Hate this 80% of the time

[Nomoreboobs]

Start off by saying, I adore my Dd, 2.6 years old. We waited years to have her and some days are amazing..but, the majority aren’t. Does/has anyone else found this age ridiculously hard? Does it get easier, if so, when is that exactly?
My life feels like an endless cycle at the moment and recently I’ve felt myself really pining for my child free days-they were so easy..but then I feel guilty.
I remember years ago, a friend who had a small child explained it to me as being ‘Relentless’ my mum said it was an awful thing to say and that it wasn’t..I’m inclined to feel my friend was right,

That's your choice

Yes. God yes. 2 and 3/4

My favourite age is probably 8- 10. I was not a huge toddler fan. I also like the teenage years

@2020iscancelled hope you're ok

It will get easier!

BUT

When and how depends very much on how you parent right now. If you ignore tantrums, or, worse, reward them with attention / giving into unreasonable demands, then bad behaviour gets worse. If you just cross fingers and wait for the phase to end, it won’t.

If you (or her childcarers) have the time and energy to address bad behaviour each time it occurs, gently and supportively encourage sharing/empathy and (crucially) give positive attention when she is good and less attention when she is naughty, the tantrums will be done with by age three, probably before. If you shout/hit, she will shout/hit.

Whatever you do don’t just passively “model good behaviour” without criticising bad behaviour - I know someone who did that and let’s just say it has not turned out well.

Good luck it’s very tiring eh.

@Timeontimeoff

I think it is different for everyone.

I personally find the teenage years much worse.

That’s my experience too. When I had a 18, 16, 15 and 13 yr old i was at my wits end. I would look at pictures of when they were toddlers and wish for those days back when their problems and drama could be solved so much more easily.

My youngest is now 16 and for the last 2 years I have looked back with genuine fondness on the toddler tantrum intransigent years.
It will pass OP, and something new will become the challenge. It depends on who you are and who your daughter is which stage you will find the hardest. For now, enjoy the look on her beautiful innocent little face while she's sleeping!

I'm kind of curious to know what the people who come on to say 'oh, having a teen is SO MUCH WORSE' are hoping to achieve?

It gets easier and more interesting/funny when they are 4 - more independence (mine are 5 and get up in the morning at the weekend, watch cartoons and eat brioche with little to no assistance), and they can put their shoes on/brush their teeth and follow basic instructions. They can also hold conversations and absorb things, and it can be funny to hear what's going on in their heads.

But yea, was not a fan of the baby/toddler years and have never felt broody since having my own kids. I think parents who keep having kids must have the patience of saints.

@Hardbackwriter

I'm kind of curious to know what the people who come on to say 'oh, having a teen is SO MUCH WORSE' are hoping to achieve?

To balance out and forewarn the posters with pre-teens saying that it can only get better. Yes, it gets better after toddler years, but it doesn’t stay better. OP asked a question, surely it makes sense to forewarn her that during the entire span of childhood- 0-18yrs- that the teenage years can also be a challenge.

What's she supposed to do with that forewarning? What would you have done with it when you had a toddler, and how would it have made you feel? This is also why I hate it when people tell new parents that they should cherish every second - they always say they wish they had, but no one ever actually manages it at the time (show me someone who says they cherished every second at the time, not in retrospect, and I'll show you a liar) so you're just giving advice that is impossible to achieve, but makes anyone having a tough time feel worse.

A few years back I commented to dh that it finally felt easier. He laughed and said “you find it easier now dtds are in school 9-3 5 days a week?!” Yep, I finally had some head space. My dc are now 12 and 9 dtds and life is so much easier. They bring me coffee, empty the dishwasher and now my cleaner has resigned dd1 cleans the bathrooms for money. They still have their moments but I love hanging out with my older dc.

Oh and I used to work in a school and teens are awesome. A small handful are not but the majority are just figuring out who they are and are fun and friendly so I’ve no idea why we’re supposed to dread teens. My dad said his favourite part was our teen years as he’d relaxed into fatherhood and we were fun to be around but also independent.

@Hardbackwriter

What's she supposed to do with that forewarning? What would you have done with it when you had a toddler, and how would it have made you feel? This is also why I hate it when people tell new parents that they should cherish every second - they always say they wish they had, but no one ever actually manages it at the time (show me someone who says they cherished every second at the time, not in retrospect, and I'll show you a liar) so you're just giving advice that is impossible to achieve, but makes anyone having a tough time feel worse.

The OP asked the question, does it get better? Hearing from parents with experience of older teenage children gives her a more complete answer than hearing from only parents that are just a few years ahead of her. And these answers she can do with as she wishes. What do you suggest we do? Just withhold this information? Start another thread about younger parents and smirk about how they have no idea what’s coming?

Me too OP. I have a 3YO who is in a childcare setting and a 1YO who isn’t. Home is a different country to any family and I’ve never found anyone I would trust to babysit the kids (I don’t think I’m overly picky but maybe I am). It is HARD having them both with no respite at all, and corona has obviously made it worse as neither of our parents have been able to visit since just after the baby was born. It got infinitely better for me when the big one went to childcare and my small one is still at the relatively easy stage (and is generally a much easier babe than her brother).

Oh sorry. That post above ^ was meant to quote the bit where you said you were an expat with no family or childcare nearby.

you're just giving advice that is impossible to achieve, but makes anyone having a tough time feel worse.

WTF? How does saying I found the teen years worse than the toddler years advice that is impossible to achieve? It’s just my experience. I gave no advice.

3 was the age of reason with my two.

My ds was quite hard at that age, he got better when he started school because there was less time he had to annoy him. He started getting harder again when he got more homework combined with getting his xbox.

I feel like we have just come out of this stage or coming to the end of it. DS is 2yrs and 9 months. Things got really bad around 2.4 and have been slowly petering out. I had my second DS 6 weeks ago so, understandably, DS1 was very unsettled. He's much more used to the new baby now. It's been tough. Especially during lockdown but I remind myself that, good or bad, I will never have a day like this again and it helps me carry on.

What do you suggest we do? Just withhold this information?

yes, on this thread, yes. OP is struggling, wants to know if it gets better, and the truth is that it does. Pretty much everybody agrees that 4-5-6 is easier than 2-3. Telling her that 16 might be shit again is not helpful and does not help her to avoid 16 possibly being shit either, so it's not a useful piece of info.

Relentless is a good description.

They're very cute but utterly exhausting.

I second pps saying around 4 is when it gets noticeably easier. It gets worse before it gets better though when they drop that last nap.

Those are months I have no wish to repeat.

Mine is 7 now and is a fab little boy and probably just as full on but school helps. A lot.

Dd dropped nap at around two 🙈

With DD we've mostly been content but I have found the ages between 2 and just-turned 3 quite challenging at times. For us it seems to go in phases and certainly we've had quite a number of phases where everything just feels like a battle and I've felt like I'm not parenting effectively.

We've had a more general turning a corner though in the past few weeks and all of a sudden quite a lot has slotted into place in terms of DD's understanding, ability to do things for herself, being able to enjoy relaxing things together (like sitting through a whole proper film), able to go for decent 2–3 mile walks etc. I'm now enjoying her whole-heartedly again whereas there have been days in the past year where I've looked forward to bedtime!

Keep ploughing on but don't be hard on yourself for not thinking it's all beautiful joy and laughter all the way!

Yes, relentless is how I remember it. Actually I hated it about 20% of the time, tolerated it 60% of the time, and enjoyed about 20% of it.

Mine are 15 and 12 now and absolutely delightful (for the time being!) I started to properly enjoy being their Mum when they were about 6 and 4.