Hate this 80% of the time

[Nomoreboobs]

Start off by saying, I adore my Dd, 2.6 years old. We waited years to have her and some days are amazing..but, the majority aren’t. Does/has anyone else found this age ridiculously hard? Does it get easier, if so, when is that exactly?
My life feels like an endless cycle at the moment and recently I’ve felt myself really pining for my child free days-they were so easy..but then I feel guilty.
I remember years ago, a friend who had a small child explained it to me as being ‘Relentless’ my mum said it was an awful thing to say and that it wasn’t..I’m inclined to feel my friend was right,

I'm not sure if it's a precise age or a neurological development.

My first suddenly changed at around 18 months and my second at around 3 years. It was as if they were suddenly determined to not be cuddly and content, but instead to have everything their own way. I found nursery time before school years helped as they were equals in a group.

My eldest regressed into the same selfish mindset when she turned 12 (pre-teen), but at almost 15 can be really lovely and thoughtful again.

@Worried234

Teenagers are by far, far, far the worst.

Disagree, my two were/are brilliant, no trouble at all. I think it's a case of some teens are difficult but pretty much all toddlers are difficult :p

It was babyhood that was the hardest- I find toddlers awesome. Really funny.

Maybe I was just inured to the screaming by that point

So for me. It was around 6-7 that it stopped. Logic comes into play more then. Before then yes. It’s relentless

I sometimes hear my friends who have longed for a child and had trouble getting pregnant. Find that the child part is even harder. I wonder if that because for so long you have rose tinted glasses. Once we’ve got the baby it will all be worth it etc. Being a parent is hands down the hardest thing in the world. There is so let up. There is no real down time. No real relaxing time. It’s 24/7. Even if you’re sick. It is

Lots of people used to tell me that they felt after toddlers it only got harder. Which I remember terrified me. Like really terrified me. My first was head strong. Still is. But I found around 4 was the worst worst worst time we had. Because I made a lot of mistakes. It took me a long time that you need firm firm boundaries. You feel mean but I promise. The way a child’s brain works is that if they know exactly where they stand. It makes them feel more secure. It makes sense when you write it down. But so often it feels wrong. It’s not. Kids thrive with very firm boundaries. Think about it. If you go into work and know EXACTLY what you have to do. Then you do it. You know the right way. Everyone is happy.

If you go into a workplace and they give very vague rules. You have to do this. But we don’t care whichever way you do it. Then when you get it wrong. They shout. That won’t make you feel you’ve done the right thing. So whilst the very firm company seems quite regimented. It makes you feel secure.

Kids are the same. As adults. But in a more complex way.

Children also don’t really allow for logical thinking till at least 10. At the very earliest. So we know logically that if we run out onto a road without looking. We could get hit by a car. We know that if we add 71+51. That adding up in tens is easier than adding it all up on our fingers. It’s logic. So we find ourselves frustrated. When they don’t understand why they get shouted at etc.

Kids are hard. Any child

Though for me personally. It’s become so much easier for me having children who understand why you do things the way you do them. Why you keep to strict rules. Why we do it this way. I’ve found it became easier when you can explain why you do certain things. Though we THINK this happens for kids at around 4. It doesn’t really till later

My salvation came when I met my close friend. Who is a child psychiatrist. She taught me about children’s memories before the age of 2. Logical thinking. Once I understood all that it took some of the frustration out for me

But do not fear. You’re not alone. Every single parents thinks they are not doing it right. We ALL make mistakes. Some have easier kids than others.

2.5 to 4 was rough. She knew what she wanted but didn't have the maturity or words to convey what she wanted ie independence without ability.

Not helped by the fact that 'D'H walked out when DD was 2.5 so I got to deal with it all, plus work, plus a divorce.

Definately not my favourite period of parenting, but looking back 4 years later, although overall it was rough, the awesome bits stand out as some of my best parenting memories!!

Life's what you make it. You can decide to love your life and your kid and make the best of everything, or you can decide to be miserable.

I think they all have stages where you would quite cheerfully shove them back if that were even a bit possible. My 2 DC were mostly lovely as toddlers although extremely talkative. I remember having to negotiate with them a lot

But one did not sleep. Ever. Oh, and she climbed everything. And one could literally run before she could walk and was an escape artist to boot. So that was fun. By the time both of them were out of the toddler years I think I'd aged about 30 years.

