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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hate this 80% of the time

265 replies

Nomoreboobs · 30/11/2020 12:58

Start off by saying, I adore my Dd, 2.6 years old. We waited years to have her and some days are amazing..but, the majority aren’t. Does/has anyone else found this age ridiculously hard? Does it get easier, if so, when is that exactly?
My life feels like an endless cycle at the moment and recently I’ve felt myself really pining for my child free days-they were so easy..but then I feel guilty.
I remember years ago, a friend who had a small child explained it to me as being ‘Relentless’ my mum said it was an awful thing to say and that it wasn’t..I’m inclined to feel my friend was right,

OP posts:

PissedOffProf · 30/11/2020 13:04

Four. It will most likely stop when she is four. Toddlers are satan's little minions. Ages 2-3.5 are, in my opinion, the worst. Worse than having a newborn. Good thing that they are cute.

In a nutshell - you've got 1.5 years to go. Start ticking the days off the calendar.

Pippa12 · 30/11/2020 13:05

I definitely felt like this with my mischievous but beautiful and curious little boy. He’s 4 now and more independent. My DH said he’ll have no more children because of the tremendous 2’s (we have a little girl but my boy was on another level!) and I’m (secretly!) inclined to agree. But don’t worry, once they hit 3 life does start to get easier!

Todayisanewday75 · 30/11/2020 13:05

Don’t feel guilty, it’s perfectly normal to feel that way, parenting can be relentless and at times that can outweigh the good times. And it does get easier. My DD8 got easier at four when starting school, another big change at 7 and now at 8 still has the odd difficult moment but is mostly great company and fun to be with (apart from when we were home schooling!)

Original poster

Nomoreboobs · 30/11/2020 13:11

So it’s definitely a toddler thing? Is is much much harder than the other stages?
I feel at present like everything is being done to push my buttons and to try and test me, there’s no reprieve from it

OP posts:

Ohalrightthen · 30/11/2020 13:15

Is she at nursery?

Original poster

Nomoreboobs · 30/11/2020 13:16

@Ohalrightthen Not yet, possibly spring. I’m not working at the moment so we’re together pretty much 24/7 (live abroad) no parents to help or never had a babysitter, it’s hard

OP posts:

TheSqueakyWheel · 30/11/2020 13:17

Four. It will most likely stop when she is four. Toddlers are satan's little minions. Ages 2-3.5 are, in my opinion, the worst. Worse than having a newborn. Good thing that they are cute.

They stop being toddlers on their third birthday but yes it's a difficult age.

It isn't your fault OP and there's no need to feel guilty. It is a tough age for you and for your DD, but things should get better in time.

rottiemum88 · 30/11/2020 13:18

Toddlers are satan's little minions

Timeontimeoff · 30/11/2020 13:22

I think it is different for everyone.

I personally find the teenage years much worse.

missmouse101 · 30/11/2020 13:25

It is relentless. I've really, really struggled. Some people will find it so, others won't.

BogRollBOGOF · 30/11/2020 13:26

If I ever see a cute baby and feel my ovaries twitch, I mutter the word "toddlers" until the feeling subsides. It doesn't take long

I had a tanteumer and a bolter and they overlapped and it was gruelling. I remember the relief of driving off to work to get the peace of a day of teaching teenagers

sapnupuas · 30/11/2020 13:27

My son was an absolute dream until he turned three. Honestly, I was so smug that he was so easy and lovely. He never had tantrums. Then he turned into the devil overnight. I hated being a mum. I wished I'd not had him. I used to dread weekends as that's when my husband worked so I know I'd take the brunt of his behaviour.

He started school in September and things have improved. Yesterday was horrendous (he doesn't bloody listen!) but mostly we are back to him being lovely again.

I hope things improve for you. But remember; you're not the only one to have felt like this.

wishfull888 · 30/11/2020 13:30

I'm still waiting (4 in March ) I've found from 2.5 to now the most trying.

Lindy2 · 30/11/2020 13:32

2 year olds are generally hard work especially if you are together all of the time.

