Oh yes - much better than my idea. I bet he still lives with his mummy Grin
wimhoffbreather · 02/12/2020 17:41

“How much trouble am I in” wow so already setting you up to be the bad guy!

Agree with pp, I would say “you’re not in trouble but do come pick up your things before they get rained on”

I had one of these Op. it doesn’t get better. I think people (men usually) like this think that gfs and wives are like their mum. Someone who sorts out their lives and yells at them when they are a naughty boy.

Not for me personally! And doesn’t sound like it’s for you either

updownroundandround · 02/12/2020 17:41

Bloody Hell ! What a total prick !

Don't bloody well answer him ! At all !

I know you're tempted, we've all been there. You want to hear him tell you 'sorry', you want to hear how it happened, and that it's not his fault, his 'friend' got him drunk etc etc..............................puleeeese !

If you let him back, you're actually telling him ''it's OK to treat me like shit, I'll forgive you''

But it's NOT ok, is it ??

DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 02/12/2020 17:43

I think Id send notanothertakeaways reply. Hes taking the piss out of you. Dont let him treat you like shit but equally keep your dignity

namechangeforfriday · 02/12/2020 17:43

Be strong and don’t let him keep doing this, because he will. I agree with a cool “your things are on the doorstep, no need to knock” and leave it there. Show him this isn’t acceptable

thesoundofthepolice · 02/12/2020 17:45

"You're not in any trouble....I'm not your mum.

I don't have your charger, it's on the doorstep beside the rest of your things for you to collect."

Then block/ignore.

Mabelene · 02/12/2020 17:46

How much trouble am I in?

None at all just fuck off

HollowTalk · 02/12/2020 17:47

"Your bags are outside. I don't want to see you again. I deserve better than you."

But stick to it. If he thinks he can smile and plead his way out of things and then you let him do this, then that will be the story of your life together.

lyralalala · 02/12/2020 17:50

@Secretlyseethingg

So he’s been online for half an hour. I got too tempted so I just said hello. His reply: “how much trouble am I in? It’s not my fault you have my charger”

It’s where he left it!! I don’t have it!

I'd say "Nothing ever is your fault according to you. Your stuff is on the doorstep, including your charger."
LisaLemon · 02/12/2020 17:51

Why are you accepting this complete and utter lack of respect? Where's your own self respect?

Honestly - just text him and say you've decided this sort of relationship doesn't suit you and you'll pop his stuff outside for him to grab

You're not his mummy ffs. But you HAVE to mean it, don't play games and then take him back as all you'll do is lay further ground for him to continue doing this, knowing you'll accept it with a bit of a moan

thepeopleversuswork · 02/12/2020 17:54

I wouldn't even get into why you're pissed off. I'd text:

"You're not in trouble because you're no longer my problem. Your stuff is on the doorstep, please come and collect it and don't contact me again."

Don't give him a single inch to grab onto.

RhymesWithOrange · 02/12/2020 17:54

"How much trouble am I in" is something a teenager would ask their mum.