Toddlers are savage, most of it is a nightmare, chasing them round Tesco while they tantrum or break things and so on. Although I do love that stage too, the nice bits when they go to the park with you to feed the ducks and you hold their little chubby hands (then they go and ruin it by peeing their pants or trying to drown themselves in the duck pond )

My DS is 3 and a half now and has suddenly turned into a proper little boy, he can be reasoned with, he comes when I call him when we are out and about, he sleeps through the night, and most importantly he gets out for 4 hours a day to pre school 😅 it really does get much easier and more enjoyable as time goes on.

Being together 24/7 with anyone is challenging, toddler or not, but it definitely gets easier as they become more independent. Mine were lovely from 4, really sweet and good company, and mature enough to entertain themselves when I was working.

Mine are in their 20’s still waiting

@HallieKnight

Life's what you make it. You can decide to love your life and your kid and make the best of everything, or you can decide to be miserable.

She never said she didn't love her kids fgs

I sometimes hear my friends who have longed for a child and had trouble getting pregnant. Find that the child part is even harder. I wonder if that because for so long you have rose tinted glasses. Once we’ve got the baby it will all be worth it etc. Being a parent is hands down the hardest thing in the world. There is so let up. There is no real down time. No real relaxing time. It’s 24/7. Even if you’re sick.

This! The thing that terrifies me most about catching covid is not the illness itself but the fact I don't think I can survive covid plus the relentness duty of caring for a toddler 12 hours a day. And a child is obviously not allowed to go to grandparents after exposure.

I'm deeply jealous of all those people who got ill but had the mind-blowing luxury of "staying in bed" for days until they recovered. Sleeping as much as they way, eating comfort food, watching Netflix etc. Obviously to be clear, I'n not jealous of anyone getting sick but the fact IF it happens, they can actually rest when they feel ill and enjoy the feeling of slowly getting better at their own pace.

4, 5 and 6 were the golden ages with my first. She’s now 7 and pre-teen hormones have well and truly started showing. God help me when we reach 13 although I’m told she’ll settle down around 8-10.

My youngest is nearly 3 and Satan’s minion describes her beautifully although she is also so cute and squidgy.... It is relentless OP and some days are rather a lot more than challenging, they’re all out war. Solidarity to you.

Worried234
Teenagers are by far, far, far the worst

Teens are getting a bad rap on here! Everybody stage has its challenges, even when they are adults! However teens was the most fun. I had two teen lads and it was great.
As a side, after working with families and teens for years I have noticed in many cases problems with teens are because strict boundaries weren't introduced when children were toddlers. Many parents have admitted they went for any easy life or things that a child was doing was cute or thought they would grew out certain behaviours ( like rudeness, entitlement etc)
One thing I have learned is you can't expect a child that has spent his/ her life behaving one way to suddenly change or act favourably once you start putting boundaries and consequences in ( also known as changing the rules!)

And then you have the three-nage years 🙈🤣

@HallieKnight

Life's what you make it. You can decide to love your life and your kid and make the best of everything, or you can decide to be miserable.

Oh FFS. So it's our fault we find toddlers hard and we just need think positively and it's pure fun and rainbows and butterflies?

@Hardbackwriter

Out of interest, when people say they get much easier/more reasonable at 4, do you really mean around their 4th birthday, or is it shorthand for 'at school age'? With friends' children they've suddenly seemed much more grown up when they went to school, whether that was at just turned 4 or nearly 5, but I don't know if again that's perception, and maybe some unfair expectations, from me?

A bit of both, really. It's easier because you get a good 6 hour break to actually THINK A WHOLE THOUGHT, but it's easier as they mature and their frontal lobes develop, too.

Well, actually my son was a horrendous ball of fury, rage and misery until about 6, when I finally worked out how to do active listening and help him deal with 'big emotions'. He's been a doll since then.

I had 3 under 4, so there are years that are a blur. I had one headstrong, fiercely independent toddler, followed by a bolter with endless energy, then a quiet rebel (mastered the art of willful destruction in silence, if you couldn't hear her she was up to no good). DH left a few times, then worked away and then came back after losing his job, which didn't help on any front. It was relentless and I couldn't see beyond getting through each day.

In contrast, the teenage years have been lovely, mostly. They're great company and so much easier. I'd like to do back and tell myself in 2008 that it will be OK.

@CoffeeDay

I sometimes hear my friends who have longed for a child and had trouble getting pregnant. Find that the child part is even harder. I wonder if that because for so long you have rose tinted glasses. Once we’ve got the baby it will all be worth it etc. Being a parent is hands down the hardest thing in the world. There is so let up. There is no real down time. No real relaxing time. It’s 24/7. Even if you’re sick.

This! The thing that terrifies me most about catching covid is not the illness itself but the fact I don't think I can survive covid plus the relentness duty of caring for a toddler 12 hours a day. And a child is obviously not allowed to go to grandparents after exposure.

