Hate this 80% of the time

[Nomoreboobs]

Start off by saying, I adore my Dd, 2.6 years old. We waited years to have her and some days are amazing..but, the majority aren’t. Does/has anyone else found this age ridiculously hard? Does it get easier, if so, when is that exactly?
My life feels like an endless cycle at the moment and recently I’ve felt myself really pining for my child free days-they were so easy..but then I feel guilty.
I remember years ago, a friend who had a small child explained it to me as being ‘Relentless’ my mum said it was an awful thing to say and that it wasn’t..I’m inclined to feel my friend was right,

(The special thing can be "making popcorn and using it to learn to count", or icing biscuits, or doing bubbles, or going to a particular park... whatever.)

I hated this stage so much, I actually retrained as a Nursery Teacher so that they could come to work with me and I could earn something! Worked out as I loved it (other people’s kids being infinitely easier!) and it’s taken me to a whole new career in an education related field.

YANBU at all. DH keeps suggesting we have family weekends away with the three year old once covid is over and I get a terrible case of "same shit, different location".

Yep we had holidays before 18 months and they were great then wham walking / pool / hot / wouldn’t eat forget about it.

Waiting to get to ahem child club age at least for short daily breaks.

Also lockdown no nursery sent me a bit mad. At least we have a few half days. Expensive though.

I’ve always said my kids under 5 were like having belligerent drunk gnomes on a bender in the house. screaming, fighting, cuddling, spilling drinks, knocking over chairs, dancing, climbing on furniture, random declarations of love just before they poke you in the eye because you looked at them funny...

You may not want to hear this but mine all got worse at 4. Generally 4-5 was the pits really. My youngest is 4.1 and today has refused to get dressed for nursery, thrown things at me, told me I’m stupid and ugly, punched and kicked her dad, demanded a new toy because all of hers are boring and damp ( ), spat at me and thrown her toys down the stairs while raging and almost making herself vomit.

My twins are 2.5. I love them to pieces and they are very well behaved little people but God life is so monotonous at the moment.

I'm looking forward to a bit more of a balance. It's ok to admit parts of the job are crap that's the same with any job. I guess just try to hang on to the positives and accept it's not all roses. It'll get easier.

Fwiw I HATED the newborn stage. I'm not ashamed to admit that I regretted having them everyday despite trying so hard for them.

It's not called the terrible twos for nothing!!

Hi there

My little boy is 2.2 and so while I can't offer you experience of older children, I can offer you a hand hold in that I know how this feels. If it's worth anything as posters have said here, many people I know have said that after 3ish things tend to get a little easier and certainly by 4 in most cases.

I've really struggled with the almost constant, relentless clinginess and the what feels like never ending tantrums. I think there is huge variety in how toddlers are depending on their personality and all sorts of factors but I have a lot of friends with children and there does seem to be this spectrum where some fall higher on difficult behaviour than others. While my son doesn't struggle with things like fussy eating, or particularly bad sleep (though we've had some horrendous sleep regressions in the last 6 months or so), he is definitely on the higher end of tantrum behaviour and his separation anxiety I have found a lot worse as an older toddler than when he was say just over 1. For a glimmer of hope, I have seen a marked connection between how well he's communicating and the extent of his tantrums and they have lessened since his speech has got better but I can totally relate to the feeling of just willing it to be bedtime and craving some alone time. Covid is undoubtedly creating a pressure cooker to the situation. you can't get our anywhere much, you're on top of each other all day and it can feel like there's no respite.

I always think parenting would be so much more if not easier, than less neurotic, if everyone was more honest about the reality of it. I've learnt the hard way that sometimes you have to be kind to yourself, allow yourself to feel what you feel and not love every second of it. Anyone who tells you their children are a constant joy are not being authentic.

And fwiw I am sure you're doing a fab job xxx

You have my full sympathy OP. My DS is 28 months and he's become an absolute monster in the last few weeks. Gone is my lovely, kind little boy who only wanted to have fun and lots of cuddles. Now I share my house with a demon from the depths who doesn't know what he wants but knows he wants something and he wants it right now but he doesn't want me to get it but can't get it himself but doesn't want any help....on repeat 24/7! I've cried every day for a week out of sheer frustration of it all and I hate it. I've started to resent any time I have DS on my own and just countdown to when he'll be asleep, at nursery or GPs. I feel absolutely awful saying it as DH and I had 4 years of infertility and a year of going through the adoption process to bring DS home, so I feel completely guilty when I find life with him difficult. I'm turning into the opposite type of parent to what I want to be as I'm so tired and frustrated, I know DH is the same. Lockdown is definitely making things harder as we can't get out to soft plays or other play centres that DS loves - he asks for them everyday and it's heartbreaking having to say no time and time again. I'm praying that my area is out of tier 3 as soon as possible so my life can have a little more normality to it.

Very good advice from @Leafylife I wish someone had said this to me when I had DD after IVF. I felt like I should find every moment incredibly precious. And actually I mostly did as she was such an easy baby so when DD hit a tricky stage at 2.5 I really had a shock. Now at 3.5 she's through the worst (I think). I also agree with PP who said that it's a bit abnormal to enjoy the mini dictator phase. Being screamed at for going to the loo or having a shower or giving them a broken biscuit or whatever is a bit grim.

2-3 was such a hard time for me with both DC. I honestly felt like I was in a fog most of the time, doing nothing but wiping noses, cleaning up jam, wiping bums and dealing with tantrums. There were moments when they were so, so cute, but many moments of absolute despair. Oh and trying to juggle a job and toddler, plus the massive childcare bills, just left me feeling exhausted and drained a LOT. I did wonder whether I had some form of delayed PND or something.