Once she goes to nursery/pre school (whatever the equivalent is where you are based) it may well get easier. She'll enjoy being with other children, you'll enjoy the break from her and your time together will probably be better.

It does get easier as they get a bit older. (and then as a PP said - they then become teenagers....)

CuntyMcBollocks · 30/11/2020 13:34

It does get easier OP. My DD at that age was a nightmare sometimes, as much as I loved her. She had a full on tantrum once - throwing herself on the floor, screaming, kicking and crying - all because I said her trousers had fallen down slightly and I pointed it out.

Badwill · 30/11/2020 13:36

Awful just awful! The first four years I'm referring to here. Some people love it (I say this but I struggle to believe it - like how?! Why?!)

They're cute as can be but to me it was mostly a boring, relentless slog. In my case I'd raise your 80% to 95%.

After coming out the other side somewhat (youngest only here but much easier than last year) I can appreciate that it depends on circumstances though - how hands on the other parent is, how much family support you have, whether you're working or a SAHM and the personality/sleep habits of the child.

I do think I could have enjoyed it more and been less irritated if my husband had seen his role in this as one of partnership. I resent him for being useless and ruining Those early years as I was so stressed trying to do all the parenting I couldn't relish any of it. I noticed on the days my mum came to help (she's amazing) I enjoyed it much, MUCH more. Motherhood can be very isolating these days and that's not conducive to joy and patience.

DecTheTreeTime · 30/11/2020 13:38

Currently pregnant with DD2.. DD1 won't have turned 2 by the time this one arrives. Tantrums have already started over here. This post is filling me with dread 😂

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 30/11/2020 13:38

I am not a huge fan of group care for babies BUT I think a lot of toddlers go quite feral from about 2.5 onwards and actually they need socialising in groups with their peers. It does help.

I also think expectation management is key. It can seem like they suddenly grow up into children - talking more, potty training, able to do more for themselves, but they are still young and need us to structure their lives a lot and provide a lot of support.

Orangeblossom7777 · 30/11/2020 13:39

Having a break while they are at school or nursery can help as well. It is a stage.

Neolara · 30/11/2020 13:39

"Toddlers are satan's little minions."

This.

It definitely gets a lot easier, especially around the time you can ditch the buggy and nappies. So 3 and a half?

EvelynBeatrice · 30/11/2020 13:41

Sorry you’re having a tough time. I don’t think there has ever been a more realistic reflection of early motherhood than the advert in the supermarket with the toddler’s mother having a foot drumming tantrum in the aisle..,
On the plus side the Christmas period gives options for some nice stuff. I always found one good way of stress relief that toddlers loved too was to put on CD of ‘The little drummer boy’ at loud volume, collect all hard biscuit tins and wooden spoons - or child drum if could find it- and all March round house beating ‘drums’ at the right bit... maybe not ideal if you live in flat

letsmakethetea · 30/11/2020 13:45

'Relentless' perfectly describes looking after a toddler. Is a few days of nursery per week an option? I enjoyed mine much more when I got a regular break from them.

Tadpolesandfroglets · 30/11/2020 13:45

Not as hard as stroppy teenagers that’s for sure but hard...

elscar · 30/11/2020 13:46

OP I have a 2.5 year old DS- I feel you!!

He is the most cheeky wee boy, he's at that age where he will do something naughty whilst glaring right at you with a "do I give a F " look! Wee savages that's for sure 😂

My older DS is 6 and is a dream compared to the toddler. DS was just turning 4 when his brother arrived and he was defo out of the terrible toddlers by then.

But believe me you are not alone! Toddlers are a different breed..!

Mrsmummy90 · 30/11/2020 13:47

DD1 will be 3 in feb and DD2 is 16 months. I adore them with my heart and soul but they can be little turds at times 😂 we went through a horrendous phase with DD1 hitting constantly and after months, we came out of it and she was a pleasure to be around. After 3/4 weeks, she's back to hitting again and DD2 is copying.

There are days when I could happily put them on the kerb with a sign saying 'free to a good home'.

I'm very much looking forward to this difficult stage ending so I can have more good days with them than bad.

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