I'm deeply jealous of all those people who got ill but had the mind-blowing luxury of "staying in bed" for days until they recovered. Sleeping as much as they way, eating comfort food, watching Netflix etc. Obviously to be clear, I'n not jealous of anyone getting sick but the fact IF it happens, they can actually rest when they feel ill and enjoy the feeling of slowly getting better at their own pace.

This is, incidentally, hands down the best thing about having a nursery place - if you're ill but they're not (obviously not if it's Covid, and maybe not if it's anything so super contagious that you shouldn't be sending them in case they spread it, but in general!) they can go and you can rest! I had to have a few days off work in my first trimester of this pregnancy because I felt so rough and it felt like such a luxury that, as long as I dragged myself on the nursery run, I could then just go back to bed until pick-up! However, it doesn't help with the worst thing of all, which is when you're all ill at once.

2 and 3 year olds are hard going. It's just constant with them. The lack of groups and places to go and meet other mums really doesn't help. And it's low down the pecking list.

If you are struggling for adult company I'd be tempted to put a note on your local FB page and see if you can fine other mums to even meet in the park with.

This has been a long 9 mths and its and incredibly long period of these little people's lives.

@MrsKoala

I’ve always said my kids under 5 were like having belligerent drunk gnomes on a bender in the house. screaming, fighting, cuddling, spilling drinks, knocking over chairs, dancing, climbing on furniture, random declarations of love just before they poke you in the eye because you looked at them funny...

You may not want to hear this but mine all got worse at 4. Generally 4-5 was the pits really. My youngest is 4.1 and today has refused to get dressed for nursery, thrown things at me, told me I’m stupid and ugly, punched and kicked her dad, demanded a new toy because all of hers are boring and damp ( ), spat at me and thrown her toys down the stairs while raging and almost making herself vomit.

Oh gosh! Same. I had a beautiful child at age 1. At aged 2 I was becoming smug. Thinking pah. Tantrums. 3 got slightly harder

Then 4 hit and it was like my horrific nightmares became reality!

I'd swap my moody 12-year old tweenager twins with the PMT, periods and mood swings for a toddler any day .

I haven't read all responses so apologies if I'm repeating things but "Relentless" is the word I used about parenthood for years. Because it is. Because there is no break when they are with you. They need constant monitoring and attention.

But it does get better. By the time they are 4 or 5 they are that little more independent. Hopefully sleeping better and perhaps later. More likely to be able to go to friends' independently (ie without you having to sit drinking tea with another person while monitoring two tearaways instead of just one).

Childcare of some sort on a reliable basis is incredibly helpful in my opinion. even just a couple of hours a couple of times a week. If you can swing it.

My daughter (23 months) is nicknames Luci, because there's no way she isn't a descendant of lucifer.
Usually around the time they get to nursery/school things start feeling a little less relentless.

@CoffeeDay

I sometimes hear my friends who have longed for a child and had trouble getting pregnant. Find that the child part is even harder. I wonder if that because for so long you have rose tinted glasses. Once we’ve got the baby it will all be worth it etc. Being a parent is hands down the hardest thing in the world. There is so let up. There is no real down time. No real relaxing time. It’s 24/7. Even if you’re sick.

This! The thing that terrifies me most about catching covid is not the illness itself but the fact I don't think I can survive covid plus the relentness duty of caring for a toddler 12 hours a day. And a child is obviously not allowed to go to grandparents after exposure.

I'm deeply jealous of all those people who got ill but had the mind-blowing luxury of "staying in bed" for days until they recovered. Sleeping as much as they way, eating comfort food, watching Netflix etc. Obviously to be clear, I'n not jealous of anyone getting sick but the fact IF it happens, they can actually rest when they feel ill and enjoy the feeling of slowly getting better at their own pace.

Me neither. I have my husband. But he works long periods. Is sometimes away a lot

I remember my youngest was sick for about 2 years. She would be sick every 10 days for a good 6-7 days. So we’d get 3 days rest. Then bam. The whole thing would start again. I remember my husband was away for work when she got sick again. I also don’t have anyone who can help me. So no grandparents etc. I’d be awake for 4 nights. I was shaking physically at this point. But I just had to push on. I couldn’t do anything else.

I’m a mother who doesn’t send her children to school. I homeschool now. That’s only been recently. But for the last year. I don’t ever really get much time to myself. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. If you’d of asked me 3 years ago if I would ever think about it I’d of flat out said no.

As a mother you just have to push on. Not sure why but it always ends up being the mum. My husband is amazing and can cope on my less sleep than me. But it’s so hard. I give a medal to anyone who does it well