It honestly gets better once they get their free nursery sessions, and it's much easier once they're at school! Honestly, when my oldest started school, I started to feel like I could breathe again. I'm not quite back to normal, but I'm starting to feel a little more like myself and enjoying things again. All you can do really is get through the days and know that you'll come out the other end.

Toddlers are arseholes.

Then it gets better.

Seven year olds are really rude.

11 year olds are moody.

13 year olds are a mix of sullen and explosive.

That's as old as mine are :)

If DHs are suggesting a weekend away - say 'yes, great, you take the DC and I'll enjoy chilling at home'.

My DH loved taking our DS away camping, exploring, sports events etc ... it was great !

Out of interest, when people say they get much easier/more reasonable at 4, do you really mean around their 4th birthday, or is it shorthand for 'at school age'? With friends' children they've suddenly seemed much more grown up when they went to school, whether that was at just turned 4 or nearly 5, but I don't know if again that's perception, and maybe some unfair expectations, from me?

It'll stop at some point between 3.5 and 4 and she'll be lovely again. It will give you 10 years or so of loveliness before it all starts up again but with hormones thrown in the mix......

It does get easier as they get a bit older. (and then as a PP said - they then become teenagers....

...and in some cases, stay teenagers. (27 year old here in bed half the day just like he was as a teenager.)

I’m not working at the moment so we’re together pretty much 24/7 (live abroad) no parents to help or never had a babysitter, it’s hard

This ^ is the issue.
Even in the most challenging paid job - be it stressful or boring or hard work in some other way - there is a rhythm or routine or a little light that you can count down to - be that the end of your shift, or the weekend, or your holiday. With a baby, or a toddler, the weekend is the same as your working week. There is no change. There are no lie ins there is no change in the routine. There is no downtime.
Obviously this year everything has been magnified with socialising having been banned or discouraged for so many months (Don't know where you are in the world).

OF course YANBU.
Can you imaging any other job, apart from caring for a family member, where you are on duty and at work 24hour a day, 7 days a week, with no holiday or leave?

I'm with you too, OP. My bf just loved the baby/toddler years, and spent most of them dreading teenage. I am the absolute opposite.

Each year for us got a little easier, a little nicer. I don't think you have to wait until 4. The threes were better than the twos. I think it's a language thing. The more they can say, the more you can find common ground. But then I had gone also back to work, to give us both a break. DS loved nursery. I loved him enormously when he was tired out or even better, asleep. Win-win!

Also having a second child helped us enormously. My three year old really revelled in having a little brother, and everything got easier from then on, but I do accept that that is rather a drastic way of coping!

Best of luck. It does get better. And teenage years have been sooooo much more enjoyable.

YANBU, it’s hell on Earth some days

Today I sat on my sofa and cried. My toddler was screaming bc I wouldn’t let him on the iPad and also wouldn’t put on his wellies or coat despite asking 1000000 times.
My younger baby was having a full on shit fit bc he didn’t sleep well last night, is over tired, wouldn’t eat his breakfast and so was hungry and emotional as well.

Both of them climbing all over me, I’m I showered, look like shit, absolutely exhausted, house is a pit of crap everywhere I look... and I’ve got 8 hours ahead of me to fill with entertainment, home made food, stimulating play, baths, bums, bottles....I can’t leave the room without one of them screaming. Even going outside to put the pram together is an ordeal with them screaming and carrying on.

And repeat and repeat and repeat FOREVER

It’s awful and horrible and relentless

I love them and most ppl love theirs too, but it’s ok to say it sucks the life directly from your body and soul.

I can’t wait for them both to be a little older. I need it to get easier so that I can come back to life, at the moment I am a shell.

Oh I feel better for venting. YANBU OP - I’m there with you!

But you do forget as they get older, also. When my youngest was 2.5/3 years old, I remember talking to someone who remembered that age as a really lovely age. I remember telling them it just wasn't - and they were only saying that now their own kids were teenagers. But I just can't remember at all what mine did that was so annoying.

I always thought I was very patient till I had toddlers. Now she's a backchatting 9yo but she's very entertaining with it. So, I guess it's that old Mumsnet mantra - this too shall pass.

I'd have to agree with Goodbye,

Toddlers are physically exhausting and turn you braindead.
There was then a 'window' of joy between 4-10 years old.
Age 11-13 the hormones start at stroppy, sullen grunting.
Age 14-18 I'm finding the hardest - mentally draining, stressed about exams, lack of freedom due to covid, girlfriends, boyfriends, sex ed, smoking, drink. There are glimpses though of the great people they will be!

It gets a bit easier by 3.5, when able to go off and play on their own for a bit & understand the rules a bit more, can go to the toilet independently and have a wider vocabulary to explain things to you and you them.
And then definitely by 4.5 or once they start at primary school it gets lots easier.

Teenagers are by far, far, far the worst.

It was around 3 for my eldest I think. She became (slightly) more reasonable and it was also just easier once we had got past toilet training, she no longer needed to nap etc.

Also I think relentless is a very good word and I don't think it's a particularly terrible way to describe this age

@TantieTowie

But you do forget as they get older, also. When my youngest was 2.5/3 years old, I remember talking to someone who remembered that age as a really lovely age. I remember telling them it just wasn't - and they were only saying that now their own kids were teenagers. But I just can't remember at all what mine did that was so annoying.

I always thought I was very patient till I had toddlers. Now she's a backchatting 9yo but she's very entertaining with it. So, I guess it's that old Mumsnet mantra - this too shall pass.

When I had DS there was a woman in my postnatal group who had just had her fourth, but her older three were 19, 17 and 15. She said that all her older children's friend's parents kept saying things to her like 'ah, but you get as many sleepless nights with teens, don't you!' and she said that she would think 'absolutely not, you lunatic - what sort of teen wants to breastfeed hourly?!', but then would say that she'd also sort of remembered it like that until her youngest came along!